Why do women let his happen?

Kinetic^ · 05-03-2007 02:56PM

Sorry your heiness..........I forgot to put *sarcasm* after the first comment :rolleyes:

cold_filter · 05-03-2007 03:14PM

To show that not all women are idiots, ill post this,
about 5/6 years ago i was walking home with my then gf, and at the cross roads at the peoples park in dun laoghaire this guy utterly kicking his girlfriend around, i went to stop it my gf pulled me back, there was a group of about 5 guys walking on the other side of the road, they seen it and the kicked the **** out of him, all the while the gf is kicking him in the balls and scratching his face, she was pretty ****ed up (broken nose and black eye) anyway she got into a taxi with a couple of the lads she's now going out with one of them, and i have yet to see the other lad with a girl on his arm(but i wouldnt see him on the piss)

spurious · 05-03-2007 03:25PM

smashey wrote:

I saw a woman getting smacked about by a guy in Letterkenny a few years ago (late Saturday night). I walked over, pulled them apart and dropped him. The woman then threatened me with her stiletto before helping the guy back to his feet and saying she was sorry. What the hell did she have to be sorry for?

Because in her mind, after emotional abuse, it was her fault for annoying him/wearing the wrong thing/having the dinner late/being there and he was justified in hitting her. She should have shown him more that she loved him.

For those here that are actually reading the thread and not just looking for a chance to say something they think is smart, keep this in mind if you ever have someone in your life/family being emotionally abused and bullied.
THIS is what comes of constant put-downs.

The ignorance of some people posting here is frightening. Perhaps these women deserve it in your mind? Maybe you're on the way to being an emotional bully yourself. Good for you.

Dragan · 05-03-2007 03:32PM

The Scientist wrote:

Still though, there can No excuse for raising your hand to a female.

Of course there is, it's called self defence mate.

Kinetic^ · 05-03-2007 03:39PM

Dragan wrote:

Of course there is, it's called self defence mate.

Rofl, yeah like seriously The Scientist, if some bird is kicking 7 shades of sh!te out of me.....I'm not going to stand there and take it........not going to hit her back but I'm going to stop her asap and if she gets hurt with me doing so then it's self defence.

I think the days of it being a no-no to raise your hand to a woman are gone btw...........they wanted equality, surely in every way?

Mrs_Doyle · 05-03-2007 03:42PM

I think it is impossible to even try to get into the mind frame of these young women.
Someone mentioned earlier that the girl might have no friends, or family, to turn to, and so stays with the guy regardless of the abuse.
I know a girl who has an incredibly supportive family and a whole lot going for her, yet she continues to go back to a guy who has left her in hospital on several occasions. How can we ever hope to understand that? What sense does that make? Where is the logic in that?
These girls, and the girl I know, they don't function like you, or I, they don't operate along the same lines of logic, they are impossible to understand.... unless your one of them.

05-03-2007 04:52PM

I suppose it might be extreme insecurity. Like, really extreme lacking in self esteem coupled with "but s/he loves me really". Constantly being put down can have a very harsh effect, but it could be so gradual you just get used to it.

I don't know though. Er, thankfully.

05-03-2007 05:46PM

I knew a girl that went from one abusive relationship to another. Sad. She had an abusive father (who also abused the mother). She was very insecure and couldn't go it alone in the world, accepting relationships with these male bullies. Violence against her often occurred after too much to drink, and in one case, when she tried to leave her abusive male partner, he "punished" her for trying to leave him. I called the gardai on the jerk, but nothing came of it, because she was afraid to say anything against him, fearing what he might do to her later. Everything appeared "normal" when they showed up.

NutJob · 05-03-2007 05:47PM

Guess its like any form of systematic abuse you tell someone something long enough and the'll begin to believe it.

Guards are powerless to do anything as the victim has to press charges

Backtoblack · 05-03-2007 07:24PM

The thread title is a bit odd, Why do the men do it in the first place?
Obviously its a very serious problem, but I think its a lot more complex than "women letting this happen". Its very very sad really.

