Do I have a drink problem?

estar · 26-05-2008 09:27PM

Xanax fan wrote: »

StCatherine, thank you for your reply, I think you genuinely understand where I'm coming form.

MagicMarker, I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell me to give up drinking before I even consider trying to get pregnant. I'm not an alcoholic, and there are millions if not billions of babies, who have been concieved whilst the mother was drinking, and who have turned out to be perfectly healthy.

i cant believe you would put your love of alcohol before the
health of your child. do the research on this issue, and you will
find clear evidence that drinking heavily (and you do drink heavily and
above what are considered healthy limits) is very likely to damage your unborn child.

this statement above, and the fact that you would also state that you
are relying on getting pregnant to help you give up alcohol = denial.
the fact that over and over again you are trying to persuade yourself
you are not an alcoholoic = denial. the comparisons with other people = denial. you have every potential in the book to develop alcoholism
unless you act now, you know this and are scared.

in reality its not how much you drink, its how you drink, and how it affects you that defines whether or not you are an alcoholic. and the fact that
you admit that you have to drink for courage before you go out,
to assist you with your anxiety, despite the fact that you are an adult
woman who holds down a job and has relationships with other adults
means that you are allowing a dependancy on alcohol to build up
and are using your anxiety as an excuse to allow your drinking to escalate.

alcohol is a pernicious dangerous mind altering drug. it creeps up on
you over years, and suddenly has a hold on you if you drink it
as often as you do, in the majority of cases of people who
cannot be a night without craving a drink, or put alchohol before the safety of
their mental health or the health of potential unborn children they
may have, i would consider that early stage alcoholism.

why take the chance? why gamble with addiction. my advice
is cut down drastically. and that means give up for a month.
your not going to die. there is more to life than sitting in and
drinking 4 nights a week. get out and live more and stop hiding
behind alcohol.

get out and get some support, reach out and try and get to know
yourself without alcohol.

and for the love of god, do not drink this heavily during the early stages of pregnancy
or while you are trying to get pregnant. when medics say you can have a drink they mean a small glass of wine or shandy once a week.

not a bottle 4 nights a week.

estar · 26-05-2008 09:38PM

Men over 18 are advised not to drink more than 3-4 units a day and women over 18 no more than 2-3 units a day.

A bottle of lager contains 1.5 units - you drink 36 units a week
over your 6 beers over 4 nights.

women are recommended not to exceed 14 units.

you drink 2.5 times the recommended weekly alcohol intake of a woman.

you drink more than the recommended daily intake of a man.

Women who are planning a pregnancy or are at any stage in pregnancy should take special care and drink no more than 1-2 units once or twice a week. Alcohol consumption can reduce fertility and can affect the developing baby in the womb. this fact comes courtesy of the website below.

http://www.homehealth-uk.com/medical/alcohol.htm

Fetal alcohol exposure is the leading known cause of mental retardation in the Western world.[6] In the United States the FAS prevalence rate is estimated to be between 0.2 and 2.0 cases per 1,000 live births, comparable to or higher than other developmental disabilities such as Down syndrome or Spina Bifida.[7] The lifetime medical and social costs of each child with FAS are estimated to be as high as US$800,000.[8] While prenatal alcohol exposure does not automatically result in FAS, the U.S. Surgeon General advises pregnant women to abstain from alcohol use due to the risk of the syndrome.[9]

In the United States, the Surgeon General recommended in 1981, and again in 2005, that women abstain from alcohol use while pregnant or while planning a pregnancy, the latter to avoid damage in the earliest stages of a pregnancy, as the woman may not be aware that she has conceived.[9] In the United States, federal legislation has required that warning labels be placed on all alcoholic beverage containers since 1988 under the Alcoholic Beverage Labeling Act.

brokensoul · 26-05-2008 09:41PM

OP - nobody, on here or anywhere else, can tell you if you are an alcoholic or not. It is a question only you can answer. Others may give tips, there are tests you can take to guide you, but at the end of the day - only you really know.

What i will say is that i am an alcoholic. For many years i drank the way yuou currently drink. I drank at home, a bottle of wine a night, not every night but a few nights a week. Like you, i found it difficult to face social situations without drink. Like you i thought about drink on the nights i wasnt drinking. This is not to say that you are an alcoholic. It is just to let you know that i can see similarities between where you are now and where i was.

While i was an active alcoholic i held down a good job, i dealt with family committments, i bought a house, i had relationships - for most of my drinking i was highly functioning - and this allowed me to carry on for many years.

In terms of advice, in all honesty, i think you posted here to get assurance that your drinking is ok, rather than to get help to stop. I did that alot. Compared myself to others who drank more, convinced myself that i was normal for my age, for my stress levels etc etc. When i was where you are now if someone told me i was an alcoholic i would have been angry with them, i dont think i would have listened, and i certainily dont think i would have stopped. I dont think you will either.

If you ever get to a stage where you think you have a problem or you think you need help then seek help. PM me and i will help. Go to a Gp or an AA meeting and they will help.

But nobody will be able to help unless you think you have a problem.

Maggie Simpson · 26-05-2008 09:41PM

I'm probably repeating much of what's been said already but some of the replies are very long to read through. And I think that a lot of what has been posted is very judgmental, particularly as you said you wanted to get pregnant so it would force you to give up drinking, not that you intended to keep drinking when pregnant.

But bear this in mind. Do you really honestly think you will be able to give up drinking when you are pregnant? If you have any doubt in your mind, put the pregnancy on hold. While it might seem like the best motivation in the world, getting pregnant if you have a drink problem may cause more problems than it solves.

