The Other Woman

LegacyUser · 04-02-2007 05:07AM #1

I have recently gotten back with my ex boyfriend.
Whilst we were apart, he slept with a girl.

They are still in contact, which needless to say annoys the hell out of me.
I wouldn't mind had they been friends beforehand or whatnot, but they basically just met on holidays, had a week of fun, and then when he came home we got back together.

I know, rationally, I should just trust him and let him do as he wishes, but in my eyes they are not friends, they never were.
He has said himself that "she was just a shag".
She is constantly texting him and leaving messages on his bebo, to which he says he doesn't reply, although I am 110% that he does.

I've tried to broach the subject with him but it just ends in an argument.
Now that I've typed this up I don't really know what my question is, but I would never hold him back from being friends with someone. I know the trust issue is between himself and myself, but does anyone have any tips on how I can learn to accept it and not get instantly worried anytime his phone beeps or whatever?

Thanks guys

faceman · 04-02-2007 10:38AM

Regardless of whether he is still sleeping with this girl, if he is committed to your relationship he should be willing to cut contact with this woman for the sake of your relationship. i dont believe for a second tho that they;re just friends. In most situations, most guys just dont do that unless the woman is a long time friend.

YOU need to talk to him straight and if he doesnt like it tell him hes putting the relationship at risk. He needs to build up trust again and hes not helping.

If he doesnt see the error in his ways then its time to end an unhealthy relationship.

best of luck.

ando · 04-02-2007 12:42PM

imo he should cut contact with this women

dudara · 04-02-2007 01:15PM

faceman hit the nail on he head there. He should be willing to cut all ties with this woman, if he is seriously determined to make your relationship work this time.

Fanny Cradock · 04-02-2007 04:22PM

You guys broke up of some unknown issue, now you are back together and still serious problems remain. Whatever the right or wrong of the current situation, the relationship doesn't seem to be working, does it? Break up again. This time for good!

banquo · 04-02-2007 04:44PM

Also agree that whether or not he'll cut contact with this woman is a pretty good barometer of his commitment to his relationship with you.

And even if he is keeping in regular contact with her, lying about it is disrespectful and IMO not tolerable.

Based just on the information at hand, If it were me I would leave that partner, but I realise that I don't know all the facts. And breaking up with someone you love is much easier said than done.

littlesurfer · 04-02-2007 04:56PM

I wouldn't be seeing this guy anymore if he was my boyfriend.....totally unacceptable to stay friendly with a random shag.......bit disrespectful if you ask me

LegacyUser · 05-02-2007 12:06AM

'I'm talking to him now, and he's saying that I don't trust him.
I do, its just that the fact this girl even exists annoys me, and the thought of him and her in contact (fair enough she instigates it all) makes me feel both jealous and insecure.

Is there anyway I can possibly make him realise this without looking like I'm attacking him?'

bug · 05-02-2007 01:12AM

looks like he is keeping his options open.
I mean, if she was just a shag, why would he be bothered staying in touch?

By the way you're not going to make him realise anything...
if he hasn't a clue this is not on, then he hasn't a clue.

Slutmonkey57b · 05-02-2007 01:48AM

theproperwoman wrote:

'I'm talking to him now, and he's saying that I don't trust him.
I do, its just that the fact this girl even exists annoys me, and the thought of him and her in contact (fair enough she instigates it all) makes me feel both jealous and insecure.

Is there anyway I can possibly make him realise this without looking like I'm attacking him?'

1: You DON'T trust him.
2: The fact she exists a) isn't his fault and b) there's nothing he can do about it. You weren't together, you've no say in what happens.
3: Your jealous insecurity is your problem, learn to deal with it or this won't work out for you.
4: You are attacking him, so no.

Either he chooses to say "ok this is freaking her out, I'll stop talking to her" and you spend the rest of his life dictating who he talks to, or "ok this woman's a nutjob, I don't need this ****" and walks out.

kraggy · 05-02-2007 01:50AM

But if he had something to hide, why did he tell you about her in the first place?

05-02-2007 10:54AM

bug wrote:

I mean, if she was just a shag, why would he be bothered staying in touch?

A good question that needs to be addressed.

miles teg · 05-02-2007 11:41AM

What's wrong with talking to her on bebo and texting?
Are you still in contact with any ex partners?

Zebra3 · 05-02-2007 02:35PM

miles teg wrote:

What's wrong with talking to her on bebo and texting?
Are you still in contact with any ex partners?

The problem is that this is not a friend, but someone he descibed as 'just a shag'.

Whether he does give her up or not is irrelevant, the relationship seems doomed. He shouldn't be giving her up cos he's asked to, but because he should be mature enough to see the problem in keeping contact with her-it's not like she's an ex.

chuci · 05-02-2007 02:37PM

i would suggest that he is keeping his options open. im gathering from your op that ye broke up over something which broke trust within the relationship and its after carrying over to this. now if she was just a shag then he really shouldnt have gotten any contact details from her and now that he is back with you then he should be willing to cut ties with her if nothing but to shw=ow his commitment to you and that he is taking this seriously. you said that ye got back together after he had been on holidays was it long after his holiday that ye got back together?did he tell you about her?or did you find out about her by viewing his bebo or seeing a text?

miles teg · 05-02-2007 02:53PM

Zebra3 wrote:

The problem is that this is not a friend, but someone he descibed as 'just a shag'...

I think the whole thing hinges on why they broke up in the first place. If it relates to him e.g. cheating, then fair enough.
If it was because of her or it it was mutual, then he's entitled to keep in contact with whoever he wants.
Despite him saying otherwise (maybe to minimise jealousy), it seems like they are friends now.

The Other Woman

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