What do you think of this?

Lamps · 13-03-2007 11:37AM #1

Just a bit of a childish question here but would just like to hear what you think. My girlfriend stayed logged into her bebo account on my laptop there the other day and not thinking I thought it was my profile as mine automatically stays on and I just went straight to “my” mail, as soon as I clicked in I relaised it wasn’t mine and was about to click out when I seen a few private messages from some lad I didn’t know in her mail. Now I shouldn’t of clicked in, but I doubt any other guy wouldn’t of and i let curisosity get the better of me. Now I totally trusted my gf but the messages surprised me a bit.

I just read 1 even though there was about 4 cos I felt so bad for doing it, but the messages were referring to a night out she had with her girlfriends a couple of weeks ago. They generally just talked about the night out but she said in one of them “I had to send you a private mail cos I didn’t want the boyfriend knowing what I get up to!” and then the message ended with “only reply to me by private mail you don’t want me to get into trouble”.

I immediately clicked out cos I shouldn’t have been there and even though I wanted to read the rest of the mails I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
What do you think of that? I know im going to have to talk to her about it but how the hell do I bring it up that I read her mail?

Before anyone gets started im not a freaky bf that doesn’t let her talk to other lads, other lads often text her/leave her comments on bebo/text and im totally cool with it so that’s why I want to know why she wanted to keep this on private mail and its why im getting suspicious.

I deont need a lecture on reading the mail, i know it was wrong.
What i need to know is why would she of said those things?

cold_filter · 13-03-2007 11:42AM

You should have kept reading, fair enough if the first mail was innocent then x out, but it wasnt you should've read the mails from this guy, there's obviously something going on, get her to login on your laptop again and check!

Caliden · 13-03-2007 12:04PM

tell her exactly what you said in your opening 3 paragraphs.

boffin · 13-03-2007 12:23PM

I would agree with cold filter.

I don't think you should bring it up until you find out exactly what is in the rest of the mails. Of course you should trust your partner but don't be too trusting either - it could be innocent but it sounds suspicious to me.

LegacyUser · 13-03-2007 12:37PM

I'm amazed you stopped at the first message tbh mate. If i was in your position (fair enough you realised you shouldn't have been there)...but after seein her say "I dont want him knowin what i get up to"!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn good reason for further investigation mate. Its either that or sit back and let it wreck your head. If you can log in again do so. If not confront her....its sounds as if she definately has somethin to hide from you.

Dreamer 7 · 13-03-2007 12:41PM

OP my boyf is v jealous so i would occasionally send pm but if you are so open with her and dont mind contact with lads ..she is def up to somethin.
I agree with the others you need to gather more info beofre approaching her so she cant fob u off....good luck!

cornbb · 13-03-2007 12:49PM

I completely disagree with cold_filter, boffin and Dreamer 7. If you go sneaking around you'll just get more and more suspicious and paranoid and you'll probably end up damaging your relationship. Talk to your girlfriend. It could be a big misunderstanding. You'll get nowhere by sneaking around reading messages outside of any context.

Lamps · 13-03-2007 01:16PM

This is driving me mental. im sitting here in work getting all worked up about it, which is really unlike me as im a really laid back person. Id love to ring her now but shes in work and i dont want her getting her upset now. I need to find out more, im going to try get onto her bebo later or have a word with this lad in question (i remember his username).I more than likely wont be able to get onto her account though and it will drive me mad.

I cant believe i didnt read on, i suppose i was afraid of what they would say. If i get on and find out shes messing me about, she can go f88k right off.

cornbb · 13-03-2007 01:20PM

Well then ask her/confront her about it. Don't go sneaking around, you'll only get half truths that way. you don't know she did anything wrong yet and the fact that you want to log in to her account rather than talk to her about it doesn't say much about you tbh.

frizzefreckles · 13-03-2007 01:25PM

i think the best thing you should do is talk to her now. if you leave it you will only wreck your own head as was already said. tell her the truth that you accidently opened the mail and just ask her what's going on. it is also possible that she isn't hiding anything at all that she just got stupidly drunk and doesn't want you to know, talking to her is the only way you will find out the truth. be prepared for the backlash for opening the mail though.

boffin · 13-03-2007 01:29PM

The damage has been done in that he has alreday reading her emails and is now wondering what was in the rest of them. By reading the rest of them he can find out if it is innocent - and then put it to rest.

OP I would not contact him - you could be wrong about this and if that is the case she'll be really annoyed with you. Keep it between yourself and your girlfriend. If you can't get back in and you are dying to ask - why don't you explain what happened i.e how you ended up in your account, read message by accident and ask her to explain. If she does say it is innocent ask her to put your mind at rest by showing you the rest of the mails...maybe someone else will have a better idea but do not bring it up over the phone - it needs to be done in person.

Beruthiel · 13-03-2007 01:34PM

Lamps wrote:

I need to find out more, im going to try get onto her bebo later or have a word with this lad in question (i remember his username)

Don't even go there.
Meet up with her later and tell her what you know, see what she has to say, could be all nothing.

Overheal · 13-03-2007 03:18PM

Lamps wrote:

They generally just talked about the night out but she said in one of them “I had to send you a private mail cos I didn’t want the boyfriend knowing what I get up to!” and then the message ended with “only reply to me by private mail you don’t want me to get into trouble”.

Maybe he's gay and someone you know...or I'm just going through an acute spell of homophobia this week...either way, don't jump to any lasting conclusions: let her try and explain it to you first.

_blank_ · 13-03-2007 03:29PM

Sounds to me like she isn't doing the dirt tbh.

