Toilet Paper Requisite

Dave! · 15-02-2007 02:28PM

Is there anything worse than wiping away and then realising there's a hole in the paper and you've been using your finger for most of the cleaning?

We buy a bale of toilet roll in the local shop. €5 or somethin for... lots. The odd time someone seems to buy fancy stuff, but that's quickly used up.

FlutterinBantam · 15-02-2007 02:29PM

Degsy wrote:

I've frequently seen mother theresa on my toilet paper and kept it for a while untill neighbours objected.

Those were the times you used the dishcloth ..jeesh ..no wonder the neighbours objected!!

Drying your cups with THAT thing!!!

Overheal · 15-02-2007 02:35PM

I find wiping with my test results help me squeeze the cost of one more pint a week

seriously though I think I use Andrex

Degsy · 15-02-2007 02:41PM

FlutterinBantam wrote:

Those were the times you used the dishcloth ..jeesh ..no wonder the neighbours objected!!

Drying your cups with THAT thing!!!

At least it wasnt a comunal dishcloth in an old people's home..no wonder you lost your job!!

iremex · 15-02-2007 02:41PM

DaveMcG wrote:

Is there anything worse than wiping away and then realising there's a hole in the paper and you've been using your finger for most of the cleaning?
QUOTE]

i'd rather chop that finger off

Agamemnon · 15-02-2007 03:15PM

DaveMcG wrote:

Is there anything worse than wiping away and then realising there's a hole in the paper and you've been using your finger for most of the cleaning?

If at home, run the finger under a tap. If somewhere else, wipe it on the wall. Bonus points if you have enough "material" to draw a smiley face with.

Schlemm · 15-02-2007 03:24PM

there was an article in the paper there about toilet paper...apparently we Irish use the most bog roll per head than any other nation in the world!

netwhizkid · 15-02-2007 03:24PM

BaZmO* wrote:

I find the Sun or the Mirror does the job for me. Sometimes I even use the News of the World.

If I can't get any of the above I just use my housemate's toohbrush.

Good to see someone found some use for such rag journalism, you could however add the Irish Dail Mail to the list of ass wipes and that page written by Mary Ellen Synon especially.

Terry · 15-02-2007 03:33PM

Schlemm wrote:

there was an article in the paper there about toilet paper...apparently we Irish use the most bog roll per head than any other nation in the world!

We also eat the most cornflakes.
Connection?

petes · 15-02-2007 03:37PM

Terry wrote:

We also eat the most cornflakes.
Connection?

We also eat the most chocolate.

Schlemm · 15-02-2007 04:05PM

hmm no wonder we use so much bog roll.......we must be sh!ting out chocolate cornflake buns day in day out!

Degsy · 15-02-2007 04:34PM

I propose a study into the effects of excessive Skittles eating on the colour of bottom-deposits.Anyone care to start?

exCrumlinBoyo · 15-02-2007 04:34PM

Back in the good old days of single living in a shared house with a bunch of lads we were not always up to the task of buying bog roll. wake up in the morning with the Gunniess cramps and the turtle head hanging out. No jacks roll so a sock would have to do.

Wiping your arse with a sock it quite good especially if its clean.... sometimes when push comes to shove clean or used once its your own will work wonders. Just dont flush it down the jacks or you will have big trouble.

When we did have the luxury of having jacks roll, my house mate used to bring home from work the huge industrial rolls which would tear the arse off of you and your fingers would go through... Socks any day of the week.

Degsy · 15-02-2007 04:59PM

Dont if you're poor be tempted to use kitchen towels instead of jacks roll.It doesnt disolve in water and clogs up your pipes,usually with the result that all your waste backs up and forms a swamp in your back garden.

Lamps · 15-02-2007 07:59PM

I was studying in my room when i lived in a shared house in college, one of the lads came in and said

"do you have any spare A4 sheets"

I did, so i gave him a few thinking he was doing a bit of study.

Later I found them floating in the jacks water with a loada skids on them.

We never once bought bog roll, we just knicked it from the jacks in college. We'd be going home with our bags full with bog rolls. we had so much we had to start to store it in the attic. You'd of thought we'd stop, but it was like an addiction robbing that jacks roll

exCrumlinBoyo · 15-02-2007 08:04PM

Just thinking some more on this I remember being a kid going to my grand-mothers house and she was poor, no money to spare. You used to have to wipe your arse with newspaper. It would cut the arse off you, but time.

