Do I have a drink problem?

LegacyUser

Just looking for others point of view.

I don't know if I have, I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid.

My father is an alcoholic. He drinks every night of the week, always at home, and always spirits.

I was never a big drinker, actually, was more into drugs if I'm totally honest, but it was always recreational, and I've put the drugs behind me now (was never an addict)

Anyway, money is a bit tighter these days, and I have a family, I'm married, so I just don't go out as much as I used to.

My husband likes his drink, but does not like drinking at home.

It used to be about 3 nights a week. I'd get four bottles of beer. That was cool, I liked to relax with a drink, maybe with dinner.

Now, I wouldn't buy less than six. I'd say I drink about 4 nights a week.

I've now moved onto wine, got sick of the beer.

Its still at 4 nights a week or so, but the nights I don't drink, I'm sitting there all night, wishing I did have a drink.

I'm hoping to get pregnant soon, for a variety of reasons its on the long finger, I think I'll be able to give up, I'm pretty sure I will, in fact, I'm relying on getting pregnant to give up the drink.

You know, I talk to work colleagues etc, and a lot of them profess to having a bottle of wine most nights. Make no big deal out of it, yet I feel guilty about drinking at home. I don't know if its because of my Dad or what.

I still get up every morning and work etc, it doesn't effect my life in any way.

The only other thing is, though, that I suffer from anxiety, and find social situations difficult. I find that I would have to have at least a bottle of wine inside me before I could face going out. This usually ends up in me getting rather sloshed and making a fool out of myself.

I'd love to hear some opinions. But I'm not being rude here, I don't want to hear sanctimonious opinions, insisting I'm an alcoholic. I'm not. I know I'm not.

Thanks.

How Strange

Xanax fan wrote: »

My father is an alcoholic. He drinks every night of the week, always at home, and always spirits.

It used to be about 3 nights a week. I'd get four bottles of beer. That was cool, I liked to relax with a drink, maybe with dinner.

Now, I wouldn't buy less than six. I'd say I drink about 4 nights a week.

I've now moved onto wine, got sick of the beer.

Its still at 4 nights a week or so, but the nights I don't drink, I'm sitting there all night, wishing I did have a drink.

I'm relying on getting pregnant to give up the drink.

You know, I talk to work colleagues etc, and a lot of them profess to having a bottle of wine most nights. Make no big deal out of it, yet I feel guilty about drinking at home. I don't know if its because of my Dad or what.

I still get up every morning and work etc, it doesn't effect my life in any way.

The only other thing is, though, that I suffer from anxiety, and find social situations difficult. I find that I would have to have at least a bottle of wine inside me before I could face going out. This usually ends up in me getting rather sloshed and making a fool out of myself.

I'd love to hear some opinions. But I'm not being rude here, I don't want to hear sanctimonious opinions, insisting I'm an alcoholic. I'm not. I know I'm not.
Thanks.

So you're Dad is an alcoholic and as you get older you are falling into the same drink patterns as him - drinking at home most nights. Also, saying that other people at work drink most nights too is really just your subconscious justifying your behaviour.

OP, you are well on your way to being a functioning alcoholic. You may not be there yet but keep drinking a bottle of wine 4 nights a week and you should be there in a year or so. There is no guarantee that you will stop drinking if you get pregnant. The urge to drink may be too strong.

Take a look at your post again, all the pointers are there.

If you really want to do something, stop drinking every night. Have a cup of tea and a biscuit instead or go for a walk or do anything just to break the habit of association of evening times and drinking wine. It'll be hard for the first month and you'll suprise yourself with the strength of the cravings but once you get over the first month and establish a new routine you won't miss it at all.

It seems to be OP that you only want to hear opinions which say 'yeah go ahead, drinking a bottle of wine four nights a week is completely normal, we're all doing it.'
It may be 'normal' for a lot of people but it's not good for your health and could most definitely contribute to alcoholism where there is a genetic predisposition towards alcoholism anyway.

