Do I have a drink problem?

LegacyUser

Just looking for others point of view.

I don't know if I have, I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid.

My father is an alcoholic. He drinks every night of the week, always at home, and always spirits.

I was never a big drinker, actually, was more into drugs if I'm totally honest, but it was always recreational, and I've put the drugs behind me now (was never an addict)

Anyway, money is a bit tighter these days, and I have a family, I'm married, so I just don't go out as much as I used to.

My husband likes his drink, but does not like drinking at home.

It used to be about 3 nights a week. I'd get four bottles of beer. That was cool, I liked to relax with a drink, maybe with dinner.

Now, I wouldn't buy less than six. I'd say I drink about 4 nights a week.

I've now moved onto wine, got sick of the beer.

Its still at 4 nights a week or so, but the nights I don't drink, I'm sitting there all night, wishing I did have a drink.

I'm hoping to get pregnant soon, for a variety of reasons its on the long finger, I think I'll be able to give up, I'm pretty sure I will, in fact, I'm relying on getting pregnant to give up the drink.

You know, I talk to work colleagues etc, and a lot of them profess to having a bottle of wine most nights. Make no big deal out of it, yet I feel guilty about drinking at home. I don't know if its because of my Dad or what.

I still get up every morning and work etc, it doesn't effect my life in any way.

The only other thing is, though, that I suffer from anxiety, and find social situations difficult. I find that I would have to have at least a bottle of wine inside me before I could face going out. This usually ends up in me getting rather sloshed and making a fool out of myself.

I'd love to hear some opinions. But I'm not being rude here, I don't want to hear sanctimonious opinions, insisting I'm an alcoholic. I'm not. I know I'm not.

Thanks.

How Strange

Xanax fan wrote: »

My father is an alcoholic. He drinks every night of the week, always at home, and always spirits.

It used to be about 3 nights a week. I'd get four bottles of beer. That was cool, I liked to relax with a drink, maybe with dinner.

Now, I wouldn't buy less than six. I'd say I drink about 4 nights a week.

I've now moved onto wine, got sick of the beer.

Its still at 4 nights a week or so, but the nights I don't drink, I'm sitting there all night, wishing I did have a drink.

I'm relying on getting pregnant to give up the drink.

You know, I talk to work colleagues etc, and a lot of them profess to having a bottle of wine most nights. Make no big deal out of it, yet I feel guilty about drinking at home. I don't know if its because of my Dad or what.

I still get up every morning and work etc, it doesn't effect my life in any way.

The only other thing is, though, that I suffer from anxiety, and find social situations difficult. I find that I would have to have at least a bottle of wine inside me before I could face going out. This usually ends up in me getting rather sloshed and making a fool out of myself.

I'd love to hear some opinions. But I'm not being rude here, I don't want to hear sanctimonious opinions, insisting I'm an alcoholic. I'm not. I know I'm not.
Thanks.

So you're Dad is an alcoholic and as you get older you are falling into the same drink patterns as him - drinking at home most nights. Also, saying that other people at work drink most nights too is really just your subconscious justifying your behaviour.

OP, you are well on your way to being a functioning alcoholic. You may not be there yet but keep drinking a bottle of wine 4 nights a week and you should be there in a year or so. There is no guarantee that you will stop drinking if you get pregnant. The urge to drink may be too strong.

Take a look at your post again, all the pointers are there.

If you really want to do something, stop drinking every night. Have a cup of tea and a biscuit instead or go for a walk or do anything just to break the habit of association of evening times and drinking wine. It'll be hard for the first month and you'll suprise yourself with the strength of the cravings but once you get over the first month and establish a new routine you won't miss it at all.

It seems to be OP that you only want to hear opinions which say 'yeah go ahead, drinking a bottle of wine four nights a week is completely normal, we're all doing it.'
It may be 'normal' for a lot of people but it's not good for your health and could most definitely contribute to alcoholism where there is a genetic predisposition towards alcoholism anyway.

Bagheera

I agree with How Strange in that you need to break the bad habits you're developing. Drinking a bottle of wine in one sitting is bad for your health if you're doing it regularly.

I would take on board some of those suggestions and also, if you open a bottle of wine don't feel the need to finish it! You could try having half a bottle to begin with then try and cut down the amount of nights you are drinking.

I'm not trying to preach; I enjoy a few drinks myself and I understand that guilt as my grandfather was an alcoholic. My mother had me feeling guilty about enjoying a few too many from early on.

seamus

How Strange is right on the ball there.

You know, I talk to work colleagues etc, and a lot of them profess to having a bottle of wine most nights.

This is irrelevant. What other people do doesn't justify nor condemn your behaviour. Drink affects everyone differently, and what defines alcoholism changes from person to person.

Alcoholism isn't about how much you drink, or how often you drink. It can't be quantified in units of alcohol or levels of drunkenness. Alcoholism is dependency on alcohol, plain and simple. Plenty of alcoholics get up for work on time, get in and do a day's work and go home, and no-one's the wiser.

The very fact that you're worrying about your intake means that your alcohol consumption is affecting you in some way - it's interfering with your normal life. You say you know you're not an alcoholic, but you accept that you lack the normal will to stop yourself drinking, you're relying on an outside influence (pregnancy) to keep you from it.

You may not be an alcoholic right now, but you're on the right path. The further down the path you go, the harder it is to turn around. I don't have any specific advice. I have family members who used to be alcoholics, but I was too young to be involved in the recovery process. Like any addiction, I would imagine the first two steps are recognising that you have the addiction, and the second is getting that addiction under control - you can have a few drinks, but when you feel like you're happy to have one, not when your cravings are nagging at you to have one. The first, you can only do yourself. The second, you may need help with.

kmick

I think you probably are an alcoholic. My wife works with people who drink a lot but she says the real alcoholics are the people who have 4 or 5 pints in the local or at home every night. Its just a habit but one which is very hard to stop.

