Snuggle buddys with my ex gf?

LegacyUser · 20-03-2008 10:25AM #1

Right heres the story. Ive been with my (ex)gf for 5years, we broke up 3weeks ago because she lied to my face and basically I could not trust her. Also our relationship was ****e for the past year, both of us unhappy in ourselfs and with the relationship. I met up with her last weekend and obviously the feelings that we felt over the past 5years hadnt left us. We were talking and hugging the one or two kiss on the lips. She wanted me back. Now I told her the relationship was ****e and it certantly wouldnt improve if we got back together, but we miss eachother, and when we met things got heated in a sexual way so im sure if(when) we met again something more will happen. Neither of us have been with eachother since we broke up, im lonely and horny. Would it be a bad idea to start seeing her again, talking spending a bit of time together, maybe spending some nights with her(in a non boyfriend/gf way, but still sexual)?

Beruthiel · 20-03-2008 10:45AM

unregd148 wrote: »

Neither of us have been with eachother since we broke up, im lonely and horny. Would it be a bad idea to start seeing her again, talking spending a bit of time together, maybe spending some nights with her(in a non boyfriend/gf way, but still sexual)?

I would strongly advise against it.
You say she wants you back, so any kind of contact with her means you will be melting her head, upsetting her, giving her hope that ye might get back together and prolonging the healing process which must happen after a breakup.
You maybe horny, but don't be selfish.

We Are Leeds · 20-03-2008 10:46AM

............

Beruthiel · 20-03-2008 10:49AM

We Are Leeds wrote: »

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Please read this forums charter, if you have no useful advice, don't post.
B

Marksie · 20-03-2008 11:04AM

I fully agree with beruthiel. The sex with the ex syndrome rarelly works well. Especially if she is thinking you could get back toggether and yiou have no notion of it.

Better to cut contact completely, move on and meet others

togster · 20-03-2008 11:05AM

+1 to what beruthiel said.
Trust me man it just won't work. Both of you will get confused again and the hurt sustained in the initial breakup will be hard to endure second time round.
My experience anyway.

Ginny · 20-03-2008 11:06AM

Listen to Beruthiel, I was the dumpee, out of the blue, evertime we met up afterwards stuff happened, I read more into it, actually I think he let me read more into it, think he liked the power of it all. Anyway it has all ended very bitterly and set me back to square 1, 5 months after the break up.
Do not do this to her, have the balls and respect for her and for what you had to walk away.

Wibbs · 20-03-2008 11:16AM

This is the general male version of the "lets be friends" syndrome. The female version is (usually) "I don't see a romantic future with you, we won't sleep together, but I want you around for emotional support and an ego boost, until someone else takes over". This, the male version is "I don't see a romantic future with you, I won't give you emotional support, but I want you around for sexual support and an ego boost, until someone else takes over".

Same coin different side. The currency is the same; selfishness. You don't want to be with her but you don't want to lose the option of the part of the relationship you valued. You're not thinking of her, you're thinking of yourself and your needs. "Boo hoo I'm lonely and horny, I know I'll get old reliable to sort that, she still has feelings for me you know". Real nice behaviour. If you have any feelings for the person, let her go and find someone who wants her, all of her, warts and all. Suck it up, grow a pair and have some consideration for her feelings .

gaz wac · 20-03-2008 11:33AM

Go for it !! as you say "she lied to my face" she has no respect for you, so might as well have some fun!

meglome · 20-03-2008 11:42AM

As others have said it's unlikely to turn out well for either of you so just don't do it.

Balmed Out · 20-03-2008 12:17PM

i reckon yould really be screwing her over if u do

Wibbs · 20-03-2008 12:26PM

gaz wac wrote: »

Go for it !! as you say "she lied to my face" she has no respect for you, so might as well have some fun!

Bad plan and no good will come of it. Returning a bad deed with another always comes back and bites you. As confucius put it, "when you seek revenge, first dig two graves". Good advice from the Chinese lad.

gaz wac · 20-03-2008 12:34PM

As another wise man once said " lead her up the garden path and have your fun, when you reach the pond...throw her in, the fun in done !!:D

BLOBBY · 20-03-2008 12:37PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Bad plan and no good will come of it. Returning a bad deed with another always comes back and bites you. As confucius put it, "when you seek revenge, first dig two graves". Good advice from the Chinese lad.

i agree

St Bill · 20-03-2008 12:39PM

gaz wac wrote: »

As another wise man once said " lead her up the garden path and have your fun, when you reach the pond...throw her in, the fun in done !!:D

That wise man wasn't you by any chance was it?

Wibbs · 20-03-2008 12:46PM

Back on topic folks.

LegacyUser · 20-03-2008 01:07PM

I was there for a while with the ex. Both kinda needed the sex every now and then so we did it. Once a week maybe, then gradually became less. A rare case of it actually working! Still talk to her occasionally too. Similarly to your case, the relationship had been 'over' a good while before it was actually over, but it was only a 1 year relationship, not 5.

Nothing wrong with giving it a try, once you both lay your cards on the table, and you tell her its just sex, nothing more....if indeed thats what you really want.....