Bagheera

I agree with How Strange in that you need to break the bad habits you're developing. Drinking a bottle of wine in one sitting is bad for your health if you're doing it regularly.

I would take on board some of those suggestions and also, if you open a bottle of wine don't feel the need to finish it! You could try having half a bottle to begin with then try and cut down the amount of nights you are drinking.

I'm not trying to preach; I enjoy a few drinks myself and I understand that guilt as my grandfather was an alcoholic. My mother had me feeling guilty about enjoying a few too many from early on.

seamus

How Strange is right on the ball there.

You know, I talk to work colleagues etc, and a lot of them profess to having a bottle of wine most nights.

This is irrelevant. What other people do doesn't justify nor condemn your behaviour. Drink affects everyone differently, and what defines alcoholism changes from person to person.

Alcoholism isn't about how much you drink, or how often you drink. It can't be quantified in units of alcohol or levels of drunkenness. Alcoholism is dependency on alcohol, plain and simple. Plenty of alcoholics get up for work on time, get in and do a day's work and go home, and no-one's the wiser.

The very fact that you're worrying about your intake means that your alcohol consumption is affecting you in some way - it's interfering with your normal life. You say you know you're not an alcoholic, but you accept that you lack the normal will to stop yourself drinking, you're relying on an outside influence (pregnancy) to keep you from it.

You may not be an alcoholic right now, but you're on the right path. The further down the path you go, the harder it is to turn around. I don't have any specific advice. I have family members who used to be alcoholics, but I was too young to be involved in the recovery process. Like any addiction, I would imagine the first two steps are recognising that you have the addiction, and the second is getting that addiction under control - you can have a few drinks, but when you feel like you're happy to have one, not when your cravings are nagging at you to have one. The first, you can only do yourself. The second, you may need help with.

kmick

I think you probably are an alcoholic. My wife works with people who drink a lot but she says the real alcoholics are the people who have 4 or 5 pints in the local or at home every night. Its just a habit but one which is very hard to stop.

Second off - it will be a lot easier to get pregnant if you are not drinking at the time. Alcohol is a poison. It poisons your body and the more you drink the less chance your body has of processing the poison. It is no wonder you get anxiety it could be alcohol related.

I saw an interview with Ewan McGregor and he said that if you cant deal with a situation sober then why would you want to deal with it at all. Next time you go out just try something - stay sober. Its a novel idea but as the night goes on you will find people open up, then they get drunk and its a real eye opener - repeating themselves, slurring, falling etc.

My thoughts are pretty random I know sorry. I think you know yourself that things are starting to get a bit out of control - maybe talk to your doctor and see what he suggests.

You could go cold turkey for a while and see how you get on?

Loomis

If you have to ask the question that should in itself give you your answers.

Beruthiel

Xanax fan wrote: »

the nights I don't drink, I'm sitting there all night, wishing I did have a drink.

I'm relying on getting pregnant to give up the drink.

For me, the above two comments answer your own question OP.

LegacyUser

Try changing your nightly routine. I never drank that much but it was only recently i was thinking that i hardly drink at all now. basically by changing my nightly routine - walking, hobbies etc i changed my drinking/eating habits without even realising. i know this is probably a very simplified approach but it might be worth trying. its like some people saying its the situations they put themselves in (pub whatever) that make people smoke.

LegacyUser

Some very good points raised there, thanks.

Ironically, I had a few drinks on me last night, when I typed all that. I'm not sure what to think today.

The idea of going out on a night out and remaining sober is incredibly scary, but I know that if I do get pregnant, it is something that I will have to face, so I suppose I should start getting used to it.

Thanks so much for your comments. It would appear that I really need to look at my drinking differently.

stcatherine

How Strange wrote: »

OP, you are well on your way to being a functioning alcoholic. You may not be there yet but keep drinking a bottle of wine 4 nights a week and you should be there in a year or so. .

