What's the strangest thing you've heard on a bus?

tallaght01 · 23-06-2008 03:33PM

This is a bit of a bad story. I felt bad laughing about it at the time, and I feel a bit bad posting it, but someone else might find it funny :pac:

I was on a bus a few years ago in tallaght. There's a place for handicapped young people near where I live, like a sheltered workshop, where they make stuff to sell etc.

So, there's often quite a few handicapped teenagers on my local bus.

So, two of them are chatting. One of them says to the other "I hate Karen, you know that". Her mate replies, in the worst total handicapped voice ever "Yea, she's a ****in retard".

I'm really sorry. I know that's horrible. But i almost died laughing at the time.

GirlInterrupted · 23-06-2008 03:47PM

tallaght01 wrote: »

This is a bit of a bad story. I felt bad laughing about it at the time, and I feel a bit bad posting it, but someone else might find it funny :pac:

I was on a bus a few years ago in tallaght. There's a place for handicapped young people near where I live, like a sheltered workshop, where they make stuff to sell etc.

So, there's often quite a few handicapped teenagers on my local bus.

So, two of them are chatting. One of them says to the other "I hate Karen, you know that". Her mate replies, in the worst total handicapped voice ever "Yea, she's a ****in retard".

I'm really sorry. I know that's horrible. But i almost died laughing at the time.

:eek: That is awful and you would go straight to hell, if there was a hell:eek:

It's a little bit funny though.

Marcus.Aurelius · 23-06-2008 04:00PM

Was on the 67 from Celbridge to Lucan, and overheard on the bus

Bus stops with it's front wheels slightly inside a yellow box at a junction. A guy with a flash girlfriend and a flash convertible car pulls up beside the bus.

The flash guys shouts out his window at the bus driver:
"YELLOW BOX, YELLOW BOX".

The bus driver opens his window and says back to him:
"You'd better get her to the clinic"

I nearly died laughing, was still in paroxysms of laughter at my stop

Not the bus, but at Connolly station one time and the announcer comes on the p.a. and says "Platform change, can all passengers transfer to platform 5 for the northbound service to Drogheda, Platform 5 please" Everyone, bar this one dude with headphones on, moves over to platform 5.

The announcer comes on the p.a. again "I SAID ALL PASSENGERS MOVE TO PLATFORM 5" obviously pissed off that he's had to repeat himself. Guy with the headphones doesnt move. Announcer comes on again "ARE YA BLEEDIN DEF OR WHA??!!

Lemon · 23-06-2008 04:02PM

A few years back I was on the 121 bus from Cabra to city centre when a few old timers, steaming drunk from an afternoon in Downey's pub, came on the bus to entertain us. In Phibsboro a black woman got on the bus with her child. She was talking on her phone continously and ignored the drivers requests for her to get off the phone, mind her child and pay the fare. Cue all the old timers tutting amongst themselves as the driver had refused to drive until the woman paid the fare.
One of the old timers stands up, turns to all the other old timers and declares "Its all right lads, I can speak her language". He then walks down the bus, taps the woman on the shoulder and says "Tiger Woods" :rolleyes:

You kinda had to be there

chickenhawk · 23-06-2008 04:03PM

Group of 16 year olds from the southside boasting about how they ran their houses. They were talking about it for ages and really loudly. Then one said that he punches his father when he tells him what to do.

My friend shouts out. 'Once my father asked me to pass him some salt so ..................I stabbed him in the eye!'

Everyone pissed themselves laughing, the group shut up after that.

jester77 · 24-06-2008 08:55AM

Marcus.Aurelius wrote: »

Was on the 67 from Celbridge to Lucan, and overheard on the bus

Bus stops with it's front wheels slightly inside a yellow box at a junction. A guy with a flash girlfriend and a flash convertible car pulls up beside the bus.

The flash guys shouts out his window at the bus driver:
"YELLOW BOX, YELLOW BOX".

The bus driver opens his window and says back to him:
"You'd better get her to the clinic"

Brilliant

JangoFett · 24-06-2008 11:13AM

GAAman wrote: »

The man is a legend!

My own one was on the 77 upstairs some little skangerettes (not older then 15)

Skangerette 1 "I swear he was fcukin me tha hard i thought me gee was gonna fall off"

Skangerette 2 "Ye but itz a deadly buzz it makes the bloke yer ridin cum dead quick!!"

:rolleyes:

Thats gold man, I've heard loads of **** like that

Skanger girl 1: "Buh den I had his jizz in me mouh and I didn't know what te dew"
Skanger girl 2: "So wha didje dew?
Skanger girl 1: "I told ye, I didn't know wha te dew!!"