Could you talk to your GP about your drinking?

adam.number2 · 26-05-2008 10:32PM

Question posed by the OP was, "Do I have a drink problem"? The answer to that question is a very simple Yes.

It's hard to believe that you drink that much and can think that you don't have a problem, but then I suppose a person can convince themselves of anything.

OP, I or the rest of the responders on this thread, don't know you. We've no reason to lie to you. You have a problem. Face up to it, then sort it out.

LegacyUser · 27-05-2008 01:11AM

Thank you for all your advice, some of it was very helpful and put in a way that was in no way judgemental.

Some of the replies I got to begin with scared me, and I decided I wouldn't drink this week. I bought four cans of beer yesterday, drank three last night and kept one for tonight.

I've taken a sleeping tablet though to help me sleep. Sleep is a major problem, and so I think that I drink to aid sleep a lot of the times.

The thoughts of not drinking for the next week is very scary, I have to be honest, I can compare it to going on a diet, something I hate doing, but have to do.

But okay, lets say, I get on grand this week, don't drink any, where does that leave me? I've achieved a week, but I'm going on holidays soon and I really think it would be utterly crap if I dont' drink at that.

Sorry, I'm rambling, but coming to terms to life without enjoying a drink, just seems so miserable.

I am by no means an alcoholic, I am not dependant on alchohol, I think that I just love it so much, that I am concerned about it becoming a problem.

I really appreciate the poster who does have a drink problem's good advice. I will PM you soon for advice if thats ok.

BenGunn · 27-05-2008 02:30AM

I'd just like to say that the replies to this thread have been bizarre. The fact that there are so many negative replies is just due to the fact many people like to criticise someone in order to feel better by comparison. I find from reading things like this that people who agree with the OP just read and move on while people who disagree post, so I wouldn't get disheartened with the responses OP.

First of all, I see where you're coming from. Anyone who suggests that 'if you have to ask, you have a problem' is totally wrong. My father was an alcoholic for years and it's the reason my parents separated. Obviously this changed my attitude to alcohol and when I grew up and started drinking I frequently asked myself if I was headed the same way. I've stopped doing that now- I've realised that having lived through that I would never let it happen to me. Nothing can just happen to you despite your best efforts, we all have a choice about who we are.

Secondly, about how much its ok to drink. I have a few drinks most days, I think its a good way to relax. If I don't have a drink, I'll think about it sometimes. I see no problem with that. If its something you enjoy and you're not doing it you're bound to think of it. If your tv reception goes off, you're obviously gonna sit there bored wishing the tv would come back. Who cares? If the outcome is that you have a few drinks and feel more relaxed there's no problem.

Just to reassure you- most weeks (now that we're older and don't go out as much) my gf and I, either just by ourselves or with a few friends, will have a night in just getting drunk. It's great craic sure that's what you do when you're young. Some guy was talking about how many "units" you should have a day etc, those numbers sounded completely unrealistic to me. You should enjoy drinking as much as you can before you have kids OP, and don't listen to these people who preach about health affects- the liver is the most durable organ,and there'll be plenty of time to be sober when you're dead.

Thirdly, some of the respondents seemed aghast that you prefer going out when you've had a few drinks. What planet are they living on? Everyone feels a bit more social after drinking. A few drinks makes you chattier, a few more makes you feel like dancing, a few more gives you an inexplicable craving for Chinese food

Joking aside, that's just the way things are, and it's the same with most normal people. If you're an alcoholic then so are most people aged 16-30, and a substantial amount older than that. We've all had a few too many now and then, but in general drink is a major part of life, especially in this country.

One guy suggested that you try quitting for a few weeks- why should you? It's not about whether you "can" or not, I'm sure you can if you have to (like when you're pregnant, as you said). But what would "quitting" prove? You'll miss drinking, as anyone would, and you won't learn anything as far as I can see.

Finally, pregnancy is a good way to take a bit of a break from the drink, I used being on anti-biotics for a few months to do the same awhile ago- there's nothing wrong with using it to quit, there'd be no reason to otherwise, and I'm sure it'll be well worth it to have a baby. I see what you were saying about most people drinking until they conceive, you're totally right, don't mind people who twisted to being about drinking while pregnant- like i said, most people just love yo criticise and get indignant. If they didn't then Joe Duffy would be out of business

Anyway, enough from me, and remember- you're normal!

MagicMarker · 27-05-2008 07:30AM

BenGunn wrote: »

I'd just like to say that the replies to this thread have been bizarre. The fact that there are so many negative replies is just due to the fact many people like to criticise someone in order to feel better by comparison. I find from reading things like this that people who agree with the OP just read and move on while people who disagree post, so I wouldn't get disheartened with the responses OP.

If you spend more than 10 minutes reading threads in PI you will find that there are plenty of threads with heated discussions over divided opinions. The ones that aren't like this tend to be clear cut cases of the original poster either being in the right or the wrong, ie this one!

BenGunn wrote: »

First of all, I see where you're coming from. Anyone who suggests that 'if you have to ask, you have a problem' is totally wrong. My father was an alcoholic for years and it's the reason my parents separated. Obviously this changed my attitude to alcohol and when I grew up and started drinking I frequently asked myself if I was headed the same way. I've stopped doing that now- I've realised that having lived through that I would never let it happen to me. Nothing can just happen to you despite your best efforts, we all have a choice about who we are.

Generally, if someone were to ask me if they have a drinking problem, i would assume that to ask me this question in the first place, they would have to realise that their habits are not exactly the 'norm'. So the fact that the op even started this thread, means she knows something is not right.