I'm sorry but I have to strongly disagree with that statement. I have been drinking wine 4 or more nights a week for about 5 years now and I am not an alcoholic nor am I on my way, however I do agree that maybe the OP could have a problem in the future.

OP I have been in a similar situation right down to the fact of asking friends and colleagues how much they drink in order to compare myself. I also went through the recreational drugs phase, and I also suffered from anxiety and depression.

The only difference I see is that on the nights I don't drink I don't sit there wishing I could. That is maybe is a little worrying.

However I have noticed that I go through phases of drinking a lot for months on end then not for a long time etc.

I wouldnt worry too much because in fact you may be driving yourself to drinking more if that makes sense ?

How old are you ?

If you don't mind me asking.

AnonoBoy

stcatherine wrote: »

I'm sorry but I have to strongly disagree with that statement. I have been drinking wine 4 or more nights a week for about 5 years now and I am not an alcoholic nor am I on my way

But the OP stated they were drinking a whole bottle of wine 4 nights a week not just having *some* wine.

MagicMarker

Well first of all, under no circumstances should you even attempt to get pregnant until AFTER you have given up the drink.

ronbyrne2005

I think the urge to drink on nights you are'nt drinking might be more a habit and psychological thing. I think most people who get into trouble with drink get into bad habits/patterns initially and then eventually get physically as well as psychologically dependent.
Try taking a break from all drink for a month but have things planned to fill your evenings/weekends. Try a bit of counselling for your social anxiety.
Maybe consider going to your GP for a routine health check and ask for your liver function to be tested. At moment your health and personal life seem not to be suffering much but I'd keep monitoring the situation and if you can't go a few weeks without booze you may need to consider giving it up or seriously restricting your drinking to a few drinks once or twice a week.

LegacyUser

StCatherine, thank you for your reply, I think you genuinely understand where I'm coming form.

MagicMarker, I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell me to give up drinking before I even consider trying to get pregnant. I'm not an alcoholic, and there are millions if not billions of babies, who have been concieved whilst the mother was drinking, and who have turned out to be perfectly healthy.

stcatherine

AnonoBoy wrote: »

But the OP stated they were drinking a whole bottle of wine 4 nights a week not just having *some* wine.

Yes I know,but just to clarify - I never suggested otherwise. I never actually stated in my post that I drink *some* wine, I thought as I was comparing myself to the OP it was evident that I drink the same amount as her. One bottle of wine 3 or 4 nights a week.

MagicMarker

Xanax fan wrote: »

StCatherine, thank you for your reply, I think you genuinely understand where I'm coming form.

MagicMarker, I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell me to give up drinking before I even consider trying to get pregnant. I'm not an alcoholic, and there are millions if not billions of babies, who have been concieved whilst the mother was drinking, and who have turned out to be perfectly healthy.

And there are just as many cases that turn out differently, if you're willing to take that chance then that's your problem, but personally speaking, i don't agree with a woman drinking or smoking when pregnant, i find it to be somewhat retarded.

Besides, that wasn't what i was referring to with my post. Did you enjoy your dads drinking, did it make you feel proud? If so, by all means continue the growning trend, history will just repeat itself.

Rb

Xanax fan wrote: »

MagicMarker, I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell me to give up drinking before I even consider trying to get pregnant. I'm not an alcoholic, and there are millions if not billions of babies, who have been concieved whilst the mother was drinking, and who have turned out to be perfectly healthy.

This reads as though you're actually trying to justify drinking whilst pregnant. Everyone is aware of the risks associated with drinking whilst pregnant, just because a few do and their kids turn out ok, doesn't mean that everyone elses will.

Your original post shows that you're building a dependancy on alcohol, this part in particular "the nights I don't drink, I'm sitting there all night, wishing I did have a drink. " and now you're aiming to depend on a pregnancy in order to break your dependancy on alcohol? It won't work like that.

Regardless of whether you're willing to admit it or not (most addicts won't), if you're not an alcoholic right now, you're well on your way to being one outright.

