How I to tell her ?

tazamia · 15-10-2007 03:21PM

Unregged80 wrote: »

OP, I know exactly what you're going through. All through college I had a huge crush on one of the girls on my course. I couldn't stop thinking about her and wanted it to be a lot more than just friends. I always think she knew I had a crush on her but I never told her and nothing ever came of it because I knew she didn't feel the same way.

However, we always remained friends and I'm glad to this day that we still are. I still see her every day (we work together) and get on really well with her. But the romantic feelings I had for her in college have long faded away! When I finally realised that we would never be together the romantic feelings I had towards her slowly disappeared. It was difficult at first but it was worth the pain as i now have a very good friend and I have met someone else who I love more than I could have ever imagined possible.

My advice is not to cut off contact with this girl. I know it's difficult now but in the years to come you will meet other women who you'll be attracted to and all the time you'll also be keeping this girl as a friend. Trust me, it's a win win situation!

HEY unregged80 did you ever tell her you had a thing for her in college? what did she say?

celestial · 15-10-2007 04:03PM

the way I see it, girls pretty much put guys they know and meet into two different categories - guys they 'feel it' for, and guys they have that 'isn't he such a nice guy', the dreaded friends zone!! I think that if you aren't sparking attraction at the beginning and making it clear (through flirting, etc) that you are interested in her as a prospective girlfriend/date/romantic interest or whatever then you pretty much slide into the friends zone - quite often even if the girl is into you! Of course there are exceptions - girls who realise that the guy who professed his love/interest in her is actually someone she does fancy, but I would say this is relatively rare! I would be surprised if any of the girls on here disagree with any of this....

OP, if I were you (and I have been in pretty much the exact same position - although I actually worked with this girl - think that makes little difference though) - I would see how it goes when you get back, give it a few weeks - but I think you will need to create that space between the two of ye - and after a while you will get that emotional independence you were talking about. In my experience still going on like nothing had happened and hanging out with her was FAR FAR worse than being apart from her - it clears your mind, puts things in perspective for you, and - most of all - will stop you thinking about her in that way ALL THE TIME! It works. And who knows what may happen in the future then, esp as you won't be friends as such any more.

I would say that a guy like the OP saying to this girl that he needs to be apart from her/can't be friends anymore cos he fancies her would prob get him more respect in this girl's eyes, rather than hanging round her still wanting her more than as a friend - what do you think girls?

LegacyUser · 15-10-2007 11:13PM

celestial wrote: »

I would say that a guy like the OP saying to this girl that he needs to be apart from her/can't be friends anymore cos he fancies her would prob get him more respect in this girl's eyes, rather than hanging round her still wanting her more than as a friend - what do you think girls?

Good point. What do the ladies here think I wonder? Good idea or not ?She'll probably be asking why I'd be avoiding her when I come back from my holidays. Should I come clean and probably make things more ackward, or should I just go with the 'I'm too busy these days' route. I need the time apart from her, but I dont want to offend or upset her. She did nothing wrong.

LegacyUser · 16-10-2007 10:43AM

tazamia wrote: »

HEY unregged80 did you ever tell her you had a thing for her in college? what did she say?

I never ended up telling her out I felt. I knew in college that she didn't feel the same way and since leaving college it's never really come up or been an issue for me. I probably wouldn't have a problem telling her now that I used to have a crush on her, but I won't be just wandering up to her one day and saying "Hey you'll never guess what....."

celestial · 16-10-2007 11:10PM

madlyinlove wrote: »

Good point. What do the ladies here think I wonder? Good idea or not ?She'll probably be asking why I'd be avoiding her when I come back from my holidays. Should I come clean and probably make things more ackward, or should I just go with the 'I'm too busy these days' route. I need the time apart from her, but I dont want to offend or upset her. She did nothing wrong.

Girls - your views are wanted. what is your opinion of what the OP and myself are asking above? would you have more respect for a guy who doesn't pretend that he is okay with being just friends when he is actually not, and still wants more?