BenGunn wrote: »

Secondly, about how much its ok to drink. I have a few drinks most days, I think its a good way to relax. If I don't have a drink, I'll think about it sometimes. I see no problem with that. If its something you enjoy and you're not doing it you're bound to think of it. If your tv reception goes off, you're obviously gonna sit there bored wishing the tv would come back. Who cares? If the outcome is that you have a few drinks and feel more relaxed there's no problem.

Alcoholism isn't defined by how much you drink, more so how you drink. For instance, if you drink most days just to relax, then i say you have a problem.

BenGunn wrote: »

Just to reassure you- most weeks (now that we're older and don't go out as much) my gf and I, either just by ourselves or with a few friends, will have a night in just getting drunk. It's great craic sure that's what you do when you're young. Some guy was talking about how many "units" you should have a day etc, those numbers sounded completely unrealistic to me. You should enjoy drinking as much as you can before you have kids OP, and don't listen to these people who preach about health affects- the liver is the most durable organ,and there'll be plenty of time to be sober when you're dead.

Fantastic attitude right there... Drink as much as you want people, you'll be grand!!

BenGunn wrote: »

Thirdly, some of the respondents seemed aghast that you prefer going out when you've had a few drinks. What planet are they living on? Everyone feels a bit more social after drinking. A few drinks makes you chattier, a few more makes you feel like dancing, a few more gives you an inexplicable craving for Chinese food
Joking aside, that's just the way things are, and it's the same with most normal people. If you're an alcoholic then so are most people aged 16-30, and a substantial amount older than that. We've all had a few too many now and then, but in general drink is a major part of life, especially in this country.

Is that supposed to be an excuse? Being Irish is being drunk, so lets all get drunk? Have you left this country? Most other countries in the world have a better attitude towards drink, drinking culture in Ireland is rediculous.

BenGunn wrote: »

One guy suggested that you try quitting for a few weeks- why should you? It's not about whether you "can" or not, I'm sure you can if you have to (like when you're pregnant, as you said). But what would "quitting" prove? You'll miss drinking, as anyone would, and you won't learn anything as far as I can see.

Yes, some people would miss drinking, they may miss going out over the weekend with friends and having a few beers. However, most ''normal'' people won't crave drink 7 nights a week.

BenGunn wrote: »

Finally, pregnancy is a good way to take a bit of a break from the drink, I used being on anti-biotics for a few months to do the same awhile ago- there's nothing wrong with using it to quit, there'd be no reason to otherwise, and I'm sure it'll be well worth it to have a baby. I see what you were saying about most people drinking until they conceive, you're totally right, don't mind people who twisted to being about drinking while pregnant- like i said, most people just love yo criticise and get indignant. If they didn't then Joe Duffy would be out of business

Anyway, enough from me, and remember- you're normal!

If you really think it's normal for someone to drink 4 nights a week and crave drink on the nights they don't then you are seriously deluded my friend. If you think it's normal to get pregnant as a means to stop drinking then again, you're seriously deluded.

sam34 · 27-05-2008 08:00AM

Xanax fan wrote: »

I decided I wouldn't drink this week. I bought four cans of beer yesterday, drank three last night and kept one for tonight.

so I think that I drink to aid sleep a lot of the times.

The thoughts of not drinking for the next week is very scary

but I'm going on holidays soon and I really think it would be utterly crap if I dont' drink at that.

I am by no means an alcoholic, I am not dependant on alchohol, I think that I just love it so much, that I am concerned about it becoming a problem.

so you decided to go for a week off the drink, and you didnt even last the first night?

alcohol might put you to sleep but it induces sleep of a poorer quality

i'd love to know what you actually think an alcoholic is. you dont have to be drinking out of a brown paper bag on a park bench to have a problem with alcohol.

take off the blinkers, and, quite frankly, cop on.

LegacyUser · 27-05-2008 08:37AM

Yeah, that one can of beer really tipped me over the edge Sam.

I think you should cop on. I am fully aware of the what an alcoholic is. I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it.

Its making me wonder, who am I giving this week up drinking for? Myself? Or the sanctimonious on here. To prove to them, that I'm not an alchoholic.

I think that this post has proved one thing to me, the problem I have with drink, is that I like it a bit too much, similar to my liking of junk food and carbs. I know they aren't good for me, yet I have a weak resistance to them.

I don't think that makes me an alchoholic. And just to be clear about something. I will not be trying to get pregnant in order to wean myself off the drink. I will be trying to get pregnant because I want a baby. I just felt that the advantages of being pregnant would be that I won't be able to drink at all, and thats a good thing I would imagine.

Maggie Simpson · 27-05-2008 09:40AM

Xanax fan wrote: »

I think you should cop on. I am fully aware of the what an alcoholic is. I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it.

Its making me wonder, who am I giving this week up drinking for? Myself? Or the sanctimonious on here. To prove to them, that I'm not an alchoholic.

OP - you seem to have major issues with the posts here. If you want unbiased and considered opinion on whether you have a problem with drink - talk to your GP. Find out if the drinking you have been doing has had any negative effect on your liver/health.

