How do I stop drinking?

Hermy

Hello all,
Still relatively new to Boards but having read through the PI threads today I realise that there are some really decent folk on-line. So my question is how do I stop drinking! I know that the simple answer is to stop drinking, but in my experience, as soon as you stop drinking and begin to feel like yourself again you begin to wonder what the problem was that made you stop drinking in the first place. In other words, having stopped, how do I stay stopped! I love beer but it doesn't love me and it is f*cking up my life big time. It's been spoiling things for quite some time now, but just of late my body feels so sh*t that I'm almost waiting for my heart to give up or something similarly awful. I know that this is not a medical forum and that my local GP and AA group are probably the people to talk to first but there are other issues that are making the simple option of just stopping a bit awkward, so I'd be delighted if any one of you can give of your time to help me out with what I know is a problem for a hell of a lot of people on this island.

Victor

Well I think you've made the first step and realised there might be a problem.

As you say, talk to your GP and AA or one of the other alcohol treatment groups and they can provide you with lots of information and support.

I gave up when my doctor said it wasn't good for my liver. Never missed it.

Carrigart Exile

Break the routine. If its home on your home with a cargo of beer and on to the computer, then change it. Go swimming a couple of nights a week, try and get involved in a 5/7 a side footy game at night, basically find anything to fill the void that beer does.

barrett1965

Well done on your admission to having a drink problem. Already you are half way there.

You say that stopping drinking is not the problem, but staying stopped. This is the root of every problem drinker. Anyone can give up drinking, but staying off the sauce is the real test.

Basically, I think you have a decision to make. Do you want to give the booze up completely, or do you just want to moderate it? For me it had to be total abstenence, but that might not be the case for you as everyones situation is different. I did a lot of soul-searching before I gave the drink up entirely, but I've have no regrets since.

Offalycool

Someone close to me drank for years. In the beginning of the end I’m sure he felt much like you. If u feel sick day in day out you need to quit, probably for life. I would stress that it could get much worse, and important relationships can be jeopardised. The only true effective treatment for this person was AA. Over the years this person has made strong friendships with other’s through the support groups and it has really changed his life, he now attends twice a week and has done for many years. Now he has a lifestyle he could not have imagined back then. He has changed his whole social life and he now has many diverse pastimes, from drama to boating on the canals. Good luck.

Hermy

Thanks for the replies. I know myself that I have to give up drinking for good as moderation doesn't work for me. I also know I'll be so much better without alcohol but stopping and staying stopped is proving difficult! I've heard mixed views of AA meetings, would they be a last resort or a first port of call?

Hmm_Messiah

cutting a long story short - my best friends drinking was a MAJOR problem, in the end what happened was in a moment he realised he needed to deal with it, we stayed awake alnight to maintain the momentum and went to the doc
end of week he was in Cluain Mhuire or one of those facilities, and has not drank since

I think the 8 weeks outside of the alcohol environment makes its much easier (and harder I'm sure in ways)

Other than that to be honest you also need to lookat why you drink so much, a drink problem is oftem a symptom of something else, to be happy and healthy you'd have to tackle both

this guy was in his early twenties - if more detail any benefit feel free to pm me

louisecm

Hermy wrote:

I know that this is not a medical forum and that my local GP and AA group are probably the people to talk to first but there are other issues that are making the simple option of just stopping a bit awkward, so I'd be delighted if any one of you can give of your time to help me out with what I know is a problem for a hell of a lot of people on this island.

What do you mean "other issues". You own your drinking, you are the only person who decides whether or not you drink.

You have answered your own question I believe by suggesting that your GP and AA are a good way to go. Your GP can assess whether or not residential treatment in somewhere like the Rutland Centre might be the best option - and whatever the experiences of different people with AA, I've seen it work firsthand and every single meeting is Autonomous and therefore different so sweeping statements are not accurate.

Fairplay for realising you have a problem, but now you have to take action.

