Serious things people say to you but you think its funny thread.

Sam Vimes · 27-06-2007 02:29PM

shane86 wrote:

Is it? Im sick to me bollix of getting stuck behind people in the offy paying for 4 cans and a pack of smokes with a card with all the extra time it takes. If you have so little cash you cant buy this you should really quit smoking/drinking.

that woman was buying €120 worth of shopping.

ollyk1 · 27-06-2007 02:58PM

Commander Vimes wrote:

@Duggy747, that woman was mental but in fairness its a bit ridiculous that they don't accept credit cards

Not really.

The vendor recieves less cash for the transaction when it is paid for by credit card then they do on a laser card. Basically anyone paying with cash in tesco (as an example) is subsidising the discount credit card payers receive.

At least lidl are upfront about it and charge a lower price then would otherwise be the case.

smilingatyou · 27-06-2007 03:17PM

Drank one of those really large cokes, good film so cant leave for a piss,
after the film walk out slowly crouched over to reduce tention on the waist area. finally after going walk out a new man and say to my brother, 'thank god, I can walk.' Unknown to me a guy in a wheelchair was coming out right behind me.
cring to this day, funny though

Froot · 27-06-2007 03:31PM

Maybe this isn't funny but at the time I thought it was:

Myself and a friend from school used to always mock eachothers mothers incessantly. So anyway my mother died and at the funeral he came up to me to say hi etc and I just said "looks like I have the upper hand now".

Duggy747 · 27-06-2007 03:45PM

Froot wrote:

Maybe this isn't funny but at the time I thought it was:

Myself and a friend from school used to always mock eachothers mothers incessantly. So anyway my mother died and at the funeral he came up to me to say hi etc and I just said "looks like I have the upper hand now".

Man, that is an absolute conversation stopper!!

WindSock · 27-06-2007 03:52PM

Froot wrote:

Maybe this isn't funny but at the time I thought it was:

Myself and a friend from school used to always mock eachothers mothers incessantly. So anyway my mother died and at the funeral he came up to me to say hi etc and I just said "looks like I have the upper hand now".

uw. how did you take it? I did the same to a friend when his Father died. We were standing in the pub with another friend whose Mother died a while ago and I put my hand in to the circle and said 'Welcome to the dead parent club' Forgotten all about it, until reminded, of course.

BaZmO* · 27-06-2007 03:53PM

ctc_celtic wrote:

not really on topic but,
when my sister was a trainee nurse, she had to do a term in the local mental hospital, there was one really paranoid fella and the sister and another trainee nurse used to tell him that the CIA where outside looking for him, just to watch him freak out and hide.
cruel but funny and they where only 18.

That's just cruel and nasty tbh. I hope she got another job that didn't involve caring for sick people.

Don1 · 27-06-2007 04:11PM

sitting in my local in our usual spot up at the top end of the bar. There was a collection box there for the Alzheimers Society. One of the guys, curious as to how long it had been there due to the dust on it, asked and I just said without any thought, "probably just forgot about it". Cue lots of "tuts" and "ffs"s being aimed at me. I simply replied, "what, you were all thinking it", they all agreed. :rolleyes:
Another: While slagging a girl in work for dropping stuff I asked her jokingly was she handicapped. She obviously wasn't but her I had forgotten that her brother is. Shame on me. I have never forgiven myself for that.

Also have a habit of laughing hysterically at "worlds biggest accident" footage. Particularly the ones that are caused by stupidity. My family generally are not impressed. I don't care. I'm not hurt, and they are thick enough to get in these situations.

mloc · 27-06-2007 04:12PM

ctc_celtic wrote:

not really on topic but,
when my sister was a trainee nurse, she had to do a term in the local mental hospital, there was one really paranoid fella and the sister and another trainee nurse used to tell him that the CIA where outside looking for him, just to watch him freak out and hide.
cruel but funny and they where only 18.

seriously unprofessional. akin to a nurse kicking someone with a broken leg in the knee. should have been fired on the spot.

