Taxi Drivers With A Few Screws Loose

mloc · 27-06-2007 02:18AM #1

Got a taxi home the other night with a few of the lads, he started on about how those aussie birds are no use cos they don't "give blowjobs when they're short of the cash", and that he had a couple in the car recently, the girl was giving yer man stick so he told the taxi driver to **** her out, so he did.

He then said "if I had the choice I would have drove her up the wicklow bloody mountains".

Sick ****er.

Tchocky · 27-06-2007 02:26AM

Got a taxi to an airfield last month, myself and a friend were going skydiving
The driver spent the entire trip singing at the top of his voice, "You're all gonna dieeeee"

shane86 · 27-06-2007 02:28AM

I dunno, i think alot of them tell gas stories. Especially one who said he got reported to the carriage office for saying, and I quote

"yiv got gorgeous legs, theyd look even nicer wrapped around my neck"

:eek:

He was drunk driving us, as we got into the car he was arguing with the wife on the phone, she found out about his bird on the side. Jollly nice bloke

Then the convo i overheard between two drivers over the radio of the car i was in, regarding a plane seemingly unable to navigate off the runway at the airport

Driver 1 "Dunno what the story is, its not broke down ive seen it move, but it seems to be holdin a load of the rest up"
Driver 2 "Ill bet you 50 quid its a ****in bird thats flyin it"

Thrill · 27-06-2007 02:33AM

shane86 wrote:

"yiv got gorgeous legs, theyd look even nicer wrapped around my neck" :eek:

:D

You cant blame a guy for trying, can you?

9th · 27-06-2007 05:11AM

You got in a taxi with a drunk driver, were you born under a stupid tree, or just dropped as a baby?

shane86 wrote:

I dunno, i think alot of them tell gas stories. Especially one who said he got reported to the carriage office for saying, and I quote

"yiv got gorgeous legs, theyd look even nicer wrapped around my neck" :eek:

He was drunk driving us, as we got into the car he was arguing with the wife on the phone, she found out about his bird on the side. Jollly nice bloke

Then the convo i overheard between two drivers over the radio of the car i was in, regarding a plane seemingly unable to navigate off the runway at the airport

Driver 1 "Dunno what the story is, its not broke down ive seen it move, but it seems to be holdin a load of the rest up"
Driver 2 "Ill bet you 50 quid its a ****in bird thats flyin it"

Zillah · 27-06-2007 07:36AM

I had one very creepy taxi driver a few months ago. When I first got in he seemed nice enough. Then he asked me if I was from the US (which happens a lot, something about my voice). I told him no. He insisted I must be. Then he started going into details about his life in Florida when he was younger. He then again insisted I must be American.

I don't remember much more details but in general he was kinda off putting. The major creepiness came at the end of the journey. Just as we were pulling up to my house he said "Hey, do you...uh, do mind if I give you my number? Nothing sexual like! Just...y'know..." I'm a guy by the way, and as he was saying this he was picking up a pen. I stayed quiet. I gave him the money and got out. And then! Just as I was getting out he said, and I quote "Ok...well I know where you live."

Beruthiel · 27-06-2007 08:46AM

Move house now Zillah!

Zillah · 27-06-2007 08:52AM

Well, its a quiet cul de sac so I'd have definately seen him if he was hanging around or anything. Its been months and I haven't seen him since. I suspect maybe he was slightly autistic or something, like he just didn't understand how the average person is supposed to behave or something.

Bit strange he'd become a taxi driver then though, isn't it?

pickarooney · 27-06-2007 08:59AM

He wasn't simply touting for repeat business?

Dirty Knuckles · 27-06-2007 09:18AM

I'm a taxi driver and you should hear some of the stories we're told, or hear from the back!.

But yea, there's a few taxi driver's with more than a few screw's loose indeed.

Its a funny/weird job sometimes, esp. working the nights.

mikemac · 27-06-2007 09:34AM

http://www.gillmacmillan.ie/Ecom/Library3.nsf/CatalogByCategory/D9C4DFD18A2A7C7980256D3B003DBD3F?OpenDocument

Reminds me of this book-it's a good read

Tales in a rearview mirror
Written by an Irish guy, sure you might even be in it :eek:

xzanti · 27-06-2007 09:35AM

My bf was getting one home from the airport by himself a few weeks back, and he told me the driver kept asking him if he'd ever cheated on his gf and telling him he should 'go to thailand and that the women there are like slaves and you can do whatever you want to them and they're barely legel and all this sh1ite etc...' :rolleyes: Think he was just more a perv than a lunatic tough..

KNS · 27-06-2007 09:40AM

Getting a taxi home one night, the driver proceeded to complain about Irish women for the whole trip so I joined in being in a bit of a p!ssed off mood. Apparently he was divorced after a 20 year marriage and now had a girlfriend in Singapore. I was basically wasting my time with Irish women.

His advice to me was to save up a bit of cash and go there for a month where I'd "fall in love a thousand times".