Hermy

Hi louisecm,
Regarding 'other issues', I may be the only one who decides whether I drink but I had no control over the circumstances that caused my drinking to become such a habit, circumstances that I am now trying hard to change, but that's not something I'm going to go into here.
Regarding AA, I didn't think I made a sweeping statement. I only raised the point because while in general one hears nothing but absolute praise for AA, I happen to have come across three different individuals at one time or another who expressed reservations about AA. I must admit that this surprised me and that is the only reason why I mentioned those 'mixed views'.
Ultimately though the last word of your post is crucial and is the answer to so many problems. I am determined to take action and start living again.

louisecm

Hermy wrote:

Hi louisecm,
Regarding 'other issues', I may be the only one who decides whether I drink but I had no control over the circumstances that caused my drinking to become such a habit, circumstances that I am now trying hard to change, but that's not something I'm going to go into here.
Regarding AA, I didn't think I made a sweeping statement. I only raised the point because while in general one hears nothing but absolute praise for AA, I happen to have come across three different individuals at one time or another who expressed reservations about AA. I must admit that this surprised me and that is the only reason why I mentioned those 'mixed views'.
Ultimately though the last word of your post is crucial and is the answer to so many problems. I am determined to take action and start living again.

I wasn't implying that you made sweeping statements - I was saying that others do and you shouldn't neccesarily believe them. I'm glad you're going to take action, but truly your drinking is your choice. No circumstance makes you drink, your drinking is your responsibility. Good luck.

finbarrk

Buy a couple of good books to read at night because you will have difficulty sleeping, also have a good supply of water, 7-up or something in the fridge to kill the urge for a drink which will hit you from time to time. It wont be easy for the first week or so but as long as you keep away from occasions which could lead you to drink (weddings, parties,etc.), you should be able to do it.

egan007

Giving up anything you are Addicted to is a problem.
Go home, look at your self in the mirror.
Take a deep breath.
Turn 180 Degres and walk into an AA meeting.

Do it this evening and you will never regret it.

Hermy

louisecm
My circumstances were the reason I decided to drink excessively at that time, but looking back on it, my circumstances could have been very different, and I still would have ended up where I am now.

finbarrk
Of late sleep without the drink isn't an option so it's just as well I like reading. Recommend anything?

egan007
Don't know if your quoting someone else or just speaking from experience but that is a brilliant post.

BoozyBabe

Thankfully I've never had a drink problem, so I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, so I won't even insult you by just telling you "just don't drink"
I know it's not that easy.
Every girl who's ever been on a diet, knows the feeling of a rumbling stomach, feeling miserable & a piece of chocolate is in sight & she can have it if she wants. & the pleasure she'll experience when she eats it......
Not many could / would resist the temptation.
Next thing you know, your back to eating the whole bar.
Yes, of course it was your choice to eat it, but one wee piece didn't seem that harmful.
See the similarities before giving the OP a hard time????

OP, I've no advice for you. The comment about looking in the mirror everyday & then going to the AA meeting is a good one.

I knew 2 men, both relatively the same age (early to mid 50's)
Both's lives were very similar.
When they were younger they were popular, funny, etc, etc, but they drank & they drank too much.
One got married, had a pretty big family, but the drinking continued, the lies continued, he pushed everyone who loved him away.
So much so that he had to move quite a distance away from everyone. No one wanted to know him, his wife took her children away from him. When the children were adults they didn't want to see him. Still the lies would continue. He'd tell you to your face he hadn't drank in months. You'd find empty bottles under his bed, very obvious that he was just drinking.
Anyway, that man is now dead. Died alone, lay dead for several days. no one batted an eyelid, no one noticed, no one really cared. Such a sad & lonely end to what could've been a great life.
The other person in my story never got married. No one would put up with his rubbish for long enough. Lies, tears, fights etc, continued for years.
Would go off the drink, stay off it for a few weeks. you were promised this was the new him, next time you'd see him he'd be staggering around after pissing himself!!!!
He eventually saw the light, met his now wife in a drying out centre. Got pellets (or whatever they are) in his stomach, so even the smell of alcohol makes him feel sick. He hasn't drank in a long long time. I'm still not completely convinced, but it's the best I've ever seen him do.
He's held down a job ever since, he has a house, he has a car, but most of all, he has a life now.

It was hard work, & every day is probably as hard as they day before. Every day you'll prob have to make a conscious decision not to drink today.
But it can be done, & you can do it.
It's up to you which of these two men you want to be.

I wish you all the best of luck.
& well done for being one of the smart ones who recognises you do have a problem

egan007

Hermy wrote:

louisecm
egan007
Don't know if your quoting someone else or just speaking from experience but that is a brilliant post.

