Non-Stutterer's View

Stephen P · 14-01-2008 8:18pm #1

I've robbed this from another forum and I think it's a good subject for this relatively new forum.

What are the views of non-stutterer's on people who stutter? Maybe you have a friend who stutter's or have a family member who stutter's...
Do you know enough information about stuttering? Or anything at all?

Experiences from those who stutter are welcome, what do your friends and family think of your stutter?

I'm interested to hear the good things and also bad things.

sunzz · 14-01-2008 9:10pm

I know loads of people who stutter/stammer doesn't bother me what-so-ever. No-one is perfect and anyone who thinks they are sorry, but your **** still stinks.

I'd have NO quams at all dating a girl with a stammer.

BigPhil · 15-01-2008 12:01pm

This is a very good idea for a thread

I know alot of people feel embarrassed when they talk to a person with a stammer. I have been in lots of different situations where this has happened and I notice the persons expression change and sometimes they would even look around to see if anyone else could hear our conversation.

I would really like to hear non-stutters opinion's, especially from people that work with or have interviewed people that stutter for jobs.

unreggd · 16-01-2008 12:22am

No close friends/relatives with one but no problems with anyone who stutters

WildIrishRose · 16-01-2008 3:55am

An Ex of mine has a stutter.... was never an issue with me at all. In fact i dont think i ever mentioned it, he was a friend of mine first.. I never made him feel like he was taken any longer to tell me something than a person with out a stutter. He didn't have it all the time. We still are very good mate's, he has a great job and he doesnt let it affect his confidence!

Stephen P · 16-01-2008 11:20am

I've decided to sticky this thread because I think over time it will be of a benefit to those who stutter, perhaps it will give a sense of "No one minds my stutter so why should I?".

From my experience I've never come across someone who has had a problem with my speech. My partner says it doesn't bother her in the slightest and previous girlfriends never had a problem. My work colleagues have never had a problem either, well not that I'm aware off. I do sometimes get confused looks from people but I guess they're having trouble figuring out what I'm saying. I'm used to that so it doesn't bother me anymore, unless they give me a look of complete "what the **** is he saying?", thats just plain ignorance and should learn to have patience.

Caveat · 16-01-2008 11:31am

I've known a few stammerers through the years - don't know any that well currently though. Have to say it never bothered me at all socially or whatever. I suppose the nearest I got to discomfort was just 'feeling for them' especially if it was in a heated situation of some sort.

Also have some friends with lisps - no problem there either.

(Actually I used to stammer - but strangely, only with a few drinks in me. Not even when drunk, but just after, say, a few pints I found that I had stammering trouble if I began a sentence with a vowel. So I just had to restructure my sentences. I was like this for about 10 years then it just stopped.)

Dave H · 16-01-2008 8:31pm

The worst thing anyone can do, I think, is laugh at somebody when they stammer. My brother-in-law has a stammer, not as bad now,but when I first met him it was really bad. But because I was only a kid when he arrived at the front door, I've gotten so used to his stammer that I would'nt even notice it now.And I actually work with two people with stammers and unfortunately a lot of the guys I work start sniggering when the guys are struggling, but the worst is when they say to me "How do you not p1ss yourself when such and such is speaking to you?" Which is a rotten thing to say.
But in response to the original post,I have no opinion on the matter because something like a stammer would have no bearing whatsoever on my opinion of someone. Okay, I'll be honest, sometimes you have to be patient if somebody is struggling with a word or sentence, but a little bit of patience is nothing to endure to not offend somebody who has done nothing to offend you.

neuro-praxis · 26-01-2008 12:56pm

My friend has a fetish for guys with stammers. Stammers and limps. If she meets a stammerer or a limper, she's weak at the knees and begins flirting wildly.

I have one friend with a stammer, my friend's husband, but I hardly ever see him (he lives in Australia!). When he is struggling with a word, it can go on and on and on. I always wait, I never finish the word for him. Is that the right thing to do???

What is easier for you, or does it depend on the individual?

My husband has a mild lisp, I can't hear it at all. When somebody points it out, he cheerfully refers to it as his speech improvement.

