Gf in pain during sex?

LegacyUser · 16-03-2008 11:30PM #1

Hi guys going unreg for this one

Me and my long term girlfriend decided last nite to have sex for the first time. We are very comfortable together and madly in love. Shes told me she's not a virgin but when i entering her she told me to stop as i was hurting her.

She got all upset and that it wasn't my fault but said that i was 'too thick' for her. I was kinda suprised by this as i would be pretty average down below and its never been a problem before.

I'd have a girth about 6 inches but i don't see why thats the problem. Was she too nervious or something? I dont want this to get between us what can i do to make things better in future?

Thanks for any advise!

Miss Fluff · 17-03-2008 01:05AM

Foreplay

Micamaca · 17-03-2008 01:10AM

Foreplay. Lubrication can help too. Get yourself down to your local Boots

Ruu_Old · 17-03-2008 01:13AM

Try some different positions as well as the above suggestions. Take your time and enjoy yourselves.

humanji · 17-03-2008 01:31AM

Eh, isn't girth the diameter (the thickness) of your penis? So a girth of six inches would bring a tear to any woman's eye!!! I can only hope you mean length, otherwise I kind of have to feel inferior

But anyway, as was said above, lubrication and foreplay. Mainly foreplay as it can be a hell of a lot more fun than the actual sex part. Explore her body and find out exactly how she wants to be touched. Let her decide exactly when she wants penetrated.

It's important that you don't take this as a sign of her not being attracted to you. It's just that you can't automatically stick your dick in a woman and assume everything will go OK. Even when a woman is really turned on by you, you still have to work at it to get her juices flowing, as you were. Those women are a complicated bunch!

Reesy · 17-03-2008 01:57AM

Maybe read up on vaginismus.

dr.bollocko · 17-03-2008 02:00AM

It's quite common, in situations like this, where one is entering one's girlfriend for the first time, the thrill and associated awkwardness can result in the good lady's ladybit getting a little bit, shall we say, scared, shy and unwilling to accommodate well built strangers. With familiarity and foreplay this door will soon open for you.

I write for a fortune cracker company.

bronte · 17-03-2008 03:09AM

Hey, if you can get her to have an orgasm before you penetrate, it'll make a world of a difference.
Everything will completely relax and you may find it much easier!
Relax , take your time, and enjoy!

dr.bollocko · 17-03-2008 03:18AM

That's not always true, worthy Bronte sibling, be thee emily or Charlotte, for you see, the orgasm can result in some women's ladybits... shutting up shop for a wee while.
Apparently one's nipples are a tool which, if utilised correctly, allow for the lady bit to open up and relax. Perhaps this is the nub for our OP.

LegacyUser · 17-03-2008 09:37AM

The same thing happens to me when i try to have sex,
I've tried a few times with 2 different boyfriends, and it hurt like crazy, to the point where i've started to wonder whats the point, maybe im just doomed to not have sex!
im 21 now, and single, im not sure if i even want to get involved with anyone again because it always end in embarassing frustration on my part..

LegacyUser · 17-03-2008 04:09PM

Thanks for your help guys.
We tried again (with lots of foreplay!) and still we're having problems.
It's just shw gets too excited and tenses up or something.

Hi going mad! Its good to see it from another perspective.

Are we just doomed?! We will try again using more of your suggestions!!

And humanji, no I dont have a shlong the size of clock radio or anything, imagine if!!!
I took girth to mean the circumference around the penis not the width!!

bronte · 17-03-2008 05:01PM

dr.bollocko wrote: »

That's not always true, worthy Bronte sibling, be thee emily or Charlotte, for you see, the orgasm can result in some women's ladybits... shutting up shop for a wee while.
Apparently one's nipples are a tool which, if utilised correctly, allow for the lady bit to open up and relax. Perhaps this is the nub for our OP.

Wow, that's news to me!

Good luck with it op.

AARRRGH · 17-03-2008 05:09PM

Reesy wrote: »

Maybe read up on vaginismus.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

If foreplay doesn't solve this issue, then it's most likely vaginismus. This is a psychological issue. An ex of mine had this problem, and we took a slowly slowly approach where she learned to not hate her vagina, to experiment with it in the bath, etc. It worked. (Although she's still crazy as hell.)

