How do I stop drinking?

Hermy

Hello all,
Still relatively new to Boards but having read through the PI threads today I realise that there are some really decent folk on-line. So my question is how do I stop drinking! I know that the simple answer is to stop drinking, but in my experience, as soon as you stop drinking and begin to feel like yourself again you begin to wonder what the problem was that made you stop drinking in the first place. In other words, having stopped, how do I stay stopped! I love beer but it doesn't love me and it is f*cking up my life big time. It's been spoiling things for quite some time now, but just of late my body feels so sh*t that I'm almost waiting for my heart to give up or something similarly awful. I know that this is not a medical forum and that my local GP and AA group are probably the people to talk to first but there are other issues that are making the simple option of just stopping a bit awkward, so I'd be delighted if any one of you can give of your time to help me out with what I know is a problem for a hell of a lot of people on this island.

Victor

Well I think you've made the first step and realised there might be a problem.

As you say, talk to your GP and AA or one of the other alcohol treatment groups and they can provide you with lots of information and support.

I gave up when my doctor said it wasn't good for my liver. Never missed it.

Carrigart Exile

Break the routine. If its home on your home with a cargo of beer and on to the computer, then change it. Go swimming a couple of nights a week, try and get involved in a 5/7 a side footy game at night, basically find anything to fill the void that beer does.

barrett1965

Well done on your admission to having a drink problem. Already you are half way there.

You say that stopping drinking is not the problem, but staying stopped. This is the root of every problem drinker. Anyone can give up drinking, but staying off the sauce is the real test.

Basically, I think you have a decision to make. Do you want to give the booze up completely, or do you just want to moderate it? For me it had to be total abstenence, but that might not be the case for you as everyones situation is different. I did a lot of soul-searching before I gave the drink up entirely, but I've have no regrets since.

Offalycool

Someone close to me drank for years. In the beginning of the end I’m sure he felt much like you. If u feel sick day in day out you need to quit, probably for life. I would stress that it could get much worse, and important relationships can be jeopardised. The only true effective treatment for this person was AA. Over the years this person has made strong friendships with other’s through the support groups and it has really changed his life, he now attends twice a week and has done for many years. Now he has a lifestyle he could not have imagined back then. He has changed his whole social life and he now has many diverse pastimes, from drama to boating on the canals. Good luck.

Hermy

Thanks for the replies. I know myself that I have to give up drinking for good as moderation doesn't work for me. I also know I'll be so much better without alcohol but stopping and staying stopped is proving difficult! I've heard mixed views of AA meetings, would they be a last resort or a first port of call?

Hmm_Messiah

cutting a long story short - my best friends drinking was a MAJOR problem, in the end what happened was in a moment he realised he needed to deal with it, we stayed awake alnight to maintain the momentum and went to the doc
end of week he was in Cluain Mhuire or one of those facilities, and has not drank since

I think the 8 weeks outside of the alcohol environment makes its much easier (and harder I'm sure in ways)

Other than that to be honest you also need to lookat why you drink so much, a drink problem is oftem a symptom of something else, to be happy and healthy you'd have to tackle both

this guy was in his early twenties - if more detail any benefit feel free to pm me

louisecm

Hermy wrote:

I know that this is not a medical forum and that my local GP and AA group are probably the people to talk to first but there are other issues that are making the simple option of just stopping a bit awkward, so I'd be delighted if any one of you can give of your time to help me out with what I know is a problem for a hell of a lot of people on this island.

What do you mean "other issues". You own your drinking, you are the only person who decides whether or not you drink.

You have answered your own question I believe by suggesting that your GP and AA are a good way to go. Your GP can assess whether or not residential treatment in somewhere like the Rutland Centre might be the best option - and whatever the experiences of different people with AA, I've seen it work firsthand and every single meeting is Autonomous and therefore different so sweeping statements are not accurate.

Fairplay for realising you have a problem, but now you have to take action.

