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Scared

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  • #32
    Rb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    Seriously, stop dragging it out any longer. It will never be the same again, just stop kidding yourself and move on, find another girl etc.

    Don't stress yourself over it, just put the blame on her in your mind and don't contact her again.


  • #33
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    STUPIDIDIOT wrote: »
    Let me explain about the knife. When it happened she gave me till the count of 20 to leave the room while she was holding this knife - so I just considered it playful. I left anyway. But there was nothing in her behavior at the time [before the online conversation] that suggested how upset she really was.



    Thanks, Bottle. Thats the single most enlightening post yet.

    Another thing too is, that the friend next to me is a long time friend of hers. While she never liked him at all, hes still a red blooded male too. so youre right it may have a lot to do with it. Theyre best friends.

    Ive been in an exhausted sleep since the afternoon and I woke up thinking the exact same trust issue. Its made me physically ill: that she'll be unable to forgive me; that our bridges are going to burn.
    But do I deserve any better? In 3 seconds, I managed to rip apart the line between friends; between even more than friends if it ever had been anything more than that.

    I wouldnt consider it a moment of madness or of .... molest. None of it excuses the facts; but she was fully clothed and she was under her own blanket and quilt from the stomach up. I didnt reach around the covers! i just went obliquely straight there expecting her to flinch or do something - but no. Thats not an excuse. but its driving me to madness. How the **** could I have listened to that impulse that "oh, it's just yet another tickle attack". What really happened, was a Violation.

    Would it really be so unreasonable of her to leave.
    If what you say here is true, then she completely over reacted. You should grow a pair and tell her you were only messing and for her to cop the **** on. If it were me i would just explain it was a misunderstanding on my part and no harm was meant. For her to pull a knife on you is totally out of line.


  • #34
    Rb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    curiousxxx1 wrote: »
    Yes it would be, guessing you have apologised to her by now. If she does leave then that's definitely OTT and also may be because she has feelings for you too... IMO i think that's the whole reason for her going home. She thinks she might like you and the situation is complicated!
    Come on now, don't give him hopes or ideas about it.


  • #35
    leninbenjamin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,983 ✭✭✭leninbenjamin


    is she really worth all this anxiety?

    the ball's in her court now anyway, seems like you've done as much as you can your end. if she comes around in the end, grand. if not not, well you've learned a lesson here but it's not worth getting overly stressed over.

    sh*t happens, people make mistakes.

    and to be perfectly honest... if the knife thing wasn't in jest i personally would be keeping well away from her and frankly wouldn't even be bothered if she never talked to me again. she doesn't sound like a stable person...


  • #36
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Is it possible that this girl has some sort of history that nobody knows about, perhaps abused in the past? Maybe OPs sudden "tickling" brought back some memories....?


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  • #37
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,725 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    oh shut up rb_ie.

    Its not triage here: oh well that ones ****ed move onto the next one! seriously.

    People are people. They arent fruit to be half eaten and tossed away. If you care about someone and youre afraid of losing them you know damn well youd be the first one in line with a peverbial defribilator.

    theres not much more you can do for now, Idiot (my you gave yourself a nice name.. though you may well deserve it). She left; so no brainer: she needs as much space as she can get. dont go and chase her along with texts and emails. If anything she needs time to think and reflect. If shes any judge of character (and you yourself are of as good character as you make yourself out to be) then you should have nothing to worry about.

    But you may well and truly have to prepare for the worst case. So in a way, this may be your very first breakup... its going to hurt. a lot. But I couldn't begin telling you how to prepare for that. You can't, really.

    You've done what you can, and Im afraid the worst may be yet to come. Maybe the only preparing you can do right now is to go and clear your planner for the week: get all your **** outta the way - when she gets back theres a frighteningly healthy chance you'll end up hiding in your room with a bottle of whiskey and a borrowed throwing knife (if youre the emo type) for a couple of days. :-/


  • #38
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,361 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Overheal wrote: »
    oh shut up rb_ie.