Thanks,
Lucky for me I have not experienced addiction but I helped my cousin through it and until he did this he had a problem.

DeVore

Sleep will return as you get used to not having booze in your system and it will be a much higher quality sleep too. For now, join a gym or take some physical exercise.

You ask how you can stay off booze? You've already taken the first steps by realising that staying off it is a lot harder then giving it up.

The trick to staying off it, is to stay away from it. You have an addiction, but to feed that addiction you have to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ie, if you are in a bar when you suddenly weaken your resolve momentaraily then its a lot easier for you to act on it.

Finally, here's a great piece of advice that I was once given for a different addiction problem I had. The cravings are not part of YOU, imagine your addiction as a nasty little demon, a really vicious unpleasant little sh*t. The cravings are the sound of him dying, the sound of YOUR victory over HIS control of you and he's not fnckin' happy about it. He's run your life for too long and its time he got a kick in the hole. So every time you have a weak moment or think about booze, realise thats his desperate deaththrows...

DeV.

mise_me_fein

Just cut down on it and get new hobbies.....it's tough in Ireland i know.

Nothing else to do and every celebration seems to involved drink.

DeVore

ps: You will never truely be free until someone asks you "do you want a beer" and you're instinctive reaction is "Nah, I dont drink". Giving Up is something we do for lent. Its a holiday from something. Until you start to think of yourself as a "teetotaler" (even the word sounds funny doesn't it?) then you still have work to do.

On the plus side, you sound like a bright guy and someone who has decided to take back control of his life. Good luck mate, I'm sure you can do it.

DeV.

vandermeyde

its a big step to have made that admission to yourself but its going to be worthless if you don't follow up this moment of lucidity with action.

You've put up a few reasons/excuses (bad reports on AA, circumstances etc.) as to why you won't/can't take action but you need to ignore these and just go do it.

I can only echo what egan007 has said...take control, take action. Do it today.

good luck, and when things get bad (which they will), there'll be plenty of support for you here.

The_Scary_Man

Hermy wrote:

Of late sleep without the drink isn't an option so it's just as well I like reading. Recommend anything?

Check out Homecoming by John Bradshaw it might help you to see things in a different light

Heavy drinking can be a method of covering up an issue we don't want to deal with. You used an interesting phrase here in your original post;

I know that the simple answer is to stop drinking, but in my experience, as soon as you stop drinking and begin to feel like yourself again you begin to wonder what the problem was that made you stop drinking in the first place.

There is a certain separation that occurs when we drink or do drugs, ( I have experience of both and the damage they can cause) and when we stop we can become more integrated or feel like ourselves again. The trouble is that as soon as we feel that way the thing that drove us to escape in the first place returns. Beating the addiction is one thing but the hardest part is learning to be ok with yourself, as soon as you become comfortable with yourself as a person then you won't have to avoid feeling like yourself.

If you don't fancy AA then maybe a private counsellor would be an option.

Good Luck

LegacyUser

Take up a hobby that you will be able to do at most times that lets you interact with people. Make sure that the hobby will be interesting enough to absorb you in the times that you would usually go drinking...

Drinking can be classed as a pasttime, so can go karting or something like that.. just drinking is more socially exceptable.

computer programming - terrible example, but theres always something you can program and get stuck into... Then look at the money you have saved and get the best gear for your chosen hobby.. or spend it on the people around you, or on having a good time!

Find your new vice and milk it!

LegacyUser

Im facinated by this thread because im in the exact same situation, in fact Im half cut on a bottle of red as i type!! My biggest despair is I am so tired of morning resolutions and fresh starts only to be followed by evening weakness and drinking...its demoralising after a while! I gave up a 40 a day ciggerete habit 8 yrs ago but this drinking has me snookered, it just crept up on me........ I am actually afraid to walk into an aa meeting because having browsed the big book online it just looks like a christianity/opus dai cult ive downloaded it on mp3 and bored after chapter 3!!

Hermy let me know how you get on I think we share a similar path atm.......gota go work in 5 hours need sleep (drunken!)

Hermy

Thanks again to all of you for your kind words of encouragement - reading them does help - plenty of ideas to mull over and goals to aim for.
I do hope others may also find this thread helpful.

SandhillRoad

Dec 14th 1990.
Through AA.