The way I see it is you need to be a man, come clean, say why you can't be just friends and move away from the person.

What's your opinion?

SarahSassy · 16-10-2007 11:35PM

madlyinlove wrote: »

I love her company. I love being around her. I love to hear the thoughts, her voice. I love it when she greets me with a peck on the cheek, or a hug. I love her laugh, she's ridiculously beautiful.

Thats so romantic and she does not know that you feel this way about her...... I think you should tell her. Get her total reaction face to face and then decide if you can continue. In the meantime, put her put of your head and enjoy your holiday. I assume you are away with other people so dont be a moany arse and get on with it and have a good time.

metaoblivia · 17-10-2007 03:19AM

celestial wrote: »

Girls - your views are wanted. what is your opinion of what the OP and myself are asking above? would you have more respect for a guy who doesn't pretend that he is okay with being just friends when he is actually not, and still wants more?

The way I see it is you need to be a man, come clean, say why you can't be just friends and move away from the person.

What's your opinion?

I don't know if respect is the word, but I find it preferable for a man to say that being friends isn't enough and then move on with his life. As a woman, if I'm into a guy and he doesn't feel the same way, that's what I do. I think the line of "We can still be friends!" is selfish and naive, especially since it's usually coming from the person who's hopes haven't been dashed. People need space. When it comes to unrequited 'love', we're great at stringing ourselves along. So I say cut the cord and be done with it.

clickerquicklic · 17-10-2007 08:31AM

Hey man , just reading your posts there, if you don't mind me saying i think everyone is giving you very negative advice.
I've been in this situation a few times myself and after initially getting knocked back have always managed to get the girl in the end.
Now before people start laying into me here saying "who do you think you are Brad Pitt etc" i'm just like every other average guy out there nothing special.
Ok first off OP you seemed to be defeated before you started, saying stuff like i think i know she doesn't like me !!!!!! Eh hello then don't go near her till she does like you!

OK i don't know were to start with you mate ......
If you really want her you have to start at the beginning.
Be more confident, stop with this attitude of her not liking you.
Women are not stupid , she clearly knew you liked her from ages ago thats what women do best read men, we are sooo predictable!!
Stop been so eager , saying stuff like i love when she kisses me on the cheek when we meet- thats what women do with there gay friends!! Already you've allowed yourself to fall into the friend zone too soon. If a woman i wanted to be with was kissing me on the cheek when we met i'd know she doesn't see me in that way at all.
Be more of a man , I'd say you reply to her texts all the time answer her calls etc. your just too easy she has you already , ignore her if you's are out with friends arrange to meet other friends the same night and just leave say right im off have to meet someone.
Make her think your not always there and you have a life, so after you stop been there everytime you's go out, stop replying to her texts all the time, cut out the cheek kissing,
get yourself a hobby that intersests you that you can take your frustration out on like running , mountain biking , kick boxing etc, then you will have something interesting to say, she will be more curious as to were you are? what your doing? and then instead of you thinking of her she'll start to think about you.
Take more pride in your appearance , you think you can't get this girl why? No women are too good for you , remember that, go the grafton barber get a stylish hair cut some new clothes and go to work in them on a day you's are going out after work, then let her see you dressed up and just head off somewhere else ,meet someone else, it'll freak her out.
Chat to other girls in the office , that'll also freak her out and stop looking at her , cut out girly waves and stupid emails she doesn't want a penpal, you are her gay friend now you have to erase that start been more manly.
Ok let me know if your going to try again because "impossible is nothing" mate you can get her i've been with girls that blanked me loads of times it gets easier when you know what they want.
And before girls start slating me here saying im big headed or whatever i'm not , you don't know me , don't judge me i'm giving this lad some advice because i was in the same position and everything he has tryed has failed.

Balmed Out · 17-10-2007 08:46AM

last post is dead right.