ParkRunner · 30-01-2008 7:47pm

Invite your friend on here neuro, she will have a ball

Yes it´s best I think to wait and let the person finish what they are saying. And not to say something like take a breath or slow down, if we went any slower we wouldnt get any words at all out:p

Stephen P · 31-01-2008 11:03am

A friend of mine who I know through the ISA got a t-shirt made up before saying on the front "Stutter's make better lovers" and on the back "we repeat and prolong".

ems_12 · 31-01-2008 11:16am

neuro-praxis wrote: »

I always wait, I never finish the word for him. Is that the right thing to do???

What is easier for you, or does it depend on the individual?

EF wrote:

Yes it´s best I think to wait and let the person finish what they are saying. And not to say something like take a breath or slow down, if we went any slower we wouldnt get any words at all out

Always wondering about this - I often chat away and finish sentences for ppl if I know what they're going to say, stammer or otherwise. But then if someone has a severe stammer and I finish their sentence, I feel like I look impatient, and I'm rushing them to finish!

Khannie · 15-02-2008 5:39pm

I have two friends with stutters. I came on here to find out if it's better to try to help by finishing the sentence or just wait (I'm in no doubt now

). Honestly, the thought of it bothering me never even crossed my mind. Couldn't give a fiddlers.

Sabre0001 · 15-02-2008 5:44pm

One of my lecturers had a stammer...Never bothered me - only time I got annoyed was when I heard people being impatient with him; he's a nice guy too so it just makes it worse.

Fallen Seraph · 15-02-2008 5:47pm

My brother's terribly afflicted by a stammer, and I've no problem with it. I really can't see what all the fuss about it is, tbh.

Stephen P · 16-02-2008 1:37pm

Khannie wrote: »

I have two friends with stutters. I came on here to find out if it's better to try to help by finishing the sentence or just wait (I'm in no doubt now ). Honestly, the thought of it bothering me never even crossed my mind. Couldn't give a fiddlers.

Personally, I don't like it when people finish my sentences but they see it as been a good thing. :rolleyes:

Fallen Seraph wrote: »

My brother's terribly afflicted by a stammer, and I've no problem with it. I really can't see what all the fuss about it is, tbh.

My thinking behind it is that in this day and age people are constantly on the go and don't have the patience to stop and listen to someone with a stutter. People are very impatient these days, I work sometimes in public cash office and the ignorance of people sometimes amazes me, they can't wait to pay their bill and just get out of there and its nothing to do with my stutter, they're just impatient.

RaveMaster · 27-02-2008 1:38pm

Hi all,
I am a non stutter (it feels strange to classify myself as that because I just take it for granted). I have no problem with chatting to people with stammers or any other speak disorder for that matter.

I have one question though. Do people who suffer from a stammer know why they stammer and what causes it or is it just something that they have and don't know why?

BigPhil · 27-02-2008 2:21pm

RaveMaster wrote: »

I have one question though. Do people who suffer from a stammer know why they stammer and what causes it or is it just something that they have and don't know why?

There is no definitive answer to your question as the actual cause of stammering is still not known. Some people think that it is genetic and it is passed down from parents to children, but in my case nobody in my family has a stammer so that theory isn't really conclusive. Other people think that it is psychological and could be caused from a traumatic event from childhood. Some scientists actually believe that the cause of stuttering is organic, that neurological differences exist between the brains of those who stammer and those who don't.

It seems that in most cases people develop a stammer when they are learning to talk (so it becomes a habit) and while some are lucky enough to lose it after a few years others are burdened with it, to various degrees, for the rest of our lives.

Stephen P · 27-02-2008 2:30pm

I couldn't have put it better Phil!!

pat1187 · 25-03-2008 1:04pm

My son ,while he hasn't a stammer as such,does speak too quickly and hence has difficulty being understood,SO much so it is causing him difficulty. My wife is arranging for him to see a '' speech therapist '' (?) at least to the best of my knowledge.I would need to check but from the waiting time I would say she is a professional. I wonder if anyone has been through the same?

