Age is only a number - within reason.

Sully · 05-08-2008 10:05PM #1

Had a conversation with a couple of friends the other day and we couldn't agree on an answer to whether the statement: Age is only a number - within reason is fair. So I said id ask the AH folk to get their general opinion.

Basically, one of the girls friends is 20 years old (21 in a few weeks) and is meeting a girl he just found out is actually 16 but 17 in a few weeks. He is in 3rd year of college. She is also only going into 5th year. Usual story, he likes her so much he doesn't want to cut all ties with her. The thing is, a lot of people don't like the idea and think its a bit perverted with the age and education gap. Her parents have already said they don't agree with it and some of his closest friends have expressed their concern also. Plus, they live like 3hours apart (opposite ends of the country basically). He only knows her a few weeks, and they have been meeting since. He has decided not to meet up with her again until she turns 17.

I'm borderline. I do think its a bit weird and could cause a **** load of hassle for the lad but at the same time - if it makes them happy, why not? I dunno. Id like them to be happy, but I think its to difficult and probably wouldn't work regardless of right and wrongs of it all. Other people agree and others think its just wrong regardless.

One of my closest friends said that his cousin just turned 17. If a 20 year old expressed interest in her, the family would go mental and would not accept it at all. In fact, it would seem they would say it to the lad themselves.

What ya think? Is age only a number within reason, and is this to much of a gap or an acceptable gap?

Gran Hermano · 05-08-2008 10:08PM

Well age could also be a word... depending on whether you spell it out or
just type the number.

Pepe LeFrits · 05-08-2008 10:10PM

Case by case basis. A 16 year old girl could very easily be more mature than a 20 year old guy.

What's the legal age?

Joe Cool · 05-08-2008 10:11PM

Would you like a sweet?...
GET IN THE F**KIN' CAR!!!

Midna · 05-08-2008 10:12PM

doesnt this really depend more on the maturity of the person than the age?

my sister and her friends are 17/18 and very mature, I think they could handle guys in their 20's and the pressures of the relationships (mostly sex).

I have friends in thier mid 20's and they're soooooo flakey and immature that they have no cop on with guys and get used and abused all the time.

so yeah, I think it depends on the maturity and personality of the people involved. Not all 16/17 year olds are alike.

abitlonely · 05-08-2008 10:14PM

Age has much less meaning after 20. If a 25yo goes out with a 21yo - fine.
That's the same gap as this situation only here, there's likely a much
wider gap in maturity level (?). This is stretching it a bit imho. I think it
would be ok-ish if she was turning 18.

boneless · 05-08-2008 10:16PM

Midna wrote: »

doesnt this really depend more on the maturity of the person than the age?

my sister and her friends are 17/18 and very mature, I think they could handle guys in their 20's and the pressures of the relationships (mostly sex).

I have friends in thier mid 20's and they're soooooo flakey and immature that they have no cop on with guys and get used and abused all the time.

so yeah, I think it depends on the maturity and personality of the people involved. Not all 16/17 year olds are alike.

I totally agree. Each case is different and should be assessed thus.

Ass · 05-08-2008 10:16PM

18 is as low as I'd go and I'm 21. 21 and 17 doesn't seem too bad to be honest. I'd say just beyond the borderline of ok, but it depends on the people I'd suppose.

Sully · 05-08-2008 10:16PM

Legal age is 17 afaik. Maturity... can u really tell if a girls mature after a few weeks? Iv met her myself in passing, seems like a nice respecatable girl. He claims shes mature, but I dont know him well enough. She will only be just turning 17 in a few weeks as will he be 21. Im going by the story, I dont know specifics really.

[-0-] · 05-08-2008 10:16PM

Half the age + 7.

abitlonely · 05-08-2008 10:28PM

[-0-] wrote: »

Half the age + 7.

So he should leave it another year, sounds right

Sully · 05-08-2008 10:29PM

abitlonely wrote: »

So he should leave it another year, sounds right

Well by the time shes 18 he would be 21 so the problem is stil there. Bar the fact shes now more mature and more of an adult.

Diarmsquid · 05-08-2008 10:32PM

I know a girl who is 17, and who's boyfriend is 25.

When he was 18, she was in 4th class.:eek:

It's sick.

[-0-] · 05-08-2008 10:34PM

Diarmsquid wrote: »

I know a girl who is 17, and who's boyfriend is 25.

When he was 18, she was in 4th class.:eek:

It's sick.