Sam Vimes

here's an idea that might not work: you say that you know you need to give up drinking but when you've been off it for a while you start to sort of forget how bad it was and convince yourself that its ok.

how about you get a mate to record you at your most drunk (falling over/puking/making a tit of yourself etc) and play it to yourself whenever you forget how bad it was

barrett1965

brian70 wrote:

Im facinated by this thread because im in the exact same situation, in fact Im half cut on a bottle of red as i type!! My biggest despair is I am so tired of morning resolutions and fresh starts only to be followed by evening weakness and drinking...its demoralising after a while! I gave up a 40 a day ciggerete habit 8 yrs ago but this drinking has me snookered, it just crept up on me........ I am actually afraid to walk into an aa meeting because having browsed the big book online it just looks like a christianity/opus dai cult ive downloaded it on mp3 and bored after chapter 3!!

Hermy let me know how you get on I think we share a similar path atm.......gota go work in 5 hours need sleep (drunken!)

Don't stop yourself from going to an AA meeting if you think it will help. I know from my personal experience giving up booze, that something has to fill the void. Not necessarily AA, but definitely something.

Hermy

Hi Brian70,
First off your post of 00:55 wasn't on screen when I posted at 03:56 so don't think I was ignoring you. I know all about the broken promises and to quote someone else, "I'm sick of being tired and tired of being sick". I know from previous experience that even a few days off the beer and I begin to feel like myself again and then suddenly I have the energy to get up in the morning, get out there and keep the promises I've made to myself... but then of course time passes and sure what the hell, I'll have another beer, sure one can't harm me. And indeed that one doesn't harm me but all the other beers that follow leads me right back to where I was in the first place, feeling so low that I stopped drinking! The number of times I've been around that circuit...and yes, the transition to drink problem crept up on me too. I'm nervous about AA meetings but not too concerned about the religious side of things. I'm not into religion but there are many who are and the belief structure of any faith can help someone when they're down, even a non-believer like me. I also reckon if you can give up the cigarettes than you definitely have it in you to give up the drink. Haven't been there yet but everyone seems to be pointing us in the direction of AA. I'll let you know if I take the plunge.

Commander Vimes,
I appreciate your suggestion but the funny thing about it is that falling over/ puking/ making a tit of myself/ losing friends/ running into debt and general selfishness towards myself and others doesn't really matter when I want a drink. Sad really!

Still it's been good to talk so I hope this thread keeps going for a while yet.

And well done SandhillRoad, I hope to be able to make a similar post someday.

brian70

Ive decided to give an aa meeting a try. I have no idea what to expect could someone whos been tell me what I might expect? Im not too comfortable with the idea of "sharing" with a bunch of strangers on my first day....Do I just walk in and sit down ? do I have to register or something?

DublinWriter

brian70 wrote:

Ive decided to give an aa meeting a try. I have no idea what to expect could someone whos been tell me what I might expect? Im not too comfortable with the idea of "sharing" with a bunch of strangers on my first day....Do I just walk in and sit down ? do I have to register or something?

I've seen loads of posts along these lines in boards in the past year.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to have a separate forum for Addiction Support? It could cover all forms of addiction (Drink, Gambling, Cigs, etc) as the patterns of addictive behaviour tend to be largely the same no-matter what the addiction is.

That way people in need of advice can have ready access to the posts of others in similar situations.

Stickies could be put up with the numbers of various support groups and organisations.

Apologies if I'm mentioning this in the wrong place.

Hermy

Good man brian70, let us know how you get on.

DublinWriter,
I’d be delighted to see a forum on the subject of addiction appearing on Boards. Indeed I’m a bit surprised that such a forum is not already up and running. Anyone like to tell me how such a forum gets started?

queera

Hi there,

I know everyone says meditation is great for stopping booze, but I promise you it is. Im reading a book called Radical Acceptance - its based in Buddhist philosophy (Im actually not a Buddhist) of accepting yourself before you can change. Its full of easy beginners meditation too. Id also recommend some books on tape and chilled out meditation music ( I find tibetan chanting amazing ) for listening on headphones during the day and in the eve. The Power of Now - as cheesy as the title sounds - is a great book for making you only worry (or not!) about this second and stops you from projecting yourself into a scary imagined future without alcohol which you really cant even begin to deal with. Hope this helps.
Ciara

Victor

brian70 wrote:

Ive decided to give an aa meeting a try.