Kur4mA · 01-07-2008 2:42pm

I'm a non-stutterer and have absolutely no problem with anyone that has. I've come across people with one before and there's a guy in my gaming clan with a very bad stammer. He's also in a band and doesn't seem to let it affect him in the slightest. I don't see how interacting with somebody that has a stutter/stammer could bother anyone tbh, other than small minded fools.

p.s what is the different between a stammer/stutter?

Esel · 05-07-2008 8:01pm

kyub wrote: »

...what is the different between a stammer/stutter?

No difference. Afaik 'stammer' is US common term, 'stutter' is UK.

Kirnsy · 01-10-2008 12:32am

wouldnt change my opinion on any individual.nobody is perfect and maybe people pay more attention to what someone with a stammer says than others.

VFS · 11-12-2008 11:53pm

Here's a really captivating film about Hannah, a girl who stutters. It also gives an account from her parent's perspective.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KtncNtL-SI

Standard Toaster · 12-12-2008 12:05am

^^^

Very good, and sad. My brother has a stutter. He believes he started when one of his female teachers in primary grabbed him by the shoulders & shook him silly when he was messing one day. He normally fine but can get bad when he's exceited or telling a story in front of a few people.

Jammyc · 29-12-2008 4:33pm

Tbh, I think a girl with a stutter would be kinda cute:p

Blue-Eyed · 21-01-2009 8:22pm

I only stutter when..I know that someone's listening to me, and they're watching me. And it's only a few words..for example the word "seven"..and if I tried to say "stutter" I would stutter as well :pac:

My mom has said that she used to stutter as well, but she grew out of it, so I'm hoping I will too

I was supposed to have some sort of small surgery when I was younger, but I got so scared and my mom called them telling I was sick. I'm wondering now if it would've changed anything

-Blue- :cool:

wrmwit · 23-01-2009 1:17pm

Stephen P wrote: »

A friend of mine who I know through the ISA got a t-shirt made up before saying on the front "Stutter's make better lovers" and on the back "we repeat and prolong".

Ha, that made me laugh!

I used to have a bad stammer up until I was 18 and I went to college. I was very shy when I was in school because of the stammer. I hated the slagging I used to get from the other kids when I'd be asked to stand up and talk. I went to college and it was like I lost my stammer over night. My confidence grew as a result. A lot of people used to say that they never noticed my stammer but I wasn't sure if they were just being nice.

The only time I stammer now is when I'm after having a few pints and it depends on my level of tiredness. I also get stuck on word beginning with R.......and the funny thing is my name starts with an R! I'm working on that. I find that if I relax and take a deep breath before I introduce myself helps but sometimes I'm caught off guard and that can be embarrassing. But maybe they don't notice!

Shake n Bake!

TheBa · 11-02-2009 2:08pm

Interesting views all round. I stammer quite a lot but it varies between situations and company. It's not as bad now as when I was in school and that can be largely attributed to 'The McGuire Programme', a course that i started a few years ago.

It tackles the the problem physically, mentally and emotionally. It just takes a lot of patience and work but it does work! Google it for more info

petebrads · 09-03-2009 2:28pm

(Actually I used to stammer - but strangely, only with a few drinks in me. Not even when drunk, but just after, say, a few pints I found that I had stammering trouble if I began a sentence with a vowel. So I just had to restructure my sentences. I was like this for about 10 years then it just stopped.)[/quote]

:cool: I have a stammer myself and find that after a few pints my speech improves alot, but I know other stammerers who find it worse when they have a few drinks. I found on nights out and socailising no-one really knew I had a stammer. I would describe myself as a convert stammerer trying to avoid words I would find trouble in saying. This gave me a sense of falseness or pretending to be someone i am not, which can result in alot of pent up issues. I have found that people respect me alot more for saying what I want to say ''stammer or no stammer'' and as a result my speech has improved alot as I have came to terms with my stammer

. I feel that an important part of coming to terms with a stammer, is the desensitisation process, advertising the fact that you stammer by using ''voluntary stammers'' to make the listener as well as yourself aware that you have a stammer. In the long term this will result in the stammer becoming something ''so big'' affecting everyday life becoming something ''minute'' as I find that most people dont care whether you stammer or not.

