Child discipline . Smacking - Yea or Nay

Rb · 12-02-2008 10:07PM

irishthump wrote: »

Horsesh*t!

I have 3 boys aged 4, 6 and 10 and have never had a problem with slapping as a punishment, providing.....

a) the child has already been VERBALLY warned beforehand. ie - Junior, if you don't stop chewing the dog's tail, you're gonna get a slap.

b) the actual punishment invloves a single slap to the palm of the hand or rear end, NEVER the face. (I can hear all you purists saying, "Hand, face, what's the difference?!!", but there is a HUGE difference, believe me.)

My wife and I have always adopted that approach, and to be honest we very rarely have to slap our children. In fact, I can't remember the last time I smacked any of them.

I agree and the verbal warning, or two, is absolutely vital.

TequilaMockingBird · 12-02-2008 10:12PM

rb_ie wrote: »

I agree and the verbal warning, or two, is absolutely vital.

Absolutely vital. Gosh, thats nice of you. (As oppossed to no warning at all, and just give them a good slap out of the blue.)

Dyr · 12-02-2008 10:13PM

Slap early, slap often sez I.

Rb · 12-02-2008 10:14PM

sueme wrote: »

Absolutely vital. Gosh, thats nice of you. (As oppossed to no warning at all, and just give them a good slap out of the blue.)

Exactly.

TequilaMockingBird · 12-02-2008 10:27PM

irishthump wrote: »

Horsesh*t!

I have 3 boys aged 4, 6 and 10 and have never had a problem with slapping as a punishment, providing.....

a) the child has already been VERBALLY warned beforehand. ie - Junior, if you don't stop chewing the dog's tail, you're gonna get a slap.

b) the actual punishment invloves a single slap to the palm of the hand or rear end, NEVER the face. (I can hear all you purists saying, "Hand, face, what's the difference?!!", but there is a HUGE difference, believe me.)

My wife and I have always adopted that approach, and to be honest we very rarely have to slap our children. In fact, I can't remember the last time I smacked any of them.

When your 3 kids are banged up because someone didn't agree with them, so they hit them a slap, my daughter could be the solicitor who argues that they had such a rough childhood.:)

Pighead · 12-02-2008 10:32PM

sueme wrote: »

My final word on it is that I really believe alot of the problems we all face today are due to this attitude that violence towards your kids is okay.

How will they know that it is then wrong for them to disrespect someone else?

sueme wrote: »

+1

and 2

and 3

going to do some deep breathing excercises or something, need to get the blood pressure down.

sueme wrote: »

Absolutely vital. Gosh, thats nice of you. (As oppossed to no warning at all, and just give them a good slap out of the blue.)

sueme wrote: »

When your 3 kids are banged up because someone didn't agree with them, so they hit them a slap, my daughter could be the solicitor who argues that they had such a rough childhood.:)

Final word Pigheads arse.

Now bend over sueme while Pighead gives you a jolly good old fashioned spanking for being a big bold liar. You'll become a better person for this experiance.

Einstein · 12-02-2008 10:33PM

A slap across the backside or the arm/leg does no harm to any kid, I don't care what anyone says. I got some slaps on the leg when I was younger...worked for me and I'd deffo do it to my kids!

All those posts that say it's morally wrong and all that rubbish give me a pain in the a$s.

We're not talking about beating kids till they're black and blue, but when I tipp-exed out the buttons on our telly, the slap on the ass as opposed to the "reasoning" was what made sure i'd never do it again...

RoundyMooney · 12-02-2008 10:40PM

sueme wrote: »

Absolutely vital. Gosh, thats nice of you. (As oppossed to no warning at all, and just give them a good slap out of the blue.)

Oh, stop hand wringing!

I deal with my kids by dialogue the vast majority of the time. Two slaps in three years, however, makes me responsible for all the evils of the world, a bad parent, and a failure.

I'll leave* you to your hobby horse, mind you don't fall off.

*As in final, as in no more to say on this topic, as in vacating the discussion.