DAVE_K · 27-05-2008 09:50AM

OP - in my mind you are not an alcoholic - you've just got in the habit of having a few beers to relax...........i'm like this too................what I do to put the brakes on is take 2 - 4 weeks off every few months to clear the system out and give the liver a break.
From where I'm looking the one thing you'd want to be watching is your liver - you're putting probably 2 - 3 times the recommended weekly amount through it. It's not so bad for a while but over time it'll start to feel the strain...and at the end of the day you dont want liver problems later in life just because you're fond of a few beers now. Make sure you're drinking plenty of water during the day and make sure to drink water before you go to sleep. Exercise is good too for the liver. Get some Milkthistle from a chemist and have some of that every day - it aids liver regeneration. Beetroot is also another good thing to get into you for the liver. On the whole make sure that when you're not drinking you're treating you body as best you can - this will help tip the scales. If you fancy giving up for a while read the Alan Carr book "The Easy Way To Control Alcohol". You'll find that if you are taking a break off the booze the first few nights are the hardest - you'll find yourself looking at the clock coming up to Off-License closing time - this passes after a couple of days.

How Strange · 27-05-2008 09:51AM

BenGunn wrote: »

First of all, I see where you're coming from. Anyone who suggests that 'if you have to ask, you have a problem' is totally wrong.

What kind of reverse logic is that? IMO, if someone posts annonomously on a forum to ask if they have a specific problem i.e. drinking related, relationship issue etc then they know that they do. Otherwise why would someone post?

My father was an alcoholic for years and it's the reason my parents separated. Obviously this changed my attitude to alcohol and when I grew up and started drinking I frequently asked myself if I was headed the same way. I've stopped doing that now- I've realised that having lived through that I would never let it happen to me. Nothing can just happen to you despite your best efforts, we all have a choice about who we are.

Nature and nuture dictates that yes we are affected by the behaviour of our parents to an textent so just because one is an alcoholic it doesn't mean that a child will be but it makes that child more susceptible to alcohol abuse problems. There is also evidence to suggest that certain people have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism.

Just to reassure you- most weeks (now that we're older and don't go out as much) my gf and I, either just by ourselves or with a few friends, will have a night in just getting drunk. It's great craic sure that's what you do when you're young. Some guy was talking about how many "units" you should have a day etc, those numbers sounded completely unrealistic to me. You should enjoy drinking as much as you can before you have kids OP, and don't listen to these people who preach about health affects

And it's because of attitudes like this that Ireland is awash with alcohol and we believe we can't enjoy any social occasion unless we have a drink in each hand.

the liver is the most durable organ,and there'll be plenty of time to be sober when you're dead.

Wrong. The liver is quite easily damaged by consistently heavy drinking by which I mean exceeding the recommended 'units' that you're so dismissive of.

Everyone feels a bit more social after drinking. A few drinks makes you chattier, a few more makes you feel like dancing,

So what? We should all get rat ar5ed drunk because we're at a social gathering. Try being an adult and standing there sober with a glass of ballygowan in your hand. It's not that hard. Yes, it's gets a bit tiresome after 1am but it can be done.

If you're an alcoholic then so are most people aged 16-30, and a substantial amount older than that. We've all had a few too many now and then, but in general drink is a major part of life, especially in this country.

Exactly. As a nation we have a hugely negative and destructive relationship with alcohol. I've noticed that when I am abroad and meet other nationalities their principal stereotype of Irish people is that we drinking so much that we can't stand up. It's an insulting and alarming stereotype to be confronted with.

But what would "quitting" prove? You'll miss drinking, as anyone would, and you won't learn anything as far as I can see.

That there is life beyond being p1ssed and hiding behind a bottle of wine.

Finally, pregnancy is a good way to take a bit of a break from the drink,

What so you see sobriety as some sort of holiday?

Anyway, enough from me, and remember- you're normal!

From what you say in your post I'm not sure that your affirmations that the OP's drinking habits are normal when benchmarked against your own habits will be too reassuring.

Why is it in Ireland if we know someone has a drink problem we would rather encourage them to have 'just one' on a night out rather than support them to not drink. I suppose in our psyche there is nothing more threatening than a sober person on a night out who will remember everything as it really happened rather than through the drunk and blurred tinted glasses.

Xanax fan ...The thoughts of not drinking for the next week is very scary, I have to be honest, I can compare it to going on a diet, something I hate doing, but have to do.

Sorry, I'm rambling, but coming to terms to life without enjoying a drink, just seems so miserable.

I am by no means an alcoholic, I am not dependant on alchohol, I think that I just love it so much, that I am concerned about it becoming a problem.

OP, look at what you said here. You say the thought of not drinking makes you miserable yet you're not dependent on alcoholic. That's really a bit of a contradiction.

I used to smoke like a chimney. The thought of giving them up filled me with terror. How would I go out for a drink without smoking, how could I enjoy a cup of coffee again, how could I go on holidays and really relax without a cigeratte in my hand. I was convinced I was addicted to smoking but I just liked it too much to give up. When I gave up it was hell for a couple of weeks. I couldn't think of anything but smoking but I perservered and I haven't smoked for 3 years. But one thing I've acknowledged is that I was completely hooked on smoking; they consumed my every thought and I'd even go out at 4am to buy some if I ran out so I could have them there first thing in the morning. This isn't rational behaviour. I wouldn't go out at 4am to buy a bar of chocolate.

OP, I really believe that until you acknowledge that yes you are dependent on alcohol then you won't stop drinking. You have to turn that corner for yourself.

Beruthiel · 27-05-2008 09:55AM

Xanax fan wrote: »

And just to be clear about something. I will not be trying to get pregnant in order to wean myself off the drink.

OP
You said this in your very first post:

Xanax fan wrote:

I'm relying on getting pregnant to give up the drink.

Karen_* · 27-05-2008 10:16AM

Xanax fan wrote: »

Yeah, that one can of beer really tipped me over the edge Sam.