Hermy

Hi louisecm,
Regarding 'other issues', I may be the only one who decides whether I drink but I had no control over the circumstances that caused my drinking to become such a habit, circumstances that I am now trying hard to change, but that's not something I'm going to go into here.
Regarding AA, I didn't think I made a sweeping statement. I only raised the point because while in general one hears nothing but absolute praise for AA, I happen to have come across three different individuals at one time or another who expressed reservations about AA. I must admit that this surprised me and that is the only reason why I mentioned those 'mixed views'.
Ultimately though the last word of your post is crucial and is the answer to so many problems. I am determined to take action and start living again.

louisecm

Hermy wrote:

Hi louisecm,
Regarding 'other issues', I may be the only one who decides whether I drink but I had no control over the circumstances that caused my drinking to become such a habit, circumstances that I am now trying hard to change, but that's not something I'm going to go into here.
Regarding AA, I didn't think I made a sweeping statement. I only raised the point because while in general one hears nothing but absolute praise for AA, I happen to have come across three different individuals at one time or another who expressed reservations about AA. I must admit that this surprised me and that is the only reason why I mentioned those 'mixed views'.
Ultimately though the last word of your post is crucial and is the answer to so many problems. I am determined to take action and start living again.

I wasn't implying that you made sweeping statements - I was saying that others do and you shouldn't neccesarily believe them. I'm glad you're going to take action, but truly your drinking is your choice. No circumstance makes you drink, your drinking is your responsibility. Good luck.

finbarrk

Buy a couple of good books to read at night because you will have difficulty sleeping, also have a good supply of water, 7-up or something in the fridge to kill the urge for a drink which will hit you from time to time. It wont be easy for the first week or so but as long as you keep away from occasions which could lead you to drink (weddings, parties,etc.), you should be able to do it.

egan007

Giving up anything you are Addicted to is a problem.
Go home, look at your self in the mirror.
Take a deep breath.
Turn 180 Degres and walk into an AA meeting.

Do it this evening and you will never regret it.

Hermy

louisecm
My circumstances were the reason I decided to drink excessively at that time, but looking back on it, my circumstances could have been very different, and I still would have ended up where I am now.

finbarrk
Of late sleep without the drink isn't an option so it's just as well I like reading. Recommend anything?

egan007
Don't know if your quoting someone else or just speaking from experience but that is a brilliant post.

BoozyBabe

Thankfully I've never had a drink problem, so I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, so I won't even insult you by just telling you "just don't drink"
I know it's not that easy.
Every girl who's ever been on a diet, knows the feeling of a rumbling stomach, feeling miserable & a piece of chocolate is in sight & she can have it if she wants. & the pleasure she'll experience when she eats it......
Not many could / would resist the temptation.
Next thing you know, your back to eating the whole bar.
Yes, of course it was your choice to eat it, but one wee piece didn't seem that harmful.
See the similarities before giving the OP a hard time????

OP, I've no advice for you. The comment about looking in the mirror everyday & then going to the AA meeting is a good one.

I knew 2 men, both relatively the same age (early to mid 50's)
Both's lives were very similar.
When they were younger they were popular, funny, etc, etc, but they drank & they drank too much.
One got married, had a pretty big family, but the drinking continued, the lies continued, he pushed everyone who loved him away.
So much so that he had to move quite a distance away from everyone. No one wanted to know him, his wife took her children away from him. When the children were adults they didn't want to see him. Still the lies would continue. He'd tell you to your face he hadn't drank in months. You'd find empty bottles under his bed, very obvious that he was just drinking.
Anyway, that man is now dead. Died alone, lay dead for several days. no one batted an eyelid, no one noticed, no one really cared. Such a sad & lonely end to what could've been a great life.
The other person in my story never got married. No one would put up with his rubbish for long enough. Lies, tears, fights etc, continued for years.
Would go off the drink, stay off it for a few weeks. you were promised this was the new him, next time you'd see him he'd be staggering around after pissing himself!!!!
He eventually saw the light, met his now wife in a drying out centre. Got pellets (or whatever they are) in his stomach, so even the smell of alcohol makes him feel sick. He hasn't drank in a long long time. I'm still not completely convinced, but it's the best I've ever seen him do.
He's held down a job ever since, he has a house, he has a car, but most of all, he has a life now.

It was hard work, & every day is probably as hard as they day before. Every day you'll prob have to make a conscious decision not to drink today.
But it can be done, & you can do it.
It's up to you which of these two men you want to be.

I wish you all the best of luck.
& well done for being one of the smart ones who recognises you do have a problem

egan007

Hermy wrote:

louisecm
egan007
Don't know if your quoting someone else or just speaking from experience but that is a brilliant post.

