Cheating house mate, what is the right thing to do?

Villaricos · 23-02-2007 05:37PM

oh god situations like this makeme wonder are there any nice guys out there!

OP Ive been the third party on a couple where one cheats and always regret not doing something (I couldnt though,they were all my bfs friends). I think you should talk to the guy, what tbh said sounds best. casual but to the point.
dont go to the girlfriend,thats going to cause fights and rows with you in the thick of it! If the guy was your friend first then hes your first port of call, plus he's the one who you live with.

daveirl · 23-02-2007 08:26PM

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free2fly · 23-02-2007 08:40PM

daveirl wrote:

This post has been deleted.

Actually in her OP she says:

I feel so guilty because I wont say anything to his girlfriend but we are friends (through him) and if he wasn't my house mate i'd probably tell her.

Powerpuff · 23-02-2007 09:00PM

Thanks for all the replies. I talked to my other flatmate about it and he said its happened many times before and that he has told him it's no good... A funny thing he also told me was that he(flatmate 2) brought home the same girl a few months ago ha ha, such a small world.
If I talked to him I'd just piss him off. If they broke up because of me I'd have to move and selfish as I am I don't want to.
I seriously believe he really loves her and want to be with her but I also have a feeling he will never change. It happens when he's pissed or high and he doesn't use his brain at all then. And when he's is sober he knows it's wrong. I would like her to have choise to be with a guy like that though. It's going to be hard to tell her because we're not very close and don't hang out together if he's not around.

I know it's not any of my business but yeah, hard to avoid being involved even if I want to. I feel so sorry for her.

BaZmO* · 23-02-2007 09:12PM

Powerpuff wrote:

It's going to be hard to tell her because we're not very close and don't hang out together if he's not around.

That sentence right there says that you shouldn't say anything. Seriously, it's none of your business.

Powerpuff · 23-02-2007 10:10PM

BaZmO* wrote:

That sentence right there says that you shouldn't say anything. Seriously, it's none of your business.

Their relationship isn't but my feelings are. I can't help feeling guilty and awkward. And the only reason we're not very close is because I'm working stupidly long hours and barely have time for my old friends. I've only known them a year and if I would have spent as much time with her as I do with her boyfriend we would probably be very close friends.

To Humanji: I don't think what he did to me is an issue at all as nothing happened. What he did to that other girl is the problem and two other witnesses except me is probably enough proof.

chump · 23-02-2007 11:03PM

None of your business my arse.

He is mistreating his gf, who is friends with the OP.

If he was mistreating a dog, who was a friend of the OP's should the OP keep it to herself?

Rat him out and don't feel a twinge of guilt

BaZmO* · 23-02-2007 11:09PM

Powerpuff wrote:

and if I would have spent as much time with her as I do with her boyfriend we would probably be very close friends.

"If" "Probably" "Maybe" "Perhaps"
Doesn't make you best friends though does it?

BaZmO* · 23-02-2007 11:12PM

chump wrote:

If he was mistreating a dog, who was a friend of the OP's should the OP keep it to herself?

:eek: Did you actually type that? Please tell me you didn't. Please tell me that someone else hacked into your account and typed it instead of you.....Please!!

chump · 23-02-2007 11:40PM

BaZmO* wrote:

:eek: Did you actually type that? Please tell me you didn't. Please tell me that someone else hacked into your account and typed it instead of you.....Please!!

I wrote it all by myself pal. I hope it hasn't upset your sensibilities. EEEEEEEKKKKKK

Powerpuff · 23-02-2007 11:47PM

BaZmO* wrote:

"If" "Probably" "Maybe" "Perhaps"
Doesn't make you best friends though does it?

She is a very nice person and I care about her, if I didn't like her I wouldn't be bothered in the first place. I'm probably, maybe, perhaps still living here in a year and then we are friends and this has happened many more times, is it not weird to not tell her then? Yeah maybe that's it, I'll wait a year and then tell her.

Marksie · 24-02-2007 12:24AM

Powerpuff wrote:

She is a very nice person and I care about her, if I didn't like her I wouldn't be bothered in the first place. I'm probably, maybe, perhaps still living here in a year and then we are friends and this has happened many more times, is it not weird to not tell her then? Yeah maybe that's it, I'll wait a year and then tell her.

Well in a catch 22 situation like this, where he wont listen and you wont tell. You are up a gum tree.

The only thing i can think of is that instead of asking him how does he feel... or how his g/f would feel.. tell him how YOU feel about it.

However, high or drunk, others feelings will not be his consideration.

So in the end the options are:
1) ignore it
2) tell his girlfriend
3) leave
4) don't become close friends with those you share with (or their partners)

chuci · 24-02-2007 03:41PM

if i was the girlfriend i would rather be told as well it seems they are planning their future together. in the end the truth will come out he will be caught since he doesnt seem to be stopping,even if in the morning after he knows its wrong. i would talk to the flat mate like tbh said and tell him how you feel. you could always tell the girlfriend that he tried to come onto you when ye were drunk but she could just turn on you i suppose.its really a catch 22 personally id tell the girlfriend because i think she would have the right to know what a horrible person her boyfriend is. imgine what a fool you would feel if your boyfriend was doing it to you and all his flatmates knew and you were friendly with them?i just hate cheating and being drunk or high does not excuse it

Caliden · 24-02-2007 04:33PM

tell her. Don't mention that he tried it on with you. Just the fact that he slept with someone else

hunnymonster · 24-02-2007 07:45PM

As some of the others have said, If I was the girlfriend, I would want to know and I would be grateful that you were honest enough to tell me. Having said that, if you did tell, you would risk them uniting and turning against you.

daveirl · 25-02-2007 01:04PM

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hunnymonster · 25-02-2007 01:09PM

Dave, I wouldn't expect to be freinds with my housemates boss and certainly wouldn't expect him to be broken-hearted because one of him employee's threw a "sickie". You're not comparing like with like

Powerpuff · 25-02-2007 07:48PM

daveirl wrote:

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Thats not the same thing at all. We actually quite support that kind of behaviour

And I'm sure my boss wouldn't be hurt and think she wasted 6 years of her life on someone like me if she found out.

Whos discretion are you talking about, mine or his? If he was discreet I wouldn't have a problem. If I wasn't discreet I would have told her a long time ago, I also would have told someone about the drugs and the incorrect disposal of our christmas tree... :rolleyes:

daveirl · 25-02-2007 11:30PM

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Chucky the tree · 25-02-2007 11:45PM

Powerpuff wrote:

Whos discretion are you talking about, mine or his? If he was discreet I wouldn't have a problem. If I wasn't discreet I would have told her a long time ago, I also would have told someone about the drugs and the incorrect disposal of our christmas tree... :rolleyes:

So it doesnt actually bother you that he is cheating, just that he is doing it in the house? That logic seems a bit strange.

Cheating house mate, what is the right thing to do?

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