Fanny Cradock · 05-03-2007 08:34PM

spurious wrote:

Because in her mind, after emotional abuse, it was her fault for annoying him/wearing the wrong thing/having the dinner late/being there and he was justified in hitting her. She should have shown him more that she loved him.

True. But at what point does the emotional involvement become so great that it becomes too difficult for the person to break away? I can appreciate the difficulty involved if you are in a long-term relationship or marriage, but why put up with this if you are only in a relationship a few months? For that matter, why do people - lets face it, generally speaking it will be a woman - go from one physically and mentally abusive relationship to another?

A couple of years back I struck up an online friendship with an American girl. Before we met she told me she had been married to one of these abusive types and had kids with him. She managed to break away and gain her independence - fair play to her. However, sometime after the divorce - and this is about the time I struck up a friendship with her - she was going out with another guy. They were soon to be married. He was as sweet as sugar, she said, and he promised her the world. But in the end he turned out to be nothing more than a replacement for her ex. For a time she actually convinced herself that when her new hubby had hit her for the first time it was an accident. His fist just happened to slam into her face. Again, she got a divorce and met another guy. At this point I lost contact with her, so I can only hope it worked out.

I can't believe that the world is so full of abusive men that it is merely bad luck that some women keep meeting them. I guess that there is a type of personality that must be attuned to recognising these types, and somehow predisposed (for whatever reasons) to being attracted to them.

05-03-2007 09:42PM

Backtoblack wrote:

The thread title is a bit odd, Why do the men do it in the first place?
Obviously its a very serious problem, but I think its a lot more complex than "women letting this happen". Its very very sad really.

It is sad, and by far more complex than evidenced here in this thread.

Even more disturbing, there are cultures that exist today where the beating of defenseless women and children by men (to get their way) is common.

greenkittie · 05-03-2007 10:17PM

A friend of mine was once in an abusive relationship, and on the night it ended her boyfriend was drunk and dragged her the entire way home from the pub they had been at by her hair (she has really long hair, would have been able to get a good grip) with her screaming and crying. It was on a lively street, went past bouncers and lots of the general public and not one person said a word, she said that it really upset her that noone helped get him off her and she was left to deal with it alone.

littlebitdull · 05-03-2007 10:25PM

Why is it the woman fault? It was some big idiot of a man hitting her, abusing her, who had her convinced it was normal behaviour.

You see it time and time again. And as others have said you really are safer keeping out of it.

In a lot of cases these women are mixing in circles where all the men are abusive...so all of their friends fellas are like that, all the women can then get together and complain about Him. So its like any deviant behaviour.. when you get a circle(ring?) they just normalise it.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 05-03-2007 10:38PM

defenseless women? then it's up to them to learn to defend themselves, stand on their own two feet and protect themselves. If they are not willing to do that, I don't see why I should give a ****. They are the ones being hit, not me and if they're too googly-eyed over their abusive partner to register that something is wrong and to do something about it,it's no one else's business.

greenkittie, an easy solution would have been to get a solid grip on his balls and squeeze/pull at them until he was crying more than she was. It's not like men are completely invulnerable to pain. That is one simple way to take down any man.

WhiteWashMan · 05-03-2007 10:56PM

mike65 wrote:

Ditto that, there's class of woman (it seems) that'll take any amount of sh1te
for the sake of having a man (so-called) by thier side.

Mike.

dont be stupid.

Kinetic^ · 05-03-2007 10:57PM

WhiteWashMan wrote:

dont be stupid.

You don't be stupid!!!

connundrum · 05-03-2007 11:37PM

I didn't find the comment stupid. If not a class then definitely a significant section of the female population.

06-03-2007 12:00AM

Mordeth wrote:

defenseless women? then it's up to them to learn to defend themselves, stand on their own two feet and protect themselves.