Fysh · 17-10-2007 09:44AM

clickerquicklic wrote: »

Hey man , just reading your posts there, if you don't mind me saying i think everyone is giving you very negative advice.
I've been in this situation a few times myself and after initially getting knocked back have always managed to get the girl in the end.
Now before people start laying into me here saying "who do you think you are Brad Pitt etc" i'm just like every other average guy out there nothing special.
Ok first off OP you seemed to be defeated before you started, saying stuff like i think i know she doesn't like me !!!!!! Eh hello then don't go near her till she does like you!

OK i don't know were to start with you mate ......
If you really want her you have to start at the beginning.
Be more confident, stop with this attitude of her not liking you.
Women are not stupid , she clearly knew you liked her from ages ago thats what women do best read men, we are sooo predictable!!
Stop been so eager , saying stuff like i love when she kisses me on the cheek when we meet- thats what women do with there gay friends!! Already you've allowed yourself to fall into the friend zone too soon. If a woman i wanted to be with was kissing me on the cheek when we met i'd know she doesn't see me in that way at all.
Be more of a man , I'd say you reply to her texts all the time answer her calls etc. your just too easy she has you already , ignore her if you's are out with friends arrange to meet other friends the same night and just leave say right im off have to meet someone.
Make her think your not always there and you have a life, so after you stop been there everytime you's go out, stop replying to her texts all the time, cut out the cheek kissing,
get yourself a hobby that intersests you that you can take your frustration out on like running , mountain biking , kick boxing etc, then you will have something interesting to say, she will be more curious as to were you are? what your doing? and then instead of you thinking of her she'll start to think about you.
Take more pride in your appearance , you think you can't get this girl why? No women are too good for you , remember that, go the grafton barber get a stylish hair cut some new clothes and go to work in them on a day you's are going out after work, then let her see you dressed up and just head off somewhere else ,meet someone else, it'll freak her out.
Chat to other girls in the office , that'll also freak her out and stop looking at her , cut out girly waves and stupid emails she doesn't want a penpal, you are her gay friend now you have to erase that start been more manly.
Ok let me know if your going to try again because "impossible is nothing" mate you can get her i've been with girls that blanked me loads of times it gets easier when you know what they want.
And before girls start slating me here saying im big headed or whatever i'm not , you don't know me , don't judge me i'm giving this lad some advice because i was in the same position and everything he has tryed has failed.

New clothes, a stylish haircut, and a "manly" hobby?

Well, sure, they're ideas to consider and if the OP feels they might suit him anyway then he should go along with them.

I can't help but be worried at your apparent suggestion that the OP reinvent himself just to try and woo a girl who hasn't shown any interest in him. There is a lot to be said for having confidence and doing things that enhance your confidence such as some of the above tips.

Conversely, there's a lot to be said for knowing when not to keep pestering a girl who's not interested, because for all your talk of "nothing's impossible", sooner or later you'll have to accept that sometimes, the girl isn't interested.

As for the OP's query regarding space, ect : your post about loving being around her, etc, makes you sound like a smitten puppy. I don't mean that as an insult, but if your crush on her has gotten to the stage it's at now without any real input or response from her, it won't go away unless you change something.

Stop spending so much time with her, and if she asks why, well, you can choose whether to make something up or be honest about it. No, she hasn't done anything wrong, but at the same time you looking out for yourself by avoiding heartache should take precedence over some trivial concern about her being offended/upset.

geuro · 17-10-2007 09:49AM

op, don't take any offense but are you a man or a mouse? Just tell her and sort it out and then you will know for sure. What's the alternative; moping around in a state of masochistic melancholy and posting your 'teen-crush' problems online...

Good luck anyway

geuro · 17-10-2007 10:01AM

ha!

sorry i might have jumped the gun there i didnt read the whole post before i posted. Pity it didnt work out the way you expected op, enjoy your holiday though..

celestial · 17-10-2007 11:42AM

clickerquicklic wrote: »

Hey man , just reading your posts there, if you don't mind me saying i think everyone is giving you very negative advice.
I've been in this situation a few times myself and after initially getting knocked back have always managed to get the girl in the end.
Now before people start laying into me here saying "who do you think you are Brad Pitt etc" i'm just like every other average guy out there nothing special.
Ok first off OP you seemed to be defeated before you started, saying stuff like i think i know she doesn't like me !!!!!! Eh hello then don't go near her till she does like you!