Good.

I have no idea what to expect could someone whos been tell me what I might expect? Im not too comfortable with the idea of "sharing" with a bunch of strangers on my first day....Do I just walk in and sit down ? do I have to register or something?

I've never been, but I don't think there is any formal registration, you are just "Brian".

The best thing about sharing with strangers is that it is easy, they don't know you are there is no repercussion. Its not like telling your mother you broke her best China.

As regards arriving, I suppose if there is a contact number, talk to that person about the procedure or otherwise go along a little early and chat with one of the organisers.

I'd love to hear from people real experiences if they want to share.

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

Meetings in Dublin:
http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Directory/default.asp?searchWords=&itemId=22&orderBy=&offset=&map=&ViewCat_13=Dublin&ViewCat_14=View+All

Just turn up, no pre-reg required.

DAVE_K

I'll give you my background first. I would have drank a few beers (2 or 3) most nights. Drank about 6 - 8 every Saturday and gone on the total rip once every 2 months during which i could be in town for two days on the lash with my mates. These weekend sessions could involve all sorts of booze, whiskey, wine, tequila, and then the other stuff cocaine, ecstasy etc, partying would be done day or night and could involve late clubs, early houses, 24 hour house parties etc. All bar going on the rip didn't cause too many problems at home, going on the rip when no-one knows where you're gone or when you'll be back caused me a lot of problems at home with the missus.
I'd go to work everyday and have a good career. I just found the evenings a bit empty weekdays and couldn't really break the habit of having a few beers.....add to that beer to me is/was like lemonade - i just love the stuff.
I found myself remorseful a lot after big sessions, I'd be a wreck, in bits, couldn't remember how much I'd spent, the stupid things I'd done, sometimes I'd wake up back home in bed with no idea how i'd got there etc. It was at these times I resolved myself to give up booze, be a better person, yadeeyah.
The things I've tried
a) Giving up solo - i've done this stacks of times and find I can get up to about 3 weeks, then conveniently forget how things were when I went on the pish, go back to having a few everynight, things would slowly build up and then I'd be back to where I was after a few weeks. It's worth stating that these weeks would be hell on the willpower front - going around saying to myself "must not drink, must not drink, must not drink"
b) Reading the Alan Carr book "How to Control Alcohol" - this was pretty good and was a way of convincing yourself not too drink by getting inside your head about the way you looked at alcohol. A lot of it works around the principle that alcohol itself is poison and does not taste good - it's just the stuff you mix with it that makes it taste good, the book ended with you going out and buying the drink you liked the taste of the least (for me brandy) and sitting down drinking it slowly and remembering the taste of that whenever you thought about drink. This worked for about a month and I really did think I'd kicked it - the one problem was though - I LOVE THE TASTE OF BEER. A cold can of Becks in the fridge would bring a tear to my eye so it wasn't long before there was 4 cold cans of becks in the fridge, then it was back to a few beers everynight and slowly built up to being exactly the way it was - well at least the liver got a rest for a month.
c) Finally after one serious session in the city centre that saw me going into town on Friday night and coming home Monday morning in ribbons. This one got me in the door of AA in Monkstown (they have meetings, sometimes 3 of them everyday up there) - when i got in there i just sat down and listened. I didn't say a word in there EVER....i just sat there and listened to every ones experiences and found myself identifying with a lot of it - and thats what you want to just go in there and listen - there's people in there who have lost everything, money, careers, family, they're living in bedsits, no-one will talk to them and they can barely put a shirt on their back. Some of them had to sleep with a bottle of vodka under the pillow in case they woke up at night. I went there everyday for a month and just kept listening. For me one of the downsides is it seems to revolve around blaming booze for everything without always addressing the underlying principles of why you need to drink to excess. The first step "I admit i am powerless over alcohol" was a major problem to be to admit cos I wasn't always (or felt that way anyway) powerless over it - it just came to a head sometimes......i had a weakness over it that sometimes got the better of me - to me thats different to being powerless. I found this way of staying off the booze was the easiest, there was no need to keep telling yourself not to drink, when you went up there it was like charging up your will power. I did find myself developing a need to go to meetings - i felt scared that if I didn't go to a meeting every day I'd start drinking - i developed a dependency on AA. They tell you if you don't keep going you'll end up at the bottom of a bottle, you'll lose everything, you're an alcoholic, nothing else can cure you except us....YOU NEED US. Whilst this works for a lot of people........I couldn't give myself over to it and gave up going after about a month cos I got sick listening to the same mantra every day. It did however serve the purpose of scaring the sh1t out of me as to what would happen if I kept going to way I was going. Now I have a couple of beers once a week. I've given up going on the lash. I'll never drink before 8 or 9 at night so for me thats handle-able enough.....i have re-arranged my life now though so that i'm not at a loss for something to do come 9 at night and i make sure i have activities for the weekend planned before it's upon me. Maybe it won't always be like that and i will slide but at least i'll know where to go when it does.