Second off - it will be a lot easier to get pregnant if you are not drinking at the time. Alcohol is a poison. It poisons your body and the more you drink the less chance your body has of processing the poison. It is no wonder you get anxiety it could be alcohol related.

I saw an interview with Ewan McGregor and he said that if you cant deal with a situation sober then why would you want to deal with it at all. Next time you go out just try something - stay sober. Its a novel idea but as the night goes on you will find people open up, then they get drunk and its a real eye opener - repeating themselves, slurring, falling etc.

My thoughts are pretty random I know sorry. I think you know yourself that things are starting to get a bit out of control - maybe talk to your doctor and see what he suggests.

You could go cold turkey for a while and see how you get on?

Loomis

If you have to ask the question that should in itself give you your answers.

Beruthiel

Xanax fan wrote: »

the nights I don't drink, I'm sitting there all night, wishing I did have a drink.

I'm relying on getting pregnant to give up the drink.

For me, the above two comments answer your own question OP.

LegacyUser

Try changing your nightly routine. I never drank that much but it was only recently i was thinking that i hardly drink at all now. basically by changing my nightly routine - walking, hobbies etc i changed my drinking/eating habits without even realising. i know this is probably a very simplified approach but it might be worth trying. its like some people saying its the situations they put themselves in (pub whatever) that make people smoke.

LegacyUser

Some very good points raised there, thanks.

Ironically, I had a few drinks on me last night, when I typed all that. I'm not sure what to think today.

The idea of going out on a night out and remaining sober is incredibly scary, but I know that if I do get pregnant, it is something that I will have to face, so I suppose I should start getting used to it.

Thanks so much for your comments. It would appear that I really need to look at my drinking differently.

stcatherine

How Strange wrote: »

OP, you are well on your way to being a functioning alcoholic. You may not be there yet but keep drinking a bottle of wine 4 nights a week and you should be there in a year or so. .

I'm sorry but I have to strongly disagree with that statement. I have been drinking wine 4 or more nights a week for about 5 years now and I am not an alcoholic nor am I on my way, however I do agree that maybe the OP could have a problem in the future.

OP I have been in a similar situation right down to the fact of asking friends and colleagues how much they drink in order to compare myself. I also went through the recreational drugs phase, and I also suffered from anxiety and depression.

The only difference I see is that on the nights I don't drink I don't sit there wishing I could. That is maybe is a little worrying.

However I have noticed that I go through phases of drinking a lot for months on end then not for a long time etc.

I wouldnt worry too much because in fact you may be driving yourself to drinking more if that makes sense ?

How old are you ?

If you don't mind me asking.

AnonoBoy

stcatherine wrote: »

I'm sorry but I have to strongly disagree with that statement. I have been drinking wine 4 or more nights a week for about 5 years now and I am not an alcoholic nor am I on my way

But the OP stated they were drinking a whole bottle of wine 4 nights a week not just having *some* wine.

MagicMarker

Well first of all, under no circumstances should you even attempt to get pregnant until AFTER you have given up the drink.

ronbyrne2005

I think the urge to drink on nights you are'nt drinking might be more a habit and psychological thing. I think most people who get into trouble with drink get into bad habits/patterns initially and then eventually get physically as well as psychologically dependent.
Try taking a break from all drink for a month but have things planned to fill your evenings/weekends. Try a bit of counselling for your social anxiety.
Maybe consider going to your GP for a routine health check and ask for your liver function to be tested. At moment your health and personal life seem not to be suffering much but I'd keep monitoring the situation and if you can't go a few weeks without booze you may need to consider giving it up or seriously restricting your drinking to a few drinks once or twice a week.

LegacyUser

StCatherine, thank you for your reply, I think you genuinely understand where I'm coming form.

MagicMarker, I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell me to give up drinking before I even consider trying to get pregnant. I'm not an alcoholic, and there are millions if not billions of babies, who have been concieved whilst the mother was drinking, and who have turned out to be perfectly healthy.

stcatherine

AnonoBoy wrote: »

But the OP stated they were drinking a whole bottle of wine 4 nights a week not just having *some* wine.

Yes I know,but just to clarify - I never suggested otherwise. I never actually stated in my post that I drink *some* wine, I thought as I was comparing myself to the OP it was evident that I drink the same amount as her. One bottle of wine 3 or 4 nights a week.

MagicMarker

Xanax fan wrote: »

StCatherine, thank you for your reply, I think you genuinely understand where I'm coming form.

MagicMarker, I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell me to give up drinking before I even consider trying to get pregnant. I'm not an alcoholic, and there are millions if not billions of babies, who have been concieved whilst the mother was drinking, and who have turned out to be perfectly healthy.

And there are just as many cases that turn out differently, if you're willing to take that chance then that's your problem, but personally speaking, i don't agree with a woman drinking or smoking when pregnant, i find it to be somewhat retarded.

Besides, that wasn't what i was referring to with my post. Did you enjoy your dads drinking, did it make you feel proud? If so, by all means continue the growning trend, history will just repeat itself.

Rb

Xanax fan wrote: »

MagicMarker, I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell me to give up drinking before I even consider trying to get pregnant. I'm not an alcoholic, and there are millions if not billions of babies, who have been concieved whilst the mother was drinking, and who have turned out to be perfectly healthy.

This reads as though you're actually trying to justify drinking whilst pregnant. Everyone is aware of the risks associated with drinking whilst pregnant, just because a few do and their kids turn out ok, doesn't mean that everyone elses will.

Your original post shows that you're building a dependancy on alcohol, this part in particular "the nights I don't drink, I'm sitting there all night, wishing I did have a drink. " and now you're aiming to depend on a pregnancy in order to break your dependancy on alcohol? It won't work like that.

Regardless of whether you're willing to admit it or not (most addicts won't), if you're not an alcoholic right now, you're well on your way to being one outright.