OK i don't know were to start with you mate ......
If you really want her you have to start at the beginning.
Be more confident, stop with this attitude of her not liking you.
Women are not stupid , she clearly knew you liked her from ages ago thats what women do best read men, we are sooo predictable!!
Stop been so eager , saying stuff like i love when she kisses me on the cheek when we meet- thats what women do with there gay friends!! Already you've allowed yourself to fall into the friend zone too soon. If a woman i wanted to be with was kissing me on the cheek when we met i'd know she doesn't see me in that way at all.
Be more of a man , I'd say you reply to her texts all the time answer her calls etc. your just too easy she has you already , ignore her if you's are out with friends arrange to meet other friends the same night and just leave say right im off have to meet someone.
Make her think your not always there and you have a life, so after you stop been there everytime you's go out, stop replying to her texts all the time, cut out the cheek kissing,
get yourself a hobby that intersests you that you can take your frustration out on like running , mountain biking , kick boxing etc, then you will have something interesting to say, she will be more curious as to were you are? what your doing? and then instead of you thinking of her she'll start to think about you.
Take more pride in your appearance , you think you can't get this girl why? No women are too good for you , remember that, go the grafton barber get a stylish hair cut some new clothes and go to work in them on a day you's are going out after work, then let her see you dressed up and just head off somewhere else ,meet someone else, it'll freak her out.
Chat to other girls in the office , that'll also freak her out and stop looking at her , cut out girly waves and stupid emails she doesn't want a penpal, you are her gay friend now you have to erase that start been more manly.
Ok let me know if your going to try again because "impossible is nothing" mate you can get her i've been with girls that blanked me loads of times it gets easier when you know what they want.
And before girls start slating me here saying im big headed or whatever i'm not , you don't know me , don't judge me i'm giving this lad some advice because i was in the same position and everything he has tryed has failed.

Hey clickerquicklic

I don't think the advice has been negative - more like realistic. What you are advising the OP to do in your post above is great advice. It's great advice from the point of view of living your own life, improving self esteem and confidence, but I don't believe it is a recipe for getting the girl, so to speak. You could do all the things you are talking about and the girl might barely notice! If she just sees him as a nice friend doing all those things might make her wonder hmm he's not around as much, etc, but I don't think she is suddenly going to start thinking of him in a different way.

However, in saying that, I do agree with your fundamental point - 'impossible is nothing'. I would say that if this guy really wants this girl, and he smartens up his act and doesn't act like a wuss then I guess it is possible to get the girl (unless maybe she is really just not into him). The point I am making is that it is very difficult, although not strictly impossible, to get a girl who has 'friend-feelings' for you to make her feel romantically interested in you. You can't talk someone into feeling attracted to you, you can't try to convince them that yes, we could be together - attraction doesn't work like that. This girl would need to start feeling it for him on her own - although he does have a part to play in that too, as per your advice.

I would say that the best course of action is to move away from her, get that better self-esteem, seek out other women, attract other women, and then see what happens. What might happen this is he could meet someone else and forget all about her! Or he could meet someone else and suddenly the other girl could be interested. The OP is right now somewhat obsessed with this one girl (I know, I've been there). This, believe it or not, is what the REAL issue is. If he were to meet someone else he'd likely find himself forgetting about this girl in time - he might also find that he does not have nearly as strong feelings for her as he thought.

clickerquicklic · 17-10-2007 02:24PM

celestial wrote: »

Hey clickerquicklic

I don't think the advice has been negative - more like realistic. What you are advising the OP to do in your post above is great advice. It's great advice from the point of view of living your own life, improving self esteem and confidence, but I don't believe it is a recipe for getting the girl, so to speak. You could do all the things you are talking about and the girl might barely notice! If she just sees him as a nice friend doing all those things might make her wonder hmm he's not around as much, etc, but I don't think she is suddenly going to start thinking of him in a different way.