SO to answer your question - give aa a go. There's no harm in it and it might work for you. Nobody will push you to do anything up there or speak. Checkout the aa website you'll find a list of meetings in there and when they're on, just turn up go in and sit down - they can be a laugh sometimes.
Try the Alan Carr book - that's worth a read.
Or maybe just try re-arranging your life so you don't have those little pockets of in-activity at the times when you find yourself most likely to drink.

Good luck and PM me if you need any further info.

DublinWriter

DAVE_K wrote:

I'll give you my background first. I would have drank a few beers (2 or 3) most nights. Drank about 6 - 8 every Saturday and gone on the total rip once every 2 months during which i could be in town for two days on the lash with my mates.

Hi Dave_K,

Glad to see you are tackling your problem. Your point echos what I hear a lot of people say about AA in that it becomes almost like a cult in peoples' lives.

However, given the alternative, it can't be a bad thing.

A couple of points struck me about your particular experience of drinking in general that would be at odds with the typical AA profile of an alcoholic.

Firstly you state that you loved the taste of beer. It's not uncommon for the vast majority of alcoholics to actually detest the taste of any kind of drink, even when they are at their lowest. Did you consider trying out any non-alcholic beers?

Secondly, when you say you were drinking moderately during the week that you only had 2/3 beers and were able to stop. Generally alcoholism manifests itself in a complete lack of being able to stop drinking once you start.

Did your heavy drinking always coincide with social events or did you also frequently get baked solo?

Regards,

DW.

Celtic67

Dave K,
Your story sounds so similar to mine its almost scary. Only difference is I rarely drink during the week and if I do its just for a couple. But I have regularly gone on the lash starting on a Friday evening finishing stumbling home on a Monday morning having done ridiculous things including drugs. I used to drink vodka all the time when on the session but knocked that on the head months ago. TBH I have never craved a drink, there have been many times I have woken up after a session and there would be booze in the fridge and I have never touched it. But I would go to the boozer and end up getting drunk again. I am a single bloke and live on my own so I reckon its company I am craving a lot of the time. Its very hard to sit at home on your own when you know your mates are down the pub. How has anyone who used to drink and then given up faired with the opposite sex afterwards?

DAVE_K

Yep AA does work for some people but with drinking and addiction in general i don't think it's a one size fits all.
For a lot of people though AA is a better alternative to drinking - so if it's a choice between drinking and AA and thats my options - i'd take AA.

On the non-alcoholic drinks thing I haven't tried it and don't think i will - i need to forget how good beer tastes and then having that taste won't be a habit anymore. Kinda like chocolate - i used to love a marble bar and would have one every breaktime. After a while i got out of the habit of having one and now couldn't care less.

Generally for me I found that blow outs happened mostly on social occasions - I'm not the best conversationalist and find being in social situations tough sometimes - a couple of drinks would get you over that hurdle, then next thing ya know yer knocking them back and thats all that matters, then you get sozzled, make a tit of yourself and the next time you're out have even more to be self conscious about. Now there was the odd occasion when there'd be a bit too much consumed at home but very rarely.

Me i think understanding your problem is the most important thing. Trying to work out the patterns to your drinking and working around that. Some people can't do this and go to AA - here they may learn to work out why they drink and after a period of going to AA they can then stop going and not go anymore. Others need to go everyday (or most days) and need to do this for the rest of their lives.....for me i'm not into that.