TequilaMockingBird · 12-02-2008 10:41PM

Pighead wrote: »

Final word Pigheads arse. .

I tried, but, but... AAARRRGGGGHHHH

Pighead wrote: »

Now bend over sueme while Pighead gives you a jolly good old fashioned spanking for being a big bold liar. You'll become a better person for this experiance.

Har de har.

TequilaMockingBird · 12-02-2008 10:43PM

RoundyMooney wrote: »

Oh, stop hand wringing!

I deal with my kids by dialogue the vast majority of the time. Two slaps in three years, however, makes me responsible for all the evils of the world, a bad parent, and a failure.

I'll leave* you to your hobby horse, mind you don't fall off.

*As in final, as in no more to say on this topic, as in vacating the discussion.

I'm not wringing my hands. Are you prehaps?

Pherekydes · 12-02-2008 11:27PM

sueme wrote: »

Much as some deserve a good slap.

How can some "deserve a good slap"?

We thought your position was cast in stone.

We thought it was "...it is not appropriate to strike anyone, its just not."

Who is going to administer the deserved slap?

Shock, horror, not their parents, by any chance?

WhiteWashMan · 12-02-2008 11:34PM

i agree with smacking.
i dont believe in beating.

children do not do logical discussion, so explaining things really doesnt work. ive seen parents lecturing their 3 year olds and they just look at them in confusion.

a smack is not a nice thing, and can show what its like to be responsible. you are naughty, you get a smack.
I dont agree that it is for every occassion though. making mistakes is not a smacking thing

AckwelFoley · 12-02-2008 11:37PM

Im more inclined to agree with Sueme.

As i do think that a slap on the bottom is no harm really i think there are betterways to discipline a child, youcant slap a 17 yr old on the bottom an think they'l give a sh1t.

I suggest if you take away some regular activity or treat that the kids get regularly as a form of punishment, this will be used right up into adulthood where if you do wrong you pay for your mistakes, rathr than having to change the form of pumishment as they get older... because older kids wont react to a small slap.. they wou;d require pain to react and inflicting pain is a form of violence

Petey2006 · 12-02-2008 11:41PM

My parents went through a couple of wooden spoons after they split after using it on me. However, despite this, I'm not against an odd smack on the arse (obviously without anything in the form of a weapon, this is out of the question) to teach an uncontrolable child who's boss.

Edit: I'm sorry, I've got to add somehting to this. This whole notion that giving your unruly child a clatter will cause the child to grow up a violent degenerate is bulls**t. I, and most of the fellas I know grew up with the odd (and sometimes violently regular) slap, and none of us have turned into violent people. I've been only in a handful of minor scuffles, and the last one of those was when I was 15 (I'm now hitting 27... puntacular). In fact, I'd say this whole notion that reasoning with a bold, uncontrolable child over the odd (and I do mean exceptional) slap is exactly why teenagers are a bunch of ignorant, idiotic morons these days. A child sometimes needs to know that their actions have consequences, and if that sometimes needs to be a short, sharp shock, so be it. Reasoning, in some cases, will get you nowhere.

Rb · 12-02-2008 11:45PM

sueme wrote: »

When your 3 kids are banged up because someone didn't agree with them, so they hit them a slap, my daughter could be the solicitor who argues that they had such a rough childhood.:)

What about when your kid goes off doing drugs knowing the only thing that could come of it is to be stuck in a corner for 15 minutes?

I can picture it now, your kid sniffing lines in her bedroom whilst you're pleasantly unaware downstairs, her friend beside her asking "Isn't this kind of dangerous?I mean, your mother could catch you", and your daughter replying "Yeah, and what's SHE going to do about it?Tell me off? She don't control me"

And then you'll go up and find her and be like "Omg, where have I went wrong, I did everything Dr. Phil told me to do!!" and she'll be like "stfu and get out of my room, who are ye?"

etc etc etc.