However, in saying that, I do agree with your fundamental point - 'impossible is nothing'. I would say that if this guy really wants this girl, and he smartens up his act and doesn't act like a wuss then I guess it is possible to get the girl (unless maybe she is really just not into him). The point I am making is that it is very difficult, although not strictly impossible, to get a girl who has 'friend-feelings' for you to make her feel romantically interested in you. You can't talk someone into feeling attracted to you, you can't try to convince them that yes, we could be together - attraction doesn't work like that. This girl would need to start feeling it for him on her own - although he does have a part to play in that too, as per your advice.

I would say that the best course of action is to move away from her, get that better self-esteem, seek out other women, attract other women, and then see what happens. What might happen this is he could meet someone else and forget all about her! Or he could meet someone else and suddenly the other girl could be interested. The OP is right now somewhat obsessed with this one girl (I know, I've been there). This, believe it or not, is what the REAL issue is. If he were to meet someone else he'd likely find himself forgetting about this girl in time - he might also find that he does not have nearly as strong feelings for her as he thought.

Hey Clestial,

I'm sorry i will have to disagree with you the majority of the replys are telling him to get over her and forget it, thats such bad advice when clearly he's mad about her.

If you want something bad enough you should go for it , people are all to happy to put you down and point out your shortcomings and failings, thats what the majority of Irish people are like unfortunately. My point was that he has had a defeatest attitude from the start and although im not saying this girl is now going to fall in love with him straight away i think he has gone about it all wrong from the start.

Trust me , most women are the same they can smell desperation and i'd say the OP stinks of it ( no offence OP) but its not something women usually go for its no challenge. Plus the fact he said all his other mates on the night out knew he fancied this girl- clearly he's been too clingly and just too smitten.

strawberrybox · 17-10-2007 03:03PM

ok for a start this girl looks to be playing with you, you are just far to available to her clickerquicklic was right you need to start doing more things independant of her and its no harm to let her see this, there is no need to change your personality totally or anything but just to make the most of what you have, look the best you can and dress nicely let her see what a good catch you are and that other people are interested in you to,

I know you have tried the direct approach and she didnt really respond in the way you wanted by changing the subject but she may have just been embarrassed and didnt know what to say and kinda felt put on the spot, i wouldnt give up just yet, but another thing clickerquicklic was right about is that women can smell desperation a mile away and its so off putting so just be a bit more aloof with her and make her see she is not the be all and end all for you even though you feel she is,

you never know she might come running if she feels that you are no longer a plaything for her and might just decide that she wants you after all if she feels that she no longer has you.

jackdaw · 17-10-2007 03:50PM

clickerquicklic wrote: »

Hey man , just reading your posts there, if you don't mind me saying i think everyone is giving you very negative advice.
I've been in this situation a few times myself and after initially getting knocked back have always managed to get the girl in the end.
Now before people start laying into me here saying "who do you think you are Brad Pitt etc" i'm just like every other average guy out there nothing special.
Ok first off OP you seemed to be defeated before you started, saying stuff like i think i know she doesn't like me !!!!!! Eh hello then don't go near her till she does like you!

