Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Help urgently needed, complex situation

2»

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Absolute Attention seeker and a complete drama queen.

    "Give me attention...give me attention..."


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    .......

    I'm not being hateful but i really don't think you should be in a relationship with either of them.

    At best you've found two guys who between have all the qualities that you want in a single partner. Which would mean you really shouldn't be with either of them since you'll only wind up with half a partner.

    At worst you have no respect for either of these guys and are a complete mercenary who really shouldn't be getting into a relationship with anybody because as soon as something "better" comes along you'll feel bad for about a second then come up with a seemingly reasonable excuse to tear the foundation out form under whichever poor sap you have chosen and bugger off with a new guy.

    oh and also I fail to see how a guy who's willing to accept that you've been seeing someone else for any significant period of time has even a shred of self-respect, which is also kind of critical for a functioning healthy relationship.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,022 ✭✭✭ali.c


    .......

    I'm not being hateful but i really don't think you should be in a relationship with either of them.

    At best you've found two guys who between have all the qualities that you want in a single partner. Which would mean you really shouldn't be with either of them since you'll only wind up with half a partner.

    At worst you have no respect for either of these guys and are a complete mercenary who really shouldn't be getting into a relationship with anybody because as soon as something "better" comes along you'll feel bad for about a second then come up with a seemingly reasonable excuse to tear the foundation out form under whichever poor sap you have chosen and bugger off with a new guy.

    oh and also I fail to see how a guy who's willing to accept that you've been seeing someone else for any significant period of time has even a shred of self-respect, which is also kind of critical for a functioning healthy relationship.
    +1

    after this length of time, if either one of them where the right partner for you, you would know it, also IMHO eh you dont want to hurt either of them is bull****, what do you think you are doing at the minute?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,586 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    I think thats a little harsh. You cant imagine being in her position but that doesnt mean it wouldnt happen to you. I doubt she started off with the intention of falling in love with both. Just made a mistake along the way. We're human.
    Actually, I've been in the position of being interested in two girls a couple of times while I wasn't in a relationship with either of them yet and I've always made my decision and lived with the consequences. It's called being an adult or simply not being an asshole.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 32 Seb-K


    dont know if its been said before, cant be bothered to read posts from some of the so righteous folk in PI

    why would you jump from one long term relationship (i remember your first post about this) into another
    "to be" long term relationship? i was in this position before and if it were me, knowing what i know now,
    i would break up with the 2 of them (as hard as it may be) and try to sort out my feelings!

    but if you "must" decide then i think you need to get away from both guys for a while, before you decide!
    not sure how you could do this? maybe visit family abroad or go on hols with the girls, i dont know but put
    some space/time between you and them and see how you feel.

    i wouldnt recommend going from one relationship straight to the next, specially when theres cheating
    involved, it will turn out messy for you, specially when the new guy is putting the pressure on you to
    settle with him! is he controlling by the way? the fact you cheated on the last bf could play on his mind
    a little and it might go sour from there, him having issues with you going out with the girls cause he
    thinks you will cheat on him too

    its not about the old guys feelings or the new guy having a potential breakdown its about you and what you
    want to do, dont ever stay in a relationship to keep other people happy

    good luck...


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Knockoff Nige


    Sleepy wrote:
    Actually, I've been in the position of being interested in two girls a couple of times while I wasn't in a relationship with either of them yet and I've always made my decision and lived with the consequences. It's called being an adult or simply not being an asshole.
    Actually, I wasnt suggesting that two timing is ok. I was just saying that we dont actually know the entire reason fro her doing it. Personally, aI've never done it and cant imagine doing it. But thats my point. Its easy to sit in the stands and shout abuse. But when you'tre on the pitch, its an entirely different game.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,909 ✭✭✭Agent J


    So to sum up.

    New is a basket-case
    Old is looking for a major commitment but doesnt know full facts.

    Honestly?

    Break up with both of them.And not because you dont deserve them blah blah blah.

    For your own good. I imagine this is causing you massive amounts of stress and Old & new dont seem particularly stable anyway from what you have said. I would suggest a clean sweep stratgey and make a new start.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,518 ✭✭✭axer


    Sleepy wrote:
    Jesus, get over yourself. From the way you've treated these two blokes you ain't that much of a catch.
    here here


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 175 ✭✭Gemini Sister


    Me again.
    Its been a tough weekend. I just want to say its not the guys who are wrong or at fault here. To give you some background, old boyfriend broke up with me five years ago cause he didn't want to settle down, but he regretted it soon afterwards and is a good guy. I had a few issues about past hurts with him and maybe a sense of defeat for bringing him back into my life... but I realise those issues are surmountable. He's been cool.
    New guy didn't initially know about the other one, then when he did (I told him early on), he decided to take a chance and stick around cause he had once been in my situation but walked away and regretted not giving it time to resolve... so he thought he give me time to resolve it. Thats either stupid or admirable depending on which way you look at it but I don't think it makes him a basketcase... yes he has been demanding, but only after tryin the patient route for ages. This isn't their fault. I'd only dated new bf for a short while when old bf appeared on scene. Then I broke up with him and waited two months and tried to make it work with old bf but kept I obsessing about new bf... I was fairly sure I'd break up with the old one for the new one... but then realised I'd underestimated how close I'd become again to old boyfriend & how much he'd matured in the time we'd been apart... If either of these guys wasn't a good guy it would be different... If someone had told me a year ago I'd be in this situation I'd have said no way.

