How do I stop drinking?

Victor · 18-06-2007 03:24PM

brian70 wrote:

Ive decided to give an aa meeting a try.

Good.

I have no idea what to expect could someone whos been tell me what I might expect? Im not too comfortable with the idea of "sharing" with a bunch of strangers on my first day....Do I just walk in and sit down ? do I have to register or something?

I've never been, but I don't think there is any formal registration, you are just "Brian".

The best thing about sharing with strangers is that it is easy, they don't know you are there is no repercussion. Its not like telling your mother you broke her best China.

As regards arriving, I suppose if there is a contact number, talk to that person about the procedure or otherwise go along a little early and chat with one of the organisers.

I'd love to hear from people real experiences if they want to share.

Hitchhiker's Guide to... · 18-06-2007 04:58PM

Meetings in Dublin:
http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Directory/default.asp?searchWords=&itemId=22&orderBy=&offset=&map=&ViewCat_13=Dublin&ViewCat_14=View+All

Just turn up, no pre-reg required.

DAVE_K · 19-06-2007 07:14AM

I'll give you my background first. I would have drank a few beers (2 or 3) most nights. Drank about 6 - 8 every Saturday and gone on the total rip once every 2 months during which i could be in town for two days on the lash with my mates. These weekend sessions could involve all sorts of booze, whiskey, wine, tequila, and then the other stuff cocaine, ecstasy etc, partying would be done day or night and could involve late clubs, early houses, 24 hour house parties etc. All bar going on the rip didn't cause too many problems at home, going on the rip when no-one knows where you're gone or when you'll be back caused me a lot of problems at home with the missus.
I'd go to work everyday and have a good career. I just found the evenings a bit empty weekdays and couldn't really break the habit of having a few beers.....add to that beer to me is/was like lemonade - i just love the stuff.
I found myself remorseful a lot after big sessions, I'd be a wreck, in bits, couldn't remember how much I'd spent, the stupid things I'd done, sometimes I'd wake up back home in bed with no idea how i'd got there etc. It was at these times I resolved myself to give up booze, be a better person, yadeeyah.
The things I've tried
a) Giving up solo - i've done this stacks of times and find I can get up to about 3 weeks, then conveniently forget how things were when I went on the pish, go back to having a few everynight, things would slowly build up and then I'd be back to where I was after a few weeks. It's worth stating that these weeks would be hell on the willpower front - going around saying to myself "must not drink, must not drink, must not drink"
b) Reading the Alan Carr book "How to Control Alcohol" - this was pretty good and was a way of convincing yourself not too drink by getting inside your head about the way you looked at alcohol. A lot of it works around the principle that alcohol itself is poison and does not taste good - it's just the stuff you mix with it that makes it taste good, the book ended with you going out and buying the drink you liked the taste of the least (for me brandy) and sitting down drinking it slowly and remembering the taste of that whenever you thought about drink. This worked for about a month and I really did think I'd kicked it - the one problem was though - I LOVE THE TASTE OF BEER. A cold can of Becks in the fridge would bring a tear to my eye so it wasn't long before there was 4 cold cans of becks in the fridge, then it was back to a few beers everynight and slowly built up to being exactly the way it was - well at least the liver got a rest for a month.
c) Finally after one serious session in the city centre that saw me going into town on Friday night and coming home Monday morning in ribbons. This one got me in the door of AA in Monkstown (they have meetings, sometimes 3 of them everyday up there) - when i got in there i just sat down and listened. I didn't say a word in there EVER....i just sat there and listened to every ones experiences and found myself identifying with a lot of it - and thats what you want to just go in there and listen - there's people in there who have lost everything, money, careers, family, they're living in bedsits, no-one will talk to them and they can barely put a shirt on their back. Some of them had to sleep with a bottle of vodka under the pillow in case they woke up at night. I went there everyday for a month and just kept listening. For me one of the downsides is it seems to revolve around blaming booze for everything without always addressing the underlying principles of why you need to drink to excess. The first step "I admit i am powerless over alcohol" was a major problem to be to admit cos I wasn't always (or felt that way anyway) powerless over it - it just came to a head sometimes......i had a weakness over it that sometimes got the better of me - to me thats different to being powerless. I found this way of staying off the booze was the easiest, there was no need to keep telling yourself not to drink, when you went up there it was like charging up your will power. I did find myself developing a need to go to meetings - i felt scared that if I didn't go to a meeting every day I'd start drinking - i developed a dependency on AA. They tell you if you don't keep going you'll end up at the bottom of a bottle, you'll lose everything, you're an alcoholic, nothing else can cure you except us....YOU NEED US. Whilst this works for a lot of people........I couldn't give myself over to it and gave up going after about a month cos I got sick listening to the same mantra every day. It did however serve the purpose of scaring the sh1t out of me as to what would happen if I kept going to way I was going. Now I have a couple of beers once a week. I've given up going on the lash. I'll never drink before 8 or 9 at night so for me thats handle-able enough.....i have re-arranged my life now though so that i'm not at a loss for something to do come 9 at night and i make sure i have activities for the weekend planned before it's upon me. Maybe it won't always be like that and i will slide but at least i'll know where to go when it does.

