What do you think of this?

Lamps

Just a bit of a childish question here but would just like to hear what you think. My girlfriend stayed logged into her bebo account on my laptop there the other day and not thinking I thought it was my profile as mine automatically stays on and I just went straight to “my” mail, as soon as I clicked in I relaised it wasn’t mine and was about to click out when I seen a few private messages from some lad I didn’t know in her mail. Now I shouldn’t of clicked in, but I doubt any other guy wouldn’t of and i let curisosity get the better of me. Now I totally trusted my gf but the messages surprised me a bit.

I just read 1 even though there was about 4 cos I felt so bad for doing it, but the messages were referring to a night out she had with her girlfriends a couple of weeks ago. They generally just talked about the night out but she said in one of them “I had to send you a private mail cos I didn’t want the boyfriend knowing what I get up to!” and then the message ended with “only reply to me by private mail you don’t want me to get into trouble”.

I immediately clicked out cos I shouldn’t have been there and even though I wanted to read the rest of the mails I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
What do you think of that? I know im going to have to talk to her about it but how the hell do I bring it up that I read her mail?

Before anyone gets started im not a freaky bf that doesn’t let her talk to other lads, other lads often text her/leave her comments on bebo/text and im totally cool with it so that’s why I want to know why she wanted to keep this on private mail and its why im getting suspicious.

I deont need a lecture on reading the mail, i know it was wrong.
What i need to know is why would she of said those things?

cold_filter

You should have kept reading, fair enough if the first mail was innocent then x out, but it wasnt you should've read the mails from this guy, there's obviously something going on, get her to login on your laptop again and check!

Caliden

tell her exactly what you said in your opening 3 paragraphs.

boffin

I would agree with cold filter.

I don't think you should bring it up until you find out exactly what is in the rest of the mails. Of course you should trust your partner but don't be too trusting either - it could be innocent but it sounds suspicious to me.

LegacyUser

I'm amazed you stopped at the first message tbh mate. If i was in your position (fair enough you realised you shouldn't have been there)...but after seein her say "I dont want him knowin what i get up to"!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn good reason for further investigation mate. Its either that or sit back and let it wreck your head. If you can log in again do so. If not confront her....its sounds as if she definately has somethin to hide from you.

Dreamer 7

OP my boyf is v jealous so i would occasionally send pm but if you are so open with her and dont mind contact with lads ..she is def up to somethin.
I agree with the others you need to gather more info beofre approaching her so she cant fob u off....good luck!

cornbb

I completely disagree with cold_filter, boffin and Dreamer 7. If you go sneaking around you'll just get more and more suspicious and paranoid and you'll probably end up damaging your relationship. Talk to your girlfriend. It could be a big misunderstanding. You'll get nowhere by sneaking around reading messages outside of any context.

Lamps

This is driving me mental. im sitting here in work getting all worked up about it, which is really unlike me as im a really laid back person. Id love to ring her now but shes in work and i dont want her getting her upset now. I need to find out more, im going to try get onto her bebo later or have a word with this lad in question (i remember his username).I more than likely wont be able to get onto her account though and it will drive me mad.

I cant believe i didnt read on, i suppose i was afraid of what they would say. If i get on and find out shes messing me about, she can go f88k right off.

cornbb

Well then ask her/confront her about it. Don't go sneaking around, you'll only get half truths that way. you don't know she did anything wrong yet and the fact that you want to log in to her account rather than talk to her about it doesn't say much about you tbh.

frizzefreckles

i think the best thing you should do is talk to her now. if you leave it you will only wreck your own head as was already said. tell her the truth that you accidently opened the mail and just ask her what's going on. it is also possible that she isn't hiding anything at all that she just got stupidly drunk and doesn't want you to know, talking to her is the only way you will find out the truth. be prepared for the backlash for opening the mail though.

boffin

The damage has been done in that he has alreday reading her emails and is now wondering what was in the rest of them. By reading the rest of them he can find out if it is innocent - and then put it to rest.

OP I would not contact him - you could be wrong about this and if that is the case she'll be really annoyed with you. Keep it between yourself and your girlfriend. If you can't get back in and you are dying to ask - why don't you explain what happened i.e how you ended up in your account, read message by accident and ask her to explain. If she does say it is innocent ask her to put your mind at rest by showing you the rest of the mails...maybe someone else will have a better idea but do not bring it up over the phone - it needs to be done in person.

Beruthiel

Lamps wrote:

I need to find out more, im going to try get onto her bebo later or have a word with this lad in question (i remember his username)

Don't even go there.
Meet up with her later and tell her what you know, see what she has to say, could be all nothing.

