Stag Party

LegacyUser · 09-03-2007 03:10PM #1

I know alot of people are probably going to give out to me for this but I can't help how I'm feeling. I'm aware that it's ridiculous but none the less I'm in bits...

My boyfriend of two years flew to Prague today for a stag weekend. He's back on Monday evening. I trust him and I know that these weekends are just a laugh and boys will be boys and all of that but I'm destroyed by thoughts of this. I feel pyshically ill at the thought of him getting lapdances and consider it a form of cheating. I know some people will laugh at me for that but it's how I feel. I know I won't be able to eat, sleep or concentrate this weekend as all I can think of is naked girls and my guy. I even had to go home from work early. He has no idea that I feel so bad. I was scared if I told him, he'd think I was insane. His mates are all wild too and I can only imagine whats going to happen. I don't think I'll be able to look at him when he gets back, let alone let him touch me. I don't think I'll ever feel good enough again and I'll keep thinking he's comparing me to beautiful, tanned, slim strippers.

Please help me get some perspective cause I honestly feel like downing a bottle of vodka and crying the day away. I know it's nuts but please help me!!!

louisecm · 09-03-2007 03:48PM

1. Your boyfriend has been with you for two years because he loves you - not for the good of his health. If he wanted someone else he would be with someone else.

2. The fact that you care enough to be this worried means you definitely aren't unsure of your position in your relationship - thats good right?

3. Lots of strippers aren't beautiful tanned and slim - lots of them are rank.

4. This is the constructive bit. PHONE A GIRL FRIEND. Tell her you feel dumb but you are worried and need a distraction - go for a drink/to the cinema/for a walk/for a drive. Watch sex and the city with her or whatever tv show you love. You need a distraction. I don't know if you're sporty but exercise can be a great release when you're stressed. Clear out your wardrobes. Just DO something and get a friend to come and distract you!

5. Monday is going to come and he will come back and everything will be back to normal. Only you have control of how this weekend will be for you.

cold_filter · 09-03-2007 03:52PM

go see the chippendales or something!

kittenkiller · 09-03-2007 03:54PM

Does he know that you'd consider getting a lapdance a form of cheating?
You should've told him before he went.

But there's no point in dwelling on it.
He'll probabaly be too locked to be doing or remembering much anyway.
He's going to marry you, he'll hardly be at the stage of comparing you to drug-addled tramps who take their clothes off to earn a living!

Stop thinking about it and head out with some friends to dance the night away tonight and when some fella starts to chat you up and you shoot him down straight away, you'll realise that your fiance is probably doing the exact same thing or at a push enjoying a bit of attention and a bit of flirting while missing being curled up in bed with you!

Relax, he's marrying you for a reason.

LegacyUser · 09-03-2007 04:20PM

He's not marrying me, it's his friends stag party.

Thanks for the replies. I feel like such a lunatic. I'm usually laid back and don't ever worry when he's out with the lads but this is making me sick. I can't handle it.

moto2006 · 09-03-2007 04:27PM

I know your head is wrecked but like the other posters have said

He's been with you 2 years. He's not going to do anything daft to mess that up just because he's away for the weekend
As has been said, not all strippers are good looking (just on the posters!)
No, you're not insane to be worried but try to recognise that is all it is - worry! I think there are so many horror stories about stag nights and what men get up to that when you hear your other half is off on one a lot of people start having horrific visions butthe majority of them are just lads out having a laugh like they would back home.
Go to the flicks tonight, maybe meet friends for lunch tomorrow, go shopping (always good!) and keep busy. Maybe plan something nice for the two of you to do on Monday when he'll be home (and have missed you like crazy )

Edited to say: ah, if its not his stag he will be too busy making sure the stag himself gets violently drunk to get up to much! Also I think the reasons stags (as opposed to ordinary nights out) cause pressure/worry is that there seems to be an awful lot of pressure on men to make sure the guy getting married has the best night EVER and leads to lamposts/alcohol poisioning.. etc

the-ging · 09-03-2007 04:27PM

Well we dont know its his stag!

But yeah I think you are over reacting a bit. Just cause his friends might be wild doesn't mean he is.

But I agree do stuff to take your mind off it.

LegacyUser · 09-03-2007 05:25PM

'I feel a little better after reading theses replies so thank you. I know I won't be able to sleep tonight knowing he's got some strippers tits in his face but ythere's nothing I can do to change it. I think I'm gonna roll a big fat spliff and try to unwind myself.

The worst part is, I'll never know what really went on. Of course he's going to tell me he was good. Oh God, I really feel like I have no handle on this. Would all you other girls be feeling like this or am I being a bit crazy!!'

Iago · 09-03-2007 05:44PM

you're being completely crazy, you're taking paranoia, insecurity and distrust to all new levels.

You're completely over-reacting here, and I can see you having a huge fight when he comes back regardless of whether or not he has lapdances etc over the course of the weekend.