    I'll not be having that sort of talk in this forum thanks.
    B


  • #39
    *Page*
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,811 ✭✭✭*Page*


    Seraphina wrote: »
    mixed signals??? are you ****ing joking me???

    I wasnt there i cant say if it was full on in his face or if he took it that way. she could have been directing it to her other friend in the room at the time or maybe just ripping her friend.

    i dont know. what i do know is that she said (a. he recated and she flipped. obvious that it was mixed up on someones side of things...


    I dont want to jump to conclutions as i dont know both sides.


    OP~

    You seem very upset about this, i think you need to take a deep breath and think about it. She's probably more embarrassed than hurt. She might be feeling bad about how she reacted.

    best thing to do is leave her alone, dont proclaim your feelings for her, calm down and let the water under the bridge.

    when she gets back she might just want to forget about everything.

    If she doesn want to move out let her, dont get all upset.

    That could have been the last of a long list of things to happen to her and you got thr brunt.
    But I do think you were out of line but then again I think she was too, i'm not one for telling two lads that are about to leave the room that i'm going to go play with myself so maybe i'm being harsh.


    Anyway, just do your best to clam down before she gets back.


  • #40
    Seraphina
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,875 ✭✭✭Seraphina


    ok, obviously i wasn't there, but in my book, thats total come on behaviour.

    but then i suppose most people are more naturally touchy feely and flirty than me, so i guess my opinion doesn't really count for much.

    all i know is if that was me, i would not behave like that with a male friend unless i wanted it to be more than that.

    she's obviously different, but she still over reacted. she'll calm down and probably forget about it if you apologise and promise it wont happen again. I'd say you should steer clearly of the playful tickling for a while tho.


  • #41
    Canis Lupus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,880 ✭✭✭Canis Lupus


    I just wish the OP could clearly and consisely state the problem. As it is I'm not sure if tickling means playing chess or carving an ice sculpture with a toothpick. I hope english isn't your chosen subject in college.


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  • #42
    Caryatnid
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 555 ✭✭✭Caryatnid


    I don't really understand what the girl's problem is and why the OP is so upset.

    From what I've read, I understand:

    He was sitting on her lap, he was tickling her.
    She told them to get out so she could masturbate.
    He didn't, but tickled her between her legs although her clothes and duvet was between his hand and her. How can you tickle someone through a duvet?

    OP are you sure this is not a huge overreaction on her part, and your part? Granted, you shouldn't've done it, but all these tears and so are are uncalled for.

    Meanwhile the girl has made it clear she's not interested in you. You need to understand that and seperate your friend-feelings from fancying-feelings for her.


  • #43
    togster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,931 ✭✭✭togster


    Shes a drama queen. Get rid.


  • #44
    l3LoWnA
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 890 ✭✭✭l3LoWnA


    She's being a complete drama queen and you've already apologised so let her calm down and possibly then she'll realise how stupidly she's acted.

    OP - STOP BEING UPSET about all of this!!!! You have done nothing wrong. Ok, so maybe you overstepped the mark a bit, but if you two are friends, all that should do is make things awkward for a few days!!! Come on!!! Why did she feel she had to go home?!? And what is the story with her throwing a KNIFE at you?!? Did you stay in her room for the whole 20 seconds as she counted after she'd told you to leave?!? FFS, maybe you'd be better off if she DID move out! She sounds very unstable!!! Are you so upset because of what you've done or is it really because you're worried you'll lose her!?

    She decided to blurt out to TWO male friends, WHILE SHE WAS IN BED, AFTER one had just been tickling her that she wanted to play with herself (ie. "I'm horny") And then she flips the lid and f8cks off home and makes YOU feel like crrap because you gestured towards giving her a helping hand. She's your friend, she said she was horny and she had no problem in letting you sit on her lap and tickle her two seconds before?!? You are not wrong for believing it was an invitation, as I've said prevoiusly. I'm a girl, and I wouldn't say that to a lad IN my bedroom, who had just been tickling me, unless I was hoping for something more....Yet, you are accused or violating her!?!? I know you may feel you have OP, and she feels you have, but in all honesty, this has been blown WAYYYY out of proportion by both of you!!!