Overheal

Lamps wrote:

They generally just talked about the night out but she said in one of them “I had to send you a private mail cos I didn’t want the boyfriend knowing what I get up to!” and then the message ended with “only reply to me by private mail you don’t want me to get into trouble”.

Maybe he's gay and someone you know...or I'm just going through an acute spell of homophobia this week...either way, don't jump to any lasting conclusions: let her try and explain it to you first.

_blank_

Sounds to me like she isn't doing the dirt tbh.

Probably something 'mad' she did, and just doesn't want you to find out about it is all.

Wouldn't worry.

Mrbrianmolko

Mad like what? Obviously theres a problem here, its her hiding things from the OP. even if shes innocent, shes holding things back from you which is a problem in itself.

So we have to ask why she said “I don’t want my boyfriend knowing what I get up to” – obviously she doesn’t want you to know for a reason? So what could this reason be? If you don’t mind her talking to lads and she knows that, why make it all so private? Id be worried I were you, shes up to something.

Get onto her account and have a look, she’ll fob u off if you say it to her. If its nothing then she never has to know you were looking at her account and you can live happlily ever after and be able to trust her.

Idbatterim

if the OP confronts her, why should he believe her? whatever is in those mails she does not want her bf to know about. the problem with not reading the mails is now he will never know exactly what was in them. If he read them he could have made an informed decision, there is no way id have stopped reading them, i wouldnt take any crap or excuses demand to know whats going on right there and then.

Idbatterim

just after reading the post from mrbrianmolko, and i made the point point that if you dont know exactly what was said in those mails, i doubt youll ever know the exact truth, he emphasised the point more than i did. Id go and log in again, youll know exctly whats up and if you got the wrong end of the stick (unlikely) you wont have to bring it up.

Steyr

She is definately up to something, take no chances kick that bitch to the Kerb and quick.

Sinfonia

If you accidentally went into the mail account and then saw something suspicious, fair enough, I'd have read 'em all after that first one tbh.

Now do this:

Caliden wrote:

tell her exactly what you said in your opening 3 paragraphs.

cornbb

Id be worried I were you, shes up to something

:rolleyes:

log in again, youll know exctly whats up

:rolleyes:

She is definately up to something, take no chances kick that bitch to the Kerb and quick

double :rolleyes:

You are all jumping to some major conclusions. OP, if you listen to these people there is no hope of continuing a healthy relationship. If you actually talk to her/confront her about it, it might turn out to be absolutely nothing.

kraggy

Has anyone considered the possibility that she left her inbox open on purpose?

If someone is hiding something then they usually take extra care to not let it be discovered, which she clearly hasn't in this case. (His laptop, inbox left open).

Sinfonia

kraggy wrote:

Has anyone considered the possibility that she left her inbox open on purpose?

If someone is hiding something then they usually take extra care to not let it be discovered, which she clearly hasn't in this case. (His laptop, inbox left open).

I think it was that he had bebo set to automatically remember username and password, so when he went onto bebo, thinking it was his own, it was actually hers, and without looking, he went straight for what he thought was his own mailbox, however it turned out to be hers.
She probably thought it wouldn't automatically remember username/password, because maybe she doesn't have that set on her own laptop.

_blank_

SumGuy wrote:

She probably thought it wouldn't automatically remember username/password, because maybe she doesn't have that set on her own laptop.

If she was actively trying to hide something as serious as cheating she would have made sure.

IMHO.

That, or she's an idiot.

Sinfonia

seansouth wrote:

If she was actively trying to hide something as serious as cheating she would have made sure.

Good point

That, or she's an idiot.

Maybe that's what she didn't want him to know! Case closed, sir!:D

cornbb

Next time she goes to check her new messages won't she realise that one of them has already been read?

Another good reason to tell her the truth.

tbh

she owes you an explanation. Don't apologise too much for reading the messages, but no more sneaking around - be straight with her, as you hope she will be with you.

Lamps

.

cornbb

I'd be worried too man. But at least by talking to her you'll get some sort of result. Either she'll come clean, she'll make an obvious lie, or she'll come straight out with a laugh and an explanation that will have you kicking yourself for freaking out so much. Lets hope its the latter! she might be a bit pissed that you were reading her mail, but if you explain it to her the same way it was explained to us then the chances of that are lessened.

boffin

Weird that she deleted the mail --- on the other hand also weird that he would post pictures of the two of them if they were seeing each other behind your back - if you are trying to keep something like that secret you'd hardly post the pictures of the two of you up on bebo....anyway let us know how it goes --- hope it works out for you and that it's all a big misunderstanding.

