Steamed Hams

KnifeWRENCH · 19-05-2008 02:00AM

We want to go forwards, not backwards. Upwards, not forwards. And always twirling, twirling, TWIRLING towards freedom!!

Jesus Wept · 20-05-2008 09:16PM

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Jesus Wept · 21-05-2008 12:41AM

Marge: We got the popcorn! Did you get "Waiting to Exhale"?
Homer: They put us on the "Waiting to Exhale" waiting list, but they said "don't hold your breath".

bronte · 21-05-2008 11:11PM

Homer: Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!

Oh, by the way: I was being sarcastic.

BlackMamba · 22-05-2008 11:36PM

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

KnifeWRENCH · 23-05-2008 02:45AM

Jasper : "Talking out of turn...that's a paddlin'. Looking out the window...that's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals...that's a paddlin'. Paddling the school canoe...ooh, you better believe that's a paddlin'."

Jesus Wept · 23-05-2008 11:47PM

^^^ lol

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

KnifeWRENCH · 24-05-2008 03:11AM

Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?

Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"

Green Giant · 27-05-2008 02:48PM

Homer: Excuse me, I'm going out to...stalk...Lenny and Carl (moment of realisation) D'oh!

ronnie3585 · 28-05-2008 04:10PM

square_igloo wrote: »

Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?

Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"

^^Possib-lye the best simpsons quote ever?

Followed closely by this;

Hank Scorpio: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that?
Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut,
that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got
Put-Your-Butt-There?
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact,
they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on
third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.
Hank: That's right.

KnifeWRENCH · 30-05-2008 02:43AM

Kang (as Bob Dole): Abortions for all.
Crowd: BOOOOO!
Kang: Very well....no abortions for anyone.
Crowd: BOOOOOO!
Kang: Hmm...Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others
CROWD: YAAAAAY!

smoke.me.a.kipper · 31-05-2008 10:19PM

Lyle Lanley: And so, "mono" means "one." And "rail" means "rail." And that concludes our intensive three week course.

Acacia · 01-06-2008 01:10AM

Teenager at Hullabalooza:[Referring to Homer] Hey, it's that Cannon Ball Guy- he's cool...
Teenager 2: Are you being sarcastic, dude?
First Teenager:[Pause] I don't even know anymore.

Most folks'll never eat a skunk, and then again some folks'll like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel...

Jesus Wept · 01-06-2008 05:37AM

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room

ronnie3585 · 01-06-2008 08:34PM

{Bart grooms himself for his big dinner date. His parents watch proudly
at the bathroom door.}

Homer: I can't believe my little boy is already going on his first
date.
[sings] Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset...
Cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon...
Yes, we have no bananas...[weeps]
Marge: Oh, that's sweet Homer. Our son _is_ growing up, isn't he.
Homer: No, it's not that. Didn't you hear? They have no bananas!
They have no bananas today...[walks off crying]

kaki · 01-06-2008 08:58PM

Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: [pauses] My cat's name is Mittens

Steamed Hams

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