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Money problems

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Comments

  • #32
    board om
    Closed Accounts Posts: 643 ✭✭✭board om


    sam34 wrote: »
    i really really agree with your post about amateur diagnosticians, and often times on boards my blood literally boils, because people make ill-informed flippant comments, most often with very little understanding of what they're talking about. more often than not i dont bother replying because a) it happens such a lot (esp in PI) that i'd be all day at it and b)i try and leave my work and all things related behind me at work.

    with regards your theory, it does sound plausible certainly. however, the duration of it and the extent of the debt make me think she should have "copped on" long before now. i guess im saying my bet would still be potential bipolar. but, i hasten to add that i am a biological psychiatrist and not really into the analytical/psychodynamic side of things. if theres anybody of that persuasion about, their view would be interesting


    i would say the last thing you want to do after a days work is come home and log on to boards and correct every twit who thinks they know about phycological disorders. you probably get enough of it during the day. and as you said, you would be here all day if you were to start correcting people.

    very true about the duration of her spending being a very long time, she should really have copped on that this stage. maybe it is a case of 'keeping up with the jones'. all her friends are not working becuase they are on maturnity leave so they are essentially 'kept women' by their husbands during their time off. and here she is having to go into work everyday. so she thinks if they have it then why shouldnt she, after all they are living the celtic tiger 'dream'. maybe she wants that extravagent lifestyle and to be a kept woman as well but she has taken it a bit far. i know my own mother was terrible for that when i was growing up. she was a serial spender when it came to keeping up with her friend and relatives. always needing a new car each year, always needing designer clothes, spending a fortune doing the house up when it didnt need to be, bascially spending unneccessary amounts of money just for the sake of it. funnily enough she didnt work so it was always my father that was footing the bills for her excessivness. they only seperated in the last few years (we would all be grown up now) and becuase he isnt paying her bills like he used to she has a totally differnt outlook on life now. she knows the value of money now where she never used to. a few years ago she would have spent a few grand on some crappy chair in an antique shop just for the sake of it, nowadys that money would be put aside for a holiday or someting worth while. she definitly wouldnt be throwing money away like she used to now that she has to work for it herself.


  • #33
    sportswear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 394 ✭✭sportswear


    ehhhh

    OP have you actually sat her down and had a big chat with her about this yet?


    have you got mad at her yet??


  • #34
    dudara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    I don't want to see any further comments on diagnosis of depression in this thread. We cannot offer medical advice here.

    To the OP, it's good that you are planning to sit her down and talk. Marriage is a union of 2 people, and communication is essential. Hopefully, you can get to the bottom of this.


  • #35
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 22,785 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    moneyworries wrote: »
    Hey thanks for all the advice.

    I'll try answer a few questions.

    She did leave her job a couple of people she worked with told me she did leave of her own free will and thougth she was mad as it looked like she was in line for a big promotion (may she was worried about this??)

    I've opened a new account there yesterday, I can get my wages paid in there. but as all the bills are in joint names I'm not sure if I can transfer the account they're paid from??

    She was "normal" up to this so I'm hoping she hasnt lost her marbles.

    I've talked to her sister earlier and told her whats going on so I think they two of us are going to sit down tomorrow with her and tell her that she is going to ruin our marriage if she keeps going on, thankfully we have no kids.
    she has no history of mental illness in her family.


    Frankly I'm at a loss to where this has all come from, but unless somethig is done soon we'll be in an even worse financial crisis.

    thanks for the advice folks.
    Excelent.
    The bills are only a direct debit matter and you just tell the likes of the ESB etc that you want them paid out of your new a/c and they will send you the forms.
    It doesn't matter whose names are on the bill.
    If your credit card is at the bank you bank with-Call in to see the manager and explain what you are doing IN CONFIDENCE.Thats the branch manager now not one of the assistants.He'll probably take the payments to close the credit card (s).

    Also what ever it is thats made your wife go this way,it may hopefully all work out in the end and who knows she may even go back to work.


  • #36
    Maggie Simpson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 110 ✭✭Maggie Simpson


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Excelent.
    The bills are only a direct debit matter and you just tell the likes of the ESB etc that you want them paid out of your new a/c and they will send you the forms.
    It doesn't matter whose names are on the bill.
    If your credit card is at the bank you bank with-Call in to see the manager and explain what you are doing IN CONFIDENCE.Thats the branch manager now not one of the assistants.He'll probably take the payments to close the credit card (s).