Next thing he asked me did I want to see her. Before I could answer he'd shoved a load of photos in my face. Naturally she was a stunner (just to add to my p!ssed off mood), in her mid 20's I'd say!! Baring in mind he was in his late late 40's to early 50's and extremely over weight/smelly.

But what cracked me up was this line "what Irish women would dry you off after a shower and make love to you again and again". Not the kind of vision you want in your head taking into consideration his description above.

KNS · 27-06-2007 09:42AM

Getting a taxi home one night, the driver proceeded to complain about Irish women for the whole trip so I joined in being in a bit of a p!ssed off mood. Apparently he was divorced after a 20 year marriage and now had a girlfriend in Singapore. I was basically wasting my time with Irish women.

His advice to me was to save up a bit of cash and go there for a month where I'd "fall in love a thousand times".

Next thing he asked me did I want to see her. Before I could answer he'd shoved a load of photos in my face. Naturally she was a stunner (just to add to my p!ssed off mood), in her mid 20's I'd say!! Baring in mind he was in his late late 40's to early 50's and extremely over weight/smelly.

But what cracked me up was this line "what Irish women would dry you off after a shower and make love to you again and again". Not the kind of vision you want in your head taking into consideration his description above.

27-06-2007 10:01AM

They say you don't have to be mad but its certainly helps
My father is a taxi driver and he has told me some funny stories

arybvtcw0eolkf · 27-06-2007 10:04AM

KNS wrote:

Getting a taxi home one night, the driver proceeded to complain about Irish women for the whole trip so I joined in being in a bit of a p!ssed off mood. Apparently he was divorced after a 20 year marriage and now had a girlfriend in Singapore. I was basically wasting my time with Irish women.

His advice to me was to save up a bit of cash and go there for a month where I'd "fall in love a thousand times".

Next thing he asked me did I want to see her. Before I could answer he'd shoved a load of photos in my face. Naturally she was a stunner (just to add to my p!ssed off mood), in her mid 20's I'd say!! Baring in mind he was in his late late 40's to early 50's and extremely over weight/smelly.

But what cracked me up was this line "what Irish women would dry you off after a shower and make love to you again and again". Not the kind of vision you want in your head taking into consideration his description above.

Was he driving a maroon coloured Skoda Octavia?..

If so that was me!!!!... lol.

Just kidding, I had that guy too. Conversation went almost along the same lines then he produced some photos from the glove compartment.

Dammit I've told this story to a few people and now find another 'burdened brother', lol.

Partizan · 27-06-2007 10:26AM

I personally have a lot of time for taxi drivers especially the Dublin ones who are absolutley out of this world. Some are quite stone mad as you would imagine but for some of the **** that they have to put up with, you would need to be a few crumbles short of a cookie.

Being from Waterford and working here in Dublin. I get varied responses. From an older generation I get the "Alfie Hale, Peter Thomas, & Johnny Matthews ah didn t Waterford have a great team then huh" line. "Look at them now there bleedin ****e". Being a Waterford fan the expereince can be both patronising in that we are now ****e (agree there)and uplifting in hearing the old timers hark on about the great sides and games.

The younger lads are gas. Always on about birds and booze. Some weeks ago I was on my way to the port from Rathmines to catch the ferry to Hollyhead at 5.30 am. They guy that picked me up was priceless. It had to be seen to be believed. He was telling about the Chinese knocking shop in Rathmines and where you could get a massage. Also I got a run down of his sexual exploits (screwing some Polish student bird) and a bit of timely advice - 'next time you are riding the bird that dumped you, dont worry she'll come crawling back, give her a dig in the head for me'. 'Loads of women in this town for ya, **** her' kinda thing. When I told him however that I was a Waterford fan, he nearly threw me out of the cab. One of those Shamrock Rovers nutjobs.

Duggy747 · 27-06-2007 11:04AM

In the town where I live there is one infamous taxi driver who is like an adventure when you hop in with him. Adventure like: "Am I gonna die or survive!?!" He's notorious for falling asleep while driving, especially when we are in his car which is scary stuff. Obviously we don't get him at all but unfortunately he's always the most reliable to get a taxi home at about 6 or 7 in the morning. Actually mind-boggling how he still has his license

Plissken1 · 27-06-2007 11:21AM

I was in a taxi one morning and he fell asleep at the wheel, I had to nudge him awake before we crashed. The roads were empty luckily.

Agamemnon · 27-06-2007 11:23AM

I was picked up by a Vietnam veteran taxi driver one night and he started telling me his war stories. He gave me gory descriptions of how several of his buddies died, then he started panting, wheezing and rocking back and forth in his seat. I thought he was going to have a flashback, mistake me for a VC and snap my neck.

Any Dublin taxi driver I've encountered has been a nutter. One guy started telling me about his two years in Mountjoy or, as he called it, "the big bread & breakfast". He told me about him and his friend having a threesome with a dwarf in a Budapest brothel or, as he put it, "Me and me mate four-balled a fookin' midget".

joe_chicken · 27-06-2007 11:28AM

The taxi driver I had on Saturday night didn't know the difference between left and right, not as in "he was bad with directions"... he just didn't know the difference.