Zaph · 09-03-2007 05:52PM

Having been on more than my fair share of stag parties over the years, you should also know that not every one involves strippers. Some of the best I've been on have had vast quantities of drink, stupid antics and unconciousness, but without a stripper in sight.

free2fly · 09-03-2007 05:56PM

sadsack wrote:

I know I won't be able to sleep tonight knowing he's got some strippers tits in his face but ythere's nothing I can do to change it./QUOTE]

You don't know any such thing really. This is something that you have made up in your own mind. It's an image, nothing more. You're condemning him for something that you don't even know he will do for god's sake!! And you're driving yourself mad over it! You need to get a grip. You do realize that you're allowing these unfounded thoughts to change your relationship don't you? You said that you may not be able to look at him or let him touch you when he gets home. WTF? Are you going to let something that may not even happen ruin, or at the very least change, the relationship you have with this man? Get out and do something productive now!!!

Victor · 09-03-2007 05:58PM

Are you being presumptious. I've been to stag aprties, never had a lap dance.

louisecm · 09-03-2007 06:28PM

Woah guys, lay off. She feels how she feels, abusing her will not make her feel any better. Sometimes people have irrational worries. It happens. You may not understand it but its not fair to expect someone to understand your logic when they're upset whether you think its justified or not and she certainly won't consider your views if she feels like shes being attacked.

free2fly · 09-03-2007 06:37PM

louisecm wrote:

Woah guys, lay off. She feels how she feels, abusing her will not make her feel any better. Sometimes people have irrational worries. It happens. You may not understand it but its not fair to expect someone to understand your logic when they're upset whether you think its justified or not and she certainly won't consider your views if she feels like shes being attacked.

It wasn't meant as an attack or abuse. It was simply meant to shake her into the reality that she could be wrecking her relationship with her bf.

dudara · 09-03-2007 07:03PM

I won't offer any advice on what he might or might not be doing. I don't know the guy and won't presume.

What I noticed about your post is that you said you never said to him about how you feel all this.

You really need to communicate such things to your significant other.

Miss Fluff · 09-03-2007 08:19PM

free2fly wrote:

You don't know any such thing really. This is something that you have made up in your own mind. It's an image, nothing more. You're condemning him for something that you don't even know he will do for god's sake!!

So so true. You are torturing yourself with presumptions OP, creating a drama out of gaps you are filling in yourself. Not fair on your boyfriend, and you're not being fair to yourself. It's Friday evening girl, go out and enjoy yourself or get some mates around and crack open a couple of bottles of vino. Just keep busy and stop with the madness, you'll drive yourself demented and if you don't stop, your poor unsuspecting boyfriend will come to see you Monday and you'll explode at him with all this pent up angst and rage. STOP.

Attol · 09-03-2007 08:30PM

This will probably eat you up if you don't sit him down when he comes home, tell him how you felt and ask him what he did. Like people said, there may be no strippers at all. They'll probably just be trying to get the groom trashed and into funny situations. Or you could call him and tell him you love him and you're not comfortable?

kraggy · 09-03-2007 08:36PM

OP

Does he have his mobile with him in Prague?

If he does, ring him and when you hear his voice it will give you some reassurance. you could even indirectly ask some things in order to get further reassurance.

yes, he's on a stag with his mates and by right you shouldn't be bothering him but i think that would be far less damaging than what you're doing to yourself right now and what will be done to your relationship ultimately as a result of you filling in those gaps in your head.

if he has the phone with him, ring him now.

i would also agree with earlier poster about giving OP a break. sometimes people can't help these thoughts enter their head. it's not as if she's a masochist and wants this mental torment.

Finally, OP, i would suggest you try and communicate more with your boyfriend. maybe if you had expressed your feeling that receipt of a lapdance would constitute infidelity you wouldn't be feeling as bad right now.

anyway, best of luck with the weekend and hope you start feeling better.

k.

kraggy · 09-03-2007 08:38PM

P.s.

How do you multi-quote?

you'd think i'd know by now...

rediguana · 09-03-2007 08:40PM

My girlfriend feels the same way about me and strippers / stag parties, so don't feel too bad!

Don't think the worst about your boyfriend. I'm all for naked women, but I'm not crazy about strip clubs, the fakeness, the useless expense, and I've a lot of male friends who feel the same. Not all blokes make a beeline for strip clubs as soon as they get out of sight of their girlfriend / wife.

Assuming the worst, a possible compromise might be for him to go to a strip club (assuming that's where the party end up) but not have a lap dance. Before women attack me, I just think it would be very difficult for a man to opt out of a strip trip if everyone else goes.

Tiesto · 09-03-2007 10:08PM

Iago wrote:

you're being completely crazy, you're taking paranoia, insecurity and distrust to all new levels.

You're completely over-reacting here, and I can see you having a huge fight when he comes back regardless of whether or not he has lapdances etc over the course of the weekend.

yeah absolutely.. sounds like you have serious trust issues..

randylonghorn · 09-03-2007 10:09PM

rediguana wrote:

Don't think the worst about your boyfriend. I'm all for naked women, but I'm not crazy about strip clubs, the fakeness, the useless expense, and I've a lot of male friends who feel the same. Not all blokes make a beeline for strip clubs as soon as they get out of sight of their girlfriend / wife.