OK i don't know were to start with you mate ......
If you really want her you have to start at the beginning.
Be more confident, stop with this attitude of her not liking you.
Women are not stupid , she clearly knew you liked her from ages ago thats what women do best read men, we are sooo predictable!!
Stop been so eager , saying stuff like i love when she kisses me on the cheek when we meet- thats what women do with there gay friends!! Already you've allowed yourself to fall into the friend zone too soon. If a woman i wanted to be with was kissing me on the cheek when we met i'd know she doesn't see me in that way at all.
Be more of a man , I'd say you reply to her texts all the time answer her calls etc. your just too easy she has you already , ignore her if you's are out with friends arrange to meet other friends the same night and just leave say right im off have to meet someone.
Make her think your not always there and you have a life, so after you stop been there everytime you's go out, stop replying to her texts all the time, cut out the cheek kissing,
get yourself a hobby that intersests you that you can take your frustration out on like running , mountain biking , kick boxing etc, then you will have something interesting to say, she will be more curious as to were you are? what your doing? and then instead of you thinking of her she'll start to think about you.
Take more pride in your appearance , you think you can't get this girl why? No women are too good for you , remember that, go the grafton barber get a stylish hair cut some new clothes and go to work in them on a day you's are going out after work, then let her see you dressed up and just head off somewhere else ,meet someone else, it'll freak her out.
Chat to other girls in the office , that'll also freak her out and stop looking at her , cut out girly waves and stupid emails she doesn't want a penpal, you are her gay friend now you have to erase that start been more manly.
Ok let me know if your going to try again because "impossible is nothing" mate you can get her i've been with girls that blanked me loads of times it gets easier when you know what they want.
And before girls start slating me here saying im big headed or whatever i'm not , you don't know me , don't judge me i'm giving this lad some advice because i was in the same position and everything he has tryed has failed.

Damn !!! there's an old head on young shoulders!!!

where were you when I was a youngfella ?? !!

I'm 29 now and in a relationship so at the moment doesn't really apply
to me but what clickerquicklic said is bang on ...

he might seem harsh .. but it is true .. you take that advice after your holiday , you still have a good chance with this girl..

clickerquicklic · 17-10-2007 04:13PM

Thanks Jackdaw only 26 myself !!

Fysh · 17-10-2007 04:43PM

jackdaw wrote: »

he might seem harsh .. but it is true .. you take that advice after your holiday , you still have a good chance with this girl..

I don't get where this perspective is coming from, I really don't.

I'm all for positive advice & constructive criticism where it can apply, but you guys seem to be of a mind that this girl, who according to the OPs account, has never shown any interest in him, can be essentially reprogrammed into developing as deep a crush on him as he has on her. While there's a (slim, imo) chance that may happen, telling him to keep trying desperately to win over someone who's shown no interest in him so far strikes me as if anything less constructive than encouraging him to move on and let go of this unrequited crush.

(Tangent : this is a crush we're talking about here. Deep and meaningful as it sounds to say he's in love with her, the OP has a crush. There has been no emotional relationship, nor has there been any physical intimacy. Crush. End of. It's an important distinction, because plenty of people find that there's a line between "cute" and "creepy/stalkery" when it comes to pursuing unrequited crushes, and "creepy/stalkery" is not something that any girl is going to fall head over heels for).

Anyway. There's been good advice to the OP in the context of making his life more interesting, considering a personal image revamp, taking up hobbies etc, but doing all that to impress a girl who's shown no sign of interest in you is just silly. If you're going to do it, do it because you genuinely want to do it and think you'll be happier for it. Don't do it because this girl who you've built up to be some sort of goddess in your mind might possibly like you for it. Otherwise where does it end? There has to be a point where you say "I'm happy with who I am and if that's not good enough for her, it's her loss" - because contemplating all these personal reinventions just in the pursuit of a girl says that you're either totally lacking in any depth & personal convictions, or that you value yourself so little that you'll change everything about yourself for a bit of skirt.

The alternative, of course, is to get over this one crush that didn't work out, take the advice regarding widening your range of interests, and work on being happy with and interested in your own life. Maybe this will make her suddenly find you attractive, maybe not. The point will be that you will be happier with yourself.

clickerquicklic · 17-10-2007 09:32PM

Hey FYSH ,

I know you don't agree with my advice and I know your a moderator on here and always giving advice, but people know what they should do, your telling him and other people stuff they already know. They know that there going to get turned down etc. they're sick of people telling them no no no you can't walk away , im giving him different advice than others because i want him to get what he wants.

SarahSassy · 17-10-2007 09:43PM

clickerquicklic wrote: »

Hey FYSH ,

I know you don't agree with my advice and I know your a moderator on here and always giving advice, but people know what they should do, your telling him and other people stuff they already know. They know that there going to get turned down etc. they're sick of people telling them no no no you can't walk away , im giving him different advice than others because i want him to get what he wants.