So to sum it up "I think" AA is good, it works for some, not for others. Go and see, try it out. If you think it's for you great. If you decide it's not don't listen to people saying you're doomed to fail if you don't go to their organization. Take away from it what you will, think for yourself and keep on trying.

brian70

top post dave_k and very informative. I love the taste of beer and red wine. funnily enough i dont like spirits or cider or guinness doesnt stop me drinking lager and vino every day though:( Im gonna give aa a try but like you I dont think im a "chronic-alcoholic" because I can, and do stop after a couple of beers I dont need to drink to oblivion but i do think i am a "problem drinker" because i do crave for drink..........Hermy thanks for starting this thread because its nice to see others have been here done that got the (aa) t-shirt:cool: ...hope things are well with you.

DAVE_K

I am a single bloke and live on my own so I reckon its company I am craving a lot of the time. Its very hard to sit at home on your own when you know your mates are down the pub. How has anyone who used to drink and then given up faired with the opposite sex afterwards?

I know where you're coming from (i spent a year and a half in a bedsit staring at the walls every evening at one time) but how many girls are finding yourself hooking up with when you're rubbered drunk........if it was working for you do you think you'd find yourself sitting at home on your own!!!
On the other hand yep i've hooked up when drunk but they were never really going to go anywhere because whilst under the influence of a pint or ten, it's pretty hard to make a decision on whether this is the sort of girl i think i'm suited to.

There's a lot of stuff to do out there and being single is the perfect opportunity to do it as you're not going to have to be worrying about taking it in the neck (or actually taking it in the neck) for spending all your time pursueing your chosen pastimes. You just have to get past the stage of getting in the door of whatever club, course, etc that you want to do. After that things will take care of themselves. A lot of the really nice girls I've met myself who i have a lot of respect for but things didn't work out due to circumstances (geography or the like) I've met through non-drink related activities......it's pure pot luck going down the boozer, meeting some random girl and hoping that it's all going to work out and ye'll be well matched based on a hour or two of alcohol fuelled conversation - sure it does work but no more than any other form of meeting people.

Hermy

Hello again Brian70, hi DAVE_K,
I haven’t got the AA t-shirt just yet but I have done a lot of soul-searching in the meantime regarding the question in my opening post - namely, how do I stop drinking? - and I’m actually getting very close to answering it. I already know that the answer is just to stop of course but previously that was no help at all. Asking myself why I drink isn’t much help either because on the one hand whatever problems I claim lead me to drink, ultimately are just excuses which will probably go away if I stop, and on the other hand there is the fact that mostly I love drinking and that‘s why I fall off the wagon. So then I asked myself why don’t I stop drinking? This is a slightly different question and I don’t know that I can explain exactly how this has been such a revelation to me but it is working. Basically all the good stuff I want to do can be done if I stop drinking so why not stop. And the thing is there is absolutely no reason why I shouldn’t stop! So maybe tomorrow or maybe the day after I am going to stop and take it from there. I should mention that obviously this rational thinking would not have been possible without the Boards - indeed I didn’t drink for two days after my original post - so yet again I say thank you to one and all. I also had a bit of luck in the past week. An old friend turned up out of the blue and said friend has given up the day job to work full time at addiction counseling. Now I have the Boards and an old friend to turn to when things get difficult but I feel more like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders as I type.

brian70

Hermy im trying to send you a pm but cant any ideas why? try pm me

MooseJam

I didn't read the whole thread but I used to be a problem drinker, went to my gp and he proscribed me antabuse, taken with water in the morning and end of problem, you can't drink any more if you do you will get very sick, try it

aidan24326

Hermy wrote:

So maybe tomorrow or maybe the day after I am going to stop and take it from there.

What's wrong with today? The guy who suggested antabuse might be worth listening to, take that stuff and you simply can't drink. Mightn't be a long-term 'cure' but would keep you off the drink until you figure out what you're gonna do, retain the clear head and the rational thinking.