Kai · 27-06-2007 04:12PM

I was bowling with a mate of mine a few years back. I had just taken my turn and was returning to my seat when my mate tapped me on the shoulder and pointed in the direction of a group of people a few lanes up from us who appeared to be using the training skirts on the sides of the lanes normally used by kids. He said pretty loudly "look at those pack of retards". On further inspection it turned out the group of people were down syndrome sufferers .......

We left.

Twinkle-star15 · 27-06-2007 04:12PM

smilingatyou wrote:

Drank one of those really large cokes, good film so cant leave for a piss,
after the film walk out slowly crouched over to reduce tention on the waist area. finally after going walk out a new man and say to my brother, 'thank god, I can walk.' Unknown to me a guy in a wheelchair was coming out right behind me.
cring to this day, funny though

Froot wrote:

Myself and a friend from school used to always mock eachothers mothers incessantly. So anyway my mother died and at the funeral he came up to me to say hi etc and I just said "looks like I have the upper hand now".

ROFFL!!! Froot- hope your friend took it the right way!

Duggy747 · 27-06-2007 04:17PM

Kai wrote:

I was bowling with a mate of mine a few years back. I had just taken my turn and was returning to my seat when my mate tapped me on the shoulder and pointed in the direction of a group of people a few lanes up from us who appeared to be using the training skirts on the sides of the lanes normally used by kids. He said pretty loudly "look at those pack of retards". On further inspection it turned out the group of people were down syndrome sufferers .......

In similiar vein to yours, many years ago me and some friend's went to our local outdoor swimming pool and we sat down. My friend saw across the pool a lifeguard talking to a small child with big curly hair. He joked: "Damn, these lifeguard's girlfriend's get younger and younger". Suddenly the woman beside him turns around and says: "That's my son you're talking about!!" Turns out the child was actually a boy (He wasn't swimming) so being a good friend that the rest of us were.........we took off and left him to stew in embarrasment

Papergirl 1 · 27-06-2007 04:28PM

Kai wrote:

I was bowling with a mate of mine a few years back. I had just taken my turn and was returning to my seat when my mate tapped me on the shoulder and pointed in the direction of a group of people a few lanes up from us who appeared to be using the training skirts on the sides of the lanes normally used by kids. He said pretty loudly "look at those pack of retards". On further inspection it turned out the group of people were down syndrome sufferers .......

We left.

Oh dear God. Hilarious, I would have died there and then!!

Tragamin2k2 · 27-06-2007 04:33PM

A few years back the alzheimers society was doing a "buy a brick" thing to build some hospital or something. my mam came home with a leaflet about it and told us she gave them a fiver. i joked and said "wheres the brick?" and me dad quickly replied "they forgot to give it to her" heh...

A guy living around here is in a wheelchair and tbh he is a bit of a dickhead but nobody ever says anything to him because of sympathy and all that, but one time when a friend was telling me they were drinking with him for halloween i replied "he must have been legless with the drink" it didnt go down to well

When we were skiing in Austria a few months back with the school the hotel we were in was useless. The only comments you would hear from people were "those rooms are like concentration camps" or "look at the price of a coke!what are they?jews?" etc. it was nearly always overheard by someone working there...ah well

Sam Vimes · 27-06-2007 06:16PM

ollyk1 wrote:

Not really.

The vendor recieves less cash for the transaction when it is paid for by credit card then they do on a laser card. Basically anyone paying with cash in tesco (as an example) is subsidising the discount credit card payers receive.

At least lidl are upfront about it and charge a lower price then would otherwise be the case.

i know they get less for credit card transactions, it doesn't stop every other shop in the country taking them. and if people only found out about it after they've filled their trolley and queued up, they're hardly up front about it. in this day and age shops are expected to take credit cards, especially if they take laser cards. there should be a sign at the entrance warning people to prevent exactly that situation

Lazare · 27-06-2007 07:06PM

After a friends mother's funeral in that big church in Harolds cross with the really old graveyard, we were leaving the crematorium walking by the graveyard and a mate says to me...'Jaysus I'd hate to be buried in that graveyard!'