SO to answer your question - give aa a go. There's no harm in it and it might work for you. Nobody will push you to do anything up there or speak. Checkout the aa website you'll find a list of meetings in there and when they're on, just turn up go in and sit down - they can be a laugh sometimes.
Try the Alan Carr book - that's worth a read.
Or maybe just try re-arranging your life so you don't have those little pockets of in-activity at the times when you find yourself most likely to drink.

Good luck and PM me if you need any further info.

DublinWriter · 19-06-2007 08:57AM

DAVE_K wrote:

I'll give you my background first. I would have drank a few beers (2 or 3) most nights. Drank about 6 - 8 every Saturday and gone on the total rip once every 2 months during which i could be in town for two days on the lash with my mates.

Hi Dave_K,

Glad to see you are tackling your problem. Your point echos what I hear a lot of people say about AA in that it becomes almost like a cult in peoples' lives.

However, given the alternative, it can't be a bad thing.

A couple of points struck me about your particular experience of drinking in general that would be at odds with the typical AA profile of an alcoholic.

Firstly you state that you loved the taste of beer. It's not uncommon for the vast majority of alcoholics to actually detest the taste of any kind of drink, even when they are at their lowest. Did you consider trying out any non-alcholic beers?

Secondly, when you say you were drinking moderately during the week that you only had 2/3 beers and were able to stop. Generally alcoholism manifests itself in a complete lack of being able to stop drinking once you start.

Did your heavy drinking always coincide with social events or did you also frequently get baked solo?

Regards,

DW.

Celtic67 · 19-06-2007 02:59PM

Dave K,
Your story sounds so similar to mine its almost scary. Only difference is I rarely drink during the week and if I do its just for a couple. But I have regularly gone on the lash starting on a Friday evening finishing stumbling home on a Monday morning having done ridiculous things including drugs. I used to drink vodka all the time when on the session but knocked that on the head months ago. TBH I have never craved a drink, there have been many times I have woken up after a session and there would be booze in the fridge and I have never touched it. But I would go to the boozer and end up getting drunk again. I am a single bloke and live on my own so I reckon its company I am craving a lot of the time. Its very hard to sit at home on your own when you know your mates are down the pub. How has anyone who used to drink and then given up faired with the opposite sex afterwards?

DAVE_K · 19-06-2007 03:01PM

Yep AA does work for some people but with drinking and addiction in general i don't think it's a one size fits all.
For a lot of people though AA is a better alternative to drinking - so if it's a choice between drinking and AA and thats my options - i'd take AA.

On the non-alcoholic drinks thing I haven't tried it and don't think i will - i need to forget how good beer tastes and then having that taste won't be a habit anymore. Kinda like chocolate - i used to love a marble bar and would have one every breaktime. After a while i got out of the habit of having one and now couldn't care less.

Generally for me I found that blow outs happened mostly on social occasions - I'm not the best conversationalist and find being in social situations tough sometimes - a couple of drinks would get you over that hurdle, then next thing ya know yer knocking them back and thats all that matters, then you get sozzled, make a tit of yourself and the next time you're out have even more to be self conscious about. Now there was the odd occasion when there'd be a bit too much consumed at home but very rarely.

Me i think understanding your problem is the most important thing. Trying to work out the patterns to your drinking and working around that. Some people can't do this and go to AA - here they may learn to work out why they drink and after a period of going to AA they can then stop going and not go anymore. Others need to go everyday (or most days) and need to do this for the rest of their lives.....for me i'm not into that.