For what its worth I thought your original post was the most sensible and well thought out....

He is too available for her and if nothing else, him distancing himself from her, meeting new people and going out to different places will make it easier for him to forget her (if needs be...).

LegacyUser · 17-10-2007 10:49PM

clickerquicklic wrote: »

Hey man , just reading your posts there, if you don't mind me saying i think everyone is giving you very negative advice.
I've been in this situation a few times myself and after initially getting knocked back have always managed to get the girl in the end.
Now before people start laying into me here saying "who do you think you are Brad Pitt etc" i'm just like every other average guy out there nothing special.
Ok first off OP you seemed to be defeated before you started, saying stuff like i think i know she doesn't like me !!!!!! Eh hello then don't go near her till she does like you!

OK i don't know were to start with you mate ......
If you really want her you have to start at the beginning.
Be more confident, stop with this attitude of her not liking you.
Women are not stupid , she clearly knew you liked her from ages ago thats what women do best read men, we are sooo predictable!!
Stop been so eager , saying stuff like i love when she kisses me on the cheek when we meet- thats what women do with there gay friends!! Already you've allowed yourself to fall into the friend zone too soon. If a woman i wanted to be with was kissing me on the cheek when we met i'd know she doesn't see me in that way at all.
Be more of a man , I'd say you reply to her texts all the time answer her calls etc. your just too easy she has you already , ignore her if you's are out with friends arrange to meet other friends the same night and just leave say right im off have to meet someone.
Make her think your not always there and you have a life, so after you stop been there everytime you's go out, stop replying to her texts all the time, cut out the cheek kissing,
get yourself a hobby that intersests you that you can take your frustration out on like running , mountain biking , kick boxing etc, then you will have something interesting to say, she will be more curious as to were you are? what your doing? and then instead of you thinking of her she'll start to think about you.
Take more pride in your appearance , you think you can't get this girl why? No women are too good for you , remember that, go the grafton barber get a stylish hair cut some new clothes and go to work in them on a day you's are going out after work, then let her see you dressed up and just head off somewhere else ,meet someone else, it'll freak her out.
Chat to other girls in the office , that'll also freak her out and stop looking at her , cut out girly waves and stupid emails she doesn't want a penpal, you are her gay friend now you have to erase that start been more manly.
Ok let me know if your going to try again because "impossible is nothing" mate you can get her i've been with girls that blanked me loads of times it gets easier when you know what they want.
And before girls start slating me here saying im big headed or whatever i'm not , you don't know me , don't judge me i'm giving this lad some advice because i was in the same position and everything he has tryed has failed.

Thanks dude! You were right on a few points. Maybe I have been to available to her, and thats accentuated by the fact that I just moved here and have no friends. But you are right, I definitely need to make more friends and maybe a few new hobbies. Maybe by cutting down the amount of contact I have with her I can also scale down the magnitude of these feelings I have for her and maybe after a few months, bring that down to zero and move on.

As for taking pride in my appearances, I already do! LOL! While I am no Brad Pitt, I love working out and have the body to prove it. I also dress pretty smartly . I know that she's aware of these as she sometimes compliments me on that. She also playfully likes to cop a feel of my biceps LOL! Damn, the fact that she's comfortable doing that makes me think that I may already be in the 'gay friend' zone !

Fysh · 17-10-2007 11:12PM

clickerquicklic wrote: »

Hey FYSH ,

I know you don't agree with my advice and I know your a moderator on here and always giving advice, but people know what they should do, your telling him and other people stuff they already know. They know that there going to get turned down etc. they're sick of people telling them no no no you can't walk away , im giving him different advice than others because i want him to get what he wants.

It's not that I disagree with all of your advice - the suggestions you've made for him to act on directly are all sound in and of themselves; it's the motivations I disagree with.

Sure, we've all had situations where we really want something and would feel crushed if we didn't get it. But wanting something doesn't always have any bearing on whether you get it or not, and I get the distinct impression that the issue here is down to the girl in question not being interested.