The idea of going out on a night out and remaining sober is incredibly scary, but I know that if I do get pregnant, it is something that I will have to face, so I suppose I should start getting used to it.

What age are you?

I'd suggest forgetting about pregnancy until you've matured a bit. You've a problem with alcohol, you should be considering forgetting about going on nights out whatsoever until you've fixed this as you're only putting yourself in a situation whereby you can justify drinking (to yourself) because everyone else there is, and in a situation where you can easily access alcohol.

Think about it this way, should a cocaine addict who's trying to quit, go to cocaine parties? Should a smoker who's trying to quit, go and stand out with their smoker colleagues whilst they're having cigarettes? No. Therefore, whilst you're trying to give up drinking, you should forget about "nights out" or even "nights in".

You want to bring a child into this world ffs.

Also, if your name is anything to go by and you're using Xanax, you should be aware you shouldn't be drinking anyway. If you're combining the drugs then I would suggest forgetting about pregnancy for quite some time.

ronbyrne2005

Benzodiazepines, including xanax, can cause birth defects when taken during pregnancy. Taken late in pregnancy, they may increase the risk that the baby will be born dependent on the drug. Pregnant women should avoid using alprazolam.

Enii

OP are you drinking tonight?

Micamaca

Looking at this thread, I think I know that I already have a problem with drink. I don't drink much in quantity but I do drink every day. I might have a bottle of beer and that could be it. Or sometimes a couple of glasses of wine (hard to stop after one small glass of wine for some reason). I don't usually drink more than that. But it is everyday and I find it hard to get through a day without a drink, hence the problem.

So I suppose I better try to change my habits too. Before it gets worse. It has improved. I used to drink more everyday so I have cut down somewhat. I think I drink more when I'm under pressure with college...which is all the time! I'm a mature student and I thought college was supposed to be a nice easy life! I was prepared to work hard but my God, the work is unreal! But I am enjoying it.

However, during study for Christmas exams I drank while I was studying just to block out the fact that I had so much to study and so little time. I was working ridiculous hours. And I didn't leave it all to the last minute, it's just so much work, continuously. But yes, hand up...I have a problem and shall now try to find some resolve to do something about it. I think if I try to lower it to drinking every other day as a start and then take it from there. I'm in Germany now surrounded by wonderful beer and beer gardens where I can sit outside for the first time in years as the weather is lovely. I know cold turkey is not a contender while I'm here! It won't be easy though

LegacyUser

I think that there is quite a sanctimonious tone to some of the replies.

For the record, I didn't suggest that I was comfortable with drinking during pregnancy, and I what I actually said was that there have been millions of babies CONCIEVED whilst their mothers were under the influence. I would never drink when pregnant.

Also, I'm not currently taking Xanax, but I have taken it in the past.

And to the poster, who asked if my Dad's drinking made me feel proud? Like, WTF sort of question is that?

Micamaca

I remember posting a similar question on another boards a few months ago, hoping people would say "of course you're not drinking too much. And some of them did. Possibly because they have problems themselves and don't realise it or possibly because they just drink a lot.

Anyho, the point is only you will have the answer to the question about your drinking habits. If you think you may be growing a little dependent on drink then you can choose to try to change that. If you think you are okay, then live with it.

Some people may say that your drinking habits are, fine, some may disagree. At the end of the day your opinion is the one you have to live with and the one that counts. So what do you think...

gabgab

Did your dads drinking make you feel proud?? Answer the question, not to us, to yourself.

I have seen plenty of "functioning alcoholics" and seen lots of alcohol abuse over the years,

You asked the question, looking for reassurance that your fine, that its not a problem, but you kind of know it is already,

LegacyUser

gabgab wrote: »

Did your dads drinking make you feel proud?? Answer the question, not to us, to yourself.

Its such a ridiculous unhelpful question, I won't even dignify it with an answer.

Vengeance

Right, its getting a bit off topic here. This is not about your father, its about you.

You say you suffer from anxiety, that you find it hard to go out and not drink, that you sit there wishing you were drinking on the nights you don't drink, and that alcoholism is in your family.

I'm not saying you are genetically predisposed to becoming an alcoholic, but we learn a lot of things from our parents, and its not all home cooking and ice cream.

If you're worried about how much you drink, try to cut back. If you can go three weeks without drinking and feel no craving for it, you're not an alcoholic.

Now, there's a big difference to the craving and the social aspect of enjoying a pint and relaxing with you're friends, EXPECT to miss that.

If you find you can't, or you 'don't want to', then you are either unconcerned and blowing this out of proportion or in denial.

I'm not being sanctimonious. I'm not talking down to you. I'm trying to help. I've left the whole pregnancy issue aside, because what matters right now is getting these doubts either confirmed or denied so you can move on with your life.

Listen to the people who have been through this before. Not neccessarily those on the forums, we're just nameless tw*ts, but friends or family.

A lot of people here fear alcohol. It shouldn't be feared, but respected.

Dizzyblonde

OP I think you need to ask yourself if you can do without drinking for a few days?
If you can't then you obviously have a problem - and if you're using alcohol to self-medicate because of anxiety then that's a problem too.

I wouldn't be thinking of bringing a baby into the equation until you've sorted out your issues because babies bring a whole other set of stresses and you need to be on top of things to begin with.

Gegerty

You say its not affecting your life in any bad way, so how can it be called a problem? Or are you being totally honest there? Have you tried giving up drink for any decent length of time to compare? Try giving up for 5 weeks and compare your life. If you find yourself still sitting in and watching TV but the only difference is you are drinking tea or fizzy drinks instead then I'd say go back to drinking guilt free. If on the other hand you're getting more active when not drinking then its safe to say you are sitting in with the purpose of drinking, rather than having a drink while you're sitting in (subtle difference) and I would say you have a drink problem ("fond of the drink" is the phrase I would use). And if you can't give up the drink for any decent length of time then again I'd say you have a problem.