Thanks,
Lucky for me I have not experienced addiction but I helped my cousin through it and until he did this he had a problem.

DeVore

Sleep will return as you get used to not having booze in your system and it will be a much higher quality sleep too. For now, join a gym or take some physical exercise.

You ask how you can stay off booze? You've already taken the first steps by realising that staying off it is a lot harder then giving it up.

The trick to staying off it, is to stay away from it. You have an addiction, but to feed that addiction you have to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ie, if you are in a bar when you suddenly weaken your resolve momentaraily then its a lot easier for you to act on it.

Finally, here's a great piece of advice that I was once given for a different addiction problem I had. The cravings are not part of YOU, imagine your addiction as a nasty little demon, a really vicious unpleasant little sh*t. The cravings are the sound of him dying, the sound of YOUR victory over HIS control of you and he's not fnckin' happy about it. He's run your life for too long and its time he got a kick in the hole. So every time you have a weak moment or think about booze, realise thats his desperate deaththrows...

DeV.

mise_me_fein

Just cut down on it and get new hobbies.....it's tough in Ireland i know.

Nothing else to do and every celebration seems to involved drink.

DeVore

ps: You will never truely be free until someone asks you "do you want a beer" and you're instinctive reaction is "Nah, I dont drink". Giving Up is something we do for lent. Its a holiday from something. Until you start to think of yourself as a "teetotaler" (even the word sounds funny doesn't it?) then you still have work to do.

On the plus side, you sound like a bright guy and someone who has decided to take back control of his life. Good luck mate, I'm sure you can do it.

DeV.

vandermeyde

its a big step to have made that admission to yourself but its going to be worthless if you don't follow up this moment of lucidity with action.

You've put up a few reasons/excuses (bad reports on AA, circumstances etc.) as to why you won't/can't take action but you need to ignore these and just go do it.

I can only echo what egan007 has said...take control, take action. Do it today.

good luck, and when things get bad (which they will), there'll be plenty of support for you here.

The_Scary_Man

Hermy wrote:

Of late sleep without the drink isn't an option so it's just as well I like reading. Recommend anything?

Check out Homecoming by John Bradshaw it might help you to see things in a different light

Heavy drinking can be a method of covering up an issue we don't want to deal with. You used an interesting phrase here in your original post;

I know that the simple answer is to stop drinking, but in my experience, as soon as you stop drinking and begin to feel like yourself again you begin to wonder what the problem was that made you stop drinking in the first place.

There is a certain separation that occurs when we drink or do drugs, ( I have experience of both and the damage they can cause) and when we stop we can become more integrated or feel like ourselves again. The trouble is that as soon as we feel that way the thing that drove us to escape in the first place returns. Beating the addiction is one thing but the hardest part is learning to be ok with yourself, as soon as you become comfortable with yourself as a person then you won't have to avoid feeling like yourself.

If you don't fancy AA then maybe a private counsellor would be an option.

Good Luck

LegacyUser

Take up a hobby that you will be able to do at most times that lets you interact with people. Make sure that the hobby will be interesting enough to absorb you in the times that you would usually go drinking...

Drinking can be classed as a pasttime, so can go karting or something like that.. just drinking is more socially exceptable.

computer programming - terrible example, but theres always something you can program and get stuck into... Then look at the money you have saved and get the best gear for your chosen hobby.. or spend it on the people around you, or on having a good time!

Find your new vice and milk it!

LegacyUser

Im facinated by this thread because im in the exact same situation, in fact Im half cut on a bottle of red as i type!! My biggest despair is I am so tired of morning resolutions and fresh starts only to be followed by evening weakness and drinking...its demoralising after a while! I gave up a 40 a day ciggerete habit 8 yrs ago but this drinking has me snookered, it just crept up on me........ I am actually afraid to walk into an aa meeting because having browsed the big book online it just looks like a christianity/opus dai cult ive downloaded it on mp3 and bored after chapter 3!!

Hermy let me know how you get on I think we share a similar path atm.......gota go work in 5 hours need sleep (drunken!)

Hermy

Thanks again to all of you for your kind words of encouragement - reading them does help - plenty of ideas to mull over and goals to aim for.
I do hope others may also find this thread helpful.

SandhillRoad

Dec 14th 1990.
Through AA.

