Describe the stupidest person you've ever encountered while you were working.

rmacm · 15-01-2008 03:16PM

Worked in a factory that makes contact lenses for a summer. A new guy started and one of the jokers on the production line I was working on decided to have a bit of fun with him. There's an area of the line that contains a tank of water for hydrating lenses. This tank is fed through pipes that run from the ceiling of the factory (which the new guy didn't know). He was given 2 buckets and told to go and fill them with water for this part of the line. He was found about 15 minutes later wandering around the factory by one of the Ops Engineers looking for a tap to fill these buckets fortunately he was good humoured about it after the Ops filled him in on what was going on.

Wertz · 15-01-2008 03:28PM

In the decorating trade you come across an awful lot of stupidity, both from workmates, clients and the public.

Some examples:

Numerous instances of people walking into or putting their hands on wet paint even though there's a guy(s) with a brush, several signs and a smell of gloss. Then you get people whining about their clothes/hands...it's not our fault you're too stupid to be aware of what's happening around you.
Numerous instances of people walking out in front of traffic to avoid walking under a ladder :rolleyes:
People who think they're the epitomé of comedy for telling us we're putting it on inside out/upside down or that we've "missed a bit". You know what? I've never ever heard that one before, in all my years. You have Peter Kay running scared.

But the worst:
Finishing a shopfront (chemist's) in a busy street one day, ladders set up to the pavement edge and traffic cones to stop cars parking there and getting splashed (like a post above lol)...so I've been up a ladder doing some brushwork and I'm climbing down. On my way I notice a black SUV pulling up...it then proceeds to pull into the tight space between the traffic cones, pushing one of them which then clips the damn ladder, hard sending a shudder up it and causing me to have to grab on to both the ladder and my paint pot while it shook!
I'm feckin' raging and have that shocked feeling you get in your stomach but I get my wits and start climbing down again. This silly bitch proceeds to jump out of the jeep (which is more abandoned than parked) and goes to walk into the shop without even acknowledging what she just did. I'm finally at the bottom of the ladder and challenge her; "what sort of place is that to park?"...she turns around to tell me it's "an emergency" without any hint of apology... "A f*ckin' emergency? You could have f*ckin' killed me" said I...."well there's no need to be rude about it"...I felt like just hitting her. You couldn't have missed me, high vis vest and white overalls, drop sheets all over the pavement and 4 traffic cones blocking the space and at the foot of the ladder.
My workmate was just in awe (he'd been doing work on the ground and had his back turned, all he heard was the ladder reverberating).
Not just stupid but ignorant. Should have threw the paint onto her precious car, except it didn't occur to me in enough time to make it look like an accident.

Mind you the public aren't the only idiots. Company I used to work for a couple of years back was run by a pretty sound guy, who happened to have two idiot brothers that "worked" for him.
On one job in a regional hospital, we were doing a very long corridor, but it had to be done in daytime and wards couldn't be closed. Before you paint walls, all the furniture and fixings has to be removed, walls washed, etc. So first morning we're planning how to do the job most efficiently, ask the nurses and head nurse what we can and can't do so as not to interfere with their work (which is more important than ours). We planned to do it in sections, either side of the corridor at a time, they're fine with that but ask us not to take too much furniture off the walls ahead of us (dispensers for handwash, gloves, aprons and other infection control stuff).
So I head off for my teabreak, come back 20 min later and one of these brothers is away on donw the corridor, pullin' stuff off the walls and putting it in a box. I turn around and tell him that we were asked not to go too far ahead...met with a blank stare. He continues at it and because he's the boss's brother I can't really give him an order although I have it out with him.
Then a few minutes later the matron/head nurse comes walking down with two other nurses...they're about to start work on a man in an isolation room (MRSA case) goes to look for the infection control stuff which has been pulled off the whole way down one side of the corridor and, quite rightly, throws a fit...suddenly it's my fault according to this brother and I should "hurry up and get the stuff the nurse needs" :rolleyes: I did as I was asked, then rang my boss and told him that I'm not working with that brother again.

A few weeks later I'm put with the other brother on the site of some new office buildings. We're applying intumescent coating to the framing girders. The stuff is like cream cheese, stinks to high heaven and costs about 400 for 5 gallons (only size it comes in). Now you're told on the data sheet not to thin the coating, but the brother in question who's a lazy sod, says to himself "f*ck that", too much work having to apply it thickly...so he heads off down and gets some water and a stick, comes back up and pours the water into the drum and starts stirring...the trouble is that as well as not being allowed to thin the coating, it's not water-based, you need a special solvent.
He pours the mix into a pot and off he goes painting.
The boss arrives in a while later and asks why some of the steelwork "looks funny", then looks into the drum and lets out a roar..."what silly c*nt put water into this?"..."I did, it was too thick" said the brother..."well what made you think you could put water in it?" said the boss..."Well it's fireproof paint, what else would you put in it?"