    I think someone may have hit the nail on the head above, when they said that it may be all because of the other friend who was present.....she doesn't want him to think she'd put up with that!! YET....she thinks it's ok to tell you both to leave so she can play with herself!!!???!!!

    Prick-tease!! And drama Queen!! You're better than that OP! Go and fnd yourself a real woman! You've done all you can OP, don't go crawling to her anymore now, live your life, try and forget about it all and she'll be back!


  • #45
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    Seraphina wrote: »
    ok, obviously i wasn't there, but in my book, thats total come on behaviour.

    +1


  • #46
    Carrigart Exile
    Closed Accounts Posts: 994 ✭✭✭Carrigart Exile


    STUPIDIDIOT wrote: »
    (she tried to kill me with a 7 inch throwing knife - and gave me 20 seconds to get outta there)

    Then hope she does indeed move out; that is completely uncalled for


  • #47
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,537 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    What did you think was gonna happen when she was there with a friend? Spit roast her on the bed? Something tells me you've been watching too much porn...

    She sees you as a friend, has made it clear to you already and while you're clearly mooning about after her she's getting more and more frustrated about it. Get any ideas of being with this girl out of your head and go get laid.


  • #48
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Caryatnid wrote: »
    I don't really understand what the girl's problem is and why the OP is so upset.

    From what I've read, I understand:

    He was sitting on her lap, he was tickling her.
    She told them to get out so she could masturbate.
    He didn't, but tickled her between her legs although her clothes and duvet was between his hand and her. How can you tickle someone through a duvet?

    OP are you sure this is not a huge overreaction on her part, and your part? Granted, you shouldn't've done it, but all these tears and so are are uncalled for.

    Meanwhile the girl has made it clear she's not interested in you. You need to understand that and seperate your friend-feelings from fancying-feelings for her.

    You have the details the more correct of everyone here. Thats pretty much what happened.

    What happened afterward (immediately afterward) was more playful than anything, though she did pend up quite a bit of frustration later about it. She just loves sharp things and keeps them around she would never hurt anyone with them; which is why I wasnt threatened by the reaction: I pretty much expected it :p

    Anyway, yeah, she blew it out of proportion: started making it out like she wanted nothing more to do with me ever, etc etc and me being a n00b, who am I to know it could just be a spur reaction? So I just assumed it was genuine. I have feelings for the girl and yeah, I got a little blurry-eyed; but nothing completely daft - I just always jump to the worst possible assumption.

    Anyway she was back at the house the next day - business as usual. We were both obviously aware that we needed to speak but for various reasons I didnt get a chance to have a 1 on 1 conversation with her until tonight.

    She threw the whole thing out of proportion on her end because of the last couple months: since she broke up with her 2yr BF over the summer, she was almost immediately hit on by his best friend, later by me (mid-September), then by the other friend that was in the room at some stage or another (pretty aggressively it turns out in a story Im sworn never to repeat), and by her other friend in Dublin.
    So yes: the girl has been in perpetual relationships for the last 7 years so she never really learned to cope with male attention...she got accustom to having a guy next to her to beat of the pervs with a stick. Basically, I was the last good friend she had that hadnt tried to abuse/harass her, and according to her* I'm the only one she had ever reciprocated anything to**.

    *Yeah; I've seen enough PI threads to know thats trouble, logically speaking...but trust is only Human. As long as I've known her she'd been incredibly honest anyway. I know most people on boards here are lying theiving bastards so I dont expect you to understand theres people (like me) that get sick inside when we lie to people on the Big Things.

    **Basically of all the guys to hit on her, I was the one she really didnt know at all. We hit it off in the pub one night - crazy makeout results. Next day we have the 'i need to be single talk' but still spent the night together on a PG rated makeout slumber party funtime. That was the last time I got any real kissage. A couple weeks after that she moved out of her slumhole and rented a seperate room at mine.