Pete:)

oirishman · 25-03-2009 4:46pm

esel wrote: »

No difference. Afaik 'stammer' is US common term, 'stutter' is UK.

A Stammer is where the person cant get the word out.. S............they become tongue tied
A Stutter is where they keep repeating the first letter Fffffffffffffcuk the machine gun effect..
I am a Stammerer myself

Esel · 25-03-2009 9:35pm

oirishman wrote: »

A Stammer is where the person cant get the word out.. S............they become tongue tied
A Stutter is where they keep repeating the first letter Fffffffffffffcuk the machine gun effect..
I am a Stammerer myself

There is no difference in meaning between the two words in current usage.

Extracts from the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association:

Added to these problems is the fact that the literature on speech and language disorders contains terminology introduced in early classifications but rarely used today (e.g., a semantic distinction between stuttering and stammering).

Stammering is synonymous with stuttering and is the common term for the disorder in Great Britain. In North America, the term stammering is rarely used by speech-language pathologists.

Mollywolly · 26-03-2009 11:57am

I'm a non-stammerer married to a stammerer. I know that his stammer came about as a result of a traumatic car accident he was involved in when he was a child (his mother died). It was noticeable when we first met but after a few months of going out I never really noticed it and now that we've been married for 16 years he doesn't stammer at all when he's with me. He says I give him confidence

However, he does still do it when he's under stress, upset or in a new situation. I would never dream of finishing his sentence off for him though as I think this would annoy him quite a lot.

moonboy52 · 21-04-2009 12:30pm

oirishman wrote: »

A Stammer is where the person cant get the word out.. S............they become tongue tied
A Stutter is where they keep repeating the first letter Fffffffffffffcuk the machine gun effect..
I am a Stammerer myself

I also have a stammer and i class my stammer as a mental block. My mind is about 20 seconds ahead of my speech.

Afaik there is a difference between a stammer and a stutter

BTRocket · 15-06-2009 11:31pm

As far as I know a stammer and a stutter are the very same. caused by a self-conscious habit, also hereditary. I stammer, my son stammers, my uncle stammers and so does his grandson.

My advise is try to relax, try yoga or some of these eastern meditation relaxation techniques,that's 2%. I mean only 2%, The uninformed will annoy u by saying relax when you speaking, BS I'm trying so hard to get the fn word out how can I relax. I mean take time to relax and chill. Then being relaxed will be the habbit,

Practice vowel sounds,

Curl your tongue and then relax it 5 times a day.

Scrunch up your face for 2 seconds then relax, 3 times a day.

Read slowly in a half chant naked after getting out of the shower. This get rid of in-habitation.

Roll your eyes up to the right then down then left and back to top, slowly take 3 seconds

Now that's another 5%.

Find a good speach therapist who is a bit mad, well eccentric, or intelligent and arty farty. and your are on the home straight.

some speach T can only apply the techniques that they learned in college, and what i would say to them is College gives u the basics, you must keep learning, keep trying somthing new, Whilst it's a job, and a profession, it must be a life-vocation.

StopNotWorking · 15-06-2009 11:34pm

One of my best mates has a stammer, was so bad that at one point he was told to start learning sign incase it got to the point where he couldn't speak properly at all. It's cleared up a bit though and I have no problems with it. I never get impatient with him but sometimes if he gets a real bad run of it while we are chatting and gets pissed off I'll tell him to relax. It makes no ends to me how the words come out as long as they do.

Amalgam · 15-06-2009 11:41pm

I worked with someone that stammered and the people that would 'push him along' with guessed-wording-to-come would drive the man up the wall. Led to him not speaking at all with two fellow workers, got.. it became a tense situation.

Another worker that asked directly about his stuttering (to his face) was lucky not to get a bunch of fives.

I always blushed terribly dealing with the man, an issue for me, rather than him, no idea what brought that about, but if there was a prolonged verbal problem or spittle, I'd just blush heavily. I guess because I was trying to tip toe around an issue that was so visible. It's hard for some people to put that on the back burner, in their mind.