Me and the other two guys just broke down laughing. What a moron. This guy has apparently been doing this job for years...an apprentice wouldn't have done what he did. Idiot. €400 worth of paint and a few hours work down the drain (not literally)
I left the firm a few months later...the ineptitiude was frightening. These guys weren't cheap either.

Loads more but I'll let someone else tell theirs...

Lockstep · 15-01-2008 03:33PM

Not work related but anyway.

I was on the bus back from Dublin up to Galway when we stopped off in Oughterard. When some people were getting out, a tannoy warned us to keep clear of the undercarriage doors.

Anyway, some women dove in too soon and got stuck, with the door closing behind her. The driver went and opened it for her but got annoyed for disobeying his instructions on the door. She went off into a right old rant screaming at the driver that it was his fault, she would have his licence and that she wanted his name and licence number or something.

The driver had been a perfect gentlement the whole way up so it really bugged people to see this hysterical woman screaming blue murder. The driver obliged with his number and name and while he was writing it down, another woman came up to ask the woman if she was ok. The hysterical woman went up and asked for her phone number, as she wanted a witness the driver was negligent. Other passengers came up to the woman and politely told her that it wasnt the driver fault.

TO cut a long story short the woman went ape**** on the bus before eventually jumping off screaming threats to all and sundry.

We were delayed for 40 minutes because of this bloody harridan.

aidan24326 · 15-01-2008 03:38PM

Jack Bauer wrote: »

Work in a DIY store. When there's paint spilled (which happens a fair amount of time) we spread compost on it to soak it up ya see. Anyway one day 10lt drum of white paint spilled so one of the managers asked one of the lads to clean it up, so he told him to put compost on it. A few minutes later the guy comes back big bag of compost in arms and pops it onto the paint...still in its wrapping :eek: As he dropped the compost onto the paint it splashed and went all over the managers trousers! The guy then starts rubbing the bag around in the paint to "soak" it up!! The other manager seeing this had to leave he was laughing so hard.

That is definitely one of the most retarded things I've ever heard!

Quality · 15-01-2008 03:39PM

I have worked with a few eejits in my life, I remember working with this girl in a well known Dublin Pub on the northside of Dublin..

She was a lovely looking girl but a bit dim...

Anyhow she was waitressing and came up and asked what the fish of the day was. I told her it was "Leg of Salmon", So she went up to the customer, and elderly well to do gentleman and told him the fish of the day...

Well I tell you, the poor man just took off his glasses and said " Dear Girl, Salmon do not have legs""

It was hilarious!!!

Crazy Christ · 15-01-2008 03:43PM

tHIS THREAD IS RATE FUNNY LOLZORDS OMG OMG WTF BRB M8

I can't believe that nitwits like those above don't jump off a cliff trying to fly

Overheal · 15-01-2008 03:50PM

Worked in a chinese take away a few years ago and we had a tweaked out delivery driver: clearly did all manner of substance, stunk to high heaven and had burn holes in every piece of clothing he owned.

So even after a year doing delivery for us - I answer the phones, I take down the adresses, and the directions (its a rural area) etc. and the feck always calls up the customer asking where it is even if its the most obvious housing estate in the world.

Another thing is our shop is on a busy road and there is meant to be no parking outside to pick up orders - but he does anyway.

so one day hes as high as a kite, pale and sweaty, continues to do this. As hes coming back from a run he pulls to the curb and - somehow, we may never fully understand the stupidity - as he's opening his car door he manages to get it entirely wedged into the front left wheel well of a bus, and the car is dragged ten feet down the road.

:rolleyes:

another delivery driver i will never understand - the idiot got his license revoked. So what does he do for 6 months? His friend drives him around. It made **** all sense. Why deliver at all then?

cance · 15-01-2008 04:05PM

Bit of an IT one, but meh:

member of the admin team asked to prune the staff drives and give them a general tidy up. he decides to format the two volumes :eek:

that was a great weekend, lost.

Senna · 15-01-2008 04:05PM

I spend years working in bar and hotels, so i have millions of these stories;

1. Two people in the restaurant order 2 John Dory's for their main course, i take it out to them and they say we didn't order fish?? Fair enough, not everyone knows what John Dory is, but would you really order something and not have a clue what it is.