So to sum it up "I think" AA is good, it works for some, not for others. Go and see, try it out. If you think it's for you great. If you decide it's not don't listen to people saying you're doomed to fail if you don't go to their organization. Take away from it what you will, think for yourself and keep on trying.

brian70 · 19-06-2007 08:53PM

top post dave_k and very informative. I love the taste of beer and red wine. funnily enough i dont like spirits or cider or guinness

doesnt stop me drinking lager and vino every day though:( Im gonna give aa a try but like you I dont think im a "chronic-alcoholic" because I can, and do stop after a couple of beers I dont need to drink to oblivion but i do think i am a "problem drinker" because i do crave for drink..........Hermy thanks for starting this thread because its nice to see others have been here done that got the (aa) t-shirt:cool: ...hope things are well with you.

DAVE_K · 19-06-2007 10:09PM

I am a single bloke and live on my own so I reckon its company I am craving a lot of the time. Its very hard to sit at home on your own when you know your mates are down the pub. How has anyone who used to drink and then given up faired with the opposite sex afterwards?

I know where you're coming from (i spent a year and a half in a bedsit staring at the walls every evening at one time) but how many girls are finding yourself hooking up with when you're rubbered drunk........if it was working for you do you think you'd find yourself sitting at home on your own!!!
On the other hand yep i've hooked up when drunk but they were never really going to go anywhere because whilst under the influence of a pint or ten, it's pretty hard to make a decision on whether this is the sort of girl i think i'm suited to.

There's a lot of stuff to do out there and being single is the perfect opportunity to do it as you're not going to have to be worrying about taking it in the neck (or actually taking it in the neck) for spending all your time pursueing your chosen pastimes. You just have to get past the stage of getting in the door of whatever club, course, etc that you want to do. After that things will take care of themselves. A lot of the really nice girls I've met myself who i have a lot of respect for but things didn't work out due to circumstances (geography or the like) I've met through non-drink related activities......it's pure pot luck going down the boozer, meeting some random girl and hoping that it's all going to work out and ye'll be well matched based on a hour or two of alcohol fuelled conversation - sure it does work but no more than any other form of meeting people.

Hermy · 21-06-2007 01:17PM

Hello again Brian70, hi DAVE_K,
I haven’t got the AA t-shirt just yet but I have done a lot of soul-searching in the meantime regarding the question in my opening post - namely, how do I stop drinking? - and I’m actually getting very close to answering it. I already know that the answer is just to stop of course but previously that was no help at all. Asking myself why I drink isn’t much help either because on the one hand whatever problems I claim lead me to drink, ultimately are just excuses which will probably go away if I stop, and on the other hand there is the fact that mostly I love drinking and that‘s why I fall off the wagon. So then I asked myself why don’t I stop drinking? This is a slightly different question and I don’t know that I can explain exactly how this has been such a revelation to me but it is working. Basically all the good stuff I want to do can be done if I stop drinking so why not stop. And the thing is there is absolutely no reason why I shouldn’t stop! So maybe tomorrow or maybe the day after I am going to stop and take it from there. I should mention that obviously this rational thinking would not have been possible without the Boards - indeed I didn’t drink for two days after my original post - so yet again I say thank you to one and all. I also had a bit of luck in the past week. An old friend turned up out of the blue and said friend has given up the day job to work full time at addiction counseling. Now I have the Boards and an old friend to turn to when things get difficult but I feel more like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders as I type.

brian70 · 22-06-2007 12:09AM

Hermy im trying to send you a pm but cant any ideas why? try pm me

MooseJam · 22-06-2007 12:49AM

I didn't read the whole thread but I used to be a problem drinker, went to my gp and he proscribed me antabuse, taken with water in the morning and end of problem, you can't drink any more if you do you will get very sick, try it

aidan24326 · 22-06-2007 12:58AM

Hermy wrote:

So maybe tomorrow or maybe the day after I am going to stop and take it from there.

What's wrong with today? The guy who suggested antabuse might be worth listening to, take that stuff and you simply can't drink. Mightn't be a long-term 'cure' but would keep you off the drink until you figure out what you're gonna do, retain the clear head and the rational thinking.