And then silence!! I ****ing cracked up

tuxy · 24-06-2008 11:23AM

Someone I go to college was sitting behind me on a bus. (after a few drinks)
And said the following....

Iv got sick already but could do with a few more.
My mammy's gona have to get me out of bed with a spatula in the morning.

Chunks · 24-06-2008 11:50AM

Marcus.Aurelius wrote: »

Was on the 67 from Celbridge to Lucan, and overheard on the bus

Bus stops with it's front wheels slightly inside a yellow box at a junction. A guy with a flash girlfriend and a flash convertible car pulls up beside the bus.

The flash guys shouts out his window at the bus driver:
"YELLOW BOX, YELLOW BOX".

The bus driver opens his window and says back to him:
"You'd better get her to the clinic"

yeah well that's not true. I got that email about 2 years ago.

Marcus.Aurelius · 24-06-2008 11:53AM

Chunks wrote: »

yeah well that's not true. I got that email about 2 years ago.

I postulate that some bus drivers may have access to the interweb and read that email.

Further, I theorise that said and aforementioned driver had in mind this clever and witty retort and used it in the situation I mentioned earlier.

I rest my case, m'lud.

Degsy · 24-06-2008 11:54AM

I heard two scumbags talking about a holiday one of them had booked.
"I'm ONLY going to Turkey to buy tracksuits!"

Pigwidgeon · 24-06-2008 12:54PM

was on the bus coming home last night at about 12.
there was a guy in front of me (50ish) sitting there with a thing of chicken drumsticks,
next thing i know he's offering everyone on the bus drumsticks, surprisingly a good few people accepted it...

the smell was unreal. then there was someone getting off who refused his offer of a drumstick, so he threw it at the back of her head when she was walking to the door. thankfully he and his chicken got off before me so i didn't get any thrown at me.

Cianos · 24-06-2008 01:20PM

On the bus one time this middle aged guy who looked like he was a few sandwiches short of a picnic got on with a chemist paper bag. I could see that he has bought some hair dye. So a couple of minutes later, there he is dying his hair on the bus

:(

PeadarofAodh · 24-06-2008 01:56PM

tallaght01 wrote: »

This is a bit of a bad story. I felt bad laughing about it at the time, and I feel a bit bad posting it, but someone else might find it funny :pac:

I was on a bus a few years ago in tallaght. There's a place for handicapped young people near where I live, like a sheltered workshop, where they make stuff to sell etc.

So, there's often quite a few handicapped teenagers on my local bus.

So, two of them are chatting. One of them says to the other "I hate Karen, you know that". Her mate replies, in the worst total handicapped voice ever "Yea, she's a ****in retard".

I'm really sorry. I know that's horrible. But i almost died laughing at the time.

Oh god...dying here. Tried my best not to laugh out loud and ended up snorting through my closed mouth.

Trying to avoid everyone's gaze:o

truecrippler · 24-06-2008 06:22PM

Heard a guy shouting "Jesus Christ... your local pedophile" on the bus about 8 years ago. Full of kids on the bus... hell, was a kid meself.

"Daddy?"

"Yes son?"

"What's a peter-file?"

Sam Vimes · 24-06-2008 07:04PM

when i was about 8, i was on the back seat of the bus downstairs, where there are two rows of seats facing each other, with my mother and sister.

unbeknownst to me i had an infection on my tonsils that resulted in sort of globs of mucus sticking to them. Anyway, i sneezed and this resulted in all of the globs bursting and being expelled through my mouth, all over the two people sitting opposite us. Good times

Joe Cool · 24-06-2008 07:11PM

On a bus into to town once and there was a group of four lads behind me talking loud enough.

One of them was talking about some girl he liked and happened to mention that she was left handed. At this point one ofhis mates broadcasted:
'Ah jaysus! Have you ever gotten a w**k off a left-handed bird?!?, It's like doin' it yer bleedin' self!!'

Apologies to any lefty ladies out there who may take offense to this remark but just so you know I don't see a problem if the above statement is true as I find that most are useless at the act, well I do know one but...I'll stop now

:cool:

Tusky · 24-06-2008 07:48PM

Funnily enough, I just updated my blog with a story that suits this very thread!

http://sidewaysquizlings.blogspot.com/

Martly · 28-07-2008 07:20PM

A friend of mine was on a bus last week he said there were 2 skangers on the seat in front of him..
Deco :"Did ya read the new harry potter book"?
Anto:"nah"
Deco:"its very good, by your man tolkin his name is or somethin"
Anto:"No tolken was lord o the rings"
Deco "Ah, cliche"

Emmm think he meant "touche" .. Ah at least he was trying...

What's the strangest thing you've heard on a bus?

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