Probably something 'mad' she did, and just doesn't want you to find out about it is all.

Wouldn't worry.

Mrbrianmolko · 13-03-2007 03:46PM

Mad like what? Obviously theres a problem here, its her hiding things from the OP. even if shes innocent, shes holding things back from you which is a problem in itself.

So we have to ask why she said “I don’t want my boyfriend knowing what I get up to” – obviously she doesn’t want you to know for a reason? So what could this reason be? If you don’t mind her talking to lads and she knows that, why make it all so private? Id be worried I were you, shes up to something.

Get onto her account and have a look, she’ll fob u off if you say it to her. If its nothing then she never has to know you were looking at her account and you can live happlily ever after and be able to trust her.

Idbatterim · 13-03-2007 03:53PM

if the OP confronts her, why should he believe her? whatever is in those mails she does not want her bf to know about. the problem with not reading the mails is now he will never know exactly what was in them. If he read them he could have made an informed decision, there is no way id have stopped reading them, i wouldnt take any crap or excuses demand to know whats going on right there and then.

Idbatterim · 13-03-2007 03:55PM

just after reading the post from mrbrianmolko, and i made the point point that if you dont know exactly what was said in those mails, i doubt youll ever know the exact truth, he emphasised the point more than i did. Id go and log in again, youll know exctly whats up and if you got the wrong end of the stick (unlikely) you wont have to bring it up.

Steyr · 13-03-2007 03:58PM

She is definately up to something, take no chances kick that bitch to the Kerb and quick.

Sinfonia · 13-03-2007 04:06PM

If you accidentally went into the mail account and then saw something suspicious, fair enough, I'd have read 'em all after that first one tbh.

Now do this:

Caliden wrote:

tell her exactly what you said in your opening 3 paragraphs.

cornbb · 13-03-2007 04:06PM

Id be worried I were you, shes up to something

:rolleyes:

log in again, youll know exctly whats up

:rolleyes:

She is definately up to something, take no chances kick that bitch to the Kerb and quick

double :rolleyes:

You are all jumping to some major conclusions. OP, if you listen to these people there is no hope of continuing a healthy relationship. If you actually talk to her/confront her about it, it might turn out to be absolutely nothing.

kraggy · 13-03-2007 04:07PM

Has anyone considered the possibility that she left her inbox open on purpose?

If someone is hiding something then they usually take extra care to not let it be discovered, which she clearly hasn't in this case. (His laptop, inbox left open).

Sinfonia · 13-03-2007 04:17PM

kraggy wrote:

Has anyone considered the possibility that she left her inbox open on purpose?

If someone is hiding something then they usually take extra care to not let it be discovered, which she clearly hasn't in this case. (His laptop, inbox left open).

I think it was that he had bebo set to automatically remember username and password, so when he went onto bebo, thinking it was his own, it was actually hers, and without looking, he went straight for what he thought was his own mailbox, however it turned out to be hers.
She probably thought it wouldn't automatically remember username/password, because maybe she doesn't have that set on her own laptop.

_blank_ · 13-03-2007 04:21PM

SumGuy wrote:

She probably thought it wouldn't automatically remember username/password, because maybe she doesn't have that set on her own laptop.

If she was actively trying to hide something as serious as cheating she would have made sure.

IMHO.

That, or she's an idiot.

Sinfonia · 13-03-2007 04:24PM

seansouth wrote:

If she was actively trying to hide something as serious as cheating she would have made sure.

Good point

That, or she's an idiot.

Maybe that's what she didn't want him to know! Case closed, sir!:D

cornbb · 13-03-2007 04:29PM

Next time she goes to check her new messages won't she realise that one of them has already been read?

Another good reason to tell her the truth.

tbh · 13-03-2007 04:39PM

she owes you an explanation. Don't apologise too much for reading the messages, but no more sneaking around - be straight with her, as you hope she will be with you.

Lamps · 13-03-2007 05:59PM

.

cornbb · 13-03-2007 06:07PM

I'd be worried too man. But at least by talking to her you'll get some sort of result. Either she'll come clean, she'll make an obvious lie, or she'll come straight out with a laugh and an explanation that will have you kicking yourself for freaking out so much. Lets hope its the latter! she might be a bit pissed that you were reading her mail, but if you explain it to her the same way it was explained to us then the chances of that are lessened.

boffin · 13-03-2007 06:23PM

Weird that she deleted the mail --- on the other hand also weird that he would post pictures of the two of them if they were seeing each other behind your back - if you are trying to keep something like that secret you'd hardly post the pictures of the two of you up on bebo....anyway let us know how it goes --- hope it works out for you and that it's all a big misunderstanding.

Catari Jaguar · 13-03-2007 06:41PM

Beruthiel wrote:

Don't even go there.
Meet up with her later and tell her what you know, see what she has to say, could be all nothing.

NO! Look! If you say it, she'l deny it, then delete the proof and you'll never know! I've been there!

Oh whoops, didn't see that. she already deleted them. Yea, somethings up. Just dump the cheating bitch.

Catari Jaguar · 13-03-2007 06:46PM

cornbb wrote:

:rolleyes:

:rolleyes:

double :rolleyes:

You are all jumping to some major conclusions. OP, if you listen to these people there is no hope of continuing a healthy relationship. If you actually talk to her/confront her about it, it might turn out to be absolutely nothing.

What are you rolling eyes for smart ass? She's obv up to something. Have you been in this position? Maybe people are posting from experience. Photos, secret mail, telling him to post privately and deleting them.

You are naive, you will be taken for a ride one day

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