    I know I have to bite the bullet here and make a decision (any decision). I know going away for awhile seems like the right thing to do... but this problem is what it is cause I've waited and waited for it to resolve itself rather than taking actions and suffering consequences.
    If I choose old bf I WILL tell him something of all this but not the full extent of it. Meantime I'm gonna see can I stop him moving in tomorrow, this may the point at which he walks, maybe then I'll cop on. Or maybe I'll be relieved than someone is gone. After the weekend away I still don't know and I'm just as confused and I don't trust myself or my feelings. Yeah there is a good chance I'm not the full shilling at the moment :(:confused:
    But tryin to sort it all out. Thanks again.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Knockoff Nige


    Me again.
    Its been a tough weekend. I just want to say its not the guys who are wrong or at fault here. To give you some background, old boyfriend broke up with me five years ago cause he didn't want to settle down, but he regretted it soon afterwards and is a good guy. I had a few issues about past hurts with him and maybe a sense of defeat for bringing him back into my life... but I realise those issues are surmountable. He's been cool.
    New guy didn't initially know about the other one, then when he did (I told him early on), he decided to take a chance and stick around cause he had once been in my situation but walked away and regretted not giving it time to resolve... so he thought he give me time to resolve it. Thats either stupid or admirable depending on which way you look at it but I don't think it makes him a basketcase... yes he has been demanding, but only after tryin the patient route for ages. This isn't their fault. I'd only dated new bf for a short while when old bf appeared on scene. Then I broke up with him and waited two months and tried to make it work with old bf but kept I obsessing about new bf... I was fairly sure I'd break up with the old one for the new one... but then realised I'd underestimated how close I'd become again to old boyfriend & how much he'd matured in the time we'd been apart... If either of these guys wasn't a good guy it would be different... If someone had told me a year ago I'd be in this situation I'd have said no way.

    I know I have to bite the bullet here and make a decision (any decision). I know going away for awhile seems like the right thing to do... but this problem is what it is cause I've waited and waited for it to resolve itself rather than taking actions and suffering consequences.
    If I choose old bf I WILL tell him something of all this but not the full extent of it. Meantime I'm gonna see can I stop him moving in tomorrow, this may the point at which he walks, maybe then I'll cop on. Or maybe I'll be relieved than someone is gone. After the weekend away I still don't know and I'm just as confused and I don't trust myself or my feelings. Yeah there is a good chance I'm not the full shilling at the moment :(:confused:
    But tryin to sort it all out. Thanks again.
    I say you cant live with a guy without telling him the whole story. I also think that you shouldnt tell him the truth if you are about to dump him. But you're really leaving this very late.


  • Advertisement
  • Posts: 14,379 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Ok, Im gonna chip in with a very unsympathetic 2 cents of my own since Ive been in the position once upon a time of being "new boyfriend".


    Dump them both cos if they were really right for u there wouldnt be an "other guy", but if u really must stay with 1 go with "new boyfriend" since he already knows about the other guy and is likely to hang around for a while but he'll probably develop trust issues towards u and low self esteem seeing as u took so long he'll probably feel worthless. But whatever u do DO IT NOW. The longer this goes on the worse its gonna get for you. What u are doing is incredibly self centred and ur in too deep to avoid hurting anyone and when it all hits the fan theyre gonna think this about you. Im sorry I dont mean to be harsh but face facts, u are a mature person acting like an insecure 15 year old being indecisive. I do sympathise with u as Im indecisive myself in a lot of things but this is peoples personal lives (2 people not one, not even counting yourself) that u are dealing with here. Theyre both gonna be hurt. By leading them along and not making a decision u have made it much much worse believe me. Get this sorted now before they both end up hating you. Im speaking from experience here.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,337 ✭✭✭How Strange


    As this post is still alive and well, I'm going to contribute again. OP, what is delaying making the decision? You've got yourself in a right pickle but you just keep making it worse by dragging things out.

    Really, I think you just want a bf more than you want either of these specifically. Move on and start again. If new bf is so great why is old bf moving to Irl to live with you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,313 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    As this post is still alive and well, I'm going to contribute again. OP, what is delaying making the decision? You've got yourself in a right pickle but you just keep making it worse by dragging things out.

    Really, I think you just want a bf more than you want either of these specifically. Move on and start again. If new bf is so great why is old bf moving to Irl to live with you.

    +1. Old bf has moved back and wants to live with you. (Albeit, not knowing the full situation!)

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



Advertisement