    So we talked that all out then. She could be a long time deciding what she wants and somehow I doubt that'll be me. She's the comfortable sort around guys (y'know the hugs the platonic cheek kisses and tickles (above the waist apparently ) all that jazz) so I somehow doubt Im anything too special but while that brings me down a little Im happy at the minute. I let her know pretty much what I said here: 'Im not about the sex; but I need the affection and the intimacy'

    ...in fact when I think about it: a full blown relationship? Can I handle that? Not a clue

    So, we're back at the stage we were at last week: though I'd say we learned a lot more about each other. Im not going to set myself up for further upset though: we're friends.

    **GODAMMIT BOARDS! Theres no advanced posting options for anonymous users! You bastards!!!**

    *thanks all for your insight - regardless of whether I agreed with it or not, it would be ignorant of me not to listen to all points of view.*


  • #49
    togster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,931 ✭✭✭togster


    STUPIDIDIOT wrote: »
    . I know most people on boards here are lying theiving bastards so I dont expect you to understand theres people (like me) that get sick inside when we lie to people on the Big Things.

    .*

    TBH i think ye both need psychological help of some sort then. Us being lying thieving bastards and all....:rolleyes:


  • #50
    Nerin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,523 ✭✭✭✭Nerin


    *Yeah; I've seen enough PI threads to know thats trouble, logically speaking...but trust is only Human. As long as I've known her she'd been incredibly honest anyway. I know most people on boards here are lying theiving bastards so I dont expect you to understand theres people (like me) that get sick inside when we lie to people on the Big Things.

    i love it when people show such gratitude to all those who offered them help when they asked for it :rolleyes:
    but what do i know,we're all lying thieves lol


  • #51
    meditraitor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,207 ✭✭✭meditraitor


    STUPIDIDIOT wrote: »
    . She just loves sharp things and keeps them around she would never hurt anyone with them;
    .*

    Maybe you should hope she doesnt come back,


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  • #52
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,725 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    I assume you mean lying theives in the most affectionate way :) ty luv


  • #53
    PHILIPMCKEOWN
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭PHILIPMCKEOWN


    You should have said back...women are all the same


  • #54
    PHILIPMCKEOWN
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭PHILIPMCKEOWN


    You just picked up on something the wrong way man.. Big deal.. Plenty of women out there for you..... The thing is she knows this and probably does like you but girls are funny about putting you either as a friend of boyfriend,,, cant be both. The same thing happened with me and a really good friend from school..... I was shifting her earlier that night and all went back to hers and made the move!!! which I regret bigtime. Its like they cant have sex as they see you as a friend... She hasnt talked to me since and still has my watch. AH IT WAS A NICE WATCH.... But anyhow I got lots of girls now... So get on with it man. Get out this weekend and do some smooth talking!!!! ;)

    Sarah pet if you read this..............Give me my ****ing watch back!!!!! lol


  • #55
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    STUPIDIDIOT wrote: »

    *Yeah; I've seen enough PI threads to know thats trouble, logically speaking...but trust is only Human. As long as I've known her she'd been incredibly honest anyway. I know most people on boards here are lying theiving bastards so I dont expect you to understand theres people (like me) that get sick inside when we lie to people on the Big Things.


    **GODAMMIT BOARDS! Theres no advanced posting options for anonymous users! You bastards!!!**

    *thanks all for your insight - regardless of whether I agreed with it or not, it would be ignorant of me not to listen to all points of view.*

    On thing we have in this forum are rules about personal abuse.
    If you were registered i would have warned or banned you for that comment. And for the comment about Boards posting options.

    I would contend that the majority people posting here do so to give advice, useful or not without the ablity to rob anyone.
    As i said I cannot ban you but will close the thread.
    You have the option of registering and PMing me or going to feedback/helpdesk if you have an issue with my decision


This discussion has been closed.
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