I think you should cop on. I am fully aware of the what an alcoholic is. I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it.

Its making me wonder, who am I giving this week up drinking for? Myself? Or the sanctimonious on here. To prove to them, that I'm not an alchoholic.

I think that this post has proved one thing to me, the problem I have with drink, is that I like it a bit too much, similar to my liking of junk food and carbs. I know they aren't good for me, yet I have a weak resistance to them.

I don't think that makes me an alchoholic. And just to be clear about something. I will not be trying to get pregnant in order to wean myself off the drink. I will be trying to get pregnant because I want a baby. I just felt that the advantages of being pregnant would be that I won't be able to drink at all, and thats a good thing I would imagine.

Well the thing is OP can you be very sure that you won't have a drink while pregnant? What would be the harm of just one or just one bottle of wine the odd time. Until it turns into more than that.

Normal drinkers who have no problem with it do not lie awake wondering or post on message boards asking for opinions on whether they have a drink problem. If you think you have a problem and its causing you concern then you do have a problem. Most people aren't thinking about and craving a drink on the nights they are abstaining.

We can tell you what you want to hear but that won't make it be true.

Hrududu · 27-05-2008 10:34AM

I think you should cop on. I am fully aware of the what an alcoholic is. I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it.

I'm not sure you are fully aware of what an alcoholic is. I don't want to sound like I came in here to bash you or anything because I really didnt. But you wondered if you had a problem, decided to quit for a few days but couldnt last one and had to have a can. Its not about the fact that you just had one can. Its about the fact that you couldnt last the day.

paperclip2 · 27-05-2008 10:42AM

OP what happens after you get pregnant and have the baby?

Your self stated reason not to drink will be gone plus you will be having to deal with a bundle of joy that comes with a hell of a lot of stress attached.

To my mind you are depending on another on another human being to get you to change your behaviour. How is that adult? You are also putting this responsibility onto a baby? This is such dangerous ground to go into. How much of your life are you prepared to surrender responsibility for?

Its only my opinion I know, but you seem to be using alcohol as a crutch or at the very least as your principle method of de-stressing. I would be concerned that if you dont develop better coping strategies without this over-reliance on alcohol now that you wont be in a position to develop them when you become pregnant and have the baby. Please believe me that small kids and alcohol rarely mix well.

Maybe you could try and go off alcohol for a short while now and really see how much you do, or don't, need to drink. Getting a handle on this issue for you (and it is an issue since you posted about it) could be the most important thing you do for your child.

Good luck OP.

How Strange · 27-05-2008 11:03AM

Xanax fan wrote: »

I think you should cop on. I am fully aware of the what an alcoholic is. I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it.

OP, what's the difference? You say you wanted to not drink for a few nights but then you bought beer. Do you think beer isn't really drinking because you'd normally drink wine?

Its making me wonder, who am I giving this week up drinking for? Myself? Or the sanctimonious on here. To prove to them, that I'm not an alchoholic.

You can turn your laptop or pc off at any time and stop engaging in this conversation if you feel it's sanctimonious. Give you drinking for yourself if you believe that you're drinking habits are out of control and can't be reigned back in to the point where you can have one drink on a social occasion.

I think that this post has proved one thing to me, the problem I have with drink, is that I like it a bit too much, similar to my liking of junk food and carbs. I know they aren't good for me, yet I have a weak resistance to them.

I think this post proves that you want to believe that your drinking habits are the same as your habit of eating junk food which means that you're haven't yet confronted the reality of your drinking.

I don't think that makes me an alchoholic. And just to be clear about something. I will not be trying to get pregnant in order to wean myself off the drink. I will be trying to get pregnant because I want a baby. I just felt that the advantages of being pregnant would be that I won't be able to drink at all, and thats a good thing I would imagine.

I really find this an odd thing to say. You are basically hedging your bets that when you get pregnant you will want to give up drinking in which case you're being quite naive. What happens when the baby is born? Will you start drinking again? Or will you rely on your child to be enough to keep you off the drink?

Honestly, that isn't a healthy reason to bring a child in to the world - making them responsible for keeping you from drinking. Will you blame the child if/when you relapse?

LaVidaLoca · 27-05-2008 11:12AM

If you're going to dismiss anyone who tells you anything you do not want to hear as 'sanctimonious', there's a dumpster with your name on it.

Alcoholism is a continuum, at one extreme is pathetic piss-pants drunkeness, at the other the housewife who gets quietly sozzled on red wine every night.

From what you have told us, you are definitely on the continuum: Not being able to make it even one night without a drink of some sort is a problem, even if you did only have one can of beer. It may not be a problem NOW, I'm sure you can get up early and do all the things you need to do without too much difficulty.

The problem is, that if you keep drinking this way, 1 bottle of wine becomes 2 bottles of wine, and soon you've got a hangover almost every day, and eventually you start having a stiffener at lunch and all the rest.

To put it bluntly: Absolutely every alcoholic you've ever seen was once at the stage you're at now, and they told themselves "Nah, Im grand"

Also the fact that you're even weighing up the odds on whether you should drink during pregnancy or not is a bad sign: For most people that question is a no-brainer.