LegacyUser

'Hey OP. i don't drink, i gave it up last october for a number of reasons;

1. it's a waste of money
2. felt awful and tired next day
3. i don't see what good it brings

all my mates drink and they shake my hand because i choose not to drink, which is weird as it's been sort of hypocritcal...

i go out with them on the town and have a laugh just as i would if i was drinking, and probably a better laugh.

i recently started to date a girl i've fancy-ed for over a year and she fully understands why i choose not to drink.

and tbh most ppl think i'm weird cause i go out but choose not to drink alcohol, and i couldn't give a ****, it's my life and i'll live it how i see fit

ask yourself do you need it. i do and the answer is no.

best of luck

Patrick '

Hermy

What's wrong with today Aidan? Nothing, except that in keeping with Irish tradition I choose to put off till tomorrow what I should have done yesterday. Sorry if this sounds terribly flippant but that's the truth of the matter. If I could make the snap decision right now and stop drinking forever there wouldn't be a problem. But I like beer and don't want to stop just now. But I will stop and I look forward to stopping and that will be a time to rejoice but it's not going to happen just now!
As regards antabuse, that is definitely not for me. I have done fine without alcohol in the past and I will do so again in the future. I just need to get my head in the right place and then quite honestly the world is my oyster.
But I thank you for your thoughts. As with all these posts, yours is pushing me in the right direction. To mis-quote Beckett "I can't go on, I must go on, I will go on."

Hermy

There is no need to register or sign up in any capacity to AA. All you need to do is to come in and sit down. The format of meetings is usually that the secretary opens the meetings, the chair speaks for 15 minutes or so on their own story, and then the meeting is opened up to the rest of the room. All meetings last one hour. If you don't want to share, you don't speak up. If you are asked by the Chair if you want to speak, it is considered perfectly o.k. to say no. You can leave the meeting without speaking to anyone else, if you wish.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You don't have to have any medical diagnosis or any disastrous history. If you have a problem with alcohol you are welcome at any meeting.

There is a strong ethos of self determination within AA. So no one, and I repeat no one, can tell you what to do. Any suggestions are just that, suggestions. There is the Big Book which tells how the founders of AA and other people got sober. There are the 12 steps which are the recommended way of getting sober. But people can and do ignore these and it is their business and their business only.

And no one has to believe in God or gods to be in AA. There is a strong spiritual ethos which for most people takes the form of God, but that is where the resemblance ends. Many atheists get sober in AA too.

The point of AA is to share the difficulties of getting sober. Alcoholics are obsessives, and we need to talk to gain perspective. Never be afraid to try out an AA meeting. It is much better to be in AA pretending to be an alcoholic, than to be out there drinking pretending you're not an alcoholic.

Victor

Hermy, go catch some sunshine today and a movie this evening.

Miss Fluff

Trying to have a break in your routine should help too. If you find, as someone else pointed out, that you sit in front of your computer while swigging back the ale then stay away from the computer for a while. If you out of habit go to an off-license on your way home from work, take a different route. If you always drink when you see a particular group of mates ask can you meet them somewhere else other than the pub. All sounds pretty simple but it's certainly a step in the right direction.

LegacyUser

I draw a lot of comparisions from this thread and a few alarm bells are ringing. I drink 2-3 times a week more 3 .I used to never drink consecutive nights but that too has become more frequent mainly because I say things like "Ill give up monday" so will binge drink Sat/Sun before I start....The most Iv'e gone is about a month ,but lately im lucky if I get to the next Saturday!....In short im gettin worse at giving up and drinkin more inbetween. The thing is I am a very keen runner and what happens is I can train like mad while off for a week or so ...I feel so good and confident that ...I say sure Ill have a drink (sound familiar?)...then im back in a rut and say" Ill start again in a while".... I drink even more during this time until I can gear up for another attempt!! arggggg ...Im am now begining to realise I must stop setting deadlines as to how long Im giving up for..ie( ill give up for a month) because one of 2 things happen...(1) I last the month and then feel like a parched man finding a desert oasis and will devour drink ..or (2) I fail ... feel bad and drink even more!!!.. and the cycle begins again...This thread has provided some great tips and tools I think I have my head almost in the right place to finally stop...I think a lot of posters arn't the massive alcoholics like the...... bottle of vodka under the pillow type person... as describe earlier...but like me are frustrated the hold drink has on them,they are not in control and this is an uncomfortable feeling...I hate the feeing of failure and that horrible hangover when falling off the wagon and know its beaten me again...letting myself and others down...SO TODAY I AM STOPPING....NOT FOR A DAY ,WEEK ,MONTH ....IM STOPPING ...NO DEADLINE.........IM JUST STOPPIN!!!!!!!!!

Frustrated_WW

Really hope you're doing ok