I could never understand how they could have the money to buy a newspaper but not bog roll?

Anyone else ever have the pleasure of wiping their arse with the sunday world or the Star?

AbusesToilets · 15-02-2007 08:31PM

I usually wipe till the paper starts turning red.Generally take that as a good indicator of lack of ****

aidan_dunne · 16-02-2007 02:44AM

Personally, this is my brand of choice!

http://www.randomimage.us/24466.html

exCrumlinBoyo wrote:

Anyone else ever have the pleasure of wiping their arse with the sunday world or the Star?

Not with either of those newspapers, no, but I have been forced into using 'The Farmer's Journal' in the past! Let me explain.......

I was, oh, probably 11 or 12 at the time and was helping out on my grandad's farm bringing in the hay. Suddenly needed to go for a dump badly but rather than go out in the field or behind a hedge or something (it's one thing taking a píss outdoors but a shít! :eek: ) I ran back to the farmhouse as quick as I could, clenching my arse as tightly as possible..... as you do!

In the door, up the stairs to the bathroom, trousers and underwear down, arse down on the jacks, PLOP! Ahhh, relief!

Turned to grab some toilet paper to wipe the bum..... NOOOOO! Just an empty cardboard tube on the holder. "Okay, don't panic, just check the press over there on the wall", I think to myself. Shuffle over to the opposite side of the bathroom where the press is with my trousers down around my ankles, open the press......... no spare toilet rolls! :eek: Now what do I do? Nobody is in the house to call out to to ask to bring me up a toilet roll from downstairs because they're all up in the field stacking bales of hay. I look over and see that week's copy of 'The Farmer's Journal' sitting on a small stand beside the jacks. You can work out the rest for yourself, I'm sure!

Was as rough as fúck and did indeed feel like it was cutting the arse off me but I do seem to recall it being surprisingly absorbant!

Still, though, I bet my grandad was wondering where the front and back pages of his paper had disappeared to next time he went for a dump!

16-02-2007 06:42AM

No matter the brand, if you are planning on visiting Moscow, recommend that you take along a couple extra rolls. They have a paper shortage in many places you might stay.

Ruu_Old · 16-02-2007 07:14AM

Ch-ch-ch-Charmin!

Hagar · 16-02-2007 07:45AM

Try John Wayne toilet paper.
It's rough and it's tough but it won't take any shit from Indians.

16-02-2007 08:42AM

Ruu wrote:

Ch-ch-ch-Charmin!

How charming Ruu!

Archeron · 16-02-2007 09:44AM

I was blessed with the ability to blast out large volumes of high power clear liquid post poo. Its like an in built reverse commode. Its very handy when outdoors, and very messy when indoors.

Degsy · 16-02-2007 11:20AM

I was on my way into work one morning after a heavy night on the beer.part of the journey involved walking along a country lane with a wall and trees on one side.Suddenl;y my guts started clenching and gurgling,my job was three hundred yards away and i knew i wouldnt make it so i climbed over the wall into the woods and managed to squat just before me arese exploded in all directions.the problem now was toilet roll..i didnt have any,all i had was two sandwiches in a bag for me lunch,i used the bag first then i used the sandwiches.I left them where i flung them and hoped that no particularly hungry down and out saw them and thought it was some kind of manna fromm heaven!

iremex · 20-02-2007 12:02PM

degsy, you are a nasty man

imagine some poor hungry Bum, pardon the pun, getting that landed on his lap? he'll think all of his prayers have been answered at once..

gilette should bring out their bogroll variant.
razorblades or papercuts ftw

Tar.Aldarion · 20-02-2007 02:48PM

Recycled from Lidl.
There's yer man.

iremex · 20-02-2007 03:18PM

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

Recycled from Lidl.
There's yer man.

you mean this stuff? are you mad!!

Hagar · 20-02-2007 05:40PM

I'm never going to be able to face a Marmite sandwich again...

wyndham · 20-02-2007 07:07PM

Kandoo with essence of forest fruits. I keep them in a little fridge in the bathroom at exactly 2C.

Toilet Paper Requisite

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