Rb · 12-02-2008 11:48PM

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

i agree with smacking.
i dont believe in beating.

children do not do logical discussion, so explaining things really doesnt work. ive seen parents lecturing their 3 year olds and they just look at them in confusion.

a smack is not a nice thing, and can show what its like to be responsible. you are naughty, you get a smack.
I dont agree that it is for every occassion though. making mistakes is not a smacking thing

Exactly. And there's a big difference between making a mistake and actually causing trouble (which would warrant a warning followed by a light smack).

Blowfish · 12-02-2008 11:48PM

Lil Kitten wrote: »

Slapping is totally unnecessary. And yes, if the only way you can "discipline" your child is by slapping them when they do something wrong then you need a parenting book. Not trying to being a smart arse or disrespectful. There are so many methods out there and fear is NOT a good method of control. It really isn't.

True, but not one person here has said slapping is the only way to discipline them, in fact most have mentioned that it is a rare occurrence, but still necessary.

Catari Jaguar · 12-02-2008 11:50PM

terrier98045 wrote: »

I'm in favour of a gentle smack from parents to teach the child in extreme circumstances that what they did was wrong

The message is the same to a child: "You will be physically punished and caused pain if you misbehave." They'l be scared that next time you'll do it harder and will be frightened of you. Is that what you want your child to think of you? To think is the right thing to do?

If it's only a gentle little tap that won't hurt them or anything, why do it?

Define "extreme circumstances". Why can't you firmly say "No, That's bad behaviour. I won't allow it. I am not happy with what you did. It causes XYZ. Go to bed early/ time out and think about what you did"

Then when they are ready to come back and apologise you can give them a hug and everyone’s a happy camper.

And rb_ie, if you have a grip and good relationship with your kids when they are young, chances are they won't go off the rails. And I doubt the threat of giving your teens a "bit of a slap" is going to deter them...

Rb · 12-02-2008 11:52PM

Lil Kitten wrote: »

The message is the same to a child: "You will be physically punished and caused pain if you misbehave." They'l be scared that next time you'll do it harder and will be frightened of you. Is that what you want your child to think of you? To think is the right thing to do?

If it's only a gentle little tap that won't hurt them or anything, why do it?

Define "extreme circumstances". Why can't you firmly say "No, That's bad behaviour. I won't allow it. I am not happy with what you did. It causes XYZ. Go to bed early/ time out and think about what you did"

And rb_ie, if you have a grip and good relationship with your kids when they are young, chances are they won't go off the rails. And I doubt the threat of giving your teens a "bit of a slap" is going to deter them...

Then when they are ready to come back and apologise you can give them a hug and everyone’s a happy camper.

Do you actually have children or are you just making this stuff up as you go along?

"Think about what you did" never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever works on children. I don't have any but I know that for a fact.

Catari Jaguar · 12-02-2008 11:53PM

I'm a infants teacher, also have younger siblings.

And I can tell you, of the kids in my school that are a bit well, "bad", THEY are the ones that get a slap around from their parents. I hear/see the threats. These are mostly young parents from the flats who have no idea how to discipline, and roar "I fcukin told you not tah be doin X." *smack*

Ah well, at least they try....

Rb · 12-02-2008 11:53PM

snyper wrote: »

And you think a smack on the arse will stop this?

You think so that every drug dealer in the country were never slapped as kids?

Pfft..

A lot of drug dealers actually don't do drugs themselves...

AckwelFoley · 12-02-2008 11:54PM

rb_ie wrote: »

What about when your kid goes off doing drugs knowing the only thing that could come of it is to be stuck in a corner for 15 minutes?

I can picture it now, your kid sniffing lines in her bedroom whilst you're pleasantly unaware downstairs, her friend beside her asking "Isn't this kind of dangerous?I mean, your mother could catch you", and your daughter replying "Yeah, and what's SHE going to do about it?Tell me off? She don't control me"

And then you'll go up and find her and be like "Omg, where have I went wrong, I did everything Dr. Phil told me to do!!" and she'll be like "stfu and get out of my room, who are ye?"

etc etc etc.

And you think a smack on the arse will stop this?

You think so that every drug dealer in the country were never slapped as kids?