I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it

Classic denial.

newname · 27-05-2008 11:15AM

hi xanax fan,

I am reading your thread with interest, only you really know if your drinking is a problem or not. As someone mentioned earlier you seem to have started this thread to help convince yourself that your drinking is ok. I started a thread recently to see if anyone has been able to return from problem drinking sucessfully and to date nobody has responded that they have. I feel looking back i was just trying to find someone to tell me its ok to drink again, you'll be ok, go right ahead sort of thing.
My drinking was like yours about 7 or 8 years ago, and the one thing that stands out in your post is that you worry about having a drink problem - i worried alot back then and with good reason i was sliding into seroius problem drinking. You may or may not become an alcoholic - many people drink like you for 10, 20 years and many for their entire life. Try not to worry yourself too much about it but keep an eye, if this time next year you are drinking more, worry!! keep an eye on it in the medium term and if your drinking is increasing then I think you are heading down that bad road.

Canis Lupus · 27-05-2008 11:26AM

I used to think I smoked cos I liked doing it. Not that I needed it or had to have it and could stop when I wanted. Day 3 of giving up told me otherwise and now 6 or 7+ weeks I still 'fancy' having a ciggy. I found myself last year drinking more and more nights in the week. I didn't 'need' to but I fancied it cos it is fun/relaxing. As soon as I realised this I knocked it on the head.

TBH OP I usually roll my eyes alot in here because normally when someone says I went out last night and got drunk and can't remember a thing the next 5 posts are "you have a drink problem seek help". However in your case you're drinking 4 out of 7 nights. You're drinking for half a week every week. That's a fair enough amount of drinking regardless on how you justify it.

If you don't want to be judged then I won't judge (altho to be cheeky you do protest alot that you're not an alcoholic.....denial and all that).

I'd suggest that perhaps drinking should be left to Friday and Saturday night. You'll probably drop a little weight and have a little more money in your pocket as a result. Oh and your liver will probably thank you as well.

littlefriend · 27-05-2008 12:57PM

Do I have a drink problem?
I'm relying on getting pregnant to give up the drink.
I would have to have at least a bottle of wine inside me before I could face going out. This usually ends up in me getting rather sloshed and making a fool out of myself.
Insisting I'm an alcoholic. I'm not. I know I'm not.
The idea of going out on a night out and remaining sober is incredibly scary.
It would appear that I really need to look at my drinking differently.
I'm not an alcoholic
I decided I wouldn't drink this week. I bought four cans of beer yesterday, drank three last night and kept one for tonight. I've taken a sleeping tablet though to help me sleep.
The thoughts of not drinking for the next week is very scary
I really think it would be utterly crap if I dont' drink at that.
Coming to terms to life without enjoying a drink, just seems so miserable.
I am by no means an alcoholic
I am not dependant on alchohol
I think that I just love it so much
To prove to them, that I'm not an alchoholic
The problem I have with drink, is that I like it a bit too much
I don't think that makes me an alchoholic
I just felt that the advantages of being pregnant would be that I won't be able to drink at all, and thats a good thing I would imagine.

Beetlebum · 27-05-2008 01:18PM

littlefriend wrote: »

Do I have a drink problem?
I'm relying on getting pregnant to give up the drink.
I would have to have at least a bottle of wine inside me before I could face going out. This usually ends up in me getting rather sloshed and making a fool out of myself.
Insisting I'm an alcoholic. I'm not. I know I'm not.
The idea of going out on a night out and remaining sober is incredibly scary.
It would appear that I really need to look at my drinking differently.
I'm not an alcoholic
I decided I wouldn't drink this week. I bought four cans of beer yesterday, drank three last night and kept one for tonight. I've taken a sleeping tablet though to help me sleep.
The thoughts of not drinking for the next week is very scary
I really think it would be utterly crap if I dont' drink at that.
Coming to terms to life without enjoying a drink, just seems so miserable.
I am by no means an alcoholic
I am not dependant on alchohol
I think that I just love it so much
To prove to them, that I'm not an alchoholic
The problem I have with drink, is that I like it a bit too much
I don't think that makes me an alchoholic
I just felt that the advantages of being pregnant would be that I won't be able to drink at all, and thats a good thing I would imagine.

Bingo.

Op, try not to be scared. There is plenty of support and help out there if you're willing to accept it. As great as you seem to think alcohol is, your life will be so much happier if you stop drinking to excess. I absolutley love drinking too, I could drink red wine like its lemonade but I NEVER drink during the week. i just don't allow myself too. I only drink at the weekend as a treat and by God, I really enjoy that first pint on a Friday evening. I feel like I deserve it after working all week. However, 4 bottles of wine a week is asking for trouble. Try not to picture your life devoid of alcohol as if alcohol is this amazing thing enchancing your life. Instaed try to picture how fulfilling your life will become without it. Join a gym, do a cookery course and get really into food (healthy food) etc.

Maybe you can still enjoy a drink in moderation but you need to cut down without a doubt.

littlefriend · 27-05-2008 01:53PM

So anyway, maybe you are not an alcoholic yet - but surely you will concede that it is reasonable to say 'yet'? One thing for sure is that you are not comfortable in your own skin and are, for want of a better expression, self medicating. I think that those two things are what leads to addiction in most cases.
In your posts you mention a few things that individually aren't worrying, but when they are all added together, given the context in which you mentioned them in, they are something to be concerned about eg years ago you used drugs socially, you mention zanex and sleeping tablets and of course alcohol. I'm not giving out to you or talking down to you here or anything like that.

You mention that you don't drink anymore than your work colleagues do - the very fact that you have noted this is an indication that you have some sort of problem here. I know that when I myself use comparisons like that it is because I KNOW I am doing something wrong. I am trying to think of an example here but all that is coming to me is stuff like if myself and a friend took a day off college say - I would justify it to myself because my friend was doing it too. Or say today for example, if I don't go out for a run I could excuse it because of the weather. Both of these excuses are bull**** - I would just be using them to make myself feel better about a BAD decision.