Sam Vimes

here's an idea that might not work: you say that you know you need to give up drinking but when you've been off it for a while you start to sort of forget how bad it was and convince yourself that its ok.

how about you get a mate to record you at your most drunk (falling over/puking/making a tit of yourself etc) and play it to yourself whenever you forget how bad it was

barrett1965

brian70 wrote:

Im facinated by this thread because im in the exact same situation, in fact Im half cut on a bottle of red as i type!! My biggest despair is I am so tired of morning resolutions and fresh starts only to be followed by evening weakness and drinking...its demoralising after a while! I gave up a 40 a day ciggerete habit 8 yrs ago but this drinking has me snookered, it just crept up on me........ I am actually afraid to walk into an aa meeting because having browsed the big book online it just looks like a christianity/opus dai cult ive downloaded it on mp3 and bored after chapter 3!!

Hermy let me know how you get on I think we share a similar path atm.......gota go work in 5 hours need sleep (drunken!)

Don't stop yourself from going to an AA meeting if you think it will help. I know from my personal experience giving up booze, that something has to fill the void. Not necessarily AA, but definitely something.

Hermy

Hi Brian70,
First off your post of 00:55 wasn't on screen when I posted at 03:56 so don't think I was ignoring you. I know all about the broken promises and to quote someone else, "I'm sick of being tired and tired of being sick". I know from previous experience that even a few days off the beer and I begin to feel like myself again and then suddenly I have the energy to get up in the morning, get out there and keep the promises I've made to myself... but then of course time passes and sure what the hell, I'll have another beer, sure one can't harm me. And indeed that one doesn't harm me but all the other beers that follow leads me right back to where I was in the first place, feeling so low that I stopped drinking! The number of times I've been around that circuit...and yes, the transition to drink problem crept up on me too. I'm nervous about AA meetings but not too concerned about the religious side of things. I'm not into religion but there are many who are and the belief structure of any faith can help someone when they're down, even a non-believer like me. I also reckon if you can give up the cigarettes than you definitely have it in you to give up the drink. Haven't been there yet but everyone seems to be pointing us in the direction of AA. I'll let you know if I take the plunge.

Commander Vimes,
I appreciate your suggestion but the funny thing about it is that falling over/ puking/ making a tit of myself/ losing friends/ running into debt and general selfishness towards myself and others doesn't really matter when I want a drink. Sad really!

Still it's been good to talk so I hope this thread keeps going for a while yet.

And well done SandhillRoad, I hope to be able to make a similar post someday.

brian70

Ive decided to give an aa meeting a try. I have no idea what to expect could someone whos been tell me what I might expect? Im not too comfortable with the idea of "sharing" with a bunch of strangers on my first day....Do I just walk in and sit down ? do I have to register or something?

DublinWriter

brian70 wrote:

Ive decided to give an aa meeting a try. I have no idea what to expect could someone whos been tell me what I might expect? Im not too comfortable with the idea of "sharing" with a bunch of strangers on my first day....Do I just walk in and sit down ? do I have to register or something?

I've seen loads of posts along these lines in boards in the past year.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to have a separate forum for Addiction Support? It could cover all forms of addiction (Drink, Gambling, Cigs, etc) as the patterns of addictive behaviour tend to be largely the same no-matter what the addiction is.

That way people in need of advice can have ready access to the posts of others in similar situations.

Stickies could be put up with the numbers of various support groups and organisations.

Apologies if I'm mentioning this in the wrong place.

Hermy

Good man brian70, let us know how you get on.

DublinWriter,
I’d be delighted to see a forum on the subject of addiction appearing on Boards. Indeed I’m a bit surprised that such a forum is not already up and running. Anyone like to tell me how such a forum gets started?

queera

Hi there,

I know everyone says meditation is great for stopping booze, but I promise you it is. Im reading a book called Radical Acceptance - its based in Buddhist philosophy (Im actually not a Buddhist) of accepting yourself before you can change. Its full of easy beginners meditation too. Id also recommend some books on tape and chilled out meditation music ( I find tibetan chanting amazing ) for listening on headphones during the day and in the eve. The Power of Now - as cheesy as the title sounds - is a great book for making you only worry (or not!) about this second and stops you from projecting yourself into a scary imagined future without alcohol which you really cant even begin to deal with. Hope this helps.
Ciara