    When you're talking to your wife, could you come to an agreement to transfer a certain amount to your joint account every month to cover the mortgage, bills, running household - whatever you think is sensible. Then pay the credit card & get them to reduce the limit to something in region of 1 or 2K? Most people find this is ample to book flights, hotels etc. Or if you really think it's warranted, cancel this card & take one out in your own name. But there's nothing to stop her going & getting a card in her own name anyway.


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  • #37
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,583 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Maggie Simpson, why do you think a bank would issue a credit card to someone with no discernable income? I'd be very worried about any financial institution which would lend money to someone on the basis of their spouse's salary.


  • #38
    stepbar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,123 ✭✭✭stepbar


    Sleepy wrote: »
    Maggie Simpson, why do you think a bank would issue a credit card to someone with no discernable income? I'd be very worried about any financial institution which would lend money to someone on the basis of their spouse's salary.

    I remember posting to a chap who filled up a form on a very well known airline carrier and got an credit card with an 8k limit on it shortly afterwards. The point being he could have wrote anything and said company would have give it to him.


  • #39
    Maggie Simpson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 110 ✭✭Maggie Simpson


    Em - I think it because they do. Esp. with spouse earning 80k. And there's no way the OP can stop it from happening & any debts she runs up and doesn't repay could fall back on him as I assume he'd help her out if the debt collectors come knocking.


  • #40
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    TBH I'd be most concerned that the OP's wife jacked in a good job without even consulting him about it.

    Of course her spending is out of control but seriously, you're married... what happened to joint decisions and talking about things before doing something as drastic as leaving/being fired from a job?

    The OP seems to have the financial end under control with a new bank account but he REALLY needs to talk to his wife. I would suggest counselling, seems something is amiss for her to do what she did off her own bat.


  • #41
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,583 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Well, I'm thinking that given the fact a certain dodgy solicitor's wife recently managed to hold onto their family home under the fact that it was "hers" and the massive debts run up were "the certain solicitor's", marriage doesn't in fact tie two people together financially from a legal stand-point.

    As such, any attempt by a financial institution to reclaim the money would be easily rebutted based on an 'irresponsible lending practices' basis while the person the card was issued to had no income of their own.

    OP - cut her off completely from any access to money until she gets a job of her own. You could start by asking if she thinks it's fair to treat you like a john and if she's showing herself any respect acting as your whore?


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  • #42
    How Strange
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,337 ✭✭✭How Strange


    OP, sit your wife down and talk to her. Tell her what you've told us and show her some tough love. Ask her why her behaviour has changed so much recently.

    I find it hard to understand why a woman who earned such a big salary would willingly give up her financial independence. It doesn't really seem logical so there may be an underlying reason that she hasn't told you about.

    Also, the champagne spending on the fizzy wine budget has to stop. First class tickets to Oz :eek: honestly that is just plain craziness.

    There are certain people in our post celtic tiger society who think that they have the right to live an almost celebrity type lifestyle where they don't work and they just spend spend spend on whatever they like. But according to your post your wife wasn't like this until recently so something has changed.

    You need to talk to her about it. Also, getting a separate bank account is a good idea for the moment until this is sorted out.


  • #43
    PoleStar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 774 ✭✭✭PoleStar


    sam34 wrote: »
    i guess i'm one of the people that comment is directed at, given my previous post. i am a psychiatrist and also have a sibling with bipolar disorder

    Yes and so as a psychiatrist it is highly irresponsible of you to give a possible medical diagnosis based on the fact that someone leaves her job and continues to spend and live life in the manner she is accustomed too, having a joint income of 140k.

    I aggree with the poster who said that it is wrong to start throwing out possible diagnoses of psychiatirc disorders when all this might be is a lady who is not very happy in her job and sees all her friends on maternity leave and yearns for a stay at home lifetsyle.

    And before you say, I am also a doctor.


  • #44
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    i also think it would be irresponsible to not mention the potential diagnosis and advise on seeking medical intervention. as i mentioned in an earlier post, the op did not give us information on his wife's biological functioning and other things which would help clarifying whether or not there may be a mental illness in the equation. obviously, i am not going to make a diagnosis on an internet forum, but i do strongly think the op should have a chat with his gp. nothing irresponsible there, imo.


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