For the men: do you enjoy peeing sitting down?

mcauley · 11-06-2007 11:29AM

funniest thread ever!!

Lirange · 11-06-2007 11:56AM

Only on two occasions would I sit for a whiz.

1. When it coincides with a #2

2. When my bladder gun is still in a concrete state ... as oft happens in the morning or when interrupted by the alarm bell mid-foreplay. I tried it many times when I was single but it's no longer an option now. It's hard to be patient enough to wait for a complete return to flaccidity. But I can tell you there were times when I created some majestic parabolas. Of course I had to back up quite a few paces to accomodate the large arc. The most challenging part is when your pecker is transitioning mid-whiz. The arc is changing and it's hard to control the trajectory. I feel like Dr. Peter Venkman when he first tried to use his Proton Pack. But if you practice enough your marksmanship will improve.

Anti · 11-06-2007 12:01PM

Sit on the jacks when you got wood you say? I dont fancy dipping the purple headed warrior in the jacks water tbh

Tar.Aldarion · 11-06-2007 12:04PM

He retreats when you sit on the toilet.

imeatingchips · 11-06-2007 12:12PM

If it's the morning after and even the action of looking downards makes me feel like I'm going to fcukin wallace n grommit everything (including valuable guts that I need to live) then I'll sit down n hold the head in hands and piss for 5 minutes solid and cry but no tears come out cos I'm too manly and/or sick

Duggy747 · 11-06-2007 12:15PM

Peeing with a woody is a horrible way to start the day, especially after a heavy night. your brain doesn't have enough power to boot up and calculate the trajectory & correct axis and your pressure gauge is pretty much shot so it's set to max resulting in you trying to tame a bull. That and trying to get your lil' friend to aim down is like bending your arm the wrong way

I'll only sit when I'm ejecting a meat cigar, toilet seats are far too cold and going to all that trouble to drop yer knickers ain't ma' thing.

jester77 · 11-06-2007 12:26PM

What's all this crazy talk about sitting to pee. To quote myself from another thread as I'm too lazy to write this again

Evolution has lead to man being able to stand and pee at the same time and you decide to go against 1000's of years of male progression by sitting and peeing... tut tut, *bows head in shame* plus sitting and peeing also has the awful side effect of enducing sleepness!

WetDaddy · 11-06-2007 12:28PM

You guys still pee *in* the toilet...? Pfth. Babies.

Dr. Seuss · 11-06-2007 02:52PM

Anti wrote:

Sit on the jacks when you got wood you say? I dont fancy dipping the purple headed warrior in the jacks water tbh

WTF? Most wood goes UPWARDS, not DOWN into the toilet bowl...

Steve_o · 11-06-2007 03:11PM

Dr. Seuss wrote:

WTF? Most wood goes UPWARDS, not DOWN into the toilet bowl...

Maybe Anti has invented some strange way of lying across the Jax or something....if not, then explain!!!

Anti · 11-06-2007 03:42PM

Dr. Seuss wrote:

WTF? Most wood goes UPWARDS, not DOWN into the toilet bowl...

And what you sit on the jacks and piss up into the air? You have to hold the awuld fella down into it if you dont wanna be cleaning up the ceiling and walls.

Anti · 11-06-2007 03:44PM

Not that ive every done it before you see.. <_<

Dr. Seuss · 11-06-2007 04:54PM

Anti wrote:

And what you sit on the jacks and piss up into the air? You have to hold the awuld fella down into it if you dont wanna be cleaning up the ceiling and walls.

You're weird. When I get wood, it points upwards, and it's too hard to push down a complete 180 degrees, so I've no idea what you mean by "you have to hold the awuld fella down into it".
And even if I did try, why the fook would I have a boner while sitting on the toilet in the first place? I've no idea what you're on....

AlmightyCushion · 11-06-2007 05:02PM

Dr. Seuss wrote:

And even if I did try, why the fook would I have a boner while sitting on the toilet in the first place? I've no idea what you're on....

Viagra?

Dr. Seuss · 11-06-2007 05:35PM

AlmightyCushion wrote:

Viagra?

Predictable, but I still roffled.

But Viagra would make you totally stiff, no? His wood must be just semi-stiff, since he has the amazing ability to push it down 180 degrees into the toilet bowl!

Anti · 11-06-2007 06:10PM

it was a responce to duggy's post, about pissing with wood !