LaVidaLoca

I think that there is quite a sanctimonious tone to some of the replies.

You posted an OP the first line of which is "Do I have a drink problem?" and ends with "Dont tell me I'm an alcoholic."

Sounds to me like you want to us all to pat you on the back , and say no, OP , you're fine.

Well you aren't fine. Granted you're not a pants-pissing alco looking for change outside the train station, but the posters here are rightly trying to warn you that that's exactly where you could end up.

Whereever your headed, drinking that much aint good.

MagicMarker

Xanax fan wrote: »

Its such a ridiculous unhelpful question, I won't even dignify it with an answer.

Either you're missing the point i'm trying to make, or simply ignoring it.

My point being, you should sort this out before even contemplating getting pregnant, otherwise you will have a child that thinks of it's mother the very same way you think of your father.

But of course, if you're proud of your father, then by all means continue....

K_P

OP, you're probably not an alcoholic yet, but you're on dangerous ground. Your dad's an alcoholic so you have some genetic predisposition towards problematic drinking and you seem to have fallen into drinking heavily more out of habit than anything else. As a few other posters have said, try and break that habit. Set yourself a realistic target, say 2 weeks, and try not to drink at all during that time. If you can't manage that or if you find yourself constantly thinking about alcohol, then you might have a problem.

My extended family are either raging alcoholics or completely abstain from it. The uncles and aunts who don't drink made that decision because they've seen how it has destroyed so many lives in their family. I drink, but it's something I'm constantly aware of, constantly questioning if my drinking is becoming habit-forming. If I think it is, no matter how slight (ie, having a glass of wine 2 or 3 nights in a row, not because I particularly want it but just because it's there), I stop for a few weeks. I sometimes get cravings for it, but I just ignore them. Having seen what alcohol has done to some people I love very dearly, I'm terrified of ending up that way myself.

littlefriend

OP - have a read of this thread [as if your child had written it]

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055300309

estar

Xanax fan wrote: »

StCatherine, thank you for your reply, I think you genuinely understand where I'm coming form.

MagicMarker, I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell me to give up drinking before I even consider trying to get pregnant. I'm not an alcoholic, and there are millions if not billions of babies, who have been concieved whilst the mother was drinking, and who have turned out to be perfectly healthy.

i cant believe you would put your love of alcohol before the
health of your child. do the research on this issue, and you will
find clear evidence that drinking heavily (and you do drink heavily and
above what are considered healthy limits) is very likely to damage your unborn child.

this statement above, and the fact that you would also state that you
are relying on getting pregnant to help you give up alcohol = denial.
the fact that over and over again you are trying to persuade yourself
you are not an alcoholoic = denial. the comparisons with other people = denial. you have every potential in the book to develop alcoholism
unless you act now, you know this and are scared.

in reality its not how much you drink, its how you drink, and how it affects you that defines whether or not you are an alcoholic. and the fact that
you admit that you have to drink for courage before you go out,
to assist you with your anxiety, despite the fact that you are an adult
woman who holds down a job and has relationships with other adults
means that you are allowing a dependancy on alcohol to build up
and are using your anxiety as an excuse to allow your drinking to escalate.

alcohol is a pernicious dangerous mind altering drug. it creeps up on
you over years, and suddenly has a hold on you if you drink it
as often as you do, in the majority of cases of people who
cannot be a night without craving a drink, or put alchohol before the safety of
their mental health or the health of potential unborn children they
may have, i would consider that early stage alcoholism.

why take the chance? why gamble with addiction. my advice
is cut down drastically. and that means give up for a month.
your not going to die. there is more to life than sitting in and
drinking 4 nights a week. get out and live more and stop hiding
behind alcohol.

get out and get some support, reach out and try and get to know
yourself without alcohol.

and for the love of god, do not drink this heavily during the early stages of pregnancy
or while you are trying to get pregnant. when medics say you can have a drink they mean a small glass of wine or shandy once a week.

not a bottle 4 nights a week.

estar

Men over 18 are advised not to drink more than 3-4 units a day and women over 18 no more than 2-3 units a day.

A bottle of lager contains 1.5 units - you drink 36 units a week
over your 6 beers over 4 nights.

women are recommended not to exceed 14 units.

you drink 2.5 times the recommended weekly alcohol intake of a woman.

you drink more than the recommended daily intake of a man.

Women who are planning a pregnancy or are at any stage in pregnancy should take special care and drink no more than 1-2 units once or twice a week. Alcohol consumption can reduce fertility and can affect the developing baby in the womb. this fact comes courtesy of the website below.

http://www.homehealth-uk.com/medical/alcohol.htm

Fetal alcohol exposure is the leading known cause of mental retardation in the Western world.[6] In the United States the FAS prevalence rate is estimated to be between 0.2 and 2.0 cases per 1,000 live births, comparable to or higher than other developmental disabilities such as Down syndrome or Spina Bifida.[7] The lifetime medical and social costs of each child with FAS are estimated to be as high as US$800,000.[8] While prenatal alcohol exposure does not automatically result in FAS, the U.S. Surgeon General advises pregnant women to abstain from alcohol use due to the risk of the syndrome.[9]

In the United States, the Surgeon General recommended in 1981, and again in 2005, that women abstain from alcohol use while pregnant or while planning a pregnancy, the latter to avoid damage in the earliest stages of a pregnancy, as the woman may not be aware that she has conceived.[9] In the United States, federal legislation has required that warning labels be placed on all alcoholic beverage containers since 1988 under the Alcoholic Beverage Labeling Act.

brokensoul

OP - nobody, on here or anywhere else, can tell you if you are an alcoholic or not. It is a question only you can answer. Others may give tips, there are tests you can take to guide you, but at the end of the day - only you really know.