If you tell her you only want sex and she tells you to go and ****e then fair enough, but don't lead her on under the pretense of a possible reconcilliation. Also, keep it quiet from friends and such, you never know when it might come back to bite you.

LegacyUser · 20-03-2008 01:15PM

I did this a few years ago - I had broke up with my ex because I couldn't trust her after she kissed a few other guys. Got back with her on a one or two nights basis. That blossomed between the two of us and we talked about getting back together. I fell in love with her all over again and was heartbroken when I discovered months later that despite us talking about how good it was going to be when we got back together again she had been going out with someone else unbeknownst to me.

It rarely rarely ends well.

I would advise against it strongly for both your sakes.

Miss Fluff · 20-03-2008 02:32PM

You miss her because you are lonely and horny. If you have made the decision to finish it you aren't doing yourself, or your ex, any favours by dragging it on and one or both of you will come out if all feeling like sh1t. Give yourselves a break and try and give her a wide berth for a while.

LegacyUser · 20-03-2008 03:03PM

If I knew it wouldn't end up screwing myself over, i couldn't care less, i'd bang her senseless. Especially if the reason we broke up was because she messed me around.

gaz wac · 20-03-2008 03:11PM

my point exactly! sort yourself out first, leave your feelings outside on the doormat and just sit back and enjoy banging that little liar OP

silliegillie · 20-03-2008 03:23PM

Ok, She Lied to you, you broke up, You met up and feel horny cause you prob havent got it in a while. But you know you can have her. I say do her. You can do whatever you want to her just treat her like a play thing for a few hours. It will make you feel great and it may be a huge turn on for her because its sex with some one she know, but its different. But do not get back with her. Slap her around a lil bit, let her slap you around, This is exactly the type reason there is EX sex, to do all those things you wanted to while in the relationship but felt afraid to ask.

4Xcut · 20-03-2008 03:58PM

You have to realise that there's a huge difference between making a proper go of it again and staying in contact with her because you don't want to let go.

Take some time and think about what advice you'd give your best friend in this situation, you must be honest with yourself here. Then do that. If its stay broken up, then explain to her that its not a good idea for you to see her anymore at all and say goodbye, nicely but firmly.

Best of luck mate.

lolli · 20-03-2008 04:02PM

Op, you need to move forward not backwards. If you cannot trust your ex then there is no point going back there, you and her will only get hurt again. You need to move on, get over this and when you feel ready go out and try meet someone else. If you go back it'll only end up in further disaster and it'll take you longer to get over it.

Wibbs · 20-03-2008 04:07PM

gaz wac wrote: »

my point exactly! sort yourself out first, leave your feelings outside on the doormat and just sit back and enjoy banging that little liar OP

silliegillie wrote:

Ok, She Lied to you, you broke up, You met up and feel horny cause you prob havent got it in a while. But you know you can have her. I say do her. You can do whatever you want to her just treat her like a play thing for a few hours. It will make you feel great and it may be a huge turn on for her because its sex with some one she know, but its different. But do not get back with her. Slap her around a lil bit, let her slap you around, This is exactly the type reason there is EX sex, to do all those things you wanted to while in the relationship but felt afraid to ask.

Or the the OP could actually you know, grow up? Move on from this and be a man about the whole thing.

BTW silliegille, slapping around? Interesting peek into your pysche. In any case no more of that. Understood.

LegacyUser · 20-03-2008 04:51PM

The thing is I still realy care about her, I would get back with her if I didn’t know 100% that the relationship would be as bad(in fact more than likely alot worse) as it was before we broke up. I dont want to go off and sleep with someone else. I want a non emotional sexual relationship, and friendship. No heavy stuff. But saying that I wouldnt go off with anyone else either. Is that ridiculous?

LegacyUser · 20-03-2008 05:09PM

Yes, there is no such thing as arguing like adults or growing up when it comes to something like this...

Bang her and suit yourself...if she lets you away with it, it's her own fault.

gaz wac · 20-03-2008 05:22PM

Wibbs, a bit harsh on Silliegillie and myself there! Im just giving my views on the situation and what I think he should do, as did you and I think we all know what Silliegillie ment by "slapping".;)

Anyway, OP let us know if you decide to drill for oil with the liar

TURRICAN · 20-03-2008 06:01PM

im in the same boat as he is dont know whether to stay or go.
sombody mentioned above to give it a real go and see what happens.
here goes:)

Mazeire · 20-03-2008 08:42PM

And now from what I can see anyway the ladies view.:D
No. Bad plan. Abort.
You want hassle free sex.; She wants to try and rekindle your romantic relationship. she has told you this. You are starting off on uneven footing. She is seeing this as a means to an end to get what she wants, by this I mean she thinks that by having sex with her you will be reminded about all the good stuff, the bad crap won't really seem so bad and you will be ready to hop in to commitment land again. Basically she will play along with you in the hope you will snap out of it.
When you either get fed up of it or meet someone else and want to stop, she will freak. If you have any mutual friends you run a chance of losing them as they will all see it that you will have been using her. Just go out and get back in the game yourself. It really will not be worth the hassle.

Snuggle buddys with my ex gf?

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