Pfft..

Rb · 12-02-2008 11:57PM

Hurray, boards does the time warp again

Pherekydes · 12-02-2008 11:57PM

Lil Kitten wrote: »

Then when they are ready to come back and apologise you can give them a hug and everyone’s a happy camper.

So your hugs and affection are dependent on their behaviour? What message does that send? How will you control 2? Or 4?

Send 2 of them up to their (one) room, so that they just get on with more mischief?

Silverfox · 13-02-2008 12:01AM

A few of my friends are primary school teachers and according to them the "communication and affirmation" method does not work. Kids are now brats who cannot be corrected by teachers without the parents making complaints. That's disgraceful. I will slap my kids if they're doing something dangerous to themselves or someone else. Also if they have already been told repeatedly to stop doing something and they persist in doing it. Sometimes words just don't get through. If they were lion cubs they would have been bitten or swiped at by an older lion to teach them a lesson. Just a thought.

Catari Jaguar · 13-02-2008 12:04AM

rb_ie wrote: »

"Think about what you did" never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever works on children. I don't have any but I know that for a fact.

At the moment I have 11 and it works. What I am trying to do is get them to see what the did, admit the responsibility and understand why not to do it again.

Say, they hit another kid, take them aside, say that the BEHAVIOUR was wrong, not the child, let them know its unacceptable, put them on Time Out.

Time's up, ask kid "Are you ready to come back?"

If Yes, ask "Why were you put on time out?" "Because I did xyz", and then they can say why it was wrong and how the other kid feels. And then they have a partial understanding of why they were punished.

It works. Believe me (on 5 year olds). Granted there are some real brats out there but there are so many problems at home and such... Sad really.

Catari Jaguar · 13-02-2008 12:07AM

Slow coach wrote: »

So your hugs and affection are dependent on their behaviour? What message does that send? How will you control 2? Or 4?

Ok, you really didnt understand that at all.

Slapping a kid, shows you don't love them when they're bad.

Giving a kid a hug after reprimanding them shows that the behaviour was bad but you still love the kid.

I can control a class of 30 kids. I think I can handle 2 or even 4....

Dyr · 13-02-2008 12:09AM

last time i checked a Time Out was a chocolate bar on this side of the ocean. if yizzer are gonna blindly import whatevers trendy in america at least try make up some new terms ffs

Baudelaire · 13-02-2008 12:11AM

I totally disagree with the smacking of kids, I don't think there is ever a situation that warrents it. It's funny really that most of the people that use a version of the phrase "I was smacked as a kid and it didn't do me any harm" are also the ones that agree with it but I'd be inclined to point out that it did do some harm since it taught you that it's fine to assualt your kids (you may disagree that it's assualt but in my opinion it is). The biggest problem is alot of parents see kids as property which gives them the "Well he/she's mine so I treat them as I like" mentallity and no matter what anyone says it may start as a light tap but when as child becomes immune to that then the slap gets harder, you may fool yourself that as they get older the slaps need to be harder to have an impact but the truth is that as they get older you're just getting more frustrated and don't feel the satisfaction you use to "of a punishment well given" unless you see the tears. At the end of the day you'd be arrested for assult if you treated an adult in the same manner but a 4 year old doesn't have anyone else to complain to and some parents take advantage of that fact. Myself and my brother were bashed growing up which started as "light taps" and I can tell you it does have a lasting effect although more on him than me because he got it worse and was taught some really horrible "lessons" most of which I was forced to watch so I'd learn too.

Catari Jaguar · 13-02-2008 12:11AM

Silverfox wrote: »

. Also if they have already been told repeatedly to stop doing something and they persist in doing it.

I know exactly what you mean! From the get go, it's essential a child should be trained that what you say goes. This kind of cheeky behaviour really pisses me off. Kids that can do what they like at home are well tough to deal with at school. Thats why parents need to crack down more, in a non slapping way please folks!

I just am very anti- slapping.... If you hadn't noticed!

Child discipline . Smacking - Yea or Nay

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