What i will say is that i am an alcoholic. For many years i drank the way yuou currently drink. I drank at home, a bottle of wine a night, not every night but a few nights a week. Like you, i found it difficult to face social situations without drink. Like you i thought about drink on the nights i wasnt drinking. This is not to say that you are an alcoholic. It is just to let you know that i can see similarities between where you are now and where i was.

While i was an active alcoholic i held down a good job, i dealt with family committments, i bought a house, i had relationships - for most of my drinking i was highly functioning - and this allowed me to carry on for many years.

In terms of advice, in all honesty, i think you posted here to get assurance that your drinking is ok, rather than to get help to stop. I did that alot. Compared myself to others who drank more, convinced myself that i was normal for my age, for my stress levels etc etc. When i was where you are now if someone told me i was an alcoholic i would have been angry with them, i dont think i would have listened, and i certainily dont think i would have stopped. I dont think you will either.

If you ever get to a stage where you think you have a problem or you think you need help then seek help. PM me and i will help. Go to a Gp or an AA meeting and they will help.

But nobody will be able to help unless you think you have a problem.

Maggie Simpson

I'm probably repeating much of what's been said already but some of the replies are very long to read through. And I think that a lot of what has been posted is very judgmental, particularly as you said you wanted to get pregnant so it would force you to give up drinking, not that you intended to keep drinking when pregnant.

But bear this in mind. Do you really honestly think you will be able to give up drinking when you are pregnant? If you have any doubt in your mind, put the pregnancy on hold. While it might seem like the best motivation in the world, getting pregnant if you have a drink problem may cause more problems than it solves.

Could you talk to your GP about your drinking?

adam.number2

Question posed by the OP was, "Do I have a drink problem"? The answer to that question is a very simple Yes.

It's hard to believe that you drink that much and can think that you don't have a problem, but then I suppose a person can convince themselves of anything.

OP, I or the rest of the responders on this thread, don't know you. We've no reason to lie to you. You have a problem. Face up to it, then sort it out.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all your advice, some of it was very helpful and put in a way that was in no way judgemental.

Some of the replies I got to begin with scared me, and I decided I wouldn't drink this week. I bought four cans of beer yesterday, drank three last night and kept one for tonight.

I've taken a sleeping tablet though to help me sleep. Sleep is a major problem, and so I think that I drink to aid sleep a lot of the times.

The thoughts of not drinking for the next week is very scary, I have to be honest, I can compare it to going on a diet, something I hate doing, but have to do.

But okay, lets say, I get on grand this week, don't drink any, where does that leave me? I've achieved a week, but I'm going on holidays soon and I really think it would be utterly crap if I dont' drink at that.

Sorry, I'm rambling, but coming to terms to life without enjoying a drink, just seems so miserable.

I am by no means an alcoholic, I am not dependant on alchohol, I think that I just love it so much, that I am concerned about it becoming a problem.

I really appreciate the poster who does have a drink problem's good advice. I will PM you soon for advice if thats ok.

BenGunn

I'd just like to say that the replies to this thread have been bizarre. The fact that there are so many negative replies is just due to the fact many people like to criticise someone in order to feel better by comparison. I find from reading things like this that people who agree with the OP just read and move on while people who disagree post, so I wouldn't get disheartened with the responses OP.

First of all, I see where you're coming from. Anyone who suggests that 'if you have to ask, you have a problem' is totally wrong. My father was an alcoholic for years and it's the reason my parents separated. Obviously this changed my attitude to alcohol and when I grew up and started drinking I frequently asked myself if I was headed the same way. I've stopped doing that now- I've realised that having lived through that I would never let it happen to me. Nothing can just happen to you despite your best efforts, we all have a choice about who we are.

Secondly, about how much its ok to drink. I have a few drinks most days, I think its a good way to relax. If I don't have a drink, I'll think about it sometimes. I see no problem with that. If its something you enjoy and you're not doing it you're bound to think of it. If your tv reception goes off, you're obviously gonna sit there bored wishing the tv would come back. Who cares? If the outcome is that you have a few drinks and feel more relaxed there's no problem.

Just to reassure you- most weeks (now that we're older and don't go out as much) my gf and I, either just by ourselves or with a few friends, will have a night in just getting drunk. It's great craic sure that's what you do when you're young. Some guy was talking about how many "units" you should have a day etc, those numbers sounded completely unrealistic to me. You should enjoy drinking as much as you can before you have kids OP, and don't listen to these people who preach about health affects- the liver is the most durable organ,and there'll be plenty of time to be sober when you're dead.

Thirdly, some of the respondents seemed aghast that you prefer going out when you've had a few drinks. What planet are they living on? Everyone feels a bit more social after drinking. A few drinks makes you chattier, a few more makes you feel like dancing, a few more gives you an inexplicable craving for Chinese food
Joking aside, that's just the way things are, and it's the same with most normal people. If you're an alcoholic then so are most people aged 16-30, and a substantial amount older than that. We've all had a few too many now and then, but in general drink is a major part of life, especially in this country.

One guy suggested that you try quitting for a few weeks- why should you? It's not about whether you "can" or not, I'm sure you can if you have to (like when you're pregnant, as you said). But what would "quitting" prove? You'll miss drinking, as anyone would, and you won't learn anything as far as I can see.

Finally, pregnancy is a good way to take a bit of a break from the drink, I used being on anti-biotics for a few months to do the same awhile ago- there's nothing wrong with using it to quit, there'd be no reason to otherwise, and I'm sure it'll be well worth it to have a baby. I see what you were saying about most people drinking until they conceive, you're totally right, don't mind people who twisted to being about drinking while pregnant- like i said, most people just love yo criticise and get indignant. If they didn't then Joe Duffy would be out of business

Anyway, enough from me, and remember- you're normal!

MagicMarker

BenGunn wrote: »

I'd just like to say that the replies to this thread have been bizarre. The fact that there are so many negative replies is just due to the fact many people like to criticise someone in order to feel better by comparison. I find from reading things like this that people who agree with the OP just read and move on while people who disagree post, so I wouldn't get disheartened with the responses OP.

