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Not the 9 O'Clock News

  • 28-09-2007 07:56PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47,411 ✭✭✭✭


    We need a news thread around here for stories which may be of interest to the Brethren, but you won't hear from Sharon Ní Bheolán. Stuff like this...

    Cruise Infuriated Over Fart

    Before the cast and crew of WWII drama Valkyrie began shooting at a particularly important historical site, the film’s star, Tom Cruise, had asked that everyone working on the film observe one minute of silence in honor of the heroes of war they were about to portray. When, during the minute, someone passed gas, Cruise stormed off the set in a rage, and he is now on a hunt to have the unknown fartmonger fired.

    “Quite rightly, Tom is furious. We were filming at the Bendler Block in Germany where the anti-Nazis were executed.”

    The source said Cruise decided to ask for the minute’s silence to show respect for the deceased and appease the German government, who only allowed the movie to be filmed if post-war Germany was shown in a positive light.

    The source added: “So for somebody to pass wind in a situation like that is unforgivable.”

    The silence was filmed and now Cruise and the producers will go through the footage to identify the culprit, who is likely to be fired.

    As the hunt for the gassassin ensues, allow us to remind Mr Cruise: Whoever smelt it dealt it.

    http://www.mollygood.com/tom-cruise/cruise-infuriated-over-fart-20070927/


«134

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,202 ✭✭✭✭Tom Dunne


    zaph wrote:
    We need a news thread around here for stories which may be of interest to the Brethren, but you won't hear from Sharon Ní Bheolán. Stuff like this...

    But I wouldn't mind hearing from Sharon Ní Bheolán.

    Excellent idea, brother Zaph. Potential sticky.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    the fartee should have given that minature twat a cupcake right up the nostrils


  • Posts: 5,135 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Something we have known in BGRH for ages but now it's official:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/727912.stm


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,318 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    Something we have known in BGRH for ages but now it's official:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/727912.stm

    It's not all good though.
    one or two units of alcohol a day may have a protective affect on the heart but more than this could do more harm than good.

    Oh well, it's not going to stop me. :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,800 ✭✭✭Senna


    Tom Cruise is just the right size that someday he WILL disappear up his own asshole.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,300 ✭✭✭nice1franko


    It's ironic that he should take offence to one when, in fact, he is one himself.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    It's ironic that he should take offence to one when, in fact, he is one himself.


    albeit a small one and not even silent or voilent. a twat really


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,907 ✭✭✭LostinBlanch


    `Well if it's any consolation it looks like Ian O Doherty in the Indo agrees with yez! http://www.independent.ie/opinion/columnists/ian-odoherty/which-are-worse--kids-or-parents-1091601.html

    Check out the last bit of his column.
    According to one on-set source, Cruise fumed: "Who let out that little fart?" A crew member replied: "That's just what we were thinking."
    :D:D:D [looks desperately for holdingnosemsiley]


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭imeddyhobbs


    I would like to hear sharon fart,i bet it would smell like roses


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    I would like to hear sharon fart,i bet it would smell like roses


    i wouldnt mind sucking her farts:)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    I wouldn't mind sniffing her bicycle seat


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    Disgusting thread!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,831 ✭✭✭Slow Motion


    Not many things leave me speechless............


    http://apnews.myway.com/article/20071004/D8S24DD00.html

    :eek:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,202 ✭✭✭✭Tom Dunne


    I think that post belongs in this thread. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,831 ✭✭✭Slow Motion


    tom dunne wrote:
    I think that post belongs in this thread. :)

    Fair nuff, wondering what was going on !


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    Not many things leave me speechless............


    http://apnews.myway.com/article/20071004/D8S24DD00.html

    :eek:

    :eek: good grief! What a wuss tho, i mean if you're going to be hardcore about it then you'd pick something a little stronger than sherry!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,863 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    Any Brothers over London-way will be eager to check out Thai Cottage for their terror-alert-sparking curry.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,831 ✭✭✭Slow Motion


    Hill Billy wrote:
    Any Brothers over London-way will be eager to check out Thai Cottage for their terror-alert-sparking curry.

    :D Saw that one, you gotta love snopes


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,202 ✭✭✭✭Tom Dunne


    More secks needed, Brothers:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7045550.stm


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,831 ✭✭✭Slow Motion


    tom dunne wrote: »

    Excuse me miss, my wife is away for a few days, I was wondering if you could help me out........:D


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,676 ✭✭✭✭smashey


    You mean I have to limit myself to once a day? :(


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,202 ✭✭✭✭Tom Dunne


    smashey wrote: »
    You mean I have to limit myself to once a day? :(

    Ah, give the woman a chance, will ya?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,831 ✭✭✭Slow Motion


    Fancy a nap ? This is something we can only aspire to ....

    http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19626255.700-possum-breaks-record-with-yearlong-snooze.html

    "A possum has set an enviable record for doing absolutely nothing. After stuffing itself full of food in a laboratory, one curled up and hibernated for a record 367 days."


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,432 ✭✭✭big b


    An oldie, but still a goodie...........and a cautionary tale!

    Egypt:
    A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was ". . . a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas]." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,910 ✭✭✭✭RoundyMooney


    <Horrendously OT warning!>

    Ah nuts.

    I thought this was going to be about the unsurpassed BBC2 comedy show from the early 80s!

    Truck drivin' brothers, watch and rejoice...



  • Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47,411 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    Elephants electrocuted in drunken rampage

    GAUHATI, India - Six Asiatic wild elephants were electrocuted as they went berserk after drinking rice beer in India's remote northeast, a wildlife official said Tuesday.

    Nearly 40 elephants came to a village on Friday looking for food. Some found beer, which farmers ferment and keep in plastic and tin drums in their huts, said Sunil Kumar, a state wildlife official.

    They got drunk, uprooted a utility pole carrying power lines and were electrocuted in Chandan Nukat, a village nearly 150 miles west of Shillong, the capital of Meghalaya state, Kumar said.

    "There would have been more casualties had the villagers not chased them away," said Dipu Mark, a local conservationist.

    The elephants are known to have a taste for rice beer brewed by tribal communities in India's northeast. Four wild elephants died in similar circumstances in the region three years ago.

    India's northeast accounts for the world's largest concentration of wild Asiatic elephants with the states of Assam and Meghalaya alone estimated to have 7,000 of them.

    "It's great to have such a huge number of elephants, but the increasing man-elephant conflict following the shrinkage in their habitat due to the growing human population is giving us nightmares," said Pradyut Bordoloi, a former forest and environment minister for Assam.

    MSNBC
    .


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,483 ✭✭✭✭daveirl


    This post has been deleted.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,831 ✭✭✭Slow Motion




  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    A hamburger that is 2.5 " square (and square!?).

    I wouldn't let it darken my door.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,831 ✭✭✭Slow Motion


    Tom ! Do you think Tanya might be up for a suggestion :D

    http://uk.news.yahoo.com/afp/20071024/tod-australia-barmaid-breasts-offbeat-37b0eca_1.html

    "PERTH, Australia (AFP) - An Australian barmaid who entertained patrons by crushing beer cans between her bare breasts and hanging spoons off her nipples has been fined, police said Wednesday."


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