BTRocket · 15-06-2009 11:44pm

If there were more of your kind around it would be a lot easier.

As i said when you tell ur friend to relax when he is stammering it will freak him out, but your heart is in the right place. (sorry if that seems so fluffy it's not ment that way).

Buy you friend a relaxation tape and tell him i said to make time to practice being relaxed. Practice being relaxed. that's step 1 and 2%.

Eve_Dublin · 19-06-2009 12:34pm

Hello!

This is probably the first time in my life that I've admitted I've got a bit of a stammer...it's more of a case of not being able to get certain words out and using different words to avoid them. It's been quite bad recently for some reason but sometimes months can go by and I'm fine. It's usually during stressful periods or when I'm feeling down on myself and I tend to become very quiet during my stammering periods, which is not easy as I like to chat and I can sometimes become quite introverted, which gets me down. Vicious circle.

I had it quite bad when I was a child and then nothing for years and kicked in again in my twenties.

One question: for years I never admitted I had a stammer and no one pointed it out to me except for my sister once and she also has one but manages to keep it under control. I always thought it would be better just to ignore it so I wouldn't be so concious of it and I thought that would make it worse. I'm very concious of it though, even if I don't admit to it. What do you think?

Another thing is I've a close friend who's a Speech Therapist (doing their PhD) and she's never pointed it out to me and I know I've stammered and have been stuck on my words in her company many, many times (we've been friends for years). Do they not want to make an issue of it because I haven't or does she feel uncomfortable pointing it out to a friend instead of a patient? Or neither? Would it be strange to ask her for her advice after all these years or should I continue as I am and not make an issue of it?

Wow...strange to put that all down. Difficult to admit your "faults" I suppose.

BTRocket · 19-06-2009 1:39pm

Hi Eve,
As a child and teenager I always has the question in my mind when meeting someone for the the first few times, do they know I stammer.. this raises your (one's) level of self-consciousness, which in turn causes rocky or bumpy speech.

My adise is yes come out and admitt it, but never apologise for having a stammer, it's not your fault. Even when the good Lord picked Moses do start his work down here, he told Moses' brother to speak for him when he got stuck. bet you didn't know that Moses had a stammer.

To admitt it will lower your level of self consciousness.

Now having a friend who is a Speech T is really a nuisance and cool at the same. I'll explain, nuisance because they initally will up the level self-C and cool because they are there to help. ST love to know what goes on in your mind when you get caught.

I'd say it to my friend casually, just by passing a comment, just sow the seed... and see where it goes. The self-c will go away eventually.

Remember your friend is probably uneasy as you about crossing the divide.

My case was the opposite, I became very friendly with my Speech T, his family asked me to carry his coffin at his funeral, a real honour.

What do you think of that.

Rocket.

browne1230 · 09-07-2009 11:06pm

Hi all,

Im a novice here, but not to stammering. A person who stammers thinks that everyone sees them as a "stammerer" and its a big deal. In reality its not, as they have their own problems as well. Desensitising yourself to your stammer helps. Ive done self help for the lasr 12 years and thankfully Ive my stammer sorted out now. Its not easy but its worth it. I decided that I was going to break my stammer and I did. Some people are happy to go through life with a stammer. I wasnt, so I decided to do something about it. Its personal choice, thats all! Great thread, by the way!

Squeeonline · 17-09-2009 10:35am

A friend of mine has a stammer, and I'm just wondering about the etiquette around it.
Can I help her finish words, or just leave her until the word comes out?

I've never been close to anyone with a stutter/stammer so I'm not really sure what to do, and what not to do.

Stephen P · 17-09-2009 11:11am

My advice would be is to never finish her sentence. It can come across that you have no patience. Let her finish, I'm pretty sure she'll be happy you did. Now saying that she might rather you do but maybe ask her incase? I hate when people finish my sentence. I appreciate people who have patience when I speak. Have you ever spoke to her about it?

Squeeonline · 17-09-2009 11:14am

Stephen P wrote: »

My advice would be is to never finish her sentence. It can come across that you have no patience. Let her finish, I'm pretty sure she'll be happy you did. Now saying that she might rather you do but maybe ask her incase? I hate when people finish my sentence. I appreciate people who have patience when I speak. Have you ever spoke to her about it?