The most important thing is to be patient and reassuring.

Marksie · 17-03-2008 11:34PM

Dr. Bollocko: yeah the vagina goes into contractions during orgasm. But thats not the issue here.

Lubrication using a water based condom friendly lubricant is one way.
more importantly is allowing teh receptive partner to relax. If she is tightening because she is expecting this to happen then this will cause difficulties.
Are you sure you say GIRTH of six inches?

How is she like with inserted fingers.
andotherv factor is how you enter.are you thrusting or pushing?

Initially therefore try not pushing but resting gently and allwoing her to draw you in.
Its not a race and you can stop at any time and with draw slightly to just allow her to become accustomed to the feel. She may be getting a complex about this (and so may you!) so take a step back and even forget penetraton for a long while, concenrtate on making her orgasm by othe methods and ways.. make her really comfortable.
The key is relaxation so if you both relax all the bodies muscles and breath slowly and regularly . taking your time it may help considerably.

Slow it right down, dont push, use lube. Dont lose control and push, allow her to make allthe running.
Switch positions so she has control on depth and speed of penetration. Or use a position that allows for only shallow penetration or no penetration at all... you can rub the shaft all over the opening and onto the clitoris whihc gives highly pleasurable sensations.

So take a slight step back .
She may want to go to the doctiore if this continues however to exclude and medical causes.

dr.bollocko · 17-03-2008 11:46PM

Yeah OP the most important thing for you right now, and for your girlfriend's sanity is to ensure that you are not making sex all about the lead up to penetration. Just enjoy each other's bodies for a while, love the sensations of lying with her and all of the other things you can do other than penetration. Explore every facet of your sexual connection and make sure you are putting her at ease. The rest will come in time.
Remember, this is probably the equivalent for her of a guy not being able to get it up. It could be frustrating for her, and she may be beginning to freak out about it and blame herself. You have to ensure that she is relaxed enough with you as a sexual partner to let her forget about this worry and just enjoy herself.
In other words, get reading up on some techniques, get some tongue exercises in, move those fingers and learn a bit about massage.

Faith · 18-03-2008 12:12AM

Lube. Lots of it.

Also, don't just lob it in. Do it slowly. Chances are she's nervous and tensing up. Put it in a bit, pull out again. Put it in again, a little further this time. Repeat as required. There will be a point where you'll have to push past a spot of resistance, but that's normal. Between times of putting it in, kiss her, touch her, generally do whatever you can to make her relaxed. Take your time with it.

Alternatively, get her to go on top. That way she can control the entry. Different angles will make it easier for her.

Bear in mind she may have lied about not being a virgin, or may have only had sex once.

Overheal · 18-03-2008 04:27AM

Lubricate the penis and the vagina through foreplay: saliva and semen works wonders.

6 inch girth? **** o_0

Miss Sunshine · 18-03-2008 11:32AM

Maybe it's the fact that you're 'trying' to have sex. If it is the fact that she's nervous, then planning to have sex means she doesn't have time to relax and enjoy it and just let it feel natural. She's probably focusing on hoping it doesn't hurt again, especially now that it has happened twice, and she'll have difficulty relaxing, and if she's nervous and tense, then it will hurt.

What I suggest is not to plan and try anymore. As hard as it may be, just put sex on the back burner for a while, go back to what it is you used to do. Then when all the pressure and tension has gone, have sex when both of you really want it, get caught up in the moment.

If she's still has pain then they maybe go see a doctor. There could be a medical reason for this that's easily fixed.

Good luck OP

Dragan · 18-03-2008 11:44AM

Reesy wrote: »

Maybe read up on vaginismus.

Bingo. Ex of mine had the same issue, sometimes she was absolutely fine, sometimes she would be a little bit nervous and there would be problems.

The big thing is to NOT let it get to you dude. Chances are she will be just a little bit upset.

JMULL · 18-03-2008 03:09PM

Heard of two people that had to get surgery after they got married (this was maybe twenty years ago) as they were unable to do it

Wibbs · 18-03-2008 04:09PM

Overheal wrote: »

Lubricate the penis and the vagina through foreplay: saliva and semen works wonders.