Crazy Christ · 11-06-2007 06:36PM

all this talk of pissing is giving me wood right now

proteus · 11-06-2007 09:50PM

Standing or Sitting. Hmm depends.

Did you ever stumble into the jacks in the middle of the night, (standing) half-asleep letting out a stream of piss only to be jarred from sleep by the drumming sound of piss bouncing off the closed toilet lid? Man that gets messy!

Dr. Seuss · 11-06-2007 10:53PM

proteus wrote:

Did you ever stumble into the jacks in the middle of the night, (standing) half-asleep letting out a stream of piss only to be jarred from sleep by the drumming sound of piss bouncing off the closed toilet lid? Man that gets messy!

No - my bathrooms have lightbulbs in them that illuminate the room.

Lirange · 11-06-2007 11:41PM

You can't pee when you have full wood. The vas deferens prevents it. However, you can and sometimes find that you must wizz when it's a semi-stiffy. It takes awhile for the blood to disengorge. Just slightly bendable enough to get it under the lip of the bowl but definitely getting misted by the spray back. Not fun but better than the alternative. That is of course unless you can do quick mental Calculus. What goes up must come down and if you've calibrated the correct angle and are experienced enough you can execute the golden arch. I used to be an expert in my youth.

WetDaddy · 11-06-2007 11:43PM

Lirange wrote:

It takes awhile for the blood to disengorge.

Ugh. Accurate, but disturbing.

2 stroke · 12-06-2007 01:21AM

What about the guys you see late at night in most city's (well Dublin anyway) who piss on the street while smoking....!!!I find it hard enough as it is to concentrate on doing one thing,I know I would burn my dick if I did that.Thank god I don't smoke.

I'd be afraid to try this,especialy while drunk, I'd end up putting my tool in my mouth by accident.

AntiRip · 12-06-2007 01:29AM

Just saw this topic and thought it was funny because the mrs. got new mats for the bathroom and for the pass week if I have to wee I kneel down so not to spray around!!:D

Now I'm just using the ensuite because there no mats in there....yet!

Steve_o · 12-06-2007 11:04AM

2 stroke wrote:

I'd be afraid to try this,especialy while drunk, I'd end up putting my tool in my mouth by accident.

Ha......:D

confused26 · 12-06-2007 11:59AM

Excellent thread, although I feel a more pressing poll would be whether guys wipe they're arse while seated, or do they stand up to do it?
I've conducted some preliminary research and I can tell the country is bitterly divided on the issue. Are u a sitter or a stander?
This may even deserve it's own thread/poll, although I'm too lazy to make one. For the record, I'm in the sitter camp.

JIZZLORD · 12-06-2007 12:36PM

Who cares, i piss whatever way i want, mostly standing up, though i often sit, depends on how lazy i am.
I'd never sit in a pub or club, but when i'm at work it's a nice 5 minute sit down.

Anti · 12-06-2007 12:38PM

confused26 wrote:

Excellent thread, although I feel a more pressing poll would be whether guys wipe they're arse while seated, or do they stand up to do it?
I've conducted some preliminary research and I can tell the country is bitterly divided on the issue. Are u a sitter or a stander?
This may even deserve it's own thread/poll, although I'm too lazy to make one. For the record, I'm in the sitter camp.

Ah yes. This also raises the question do you actualy sit or hover( a la women in public toilet ) when you curl one out !

Dun laoire · 12-06-2007 01:22PM

I piss directly into the bowl and not the sides because it winds up my ma and i once had to sh1t in the shore out the back garden because it kept getting stuck where the arrow points too It was winter and they were very hard.

HashSlinging · 12-06-2007 01:58PM

used to find it handy to roll a jay while sitting down having a pee.

L31mr0d · 12-06-2007 02:06PM

man i've had to bite my tongue from laughing all the way through this thread. Kudos to the OP for starting a hilarious thread.

Also, about the poll, when AREN'T options 1 and 2 the same?

Personally, it depends on the situation. Sometimes if i'm out of bed and don't want to turn the lights on to hurt my eyes i'll sit. Or if I get the twinge that twosies might also be on the way i'll sit just in case (there's nothing worse than pi$$ing standing up then midstream you realize you really need a number two aswell)

Also, rofl at the morning wood discussion. How true!

Anywhere outside the home I'll nearly always stand for number 1's.

For the men: do you enjoy peeing sitting down?

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