If you spend more than 10 minutes reading threads in PI you will find that there are plenty of threads with heated discussions over divided opinions. The ones that aren't like this tend to be clear cut cases of the original poster either being in the right or the wrong, ie this one!

BenGunn wrote: »

First of all, I see where you're coming from. Anyone who suggests that 'if you have to ask, you have a problem' is totally wrong. My father was an alcoholic for years and it's the reason my parents separated. Obviously this changed my attitude to alcohol and when I grew up and started drinking I frequently asked myself if I was headed the same way. I've stopped doing that now- I've realised that having lived through that I would never let it happen to me. Nothing can just happen to you despite your best efforts, we all have a choice about who we are.

Generally, if someone were to ask me if they have a drinking problem, i would assume that to ask me this question in the first place, they would have to realise that their habits are not exactly the 'norm'. So the fact that the op even started this thread, means she knows something is not right.

BenGunn wrote: »

Secondly, about how much its ok to drink. I have a few drinks most days, I think its a good way to relax. If I don't have a drink, I'll think about it sometimes. I see no problem with that. If its something you enjoy and you're not doing it you're bound to think of it. If your tv reception goes off, you're obviously gonna sit there bored wishing the tv would come back. Who cares? If the outcome is that you have a few drinks and feel more relaxed there's no problem.

Alcoholism isn't defined by how much you drink, more so how you drink. For instance, if you drink most days just to relax, then i say you have a problem.

BenGunn wrote: »

Just to reassure you- most weeks (now that we're older and don't go out as much) my gf and I, either just by ourselves or with a few friends, will have a night in just getting drunk. It's great craic sure that's what you do when you're young. Some guy was talking about how many "units" you should have a day etc, those numbers sounded completely unrealistic to me. You should enjoy drinking as much as you can before you have kids OP, and don't listen to these people who preach about health affects- the liver is the most durable organ,and there'll be plenty of time to be sober when you're dead.

Fantastic attitude right there... Drink as much as you want people, you'll be grand!!

BenGunn wrote: »

Thirdly, some of the respondents seemed aghast that you prefer going out when you've had a few drinks. What planet are they living on? Everyone feels a bit more social after drinking. A few drinks makes you chattier, a few more makes you feel like dancing, a few more gives you an inexplicable craving for Chinese food
Joking aside, that's just the way things are, and it's the same with most normal people. If you're an alcoholic then so are most people aged 16-30, and a substantial amount older than that. We've all had a few too many now and then, but in general drink is a major part of life, especially in this country.

Is that supposed to be an excuse? Being Irish is being drunk, so lets all get drunk? Have you left this country? Most other countries in the world have a better attitude towards drink, drinking culture in Ireland is rediculous.

BenGunn wrote: »

One guy suggested that you try quitting for a few weeks- why should you? It's not about whether you "can" or not, I'm sure you can if you have to (like when you're pregnant, as you said). But what would "quitting" prove? You'll miss drinking, as anyone would, and you won't learn anything as far as I can see.

Yes, some people would miss drinking, they may miss going out over the weekend with friends and having a few beers. However, most ''normal'' people won't crave drink 7 nights a week.

BenGunn wrote: »

Finally, pregnancy is a good way to take a bit of a break from the drink, I used being on anti-biotics for a few months to do the same awhile ago- there's nothing wrong with using it to quit, there'd be no reason to otherwise, and I'm sure it'll be well worth it to have a baby. I see what you were saying about most people drinking until they conceive, you're totally right, don't mind people who twisted to being about drinking while pregnant- like i said, most people just love yo criticise and get indignant. If they didn't then Joe Duffy would be out of business

Anyway, enough from me, and remember- you're normal!

If you really think it's normal for someone to drink 4 nights a week and crave drink on the nights they don't then you are seriously deluded my friend. If you think it's normal to get pregnant as a means to stop drinking then again, you're seriously deluded.

sam34

Xanax fan wrote: »

I decided I wouldn't drink this week. I bought four cans of beer yesterday, drank three last night and kept one for tonight.

so I think that I drink to aid sleep a lot of the times.

The thoughts of not drinking for the next week is very scary

but I'm going on holidays soon and I really think it would be utterly crap if I dont' drink at that.


I am by no means an alcoholic, I am not dependant on alchohol, I think that I just love it so much, that I am concerned about it becoming a problem.

so you decided to go for a week off the drink, and you didnt even last the first night?

alcohol might put you to sleep but it induces sleep of a poorer quality

i'd love to know what you actually think an alcoholic is. you dont have to be drinking out of a brown paper bag on a park bench to have a problem with alcohol.

take off the blinkers, and, quite frankly, cop on.

LegacyUser

Yeah, that one can of beer really tipped me over the edge Sam.

I think you should cop on. I am fully aware of the what an alcoholic is. I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it.

Its making me wonder, who am I giving this week up drinking for? Myself? Or the sanctimonious on here. To prove to them, that I'm not an alchoholic.

I think that this post has proved one thing to me, the problem I have with drink, is that I like it a bit too much, similar to my liking of junk food and carbs. I know they aren't good for me, yet I have a weak resistance to them.

I don't think that makes me an alchoholic. And just to be clear about something. I will not be trying to get pregnant in order to wean myself off the drink. I will be trying to get pregnant because I want a baby. I just felt that the advantages of being pregnant would be that I won't be able to drink at all, and thats a good thing I would imagine.

Maggie Simpson

Xanax fan wrote: »

I think you should cop on. I am fully aware of the what an alcoholic is. I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it.

Its making me wonder, who am I giving this week up drinking for? Myself? Or the sanctimonious on here. To prove to them, that I'm not an alchoholic.

OP - you seem to have major issues with the posts here. If you want unbiased and considered opinion on whether you have a problem with drink - talk to your GP. Find out if the drinking you have been doing has had any negative effect on your liver/health.

