Do men actually want marriage and kids?

Silverfish wrote: »

In my experience, a lot of men I know seem to be convinced their girlfriends are trying to get them to propose, or trap them into marriage, or kids, or whatever, when in fact it seems to be the furthest thing from their minds.

True enough. I saw that going through my 30's a lot of guys felt that way. With some reason too I might add. I've known some women who have been playing the field from a young age(and fair play to them) and through those oat sowin years pregnancy scares were few and far between or nonexistent. The mid 30's hove into view and these well experienced women suddenly "fall pregnant" and rarely with the good looking wastrel of their youths fancy......

One side effect of the otherwise good results from feminism is that men now are more free to have a succession of women if they choose that and have the resources for that. The amount of guys I've known and know that have had an effective harem of one woman after the next. Even if she has a child he can still walk. In the past a couple that were together for a few years would have social eyebrows raised if he didn't "make an honest women of her". If she got pregnant? All hell would have broken loose. Now that pressure is on the woman more than the man. Yes she may try to push the issue, but the guy if he chooses can go off elsewhere. The truth is in general a 40 year old guy has many more dating options than a 40 year old woman. A finacially independent 50 year old man has even more than a 50 year old woman. So if a guy decides to be a bastard he has many more years to do that. I do think that instinctively many guys think and act like that, especially the older they get. I've mates in their 40's and they're getting more action now than they ever did in their 20's. Indeed many of their girlfriends are in their 20's.

And from what I've noticed in the past few years, men HATE women, they do nothing but complain about them.

Both men and women complain about the other gender almost equally I'd say and I dunno about hate. Hate is too strong a word. I do think that a lot of couples shouldn't be together TBH. They stay together beyond the honeymoon period for various reasons usually unhealthy for both, if not obvious at the time. The women stay because they made the decision and stick to it or out of fear of loneliness and bieng alone when older. If you could magically turn them back into 22 year olds a lot would leave. The men stay as I've found men like the status quo and not rocking the boat. They have a wife or girlfriend and that's that. Almost like ticking a box.

I do think that quite a few may love their partners, but not actually like them. In other words if they were of the same gender they wouldn't be friends.

Most of it completely made up too, the majority of it is in their heads.

I think when you add in some of the basic differences in approach that men and women can have to specific situations especially emotional situations and the couple aren't compatible and the individuals are not fully formed emotionally then the stuff each complain about isn't always made up. It feeds each other.

The women get píssed off because their expectations, often daft over romantic expectations aren't being met. The men also get píssed off because their expectations aren't being met, again usually daft ones about who they are and how they should act. Then they take it out on each other. the women nag the guys, the guys either go all silent or become yes dear weaklings further aggravating the situation. More nagging, more distance on both sides. Then kids get thrown into the mix.

This isn't all couples, but there are a lot in suburban 2.2 kid land that are like that living lives of one irritation to the next. Both trying to struggle to live up to a 4x4, conservatory, second home in Marbella life that even if they get that far doesn't make them any happier. The baton of guff is passed on to the kids. Rinse and repeat.

Its all a bit gay really, they spend way more time trying to impress each other than they do any girlfriends they have.

And women do the same. They're incredibly competitive with each other. Moreso than men I would say.

Solution IMHO? Figure yourself out first. Who you are, what you want what you need and what your boundaries are and what expectations of yourself you need to get straight in your head. Do that before you engage another. If that takes you until you're 50 then so be it. Be content in you first. If you're not then no relationship will ever work out for you. No one can "save" you. Being alone is OK(women especially take heed of the last two). Only you can build the best you that you can be. Learn that happiness is not a destination it's an ongoing process and failure to be content is part of that process. Failure should only be regarded as a learning process. Then it's not failure. The only failure is doing the same thing again and again and not learning.