I agree with you. After work, I part-time instruct martial arts and wish that all women would enroll and stay in a programme of self-defense, as well as for their increased health, fitness, and improved self esteem. Unfortunately, few women enoll in MA, and those that do often drop out way too soon. If I was to have a daughter someday, it would be required, just like school.

Mordeth wrote:

greenkittie, an easy solution would have been to get a solid grip on his balls and squeeze/pull at them until he was crying more than she was. It's not like men are completely invulnerable to pain. That is one simple way to take down any man.

This is not good advice! If the smaller, lighter, and less strong average untrained girl attempted this or some other technique, the likelihood that she would make the larger, heavier, stronger male more aggressive towards her would be the likely outcome. Or taking a couple of weeks of self defense classes is a joke, cause it takes years to become skillful enough to defend yourself against a larger, aggressive opponent.

The average girl/woman's best defense against these bullies is to call the gardai and file a complaint.

Backtoblack · 06-03-2007 12:32AM

wow cool blue lagoon!! Didn't know you did MA!
I would love to but tried a few of them and was only ever good at TaiChi.. which I loved but not good self defence as a beginner.
Anyway, won't go way off topic.

06-03-2007 05:41AM

Backtoblack wrote:

wow cool blue lagoon!! Didn't know you did MA!
I would love to but tried a few of them and was only ever good at TaiChi.. which I loved but not good self defence as a beginner.
Anyway, won't go way off topic.

Started very young, way before I knew what I was doing. Know a little more now, having successfully tested and achieved my Kukkiwon 2-dan black belt in taekwondo a couple months past. Instructing after work is fun. Just wish I could convince more girls and women to learn how to defend themselves against bullies like the ones mentioned in this thread.

passive · 06-03-2007 05:53AM

Didn't know you did MA!

I do yore MA. :cool:

Dave! · 06-03-2007 08:25AM

Nice.

ats · 06-03-2007 09:48AM

A guy from the Us wrote a song about this very subject. his name is Chris Kane. the story goes that he had a neighbour that was constantly being hit by her partner and one night he got sick of it and to quote "I politely knocked at the door and politely beat the sh1t out of him, This girl never spoke to me again but i don't care coz she left him soon after that" so at least one realised the situation she was in and used the help of a good Samaritan to find an exit.

its a well documented fact that a lot of good Samaritans do end up the worse for wear ofter these incidents. I myself got involved. luckily it wasn't a violent exchange. the guy was in her face late on Saturday night, she was in floods of tears and she looked scared. i just walked up and asked him to give it a rest, then just stepped back and stood there, he fecked off and she thanked me. I walked her to a cab and sent her on her way. I'd like to think that she went her own way after that but some peoples stupidity never fails to amaze me. that was about 10 years ago, now i doubt I'd get involved. maybe call the police or something and hang around if needed.

@ Blue Lagoon, I have for many years tried to get my wife to come to MA classes with me, I've trained in many stiles off and on for the last 15 - 20 years and keep telling her of the health benefits but also the fact that most schools i have gone to have a self defence section, and some are specific for female students. but she wont go, says she'd feel stupid.

WhiteWashMan · 06-03-2007 02:12PM

connundrum wrote:

I didn't find the comment stupid. If not a class then definitely a significant section of the female population.

so, youre saying that there are a set of females out there that will put up physical and mental abuse, just so they can tell people they have a boyfriend?

and you actually believe that?

i think its a bit more complicated.

there are certianly people in abusive relationships that are afraid to leave for various reasons, in much the same way there are people in non abusive realtionships that wont leave.

but to say that people remain in this realtionships just becuase they want to be able to 'have a man at their side' is stupidity.

galah · 06-03-2007 04:44PM

thought long and hard about writing anything in this thread, since there is an awful lot of ignorant crap being posted...

Anyway, the posters who say the whole thing is more complex than "if you're abused then leave" are right. Been there, not easy. And I consider myself a strong person, and thought it would never happen to me.