4th... class? You mean 4th year right?

rejkin · 05-08-2008 10:35PM

one of my friends started going out with her boyfriend when she was 16 and he was 20,after 6 years they are still going strong so i guess it all depends on maturity but tbh 2 years is my limit

abitlonely · 05-08-2008 10:36PM

Sully wrote: »

Well by the time shes 18 he would be 21 so the problem is stil there. Bar the fact shes now more mature and more of an adult.

There's a 4 yr gap. I don't see much of a difference between 18-21 and 18-22.
I know I didn't mature much that year :pac:

brianthebard · 05-08-2008 10:36PM

How could you ask your friend to pass up some hot teen action op?

GirlInterrupted · 05-08-2008 10:37PM

Pepe LeFrits wrote: »

Case by case basis. A 16 year old girl could very easily be more mature than a 20 year old guy.

What's the legal age?

The legal age of consent is 17.

Joe Cool wrote: »

Would you like a sweet?...
GET IN THE F**KIN' CAR!!!

That'll never work on me again....

Conor108 · 05-08-2008 10:39PM

[-0-] wrote: »

4th... class? You mean 4th year right?

No he's right. She's 8 years younger. 4th class

abitlonely · 05-08-2008 10:41PM

Diarmsquid wrote: »

I know a girl who is 17, and who's boyfriend is 25.
When he was 18, she was in 4th class.:eek:
It's sick.

Yes, it really is.

brianthebard wrote: »

How could you ask your friend to pass up some hot teen action op?

:pac:

Dudess · 05-08-2008 10:43PM

Legal, mature enough, not being played for a fool (e.g. something to show off to mates)... then all's good.

Complaining about guys in their 20s and 30s going out with 17-year-old girls (if it's a serious relationship) smacks of jealousy to me. I'm not saying the question "why can't he go for someone closer to his own age?" wouldn't fleet through my mind, but then I remember she also wants to be in the relationship, it's not just about him, and she might be extremely mature. He might also have been extremely conflicted when he discovered he had feelings for her, and may have tried to curb the relationship.

These are all maybes but what I'm saying is, it really depends on the individual relationship.

abitlonely · 05-08-2008 10:46PM

Dudess wrote: »

Legal, mature enough, not being played for a fool (e.g. something to show off to mates)... then all's good.

Complaining about guys in their 20s and 30s going out with 17-year-old girls (if it's a serious relationship) smacks of jealousy to me.

How long does it take to be 'serious'?
Say, 2 years, if they were going out since he was 32 and she was 15?

Sully · 05-08-2008 10:47PM

Well none of his friends can be jealous.. there all in long happy relationships!

Its the age and education thing. Her parents have already said no, his parents will support him but dont like it, his closest friends dont like it that much either.

Sully · 05-08-2008 10:48PM

abitlonely wrote: »

Say, 2 years, if they were going out since he was 32 and she was 15?

Sorry now but I could NEVER accept anyone going out with a 15 year old who was 32. NEVER.

taidghbaby · 05-08-2008 10:49PM

a friend of mine is late twenties, his girlfriend is 19, and they've have been together for over two years!!
their great together, he's just gone through a difficult few weeks and without her it would have been a lot harder!

abitlonely · 05-08-2008 10:53PM

Sully wrote: »

Sorry now but I could NEVER accept anyone going out with a 15 year old who was 32. NEVER.

I turned 18 before my gf of the time turned 16 and I got loads of stick
from my friends. The thing there was that she was 2 inches taller and
near as mature as us. I considered everyone else her age 'out of bounds'.

Pepe LeFrits · 05-08-2008 10:55PM

I don't see what relevance education is?

Dudess · 05-08-2008 10:56PM

abitlonely wrote: »

How long does it take to be 'serious'?
Say, 2 years, if they were going out since he was 32 and she was 15?

If a 32-year-old man started going out with a 15-year-old girl it's unlikely it would last long.

abitlonely · 05-08-2008 11:03PM

Dudess wrote: »

Complaining about guys in their 20s and 30s going out with 17-year-old girls (if it's a serious relationship) smacks of jealousy to me.

If a 32-year-old man started going out with a 15-year-old girl it's unlikely it would last long.

Wanna rethink thats 1st bit?

Sorry but my comment seems to be attracting many quotes and dragging this off-topic.
The OP said nearly 17 and nearly 21.

Dudess · 05-08-2008 11:09PM

Well ok, if it has the potential to be a serious relationship.

Zaph · 05-08-2008 11:09PM

My brother was 21 when he met his wife. She was 17 and in 6th year in school. That was 14 years ago and 4 years between them isn't even an issue now, although I did give him a fair bit of slagging in the beginning.

Age is only a number - within reason.

Comments