2. Man walks down to reception with his two kids and say he put money in the vending machine and it the door wont open!! Trying not to laugh, i explain that you have to enter the number of the item you want on the key pad and the item falls into the open slot.

3. woman orders and get a drink from the bar, she give the barman the money and he goes around the corner to the till, a second later another barman walks past her and out of the bar, she screams at him 'are you not going to give me my change' he says 'i think its X thats serving you' she starts saying 'stop taking a hand at me, you served me!!'. So the the barman with her change comes back and hands it to her and she still starts shouting that the other barman served her and took her money. Pure nut job.

4. Woman who has just checked-in to her room comes back down to reception to complain that from her bedroom window, she cannot see the Lough. She has a hotel Brochure in her hand and reads out the line 'Magnificent view over the Lough X (in the brochure section for the restaurant). I offer her a room at the front of the hotel and she continues to argue that its false advertising and every room must have a view of the Lough if its wrote in the brochure. I explain thats thats the restaurant description, but she still isn't happy even though i moved her to a bedroom with a view.

5. The customer who was giving out about our Fine Brandy selection, he had just had a XO and a VSOP, but said they were rubbish, so the owner said he would get him some from his own private collection, he went into the kitchen and poured a glass of COOKING Brandy, the customer took a drink and said, 'now thats the stuff'

6. The family that checked into their room at 9pm on a saturday evening and were due to check out on sunday morning. After 12pm on sunday there was no sign of them, so we kept calling the room and at about 3pm i went up to their room and all their stuff was still there but they weren't. So i kept calling the room and when up and checked every few hours. At 9pm they arrived back and came down to reception to check-out, i explained that check-out time is 12pm, they argued that they checked-in at 9pm and they paid for a bedroom, so they much have the room for 24hr, no amount of explaining could make them understand that a bedroom is only for the night and not 24hr from the time they checked-in.

This is only the ones i can remember off hand.
In general the masses are asses.

ztoical · 15-01-2008 04:18PM

I worked in Easons in the train station for a while and there'd usually be a bit of queue for the newspapers but most people had exact change ready so it moved quick but at least once a day you'd get some bossy twit in a suit march past everyone and arrive up at the counter and when we explained "hello queue" He'd stare at the queue and then yell "but I'm in a hurry I have a train to catch" at which point someone in the queue would always yell back "so do we its a f**king train station you gimp"

BKtje · 15-01-2008 04:43PM

those banana benders, tubes etcstories are always tried on newbies and most believe them.

others are-

rubber nails.
sky hooks.
glass hammer.

Another one is the "Left handed spatula" . My personal favourite.

Quality · 15-01-2008 04:50PM

B-K-DzR wrote: »

Another one is the "Left handed spatula" . My personal favourite.

Batteries for the till
A bottle of Blue Mist

porn_star · 15-01-2008 04:51PM

Probably had stupider but I don't think I'll ever forget someone looking through the a-z of the music section and coming up and saying "Where does F start? I can't find F!" or... "what would Travis be under, is it T?!" or when you tell them they can buy something at a discounted price and they pick something out and you charge them and they say "oh, I thought it was free"...

adsgirl · 15-01-2008 04:58PM

Lost count of the amount of times i watched people smoking while filling their cars with petrol.

cold_filter · 15-01-2008 05:11PM

adsgirl wrote: »

Lost count of the amount of times i watched people smoking while filling their cars with petrol.

Seen some skanger idiot doing that on saturday across the pump from me so I told him to put it out his reply "relax bud its not as if Im going to set meself on fire is it" What a clown

homerjay2005 · 15-01-2008 05:22PM

worked in tech support about 2 years ago ,had a technician from one of the major stores on the phone (dixons, pc world, comet,etc etc etc,) and he said that a customers PC had stopped working and he wanted a new one. fair enough i said,have you tested it? he said no. "well go on then!" i said. he did,worked first time. it transpired that the customer,didnt pay his electricity bill and got cut off.he somehow forgot the concept that no light,no tv,no cooker,no heating also means no computer. i dont know who was worse though,him or the clown in the store.

Kazobel · 15-01-2008 05:28PM

Had a girl in an old job ask me to help her fix her computer because she'd lost her internet/network connection, after a few minutes of checking the usual had a look under the table and the stupid bint had unplugged her modem to charge her phone :rolleyes:

Doctor DooM · 15-01-2008 05:30PM

You see loads of these people in a certain forum here...

I bought X product. I dropped it on the floor, and now its not working. I returned it to store y and they said I can't have a refund. I know my rights!!!