Whatever about saliva, I think semen may be a problem std's pregnancy etc. Not such a good lube as i were..;)

I think Marksie nails it. Take it slow and don't so much try as every time you have no "success", both of you may get more insecure in the whole thing.

6 inch girth? **** o_0

I presume he means 6 inches around not across which would be ok.

Nevyn · 18-03-2008 04:20PM

Why not think about buying a toy which is close to size/slightly then yourself and use that to get her muscles to accommodate and change.

Marksie · 18-03-2008 04:23PM

Thaedydal wrote: »

Why not think about buying a toy which is close to size/slightly then yourself and use that to get her muscles to accommodate and change.

good idea actually. She can work solo without pressure as well. Which may help

Micamaca · 18-03-2008 05:28PM

JMULL wrote: »

Heard of two people that had to get surgery after they got married (this was maybe twenty years ago) as they were unable to do it

Very helpful remark :rolleyes:

Look OP you and girlfriend are not the first or last people this will happen to so the first thing is not to worry! You've got some good suggestions here and the thing is not to let it get you down but have fun in other ways in the bedroom.

It may be simply all down to an involuntary tensing of the vagina walls and with relaxation techniques it will get better. If your girlfriend tries deep breaths something like yoga style while you slowly edge in should help. Anything to help her relax. It may happen by degrees but that's fine. If you distract her too while you're trying to edge in slowly that should also help and you might both enjoy it more too

Maybe one problem is that nobody expects any problems such as this (it looks so easy on tv - wham, bam thank you ma'am) so when this happens it's a ruddy big shock. But at least you're able to talk about it here and although it seems like a big deal now, it won't always be this way. Keep practising and you'll get there.

Nevyn · 18-03-2008 05:36PM

Well people also seem to think that it is a one size fits all then it comes to genitals and it's not the case,
there is quite the range of what is considered 'the norm' for a grown human be they male/female.

LegacyUser · 18-03-2008 08:17PM

Hey OP,

I know a lot of people here suggest foreplay/lubrication etc, but as someone already suggested, I too think this could be Vaginismus.

The muscles at the entrance to the vagina clench up and make penetration painful. No amount of lubrication or foreplay is going to help that. Maybe try inserting a lubricated finger into the vagina, if it hurts, then it probably is vaginismus and you should go to a gp. Myself and my partner are dealing with this now, and its something that can be overcome with time. One thing to remember is that if it is vaginismus, continuning to have painful sex is just re-enforcing the problem.

The key is, if sex is painful, stop. Figure out what the problem is, and then try again. As a man, you need to be very supportive. This is your issue as a couple, not just hers. You'll find dealing with issues like this can actually bring a couple closer together.

Hope it works out for you,
M

Das Kitty · 18-03-2008 08:55PM

JMULL wrote: »

Heard of two people that had to get surgery after they got married (this was maybe twenty years ago) as they were unable to do it

I saw someone poo-pooing this comment so I had to reply.

This can actually happen. One of my close friends passed out when she tried sex the first time and didn't try again for years. When she was going to she went to her doc for the pill / advice and it turned out that she had abnormally tough skin blocking the entrance. She had to have surgery to remove it.

Now OPs girlfriend is not a virgin so this is extremely unlikely but it is something that can happen.

The vagina is pretty stretchy and should be able to accommodate a girthy penis but I think it's good to be aware that it's also a fragile part of the body and the skin can be damaged easily (sometimes irrecoverably). If it hurts, stop, if you think you might have an infection stop.

It could be vaginismus but it's not the only possibility. If it persists get your GF to see a gynecologist, there's no point in guessing if you could be doing more damage.

Marksie · 18-03-2008 09:10PM

Ok i did a quick calculation. A girth (circumference) of 6 inches is a tad under 2 inches in diamater.

Das Kitty · 18-03-2008 09:19PM

It's quite girthy alright!

Das Kitty · 18-03-2008 10:46PM

She wasn't a virgin it was just her first time with him.

Bluebells · 19-03-2008 12:17AM

Oops, please ignore previous message. In that case...what everyone else said, lube, toys, forplay etc. If things dont change maybe the doc. is the next step?

Gf in pain during sex?

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