I think that a sign of a potential addict is someone who uses to change/hide from their mood. Obviously alcohol or drugs are going to change everyones' mood in one way or another but if you find yourself getting wasted to make yourself -feel better/avoid hangover/comedown/forget that you made a fool of yourself/give yourself confidence - you need to get the fcuk away from whatever it is you are taking or doing...one last bet, I'll just have a cure, I'll just do a line to straighten myself out etc..

I'm 34 now and many people I know still drink a LOT. I say still because it is fairly normal for people to drink loads bit through college and all of that. My friends who drink a lot now do so for different reasons than when we were all just partying - a tough week in work is washed away starting with a few gins at 5.30 on a Friday. Next thing it is Sat morning and ''WTF happened last night phone'' calls start. I don't which type of drinker is more worrying - someone who can't 'hold' their drink or someone who can.

Anyway, as usual, I've rambled away from my original point which was you seem to be uncomfortable within yourself. I think you should seek out help about that with some type of therapist - at this stage, your drinking is likely just a symptom of something deeper.
You mention an alcoholic father - there are some good books on this subject - Children of Alcoholic Parents is the name of one as far as I know. Also, your life sounds like it is picture perfect from the outside - home, husband, good job, trying for a baby are things you have mentioned - I think if you are sad within yourself it can be hard to reconcile your inner feelings with how things appear to someone on the outside [your husband even??]..Also, you may feel guilty that you aren't grateful for all the blessings you have...there are a million things you may be holding in your head that you are struggling with. There is no shame in looking for help with your feelings.
Really, really for your own good try to have a think about what I've said.

Beetlebum · 27-05-2008 02:41PM

littlefriend wrote: »

So anyway, maybe you are not an alcoholic yet - but surely you will concede that it is reasonable to say 'yet'? One thing for sure is that you are not comfortable in your own skin and are, for want of a better expression, self medicating. I think that those two things are what leads to addiction in most cases.
In your posts you mention a few things that individually aren't worrying, but when they are all added together, given the context in which you mentioned them in, they are something to be concerned about eg years ago you used drugs socially, you mention zanex and sleeping tablets and of course alcohol. I'm not giving out to you or talking down to you here or anything like that.

You mention that you don't drink anymore than your work colleagues do - the very fact that you have noted this is an indication that you have some sort of problem here. I know that when I myself use comparisons like that it is because I KNOW I am doing something wrong. I am trying to think of an example here but all that is coming to me is stuff like if myself and a friend took a day off college say - I would justify it to myself because my friend was doing it too. Or say today for example, if I don't go out for a run I could excuse it because of the weather. Both of these excuses are bull**** - I would just be using them to make myself feel better about a BAD decision.

I think that a sign of a potential addict is someone who uses to change/hide from their mood. Obviously alcohol or drugs are going to change everyones' mood in one way or another but if you find yourself getting wasted to make yourself -feel better/avoid hangover/comedown/forget that you made a fool of yourself/give yourself confidence - you need to get the fcuk away from whatever it is you are taking or doing...one last bet, I'll just have a cure, I'll just do a line to straighten myself out etc..

I'm 34 now and many people I know still drink a LOT. I say still because it is fairly normal for people to drink loads bit through college and all of that. My friends who drink a lot now do so for different reasons than when we were all just partying - a tough week in work is washed away starting with a few gins at 5.30 on a Friday. Next thing it is Sat morning and ''WTF happened last night phone'' calls start. I don't which type of drinker is more worrying - someone who can't 'hold' their drink or someone who can.

Anyway, as usual, I've rambled away from my original point which was you seem to be uncomfortable within yourself. I think you should seek out help about that with some type of therapist - at this stage, your drinking is likely just a symptom of something deeper.
You mention an alcoholic father - there are some good books on this subject - Children of Alcoholic Parents is the name of one as far as I know. Also, your life sounds like it is picture perfect from the outside - home, husband, good job, trying for a baby are things you have mentioned - I think if you are sad within yourself it can be hard to reconcile your inner feelings with how things appear to someone on the outside [your husband even??]..Also, you may feel guilty that you aren't grateful for all the blessings you have...there are a million things you may be holding in your head that you are struggling with. There is no shame in looking for help with your feelings.
Really, really for your own good try to have a think about what I've said.

That is some really intelligent, well thought out, solid advice. Read that through a few times and I'm sure it will make sense to you.

K_P · 27-05-2008 08:34PM

OP, you came on here asking "Do I have a drink problem?", you got some excellent, reasonable advice (as well as some tough talking which is no harm for you to hear either) and now you're getting narky that people are being samctimonious?

The question you asked has been answered. You don't have to take the advice you've been offered but there's really no need for you to get annoyed with the people who were good enough to offer you that advice.

brokensoul · 27-05-2008 11:03PM

BenGunn wrote: »

I'd just like to say that the replies to this thread have been bizarre. The fact that there are so many negative replies is just due to the fact many people like to criticise someone in order to feel better by comparison. I find from reading things like this that people who agree with the OP just read and move on while people who disagree post, so I wouldn't get disheartened with the responses OP.

First of all, I see where you're coming from. Anyone who suggests that 'if you have to ask, you have a problem' is totally wrong. My father was an alcoholic for years and it's the reason my parents separated. Obviously this changed my attitude to alcohol and when I grew up and started drinking I frequently asked myself if I was headed the same way. I've stopped doing that now- I've realised that having lived through that I would never let it happen to me. Nothing can just happen to you despite your best efforts, we all have a choice about who we are.