I once had a customer when I was in O2 who insisted a delivery report from a message he sent on his o2 phone was delivered to his other, seperate, vodafone phone. After 20 minutes of trying to explain that maybe it was a delivery report for a text sent with the vodafone number, I just ignored him for the other people laughing behind him.

I want to thank all the people who posted here who have reminded me why I dont work in the public sector anymore!

gillyfromlyre · 15-01-2008 05:37PM

In my last job one of the women stood outside our workplace from 9am to 1.30pm on a sunday waiting to be left in,she thought it was a monday,she was worse to tell us lol

thefinalstage · 15-01-2008 05:37PM

SDooM wrote: »

You see loads of these people in a certain forum here...

I bought X product. I dropped it on the floor, and now its not working. I returned it to store y and they said I can't have a refund. I know my rights!!!

I once had a customer when I was in O2 who insisted a delivery report from a message he sent on his o2 phone was delivered to his other, seperate, vodafone phone. After 20 minutes of trying to explain that maybe it was a delivery report for a text sent with the vodafone number, I just ignored him for the other people laughing behind him.

I want to thank all the people who posted here who have reminded me why I dont work in the public sector anymore!

Sorry.

constitutionus · 15-01-2008 05:56PM

changed some money for an american bloke in one of our bureaus and when he was leaving asked me if the staircase across the way from me went up!

seriously thought he was taking the piss

Sleepy · 15-01-2008 06:00PM

Worst I can remember was while doing product support for a financial package and having to explain to a financial director of a public sector body why he couldn't simply debit an account without a corresponding credit in a dual entry system... :rolleyes:

I'm guessing he's either owed money by or is a relation of one of the FF bigwigs.

Calibos · 15-01-2008 06:56PM

Have a newsagents and was behind the counter one day when a a real 'Howaya' Dub woman walks in.

"Howaya luuuuvv" Giz a Telle Binnnnngo will ye luuuvvvv"

"I'm sorry I can't. The draw closes at 11:30am"

"Ah go on will ye"

"I can't, the machine won't let me. The draw closes at 11:30am like I said and its now 11:45"

"Ah go on will ye, no one will know, I promiz I won't tell anyone"

This converstation went back and forth for a couple of minutes and I was getting really exasperated at which point the penny dropped. OMG, she's not this thick, she's distracting me while an accomplice sneaks into the back or something.

I quickly glance into the storeroom and have a quick look. No one is there. I turn back to the woman and.......

"Are ye goin ta give me a telle biiinnngo or wha??"

She really was as thick as two short planks!!

I then asked her to leave and she wouldn't. I did something I never did before and never did since. I lost my temper with a customer and told her to "get the f^&k out ye dozy b1tch"

Another time I was asked whether we sold Ladies Leather Handbags.

Why yes, let me show you to our ladies leather goods section down beside the milk, bread and newspapers

Had another woman in who was disgusted when I charged her for a Sunday Newspaper at 4pm.

"But the [other shop] gives them to me free after 4pm"

"Well its been months since they did that I assure you. Newspapers are Full Copy Return now instead of just barcodes, If they give you the papers for free they won't get credits for them. No one does that anymore"

"They do, they leave the papers in a pile outside too for people to take if they wan't"

"Not any more Missus"

"Are you calling me a liar, just last week I got some papers outside after they closed"

"Well either the shop owner wants to go bankrupt in a few weeks or yes, you are a liar"

"Ok, Ok maybe it was a few weeks...."

"Months"

"Ok, Months ago, but they used to give me the papers free at 4pm, I bet you mean b@stards didn't do that"

"Not at 4pm, No, 9pm Yes"

"Yeah, I knew it, Mean b@stards, to mean to give them away at 4pm"

"but we don't close till 9pm unlike that other shop that closes at 4. I'm not giving away free papers when we are open for another 5 hours"

"You're just mean bast...."

"Yeah, whatever"

Not my first run in with this woman either. I used to manage a Bar and had called last orders about 45 minutes previously. She demanded to be served more drink. I refused her demands. Hands on hips, she loudly exclaimed that she was a very good personal friend of the owner and demanded to see him to have me sacked and to get her late drink.

"Well, you're obviously not that good a friend because Simon emigrated to Germany about 4 years ago!"

Lockstep · 15-01-2008 07:08PM

Calibos wrote: »

"Well, you're obviously not that good a friend because Simon emigrated to Germany about 4 years ago!"

Priceless

chopperbyrne · 15-01-2008 07:15PM

I was working in a Shell station years ago and one guy came in who was always moaning about one thing or another.

One day he comes in and asks for twenty blue.

The shop was pretty busy at the time and there were a good few people in a queue behind him.