First of all, those relationships are not abusive all the time - otherwise, it would be a no-brainer. The problem is that if you're in such a relationship, you also have good times, the constant hope that the abuser will change and life will always be peachy - until the next bout of abuse comes along, keeping you hoping for the nice times. Plus the promises of the abuser to change. One reason to stay in such a relationship.

Second of all, as said before, the abuser will manage to reduce your self-esteem and self-worth to zero. You WILL start to think that you are fat/ugly/useless/not worth anything/won't get anyone else anyway. This process is usually slow and subtle, but effective. If you're constantly told you're fat, you will start to believe it. You will also believe that noone else wants you, and you should be lucky to have a partner, who, in his graceful air, keeps you, even though you're fat and ugly and useless. Be grateful!

Third: Leaving is not that easy. I for example, was stuck in a far-away land, with my visa depending on this relationship, and no support network (and a scary amount of pride - I simply did not want to come crawling back home and admitting that moving to this country with this guy was a big mistake).
Plus the second I was strong enough to say i wanted out of the relationship, a whole different level of abuse started - of the violent, death-threat kind. Makes you think twice, believe me. You know you want and must out, but you're scared ****less of what will happen if you dare.

sorry, running out of time here, but there's definitely more to these abusive relationships and the people who remain in it than meets the eye...Don't judge them, instead, if it happens to someone around you, offer support, and slow constant reassurance. People in these relationships have to realise themselves what's going on, but they need encourangement, and a second, more realistic opinion to help them see clear...

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 06-03-2007 05:51PM

this is after hours, if the Op wanted a rational reasoned debate on the subject he would have posted in Humanities.

connundrum · 06-03-2007 07:36PM

WhiteWashMan wrote:

so, youre saying that there are a set of females out there that will put up physical and mental abuse, just so they can tell people they have a boyfriend?

and you actually believe that?

i think its a bit more complicated.

there are certianly people in abusive relationships that are afraid to leave for various reasons, in much the same way there are people in non abusive realtionships that wont leave.

but to say that people remain in this realtionships just becuase they want to be able to 'have a man at their side' is stupidity.

I presume that no woman would set out with the intention of taking a beating provided that her man doesn't stray.

I will agree with you that it is far more complicated but I was, as I'm sure Mike65 was being general. Maybe you can't be as general with relation to this topic.

But again, I have seen/know women who will take a few slaps and to my knowledge there is no reason for them to stay with the man ie. no children, renting a house, not married etc.

It is probably a mixture of fear of being alone and a dwindling hope that the man will actually change his ways.

Either way its sad. (with no sarcastic undertone)

06-03-2007 07:45PM

ats wrote:

@ Blue Lagoon, I have for many years tried to get my wife to come to MA classes with me, I've trained in many stiles off and on for the last 15 - 20 years and keep telling her of the health benefits but also the fact that most schools i have gone to have a self defence section, and some are specific for female students. but she wont go, says she'd feel stupid.

Yes, she is missing out on improved physical health, fitness, and self esteem. Some of the women I know look younger than their peers of the same age, and demonstrate a higher level of energy. With both of you in MA, you could have fun working out together, not only during training sessions, but with improved fitness and stamina, it could lead to even more fun afterhours...

Boston · 06-03-2007 07:56PM

WhiteWashMan wrote:

so, youre saying that there are a set of females out there that will put up physical and mental abuse, just so they can tell people they have a boyfriend?

and you actually believe that?

i think its a bit more complicated.

there are certianly people in abusive relationships that are afraid to leave for various reasons, in much the same way there are people in non abusive realtionships that wont leave.

but to say that people remain in this realtionships just becuase they want to be able to 'have a man at their side' is stupidity.

There are women out there who believe that being with a man and getting slapped around are part of the same package. That you can't have one without the other, or at the very least that they can't. so yes, I guess I would agree with what Mike said, to a degree.

Why do women let his happen?

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