'Why' I says,

'Cos I'm not dead'

smallpaws · 28-06-2007 09:59AM

SNL wrote:

The worst i heard was while sitting in a pub, sky news was on and it was a memorial for auschwitz with the pope there, it was in a large court yard and it was snowing and it kept showing people shivering, my mate asked why they wouldnt just turn on the gas as the people were obviously freezing.

:eek: JAYSUS!

Spud83 · 28-06-2007 10:07AM

Literaly happened last night.

Me and few mates were in a pub and there was a gentleman in a wheelchair who was being kicked out of the pub, to which a series of statements from us impersenating the barman and guy in wheelchair(GIW)

1) Barman: "Alright you time to go"
GIW:"No"
Barman "Alre", then proceeds to wheel him outside anyway.

2) Mates: "He probably couldn't stand", "Must have been legless"

thelordofcheese · 28-06-2007 10:16AM

I was visiting a friend of mine in cardiff a while back, and her mother had passed away about 3 months previous.

Now, we've known eachother for ages and we've always slagged eachother, and during the course of the night she was telling me about some antics she'd been getting up to, including having two fellahs on the go at once.

Me: "(mock Oirish accent) tsk tsk, thats fierce shockin', wait 'till i'm talkin' to yer mammy, what'll she say?"

(scilence as everyone looks at me in total horror)

My friend: "To be fair, if your talking to my mother all she's likely to say is brrrraaaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnssssssss"

Thank jebus that all worked out, i thought i was going to be lynched.

Dun laoire · 28-06-2007 11:34AM

In the pub with a load of mates. One of those all day binges and we went in to get a bit of grub, so it was steaks all round. So the lounge girl dropped mine and marks up first. He looked at his then mine in disgust and asked why they were so different in size. She replies by saying mine was long and skinny but his was small and thick with more meat. Poor girl never lived that one down

kevmy · 28-06-2007 02:53PM

Had a fcuking hilarious conversation at lunch today that was also hideously inapropriate considering the ammount of people sitting quite close by.

It basically involved a mate suggesting that we should launch a mini concentration camp through IKEA and call it 'My Little Auschwitz'. Completely terrible but also funny at the time

Siogfinsceal · 28-06-2007 03:38PM

had a customer ring in recently his name was mr.bender...had me in knot. Alzeihmers soc rang before too asked for account number ...they said they couldnt remember

michaelanthony · 28-06-2007 03:46PM

A wan in work said she had to go for the carbon monoxide test. I thought it was for her car exhaust for the nct or something but she said it was for her cos she's a smoker.

Tusky · 28-06-2007 03:47PM

I went to auschwitz with 5 Irish friends last year. We had been out the night before and were drinking pretty heavily & only got a couple of hours sleep. While we were being given a tour, the tour guy was giving a speach which was paticularly sad. He was interupted by the sound of two of my Irish friends at the back of the crowd getting sick.

I sniggered.

Don1 · 28-06-2007 04:24PM

On the subject of funny names like the aforementioned Mr. Bender my brother had a customer named Ita Magee!!! :eek:

Zzippy · 28-06-2007 04:35PM

Remember going to an office of another company a few years ago - we occasionally did work there. They had a guy working reception, answering phones, etc. who happened to be blind.
When I started chatting to him, asking how he was, he says "Ah jaysus, how are ya, I haven't seen ya in ages"
To my shame, but luckily he took it well, I replied "I bet you haven't"

Jesus Wept · 28-06-2007 04:49PM

ctc_celtic wrote:

not really on topic but,
when my sister was a trainee nurse, she had to do a term in the local mental hospital, there was one really paranoid fella and the sister and another trainee nurse used to tell him that the CIA where outside looking for him, just to watch him freak out and hide.
cruel but funny and they where only 18.

Is she still a dikhead? My guess is that she hasn't changed

Serious things people say to you but you think its funny thread.

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