DAVE_K

OP - in my mind you are not an alcoholic - you've just got in the habit of having a few beers to relax...........i'm like this too................what I do to put the brakes on is take 2 - 4 weeks off every few months to clear the system out and give the liver a break.
From where I'm looking the one thing you'd want to be watching is your liver - you're putting probably 2 - 3 times the recommended weekly amount through it. It's not so bad for a while but over time it'll start to feel the strain...and at the end of the day you dont want liver problems later in life just because you're fond of a few beers now. Make sure you're drinking plenty of water during the day and make sure to drink water before you go to sleep. Exercise is good too for the liver. Get some Milkthistle from a chemist and have some of that every day - it aids liver regeneration. Beetroot is also another good thing to get into you for the liver. On the whole make sure that when you're not drinking you're treating you body as best you can - this will help tip the scales. If you fancy giving up for a while read the Alan Carr book "The Easy Way To Control Alcohol". You'll find that if you are taking a break off the booze the first few nights are the hardest - you'll find yourself looking at the clock coming up to Off-License closing time - this passes after a couple of days.

How Strange

BenGunn wrote: »

First of all, I see where you're coming from. Anyone who suggests that 'if you have to ask, you have a problem' is totally wrong.

What kind of reverse logic is that? IMO, if someone posts annonomously on a forum to ask if they have a specific problem i.e. drinking related, relationship issue etc then they know that they do. Otherwise why would someone post?

My father was an alcoholic for years and it's the reason my parents separated. Obviously this changed my attitude to alcohol and when I grew up and started drinking I frequently asked myself if I was headed the same way. I've stopped doing that now- I've realised that having lived through that I would never let it happen to me. Nothing can just happen to you despite your best efforts, we all have a choice about who we are.

Nature and nuture dictates that yes we are affected by the behaviour of our parents to an textent so just because one is an alcoholic it doesn't mean that a child will be but it makes that child more susceptible to alcohol abuse problems. There is also evidence to suggest that certain people have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism.

Just to reassure you- most weeks (now that we're older and don't go out as much) my gf and I, either just by ourselves or with a few friends, will have a night in just getting drunk. It's great craic sure that's what you do when you're young. Some guy was talking about how many "units" you should have a day etc, those numbers sounded completely unrealistic to me. You should enjoy drinking as much as you can before you have kids OP, and don't listen to these people who preach about health affects

And it's because of attitudes like this that Ireland is awash with alcohol and we believe we can't enjoy any social occasion unless we have a drink in each hand.

the liver is the most durable organ,and there'll be plenty of time to be sober when you're dead.

Wrong. The liver is quite easily damaged by consistently heavy drinking by which I mean exceeding the recommended 'units' that you're so dismissive of.

Everyone feels a bit more social after drinking. A few drinks makes you chattier, a few more makes you feel like dancing,

So what? We should all get rat ar5ed drunk because we're at a social gathering. Try being an adult and standing there sober with a glass of ballygowan in your hand. It's not that hard. Yes, it's gets a bit tiresome after 1am but it can be done.

If you're an alcoholic then so are most people aged 16-30, and a substantial amount older than that. We've all had a few too many now and then, but in general drink is a major part of life, especially in this country.

Exactly. As a nation we have a hugely negative and destructive relationship with alcohol. I've noticed that when I am abroad and meet other nationalities their principal stereotype of Irish people is that we drinking so much that we can't stand up. It's an insulting and alarming stereotype to be confronted with.

But what would "quitting" prove? You'll miss drinking, as anyone would, and you won't learn anything as far as I can see.

That there is life beyond being p1ssed and hiding behind a bottle of wine.

Finally, pregnancy is a good way to take a bit of a break from the drink,

What so you see sobriety as some sort of holiday?

Anyway, enough from me, and remember- you're normal!

From what you say in your post I'm not sure that your affirmations that the OP's drinking habits are normal when benchmarked against your own habits will be too reassuring.

Why is it in Ireland if we know someone has a drink problem we would rather encourage them to have 'just one' on a night out rather than support them to not drink. I suppose in our psyche there is nothing more threatening than a sober person on a night out who will remember everything as it really happened rather than through the drunk and blurred tinted glasses.

Xanax fan ...The thoughts of not drinking for the next week is very scary, I have to be honest, I can compare it to going on a diet, something I hate doing, but have to do.

Sorry, I'm rambling, but coming to terms to life without enjoying a drink, just seems so miserable.

I am by no means an alcoholic, I am not dependant on alchohol, I think that I just love it so much, that I am concerned about it becoming a problem.

OP, look at what you said here. You say the thought of not drinking makes you miserable yet you're not dependent on alcoholic. That's really a bit of a contradiction.

I used to smoke like a chimney. The thought of giving them up filled me with terror. How would I go out for a drink without smoking, how could I enjoy a cup of coffee again, how could I go on holidays and really relax without a cigeratte in my hand. I was convinced I was addicted to smoking but I just liked it too much to give up. When I gave up it was hell for a couple of weeks. I couldn't think of anything but smoking but I perservered and I haven't smoked for 3 years. But one thing I've acknowledged is that I was completely hooked on smoking; they consumed my every thought and I'd even go out at 4am to buy some if I ran out so I could have them there first thing in the morning. This isn't rational behaviour. I wouldn't go out at 4am to buy a bar of chocolate.

OP, I really believe that until you acknowledge that yes you are dependent on alcohol then you won't stop drinking. You have to turn that corner for yourself.

Beruthiel

Xanax fan wrote: »

And just to be clear about something. I will not be trying to get pregnant in order to wean myself off the drink.

OP
You said this in your very first post:

Xanax fan wrote:

I'm relying on getting pregnant to give up the drink.

Karen_*

Xanax fan wrote: »

Yeah, that one can of beer really tipped me over the edge Sam.