Catari Jaguar

Beruthiel wrote:

Don't even go there.
Meet up with her later and tell her what you know, see what she has to say, could be all nothing.

NO! Look! If you say it, she'l deny it, then delete the proof and you'll never know! I've been there!


Oh whoops, didn't see that. she already deleted them. Yea, somethings up. Just dump the cheating bitch.

Catari Jaguar

cornbb wrote:

:rolleyes:

:rolleyes:

double :rolleyes:

You are all jumping to some major conclusions. OP, if you listen to these people there is no hope of continuing a healthy relationship. If you actually talk to her/confront her about it, it might turn out to be absolutely nothing.

What are you rolling eyes for smart ass? She's obv up to something. Have you been in this position? Maybe people are posting from experience. Photos, secret mail, telling him to post privately and deleting them.

You are naive, you will be taken for a ride one day

Lamps

boffin wrote:

Weird that she deleted the mail --- on the other hand also weird that he would post pictures of the two of them if they were seeing each other behind your back - if you are trying to keep something like that secret you'd hardly post the pictures of the two of you up on bebo....anyway let us know how it goes --- hope it works out for you and that it's all a big misunderstanding.

i dont think its a continous thing, more like a one nighter methinks.

ballsofire23

I would like to know why it's so important to you that she decides to stay with you?
Is she extremely special? Or is there a wonderful magical character about her that attracks you?

ferdi

innocent until proven guilty and all that but man, your gf is definilty playing away. it could have been a once off but if she was upset and ashamed about it she would not have been exchanging mails with her co conspirator.

cornbb

Lil Kitten wrote:

What are you rolling eyes for smart ass? She's obv up to something. Have you been in this position? Maybe people are posting from experience. Photos, secret mail, telling him to post privately and deleting them.

You are naive, you will be taken for a ride one day

Yeah, I have actually, but I would still be sure of the facts before diving in there with all guns blazing. She's NOT obviously up to something, she very well could be, but he can't be sure that she is based on reading a snippet of a conversation and seeing a photo of his arm around her (girls do that when they're not doing the dirt too, you know). If she did do the dirt (and it looks a little likelier now than it did earlier) then he should dump her by all means, but if he doesn't check his facts first he has everything to lose. I'm not naive, thanks very much, I'm being rational.

Steyr

ballsofire23 wrote:

I would like to know why it's so important to you that she decides to stay with you?
Is she extremely special? Or is there a wonderful magical character about her that attracks you?

Id imagine so dickhead if he is worried about her, cop on man.:rolleyes:

connundrum

Lil Kitten wrote:

Yea, somethings up. Just dump the cheating bitch.

As chiche'd as George Hamilton tbh.

See what she says, if you have an honest relationship then trust what she says. If you guys tend to keep things from each other then you'll be paranoid forever.

tbh

Look, don't be worried. Either she's cheating or she isn't. If she is, it sounds like from her comments she doesn't really have an issue with it, so you have to decide if you can put up with her behaving like that, or you can't. If you can, grand, if you can't, you should break up with her.

If she isn't cheating, then I think any reasonable partner would understand why you were freaking out, and would do their best to reassure you. It's not like you went snooping, and based on what you say, you had every right to investigate - I think 99.9% of people would do the same in those specific circumstances. So she shouldn't get angry at you, and if she does, once you've explained how you came to read the comments, then she's got something to hide IMO.

When you are talking to her, it will be helpful for you to try to remain as calm as you can, and, as much as possible, try to keep your emotions in check. When you talk to her, your intention should be to:

-Explain the circumstances leading you to read her messages, and what you thought when you read them

-Ask her for an explanation for the comments

-Listen to what she has to say

-Decide what you believe

-Dump the bitch.

Sorry, joke on the last one, it should be

-tell her what you think. Don't feel pressure to believe her or to make your decision straight away. Remember - you've done nothing wrong, and you don't expect anything any unreasonable person wouldn't expect. Don't be worried about the outcome - if she's not the one, you need to get past her and the quicker the better.

Seriously, tho, good luck.

LegacyUser

Anyone else think that maybe she could be up to something else....mad nights out spring to mind....i.e. Xtasy

~Rebel~

one thing to keep in mind is if she comes out squeeky clean with whatever she tells you, she's probably lying, as you already know she's covering SOMETHING up, beit something small or big, but if she admits to something, even if its just being overly flirtatious behind your back its far more likely shes telling the truth.

I really feel for you, nothing worse then questioning your trust, it really eats you up inside.

WindSock

How do you know she deleted all her mail today?