Despite knowing her for over a year, I'd never talked to her properly before a couple of nights ago. In the whole conversation she only stammered when I asked her what subjects she was doing. Seemed like once I asked her to focus on that she had trouble.

I'll take your advice and talk to her about it a bit.

Thanks!

BTRocket · 19-09-2009 11:51am

Gerneral free flowing conversations are easy to follow, The speech terapists will say that you should never finish a sentence, fine in theory but what happens id you get caught for 3 or 4 minutes... you are just wishing that someone would finish it for you. try to sence how your friend is feeling.

On the topic of subjects, direct qestions... the stammerer cannot use a negative technique called "word avoidance" to say the same thing using easier words, so it can put them on the spot. They used to rock me dead in school.

If you slightly lower the tone and speed of your voice and keep eye contact but don't stear.... this will ease your friend's reaction

Just remember when the stammerer get caugt up, their mind is in overdrive and they are looking for your reaction, and all techniques thought by speach therapists are instantly forgotten, unless they have been practiced regulary,

There is a big fear that poeple don't realise they suffer from which Con O'Sullivan used to call "What do others think of me"
What do others think of me....

By the way Con O'Sullivan (RIP) was an Army cornel who had a very bad stammer until his 20s but went on to have one of the most molodical and free flowing voices in Ireland and Brittan.

Hope this helps.. I'm always here....

moonandstars · 05-10-2009 9:56am

BigPhil wrote: »

There is no definitive answer to your question as the actual cause of stammering is still not known. Some people think that it is genetic and it is passed down from parents to children, but in my case nobody in my family has a stammer so that theory isn't really conclusive. Other people think that it is psychological and could be caused from a traumatic event from childhood. Some scientists actually believe that the cause of stuttering is organic, that neurological differences exist between the brains of those who stammer and those who don't.

It seems that in most cases people develop a stammer when they are learning to talk (so it becomes a habit) and while some are lucky enough to lose it after a few years others are burdened with it, to various degrees, for the rest of our lives.

I have a stammer..much worse when i was younger..my 2 sisters and my eldest brother too..he has a bad 1. my mams brother has a bad 1 and my dad said he had a stammer when he was small. my nephew has a condition which affects his speech,dont think he picks it up from my sis..his mother,so he has started to stammer and is getting speech therapy for it..not enough if u ask me! he is only 6..god I remember how hard it was for me at that age,times have changed i think a bit now. anyway his little bro has started stammering..he picks it up from him i think. pity.
I think the kind of childhood i had certainly didnt help my stammer at all.
I was always lonely and stressed! so it could be a combination.

moonandstars · 05-10-2009 10:02am

oirishman wrote: »

A Stammer is where the person cant get the word out.. S............they become tongue tied
A Stutter is where they keep repeating the first letter Fffffffffffffcuk the machine gun effect..
I am a Stammerer myself

Stammering and stuttering mean the same thing. And stutter is a US term and stammer uk term..however most stammerers dont like to say they have a stammer,they will often use the word stutter.i stutter.
I hate the word stammer,alot of us do!

Pdfile · 12-11-2009 8:38am

it can be annoying.

depends on whats being said, accent and language....

99.9% of the time it doesn't annoy me

BTRocket · 12-11-2009 10:51am

There are two ways to look at why we dislike the word stammer or stutter, it's so fe=kin hard to say or have we not come to terms with the word.

happy_feet · 26-11-2009 11:47pm

one of my teachers has a stutter, and it makes absolutely no difference whatsoever like. fairplay to him to have the confidence to get up in front of a bunch and teenagers and teach like!

petrocelli · 20-01-2010 2:59pm

As a left handed male stammerer, it has struck me over the years that a disproportionate number of stammerers are left handed, and almost all are male. This is purely anecdotal, but now when I get talking to a fellow stammerer I usually ask are they left handed, and am surprised at how often the answer is yes.

Perhaps someone has shown this to be the case years ago and I missed it. Any thoughts?

Non-Stutterer's View

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