Every corner we came to would go like:
Me: Ok, it's just the next left.
Taxi man begins to turn right.
Me: No, sorry... left, just here, left.
Taxi man continues to turn right.
Me: Left,left, left, left... (while leaning left)
Taxi man swings wildly left at the last moment.

This happened at least 3 times.

At one point we were driving in the wrong direction on the opposite side of the road.

At another point he tried to turn the wrong way down a one way road.

KNS · 27-06-2007 11:35AM

Mairt wrote:

Was he driving a maroon coloured Skoda Octavia?..

Not sure if it was an Octavia but the car was definetly maroon coloured.

I wonder how many unsuspecting victims he's forced that story on!! :eek:

patto_chan · 27-06-2007 11:44AM

joe_chicken wrote:

The taxi driver I had on Saturday night didn't know the difference between left and right, not as in "he was bad with directions"... he just didn't know the difference.

Every corner we came to would go like:
Me: Ok, it's just the next left.
Taxi man begins to turn right.
Me: No, sorry... left, just here, left.
Taxi man continues to turn right.
Me: Left,left, left, left... (while leaning left)
Taxi man swings wildly left at the last moment.

This happened at least 3 times.

Maybe he was Derek Zoolander.
He just couldn't turn left (or was that right?):D
Imagine Zoolander driving a Dublin taxi.....

Partizan · 27-06-2007 12:11PM

patto_chan wrote:

Imagine Zoolander driving a Dublin taxi.....

I'd think he would fit in just fine.

Degsy · 27-06-2007 12:40PM

Anybody had teh misfortune to get into Tommy Valentine's taxi?The clown fancies himself as a Frank Sinatra impersonator and will spend the journey waffling on about hiimself and singing Frank Sinatra songs.He's also turned his cab into a shrine to himself and has been prosecuted for flyposting about himself.Twat.

Kinetic^ · 27-06-2007 12:43PM

Degsy wrote:

Anybody had teh misfortune to get into Tommy Valentine's taxi?The clown fancies himself as a Frank Sinatra impersonator and will spend the journey waffling on about hiimself and singing Frank Sinatra songs.He's also turned his cab into a shrine to himself and has been prosecuted for flyposting about himself.Twat.

OMFG, I have.......few years back, ****ing hilarious so it was!!!! Pictures of himself all over his car

Degsy · 27-06-2007 01:00PM

Kenny 5 wrote:

OMFG, I have.......few years back, ****ing hilarious so it was!!!! Pictures of himself all over his car

He's a halfwit.Not content with being ignored by the media,he comes out with this:http://www.taxiblog.co.uk/1328/tommy%e2%80%99s-bogus-taxi-campaign/

John Mason · 27-06-2007 01:10PM

xzanti wrote:

My bf was getting one home from the airport by himself a few weeks back, and he told me the driver kept asking him if he'd ever cheated on his gf and telling him he should 'go to thailand and that the women there are like slaves and you can do whatever you want to them and they're barely legel and all this sh1ite etc...' :rolleyes: Think he was just more a perv than a lunatic tough..

I have been this guys taxi. he was dropping me to a pub and i wont talk the money off me because he was talking that much about the young girls and how 14 of them go away every 6 months to this place and some guy brings a selection of girls and they choose who they want - at least i knew i was safe in his taxi, was far too old for him

Alanthroneus · 27-06-2007 01:33PM

i was getting a taxi up to sandyford and we passed by the dundrum shopping centre. he proceeded to tell me a story of how he was told that "sum pur fecker" was found hanging off the scaffold there. at this point i was like hmm okay.... didnt want to know that but the he continued to tell me that when he was 14 his father and best friend both killed themselves within a month of each other and how sometimes he feels so lonely he thinks about doing it to........

what are ya meant to say to something like that?

Alanthroneus · 27-06-2007 01:36PM

i was getting a taxi up to sandyford and we passed by the dundrum shopping centre. he proceeded to tell me a story of how he was told that "sum pur fecker" was found hanging off the scaffold there. at this point i was like hmm okay.... didnt want to know that but the he continued to tell me that when he was 14 his father and best friend both killed themselves within a month of each other and how sometimes he feels so lonely he thinks about doing it to........

what are ya meant to say to something like that?

arybvtcw0eolkf · 27-06-2007 01:36PM

Alanthroneus wrote:

i was getting a taxi up to sandyford and we passed by the dundrum shopping centre. he proceeded to tell me a story of how he was told that "sum pur fecker" was found hanging off the scaffold there. at this point i was like hmm okay.... didnt want to know that but the he continued to tell me that when he was 14 his father and best friend both killed themselves within a month of each other and how sometimes he feels so lonely he thinks about doing it to........

what are ya meant to say to something like that?

Just tell him to "hang in there buddy".

Taxi Drivers With A Few Screws Loose

Comments