The idea of going out on a night out and remaining sober is incredibly scary, but I know that if I do get pregnant, it is something that I will have to face, so I suppose I should start getting used to it.

What age are you?

I'd suggest forgetting about pregnancy until you've matured a bit. You've a problem with alcohol, you should be considering forgetting about going on nights out whatsoever until you've fixed this as you're only putting yourself in a situation whereby you can justify drinking (to yourself) because everyone else there is, and in a situation where you can easily access alcohol.

Think about it this way, should a cocaine addict who's trying to quit, go to cocaine parties? Should a smoker who's trying to quit, go and stand out with their smoker colleagues whilst they're having cigarettes? No. Therefore, whilst you're trying to give up drinking, you should forget about "nights out" or even "nights in".

You want to bring a child into this world ffs.

Also, if your name is anything to go by and you're using Xanax, you should be aware you shouldn't be drinking anyway. If you're combining the drugs then I would suggest forgetting about pregnancy for quite some time.

ronbyrne2005

Benzodiazepines, including xanax, can cause birth defects when taken during pregnancy. Taken late in pregnancy, they may increase the risk that the baby will be born dependent on the drug. Pregnant women should avoid using alprazolam.

Enii

OP are you drinking tonight?

Micamaca

Looking at this thread, I think I know that I already have a problem with drink. I don't drink much in quantity but I do drink every day. I might have a bottle of beer and that could be it. Or sometimes a couple of glasses of wine (hard to stop after one small glass of wine for some reason). I don't usually drink more than that. But it is everyday and I find it hard to get through a day without a drink, hence the problem.

So I suppose I better try to change my habits too. Before it gets worse. It has improved. I used to drink more everyday so I have cut down somewhat. I think I drink more when I'm under pressure with college...which is all the time! I'm a mature student and I thought college was supposed to be a nice easy life! I was prepared to work hard but my God, the work is unreal! But I am enjoying it.

However, during study for Christmas exams I drank while I was studying just to block out the fact that I had so much to study and so little time. I was working ridiculous hours. And I didn't leave it all to the last minute, it's just so much work, continuously. But yes, hand up...I have a problem and shall now try to find some resolve to do something about it. I think if I try to lower it to drinking every other day as a start and then take it from there. I'm in Germany now surrounded by wonderful beer and beer gardens where I can sit outside for the first time in years as the weather is lovely. I know cold turkey is not a contender while I'm here! It won't be easy though

LegacyUser

I think that there is quite a sanctimonious tone to some of the replies.

For the record, I didn't suggest that I was comfortable with drinking during pregnancy, and I what I actually said was that there have been millions of babies CONCIEVED whilst their mothers were under the influence. I would never drink when pregnant.

Also, I'm not currently taking Xanax, but I have taken it in the past.

And to the poster, who asked if my Dad's drinking made me feel proud? Like, WTF sort of question is that?

Micamaca

I remember posting a similar question on another boards a few months ago, hoping people would say "of course you're not drinking too much. And some of them did. Possibly because they have problems themselves and don't realise it or possibly because they just drink a lot.

Anyho, the point is only you will have the answer to the question about your drinking habits. If you think you may be growing a little dependent on drink then you can choose to try to change that. If you think you are okay, then live with it.

Some people may say that your drinking habits are, fine, some may disagree. At the end of the day your opinion is the one you have to live with and the one that counts. So what do you think...

gabgab

Did your dads drinking make you feel proud?? Answer the question, not to us, to yourself.

I have seen plenty of "functioning alcoholics" and seen lots of alcohol abuse over the years,

You asked the question, looking for reassurance that your fine, that its not a problem, but you kind of know it is already,

LegacyUser

gabgab wrote: »

Did your dads drinking make you feel proud?? Answer the question, not to us, to yourself.

Its such a ridiculous unhelpful question, I won't even dignify it with an answer.

Vengeance

Right, its getting a bit off topic here. This is not about your father, its about you.