LegacyUser · 22-06-2007 01:18AM

'Hey OP. i don't drink, i gave it up last october for a number of reasons;

1. it's a waste of money
2. felt awful and tired next day
3. i don't see what good it brings

all my mates drink and they shake my hand because i choose not to drink, which is weird as it's been sort of hypocritcal...

i go out with them on the town and have a laugh just as i would if i was drinking, and probably a better laugh.

i recently started to date a girl i've fancy-ed for over a year and she fully understands why i choose not to drink.

and tbh most ppl think i'm weird cause i go out but choose not to drink alcohol, and i couldn't give a ****, it's my life and i'll live it how i see fit

ask yourself do you need it. i do and the answer is no.

best of luck

Patrick

'

Hermy · 22-06-2007 01:39AM

What's wrong with today Aidan? Nothing, except that in keeping with Irish tradition I choose to put off till tomorrow what I should have done yesterday. Sorry if this sounds terribly flippant but that's the truth of the matter. If I could make the snap decision right now and stop drinking forever there wouldn't be a problem. But I like beer and don't want to stop just now. But I will stop and I look forward to stopping and that will be a time to rejoice but it's not going to happen just now!
As regards antabuse, that is definitely not for me. I have done fine without alcohol in the past and I will do so again in the future. I just need to get my head in the right place and then quite honestly the world is my oyster.
But I thank you for your thoughts. As with all these posts, yours is pushing me in the right direction. To mis-quote Beckett "I can't go on, I must go on, I will go on."

Hermy · 22-06-2007 11:45AM

There is no need to register or sign up in any capacity to AA. All you need to do is to come in and sit down. The format of meetings is usually that the secretary opens the meetings, the chair speaks for 15 minutes or so on their own story, and then the meeting is opened up to the rest of the room. All meetings last one hour. If you don't want to share, you don't speak up. If you are asked by the Chair if you want to speak, it is considered perfectly o.k. to say no. You can leave the meeting without speaking to anyone else, if you wish.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You don't have to have any medical diagnosis or any disastrous history. If you have a problem with alcohol you are welcome at any meeting.

There is a strong ethos of self determination within AA. So no one, and I repeat no one, can tell you what to do. Any suggestions are just that, suggestions. There is the Big Book which tells how the founders of AA and other people got sober. There are the 12 steps which are the recommended way of getting sober. But people can and do ignore these and it is their business and their business only.

And no one has to believe in God or gods to be in AA. There is a strong spiritual ethos which for most people takes the form of God, but that is where the resemblance ends. Many atheists get sober in AA too.

The point of AA is to share the difficulties of getting sober. Alcoholics are obsessives, and we need to talk to gain perspective. Never be afraid to try out an AA meeting. It is much better to be in AA pretending to be an alcoholic, than to be out there drinking pretending you're not an alcoholic.

Victor · 23-06-2007 07:34AM

Hermy, go catch some sunshine today and a movie this evening.

Miss Fluff · 24-06-2007 10:49AM

Trying to have a break in your routine should help too. If you find, as someone else pointed out, that you sit in front of your computer while swigging back the ale then stay away from the computer for a while. If you out of habit go to an off-license on your way home from work, take a different route. If you always drink when you see a particular group of mates ask can you meet them somewhere else other than the pub. All sounds pretty simple but it's certainly a step in the right direction.

LegacyUser · 14-10-2011 04:17PM

I draw a lot of comparisions from this thread and a few alarm bells are ringing. I drink 2-3 times a week more 3 .I used to never drink consecutive nights but that too has become more frequent mainly because I say things like "Ill give up monday" so will binge drink Sat/Sun before I start....The most Iv'e gone is about a month ,but lately im lucky if I get to the next Saturday!....In short im gettin worse at giving up and drinkin more inbetween. The thing is I am a very keen runner and what happens is I can train like mad while off for a week or so ...I feel so good and confident that ...I say sure Ill have a drink (sound familiar?)...then im back in a rut and say" Ill start again in a while".... I drink even more during this time until I can gear up for another attempt!! arggggg ...Im am now begining to realise I must stop setting deadlines as to how long Im giving up for..ie( ill give up for a month) because one of 2 things happen...(1) I last the month and then feel like a parched man finding a desert oasis and will devour drink ..or (2) I fail ... feel bad and drink even more!!!.. and the cycle begins again...This thread has provided some great tips and tools I think I have my head almost in the right place to finally stop...I think a lot of posters arn't the massive alcoholics like the...... bottle of vodka under the pillow type person... as describe earlier...but like me are frustrated the hold drink has on them,they are not in control and this is an uncomfortable feeling...I hate the feeing of failure and that horrible hangover when falling off the wagon and know its beaten me again...letting myself and others down...SO TODAY I AM STOPPING....NOT FOR A DAY ,WEEK ,MONTH ....IM STOPPING ...NO DEADLINE.........IM JUST STOPPIN!!!!!!!!!

Frustrated_WW · 14-11-2011 05:08PM

Really hope you're doing ok

How do I stop drinking?

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