I told him we didn't have any.

He said "What do you mean you don't have any?!"

Me: "I mean we don't have any."

Him "Well give me two tens then, but I'm only paying for a twenty box."

Me "We don't have any John Player Blue."

Him "You don't have any! You mean you let me queue up and now you're telling me you don't have any!"

At this point people in the queue behind him were getting a bit pissed off.

Me "I didn't know what you were going to ask for."

Him "You know I always get twenty blue. Most popular smokes in the country and you don't have them. What kind of a shop do you call this?"

At this point I saw my opening and took it without hesitation. Speaking loud enough so everyone could hear me.

Me "I call this a petrol station. We primarily sell petrol. We have plenty of petrol if you'd like some?"

He stormed off in disgust!

Y2J_MUFC · 15-01-2008 07:19PM

Working in a student village which they turn into a hotel during the Summer. I was sent to every apt to find out which rooms need to be painted, and rate them on a scale of 1-6 as i seen the damage/marks on the wall....each apt has 6 rooms...

*Ring door bell, 60 year old Spanish woman opens the door*

"Hi,I'm just checking which rooms need to be painted"

"1,2,3,4,5,6, bye"

*She closes the door*

"WTF?"

Doctor DooM · 15-01-2008 07:25PM

thelastangryman wrote: »

Sorry.

Oops... Feel bad now!

L31mr0d · 15-01-2008 07:31PM

We don't really do tech support where I work but for our fairly big customers we'll usually just help them out if they have any issues. One of them literally has NO CLUE about technology, a real pebcak. I've actually considered starting up a blog and transcripting my conversations with him, although nobody would believe me they actually happened.

Just today he rang because he had moved a floppy disk onto his desk and his screen had started changing colours and wanted to know if it was interfering with it. I kid you not. Turned out he had mistakening pressed a button on his monitor that runs some sort of diagnositc, instead of pressing the power button.

He then asked if I could come out and give him the cable he needs to connect to his banks internet. I said there is only one internet and if you can connect to one website you will be able to connect to your banks. He then argued that the cable for the internets didn't make a click when it was plugged into the wall so it mustn't be working. It didn't click because he was using a network cable that didn't have that little clip on it

A few days ago he rang with an issue he was having installing some software on his PC. After 40 or so minutes of getting him to reinstall his DVD Drivers, amongst other things I asked him to eject the DVD, he did so and then asked "now can you just confirm is the CD supposed to be silver side up or down". I had to bite my lip. I told him to turn it over and try it again, and it worked.

If he wasn't such a waste of my time i'd find him more hilarious than irritating.

EDIT: Oh yeah forgot about my first encounter with him. He likes to detail his issues always as "this is very urgent, I need you to come out and help me right now". The issues are never urgent i've come to learn but the first time I dealt with him I actually went out to where he works, because he had an "Urgent issue regarding strange behaviour on his monitor, where the text was messed up". When I got out there I could see no problems with his PC. It turned out someone was using his PC and had increased the resolution to 1024x768 (he was used to 800x600) because of this, and his bad sight the text now seemed messed up as it was so small to him.

Senna · 15-01-2008 08:33PM

Calibos wrote: »

she loudly exclaimed that she was a very good personal friend of the owner and demanded to see him to have me sacked and to get her late drink.

I've had this happen a hundred times, they'll even say they are good friends of X, even though X maybe the owners brother, uncle, cousin etc, and has nothing to do with the business. It just makes me laugh.

Brando_ie · 15-01-2008 08:34PM

When working on a pub renovation there was a particular carpenter who what known as 'The King' because of his neurosis of constantly 'inspecting' other peoples work and then openly criticising it. Now this guy was a general carpenter but would happily take the time to explain to a plasterer, plumber or whoever where they had erred in their work. He would even wear a hardhat with 'foreman' on it even though he was not the site foreman.

Anyway, on this particular job we were on an incredibly tight program and work was undertaken at a breakneck speed, as a result The King had to take a short lunch so as to inspect all the new work and prepare his comments. I had been working with another carpenter installing some velux roof light into the new building that we were having our lunch in. The work was incomplete and as there was a light rain a tarp was thrown over the newly cut opes into the roof. As the King wandered out to see what we had been up to, he walked over the tarp and shot through the hole up to his arms. We spent the remainder of our lunch watching his flailing legs above us along with his increasingly mournful cries for help, a full 20 minutes.

This tale could well be a tale of shoddy health and safety practices but to me it is one of an idiot getting there comeuppance and despite being about 18 years ago remains clearly in my memory.

Describe the stupidest person you've ever encountered while you were working.

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