Caliden

Lamps wrote:

i dont think its a continous thing, more like a one nighter methinks.

yeah because I always take pictures of people I've had one nighters with...

LegacyUser

I reckon she is scoring the guy on the side and depending what her morals are like, could have easily slept with him on that night. Who knows though? Keep us posted...i'm hoping it's not bad news for u dude

_blank_

There's no way she's doing the dirt.

Doubt she'd let the other fella post 'incriminating' photos on his bebo.

Check his bebo tomorrow, if the pics are gone, then get suspicious. She probably asked him to take them down.

If they are still there, she's innocent of doing the dirty.

Lamps

cheesedude wrote:

I reckon she is scoring the guy on the side and depending what her morals are like, could have easily slept with him on that night. Who knows though? Keep us posted...i'm hoping it's not bad news for u dude

na this lad is from Dublin according to his bebo and were in Cork. She was just up in dublin on the day in question.

Anyway shes denying anything happend (was up with her earlier) and i totally beleive her. She doesnt know why she wrote them comments and thought i would go mad if he left comments on the page. i can read her like a book and i dont doubt her for a second. She could totally see where i as coming from though.

I know some of you will be convinced shes waffling but shes not, i know her to well.

cornbb

Well if thats good enough for you it should be good enough for us. Glad you had the sense to talk to her, hope the headwreck is over now dude.

Gordon

Steyr wrote:

Id imagine so dickhead if he is worried about her, cop on man.:rolleyes:

Banned

padser

Lamps wrote:

na this lad is from Dublin according to his bebo and were in Cork. She was just up in dublin on the day in question.

Anyway shes denying anything happend (was up with her earlier) and i totally beleive her. She doesnt know why she wrote them comments and thought i would go mad if he left comments on the page. i can read her like a book and i dont doubt her for a second. She could totally see where i as coming from though.

I know some of you will be convinced shes waffling but shes not, i know her to well.

Smacks of ostridge syndrome methinks.

I'd be asking some pretty serious questions. I'd also be particularly suspicious of any girl who 'can totally see where I am coming from' when it has involved me reading her private mail bebo

Spiritus Mundi#

Looks like this case has been solved but the original comments could have applied to anything from flirting, drugs, excessive drinking or just general craziness/unladylike behaviour on a night out.

On a side note, and i'm prob gonna get lynched for this, i've got a friend who has a theory that "everyone cheats" and in particular "all girls cheat and lie". I asked did that apply to his sister and mom , and he said yep :eek: I think this is also his justification for being a complete player/untrustworthy so-n-so...... personally if i came across this on Bebo i'd def a) read it all b) be quite jealous/paranoid/bordering delusional about it for the next day or 2.

Also on the other hand, even some innocent behaviour (flirting, drinking, dancing etc) can be enough to make a bf/gf jealous, so maybe she didnt want that sorta stuff uncovered. i found that to be the case with my ex anyway - for example lads dancing up to her on the dancefloor, that sort of thing used to drive me mental!!!

lollipops

HEYA.im relly sorry to hear ur problem but the most likely explanation is shes cheated or she is flirtin with someone which is the first step of cheated.the words KICK and CURB come to mind.u seem like a relly nice fella so move on and find someone you can trust 100% good luck:o;)

Lamps

Spiritus Mundi# wrote:

Looks like this case has been solved but the original comments could have applied to anything from flirting, drugs, excessive drinking or just general craziness/unladylike behaviour on a night out.

On a side note, and i'm prob gonna get lynched for this, i've got a friend who has a theory that "everyone cheats" and in particular "all girls cheat and lie". I asked did that apply to his sister and mom , and he said yep :eek: I think this is also his justification for being a complete player/untrustworthy so-n-so...... personally if i came across this on Bebo i'd def a) read it all b) be quite jealous/paranoid/bordering delusional about it for the next day or 2.

Also on the other hand, even some innocent behaviour (flirting, drinking, dancing etc) can be enough to make a bf/gf jealous, so maybe she didnt want that sorta stuff uncovered. i found that to be the case with my ex anyway - for example lads dancing up to her on the dancefloor, that sort of thing used to drive me mental!!!

She was saying its the fact she was acting like a spastic cos she was locked drunk and she thought i wouldnt approve of her talking to random blokes shes had a laugh with on nights out.

Its all fairly innocent i think, shes a really good looking girl and is going to attract attention form other guys every time shes out. I used to get really jealous when the relationship started but i cudnt are care less now, i know shes only having a laugh and sure id be as bad ona lads night out.

And tbh as was said above, id agree that an awful lot of girls cheat, probly more than that dont, but not everyone and id include the gf.