Secondly, about how much its ok to drink. I have a few drinks most days, I think its a good way to relax. If I don't have a drink, I'll think about it sometimes. I see no problem with that. If its something you enjoy and you're not doing it you're bound to think of it. If your tv reception goes off, you're obviously gonna sit there bored wishing the tv would come back. Who cares? If the outcome is that you have a few drinks and feel more relaxed there's no problem.

Just to reassure you- most weeks (now that we're older and don't go out as much) my gf and I, either just by ourselves or with a few friends, will have a night in just getting drunk. It's great craic sure that's what you do when you're young. Some guy was talking about how many "units" you should have a day etc, those numbers sounded completely unrealistic to me. You should enjoy drinking as much as you can before you have kids OP, and don't listen to these people who preach about health affects- the liver is the most durable organ,and there'll be plenty of time to be sober when you're dead.

Thirdly, some of the respondents seemed aghast that you prefer going out when you've had a few drinks. What planet are they living on? Everyone feels a bit more social after drinking. A few drinks makes you chattier, a few more makes you feel like dancing, a few more gives you an inexplicable craving for Chinese food
Joking aside, that's just the way things are, and it's the same with most normal people. If you're an alcoholic then so are most people aged 16-30, and a substantial amount older than that. We've all had a few too many now and then, but in general drink is a major part of life, especially in this country.

One guy suggested that you try quitting for a few weeks- why should you? It's not about whether you "can" or not, I'm sure you can if you have to (like when you're pregnant, as you said). But what would "quitting" prove? You'll miss drinking, as anyone would, and you won't learn anything as far as I can see.

Finally, pregnancy is a good way to take a bit of a break from the drink, I used being on anti-biotics for a few months to do the same awhile ago- there's nothing wrong with using it to quit, there'd be no reason to otherwise, and I'm sure it'll be well worth it to have a baby. I see what you were saying about most people drinking until they conceive, you're totally right, don't mind people who twisted to being about drinking while pregnant- like i said, most people just love yo criticise and get indignant. If they didn't then Joe Duffy would be out of business

Anyway, enough from me, and remember- you're normal!

Firstly - most alcoholics have a history of alcoholism in their family. The fact that someone lives through it does not make them immune to it, believe me.

Secondly - you are dead right, there is nothing wrong with drinking, as long as you can handle it. OP was questioning whether she could. As i said before, nobody can tell her she has a drink problem, it is something she will have to tease out for herself.

Finally - i dont like the fact that you seem to equate drinking with being normal or sociable. I am perfectly normal. Im very sociable. I just dont drink. One thing that annoys me about being out is people who cant handle a non drinker in the group. We arent freaks like!

xanac fan - no bother girl. PM any time

LegacyUser · 27-07-2008 06:47PM

You seem like a reasonable person and clearly you’re capable of some self-analysis, hence your question and the unfortunate myriad of responses.

I have some experience of what you're talking about and I understand (I think) you're question and why you asked it.

So, for what its worth.........................TRUST YOURSELF!

If you feel your drinking is a concern, find a friend or a family member, someone you trust and whose opinion you respect and talk to him or her about it.

If there is no one with that kind of experience or knowledge, find a councellor or therapist (Whom someone you trust has recommended......thats important!) and talk to them.

There are as many definitions of alcoholism as there are alcoholics. It’s easy to run from A to Z without considering what’s in between. So you will, most likely, not end up on a park bench drinking cider from a plastic bottle. Anymore than you will not ever be able to have a drink with friends on the weekend or for a celebration of some sort.

Talk to someone you trust. You won't find that here. I've read all the posts and while some of them have good advice, the trouble is that with website like this and a question like yours, you invite the opinions of people who have nothing to say but merely enjoy the opportunity of saying something.

I guess that mostly I'm saying, don’t go running to AA or book yourself into the Rutland centre. Certainly ignore the “sanctimonious” replies you’ve had here ( and some are, horribly so!) and go talk to someone you trust, as you would with any problem.

You’ll be fine.

Really…………..TRUST YOURSELF!

LegacyUser · 29-07-2008 09:29AM

Xanax fan
I have read this thread with a lot of interest. I am married to an alcoholic. In the early years of our marriage he could have written your post. He could justify his drinking in terms of needing to chill out at the end of a hard week. He could go off the drink for a week or two to "prove " that he didn't have a problem. Over time his drinking got heavier....the weekend started on thursday and tailed off with a few quiet ones on a monday. The progression of his disease was subtle but his drinking got worse and worse. When we had children instead of settling down and growing up he got worse. I could not trust him to mind the kids as he was incapable of putting their needs first, on occasion he drove them in his van when he was drunk. All the things he said he would never do, he did in time. He compared himself to other drinkers and used the comparisons to justify his denial. He went to AA meetings and came home telling me he couldn't be an alcoholic as he wasn't as crazy as the people there. Eventually things got so bad he went into a treatment centre and got help. That was 5 years ago and he has been in and out of recovery since then. The longest he has managed sober has been 15 months. What I am trying to tell you is that while you are not at this stage yet if you keep on the road you are on you will get there. As for using pregnancy as an incentive to stop drinking.....don't kid yourself for one second that that will work. If you can't do it now you won't do it then.

Just a last thought, here is a quote I came across recently:
"If alcohol is more important to you than the problems it is causing....and you continue consuming alcohol then you are most definitely an alcoholic"

Do I have a drink problem?

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