What he said!! ^^^

Tbh, if you're worried about him seeing "beautiful, tanned, slim" girls in little or no clothes, then you have far more to be worried about in ever letting him go near the beach on a sunny day!

OP, I've been on a fair few stags, and more often than not the only person who ends up naked, or nearly so anyway, is the unfortunate groom to be ... generally involuntarily, and in the most inappropriate location available!

Stag nights are primarily about ripping the pi$$ out of the groom, having a laugh, remembering embarrassing stories from when they were all a lot younger, etc.

Advice to get a mate over and talk it out / distract yourself is very sound.

Chucky the tree · 10-03-2007 05:41PM

If any of you lot actually think that a Stag trip too prague with alot of "wild" lads wont end up in a strip club then you's are crazy. They'll be spending the majority of their time in strip clubs.

ferdi · 10-03-2007 06:03PM

alot of lads consider stippers to be filthy dirty skanky hoes, who although phyisically appealing under blacklights and at a distance, are in reality not fit to kiss their girlfriends feet.

however if you meet your guy at the airport with 20 questions and venomous suspicion in your eyes it will only serve to damage your relationship.

Boston · 10-03-2007 06:14PM

ferdi wrote:

alot of lads consider stippers to be filthy dirty skanky hoes, who although phyisically appealing under blacklights and at a distance, are in reality not fit to kiss their girlfriends feet.

Jesus, you've got some issues mate. Taking your cloths off for money doesn't make you scum.

ferdi · 10-03-2007 07:02PM

Boston wrote:

Jesus, you've got some issues mate. Taking your cloths off for money doesn't make you scum.

i didnt say it did, mate.
however strippers are generally quite skanky, no?

MarkR · 10-03-2007 07:18PM

Sounds like you're going to be pissed at him when he gets home, and he won't even know why. Lovely welcome. If you weren't comfortable with him seeing strippers you should have spoken to him. I've no interest in them myself but some people like paying through the nose for drink.

If he's your boyfriend I hope he's a nice guy and you trust him. If that's the case don't worry. I've been to loads of stags, only one of which involved strippers (again, half of us stayed in the pub boozing instead of going to the club).

Shoe on the other foot, does he trust you when you head out with the girles (strippers there or not, it only takes a few seconds / drinks to make a stripper out of anyone!)

Try to relax, and text him to see how he's getting on.

LegacyUser · 10-03-2007 10:57PM

I think I'm gonna roll a big fat spliff and try to unwind myself.

Maybe this is one of the reasons you're feeling paranoid. It does affect the way you think no matter how much people try to convince themselves it doesn't.

scoot on · 11-03-2007 11:51PM

My boyfriend was due to go to amsterdam on a stag last year (didn't happen in the end due to other commitments). When he first told me I felt exactly like you did. I wasn't particularly impressed with the idea. I told him so though. We talked about it for ages (and I mean ages!) and he reassured me that he had no interest in doing anything over there (For the record, I didn't have a problem with him seeing strippers, it was anything more than that that was freaking me out!).

In fairness to him it took a bit to reassure me but i knew at least that I could talk to him about it. And if he had gone I know I could have talked to him about it when he got back too!

Sit your fella down when he gets back and just tell him straight out that you were freaked out about the whole thing. I know myself that i'd probably know fairly quickly whether my fella was hiding something or not

Sleepy · 12-03-2007 05:20PM

Would you spend your time at a hen party licking cream from a stripper's g-string? No? Then you can be pretty sure your boyfriend's not going to be doing anything like that either. From everything I've seen, hen parties are almost always far worse behaved than their male counterparts. Any stag I've ever been on has just involved stupid amounts of alcohol, piss-taking, doing some activity you wouldn't normally get to spend your Saturday doing like paintball, quad-biking, going a football match or whatever rather than mowing the lawn or accompanying your girlfriend while she's shopping etc.

Quite a few other posters have already said that not all guys like strip clubs and it's very true tbh. On a recent skiing holiday myself and a gang of pretty wild guys ended up in a Go-Go bar (topless dancers on stage every now and then for the night rather than lapdancers) almost every night because it was the latest opening place in the resort i.e. we were there for the drink, not the topless girls. I can honestly say the most attention paid to the stage area by any of the lads was the night a friend of ours got involved in a conga line with a hen party and danced like an idiot on stage with them.

And, yeah, the strippers were anything but hot, I was far more interested in the fully clothed barmaids

LegacyUser · 13-03-2007 01:54PM

'Thank you so much to everyone who replied. Reading back over my post I realise how crazy I was being but that's just how I felt at the time. I have to admit though that it was a long horrible sleepless weekend for me. no matter how much I tried to rationalise the thoughts in my head, my heart would start racing and I'd get upset. Silly but true.

My boyfriend got back yesterday and was way too wrecked to talk about anything. He rang in sick today and I haven't spoken to him yet but thankfully I'm feeling alot calmer about the whole thing so I'm not going to scream at him when he calls me!! I'm still worried about what he may reveal (or not reveal) but it's done now so I have to just try my best to deal with it.

Thanks again for the replies, they genuinely did help.'

Stag Party

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