I think you should cop on. I am fully aware of the what an alcoholic is. I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it.

Its making me wonder, who am I giving this week up drinking for? Myself? Or the sanctimonious on here. To prove to them, that I'm not an alchoholic.

I think that this post has proved one thing to me, the problem I have with drink, is that I like it a bit too much, similar to my liking of junk food and carbs. I know they aren't good for me, yet I have a weak resistance to them.

I don't think that makes me an alchoholic. And just to be clear about something. I will not be trying to get pregnant in order to wean myself off the drink. I will be trying to get pregnant because I want a baby. I just felt that the advantages of being pregnant would be that I won't be able to drink at all, and thats a good thing I would imagine.

Well the thing is OP can you be very sure that you won't have a drink while pregnant? What would be the harm of just one or just one bottle of wine the odd time. Until it turns into more than that.

Normal drinkers who have no problem with it do not lie awake wondering or post on message boards asking for opinions on whether they have a drink problem. If you think you have a problem and its causing you concern then you do have a problem. Most people aren't thinking about and craving a drink on the nights they are abstaining.

We can tell you what you want to hear but that won't make it be true.

Hrududu

I think you should cop on. I am fully aware of the what an alcoholic is. I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it.

I'm not sure you are fully aware of what an alcoholic is. I don't want to sound like I came in here to bash you or anything because I really didnt. But you wondered if you had a problem, decided to quit for a few days but couldnt last one and had to have a can. Its not about the fact that you just had one can. Its about the fact that you couldnt last the day.

paperclip2

OP what happens after you get pregnant and have the baby?

Your self stated reason not to drink will be gone plus you will be having to deal with a bundle of joy that comes with a hell of a lot of stress attached.

To my mind you are depending on another on another human being to get you to change your behaviour. How is that adult? You are also putting this responsibility onto a baby? This is such dangerous ground to go into. How much of your life are you prepared to surrender responsibility for?

Its only my opinion I know, but you seem to be using alcohol as a crutch or at the very least as your principle method of de-stressing. I would be concerned that if you dont develop better coping strategies without this over-reliance on alcohol now that you wont be in a position to develop them when you become pregnant and have the baby. Please believe me that small kids and alcohol rarely mix well.

Maybe you could try and go off alcohol for a short while now and really see how much you do, or don't, need to drink. Getting a handle on this issue for you (and it is an issue since you posted about it) could be the most important thing you do for your child.

Good luck OP.

How Strange

Xanax fan wrote: »

I think you should cop on. I am fully aware of the what an alcoholic is. I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it.

OP, what's the difference? You say you wanted to not drink for a few nights but then you bought beer. Do you think beer isn't really drinking because you'd normally drink wine?

Its making me wonder, who am I giving this week up drinking for? Myself? Or the sanctimonious on here. To prove to them, that I'm not an alchoholic.

You can turn your laptop or pc off at any time and stop engaging in this conversation if you feel it's sanctimonious. Give you drinking for yourself if you believe that you're drinking habits are out of control and can't be reigned back in to the point where you can have one drink on a social occasion.

I think that this post has proved one thing to me, the problem I have with drink, is that I like it a bit too much, similar to my liking of junk food and carbs. I know they aren't good for me, yet I have a weak resistance to them.

I think this post proves that you want to believe that your drinking habits are the same as your habit of eating junk food which means that you're haven't yet confronted the reality of your drinking.

I don't think that makes me an alchoholic. And just to be clear about something. I will not be trying to get pregnant in order to wean myself off the drink. I will be trying to get pregnant because I want a baby. I just felt that the advantages of being pregnant would be that I won't be able to drink at all, and thats a good thing I would imagine.

I really find this an odd thing to say. You are basically hedging your bets that when you get pregnant you will want to give up drinking in which case you're being quite naive. What happens when the baby is born? Will you start drinking again? Or will you rely on your child to be enough to keep you off the drink?

Honestly, that isn't a healthy reason to bring a child in to the world - making them responsible for keeping you from drinking. Will you blame the child if/when you relapse?

LaVidaLoca

If you're going to dismiss anyone who tells you anything you do not want to hear as 'sanctimonious', there's a dumpster with your name on it.

Alcoholism is a continuum, at one extreme is pathetic piss-pants drunkeness, at the other the housewife who gets quietly sozzled on red wine every night.

From what you have told us, you are definitely on the continuum: Not being able to make it even one night without a drink of some sort is a problem, even if you did only have one can of beer. It may not be a problem NOW, I'm sure you can get up early and do all the things you need to do without too much difficulty.

The problem is, that if you keep drinking this way, 1 bottle of wine becomes 2 bottles of wine, and soon you've got a hangover almost every day, and eventually you start having a stiffener at lunch and all the rest.

To put it bluntly: Absolutely every alcoholic you've ever seen was once at the stage you're at now, and they told themselves "Nah, Im grand"


Also the fact that you're even weighing up the odds on whether you should drink during pregnancy or not is a bad sign: For most people that question is a no-brainer.

I didn't buy the beer because I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I bought it cos I fancied it

Classic denial.

newname

hi xanax fan,

I am reading your thread with interest, only you really know if your drinking is a problem or not. As someone mentioned earlier you seem to have started this thread to help convince yourself that your drinking is ok. I started a thread recently to see if anyone has been able to return from problem drinking sucessfully and to date nobody has responded that they have. I feel looking back i was just trying to find someone to tell me its ok to drink again, you'll be ok, go right ahead sort of thing.
My drinking was like yours about 7 or 8 years ago, and the one thing that stands out in your post is that you worry about having a drink problem - i worried alot back then and with good reason i was sliding into seroius problem drinking. You may or may not become an alcoholic - many people drink like you for 10, 20 years and many for their entire life. Try not to worry yourself too much about it but keep an eye, if this time next year you are drinking more, worry!! keep an eye on it in the medium term and if your drinking is increasing then I think you are heading down that bad road.