You say you suffer from anxiety, that you find it hard to go out and not drink, that you sit there wishing you were drinking on the nights you don't drink, and that alcoholism is in your family.

I'm not saying you are genetically predisposed to becoming an alcoholic, but we learn a lot of things from our parents, and its not all home cooking and ice cream.

If you're worried about how much you drink, try to cut back. If you can go three weeks without drinking and feel no craving for it, you're not an alcoholic.

Now, there's a big difference to the craving and the social aspect of enjoying a pint and relaxing with you're friends, EXPECT to miss that.

If you find you can't, or you 'don't want to', then you are either unconcerned and blowing this out of proportion or in denial.

I'm not being sanctimonious. I'm not talking down to you. I'm trying to help. I've left the whole pregnancy issue aside, because what matters right now is getting these doubts either confirmed or denied so you can move on with your life.

Listen to the people who have been through this before. Not neccessarily those on the forums, we're just nameless tw*ts, but friends or family.

A lot of people here fear alcohol. It shouldn't be feared, but respected.

Dizzyblonde

OP I think you need to ask yourself if you can do without drinking for a few days?
If you can't then you obviously have a problem - and if you're using alcohol to self-medicate because of anxiety then that's a problem too.

I wouldn't be thinking of bringing a baby into the equation until you've sorted out your issues because babies bring a whole other set of stresses and you need to be on top of things to begin with.

Gegerty

You say its not affecting your life in any bad way, so how can it be called a problem? Or are you being totally honest there? Have you tried giving up drink for any decent length of time to compare? Try giving up for 5 weeks and compare your life. If you find yourself still sitting in and watching TV but the only difference is you are drinking tea or fizzy drinks instead then I'd say go back to drinking guilt free. If on the other hand you're getting more active when not drinking then its safe to say you are sitting in with the purpose of drinking, rather than having a drink while you're sitting in (subtle difference) and I would say you have a drink problem ("fond of the drink" is the phrase I would use). And if you can't give up the drink for any decent length of time then again I'd say you have a problem.

LaVidaLoca

I think that there is quite a sanctimonious tone to some of the replies.

You posted an OP the first line of which is "Do I have a drink problem?" and ends with "Dont tell me I'm an alcoholic."

Sounds to me like you want to us all to pat you on the back , and say no, OP , you're fine.

Well you aren't fine. Granted you're not a pants-pissing alco looking for change outside the train station, but the posters here are rightly trying to warn you that that's exactly where you could end up.

Whereever your headed, drinking that much aint good.

MagicMarker

Xanax fan wrote: »

Its such a ridiculous unhelpful question, I won't even dignify it with an answer.

Either you're missing the point i'm trying to make, or simply ignoring it.

My point being, you should sort this out before even contemplating getting pregnant, otherwise you will have a child that thinks of it's mother the very same way you think of your father.

But of course, if you're proud of your father, then by all means continue....

K_P

OP, you're probably not an alcoholic yet, but you're on dangerous ground. Your dad's an alcoholic so you have some genetic predisposition towards problematic drinking and you seem to have fallen into drinking heavily more out of habit than anything else. As a few other posters have said, try and break that habit. Set yourself a realistic target, say 2 weeks, and try not to drink at all during that time. If you can't manage that or if you find yourself constantly thinking about alcohol, then you might have a problem.

My extended family are either raging alcoholics or completely abstain from it. The uncles and aunts who don't drink made that decision because they've seen how it has destroyed so many lives in their family. I drink, but it's something I'm constantly aware of, constantly questioning if my drinking is becoming habit-forming. If I think it is, no matter how slight (ie, having a glass of wine 2 or 3 nights in a row, not because I particularly want it but just because it's there), I stop for a few weeks. I sometimes get cravings for it, but I just ignore them. Having seen what alcohol has done to some people I love very dearly, I'm terrified of ending up that way myself.

littlefriend

OP - have a read of this thread [as if your child had written it]

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055300309