It may turn out that by reinventing himself as you've described, he'll get the girl. But if the only reason he does those things is to get the girl, and he still doesn't get her...what then? How likely is he to stick with those things if they were only a fad designed to catch her attention, the equivalent of bright new plumage?

Aside from which, of course, is the whole subject of whether good advice is what you want to hear, what you need to hear, or what will actually help you deal with your issue. Yeah, he wants the girl. Big friggin' whoop-de-doo-da. We all want things. Sometimes you don't get the things you want, and what I'm getting at is that maybe it's time to consider moving on rather than pulling some sort of chameleon trick as a passive-aggressive way of trying to getting the attention of a girl who's shown no sign of interest. Maybe it's a personal mileage thing, but there's a certain point beyond which continuing to pursue the girl stops being a cute thing and turns into a very creepy stalker thing, at least in my opinion. I'm suggesting avoiding that because no girl I've ever met has appreciated unrequited attention from creepy guys who couldn't take no for an answer.

Certainly he should investigate changing his lifestyle if the changes are interesting to him on their own merits and not as mere plumage. But if he's going to make all those changes, why not follow through on them and widen his social circle, meet some new girls, and maybe form some new crushes that don't have the accumulated weight and baggage that his current one does? (And yes, I still maintain that this is just a crush that's gone on too long...)

clickerquicklic · 18-10-2007 08:10AM

madlyinlove wrote: »

Thanks dude! You were right on a few points. Maybe I have been to available to her, and thats accentuated by the fact that I just moved here and have no friends. But you are right, I definitely need to make more friends and maybe a few new hobbies. Maybe by cutting down the amount of contact I have with her I can also scale down the magnitude of these feelings I have for her and maybe after a few months, bring that down to zero and move on.

As for taking pride in my appearances, I already do! LOL! While I am no Brad Pitt, I love working out and have the body to prove it. I also dress pretty smartly . I know that she's aware of these as she sometimes compliments me on that. She also playfully likes to cop a feel of my biceps LOL! Damn, the fact that she's comfortable doing that makes me think that I may already be in the 'gay friend' zone !

Hey madlyinlove,

Great to here that you go the gym and have a good body and the fact that she compliments you on that is brilliant, I really think you have a great chance with this girl you just have to play it cool for a while, take my advice seriously spending less time with her , chatting to other girls etc. you probably will forget about her and your feelings will fade abit, but i gaurantee you she'll start to think more about you and that can't be a bad thing.

The fact that she likes feeling your biceps makes her sound a bit of a flirt, dude she so knew you you were mad about her and this is just flirty behaviour were she's in charge totally, imagine you grabbing her and coping a feel, i think you'd get a different reaction.

Ok , this is definitly not a lost cause, i think she does like you from what you say and clearly likes your company and your body. All that is missing is the chase, girls, like men and animals love the thrill of the chase , why would you go after someone whose clearly no challenge at all?? If you make yourself too available women will think that , he's too easy clearly im better than him. So distant yourself when you come back, cut out the touching and kissing, there will be time for that in the future when you get her, don't look up to her like shes beautiful etc., you work out , have a great body, 1 in 3 blokes are overweight , the other third are normal so your in the top range of having a great body, think, she'll be lucky to have me.
If a girl made herself so available to me i'd wonder why shes so keen, can she not get anyone else, you know?
Download the song " Cowboys and Angels" by George Michael and listen to the words its so true when he says " It's the one who resists that we most want to kiss "

Ok man, enjoy your holidays relax, take a few deep breaths , clear your head ,love yourself, work out harder in the gym and be the best you can, set yourself a training goal to see can you reach it . See can you do 3 sets of 10 reps on 20kg dumbell curls !! thats what im trying myself at the moment;)

LegacyUser · 18-10-2007 09:18AM

clickerquicklic wrote: »

Hey madlyinlove,

See can you do 3 sets of 10 reps on 20kg dumbell curls !! thats what im trying myself at the moment;)

Easy peasy ! :P

How I to tell her ?

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