my mother

ok maybe your mam is just a cow for the sake of it but I doubt it. First off all mothers love their sons, I have a son and I adore him like nothing else on earth but I know that from the age of 7 to at least 17/18 were going to lock horns. Id love it to be different and I really hope it will be but I wont hold my breath. Women find it very difficult to raise boys bec boys have so much testosterone and other hormones that women dont and they can fly off the handle fairly quick. The sons dont understand how the mother thinks and the mother hasnt a clue how the son thinks and it all just ends up in one big argumentative mess.
My mam when we were growing up had a lot of family issues and things werent easy on her and sometimes shed fly off the handle and take it out on us, she feels so bad about it now, it wasnt her it was just the pressure she was under. Maybe your mam is the same? My mam and my brother used to kill each other the slightest thing and theyd be at each others throats, it can still happen the odd time even though my bro is early 20s but they talk a lot more now, my bro even told my mam he smokes hash and she was grand about it bec she understood where he moods were coming from a bit more then. She loves it when he sits down with her and tells her stuff!
Maybe get your mam in a good mood and try talking to her, tell her that you want to do well in leaving and that you are studying etc, ask is she ok and happy and tell her you want to make an effort so the 2 of you get on a bit better so it makes life easier on both of you. If shes just a cow shell tell you to foff but I think shell appreciate you acting like an adult and although youll still kill each other from time to time it will improve the situation, you guys might even start to hang out Ok that going a bit far but its worth a try! Best of luck

Commander Vimes wrote:

why is it that you need a licence to have a dog but not a child?

cos nobody should have the right to say somebody else can't have kids.
Who made them judge on who is a fit parent


i think most mothers are mad. My mum used to open my post and be snide to all my friends. She would ask them 20 questions and in the answers would find a fact about them or their families that wasn't suitable for her right wing christian ethos.

I been in the same situation, my mother hated the hard work of rearing kids. She got herself pregnant to a man who lied about his personal status, (He was not a rich farmer as he said he was). It certainly wasn’t love she put herself out as you clearly see. It has been a running theme of my mother through my life. She wants total control, to be rich and wants to feel superior above everyone else and want to be treat like a queen and to have everyone slaving to her. She thinks that just because she had 8 kids, she must be a great mother. She lies and find or make up excuses to blames others for her situation and then manipulates other to do her bidding.
She a perfect serial bully and I bet yours is the same might not be as bad as yours or even worst in aggression.
DO NOT LET HER TO PUT YOUR BUTTONS. She may gets a perverse sense of satisfaction from doing that. Bullies love to entice you to act out so they can blame you, to make you look bad to give them a excuse to continue abusing you. I was down this road. So much so I nearly kill myself when I was 12/13,
My grand father actions and the trust he instill in me stop me. Unlike my parents my grandparents love me and love to meet me. They have been very kind but I had to watch what I had to talk about because they would give out to my parents and they (my parents) would abuse me and call me a liar and punish me for telling the truth. That pushes me towards suicide as I could not talk to anyone about my problems. For my parents did not want to deal with my problems, after all they were reasonability for 90% of my problems. My self confidence took a nose dive through my childhood/teenage years
Just like mine, your mother chose to have sex to have you. She cannot plead ignorant about having you. She hardly conceived you in her first period. She knew about rearing babies and the work involved. She chooses her partner (your father) to conceive you.
They both made choices in life, as you know now they mad terrible choices. Your parents failed to grow up and take reasonability for their actions.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT for her bad situation in life. IT WAS HER CHOICE TO TREAT YOU BADLY, NOT YOURS. IT HER RESPONABILITY TO REAR YOU THE BEST WAY THAT SHE COULD. Clearly she did not do that. If she uses money as an excuse, do not believe it. There are many poor happy families out in the world that love their kids. Your parents are not good role models for you. They raise you badly. Raising kids is not only about feeding you, clothing you, putting a roof over your head. They are legal required to do this for if they don’t the health board is suppose to take you into custody and your parents will be punish for this, legally or by society treatment of them. Parenting is about getting their kids off the best start in their life. It is also about unconditionally loving their kids. You mother betrade you. She supposes to care for your well being not abuse you. It hurts knowing your friends get on with their parents and you can’t.

Right now is best to educate yourself about the three main of abuses (1/ Physical – which most people know of, 2/ Verbal abuse and 3/ Emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is the worst as it hit the deepest humanity within you. It design to make you feel cold and brutal or weaken you, so you abuser can feel better about themselves. I know it difficult to get over but know you are not alone. Look for understanding friends to talk to who are not aggressive. Believed it or not the telecoms ads are right “it is good to talk”. It helps to dissolve the damage that was cause to you by recognizing the damage it.
Most women bullies when abusing, uses emotional and verbal abuse. Which clearly, you have been subject to emotional and verbal abuse most of your life. The bulling is so entrenched, I bet it is considered “Normal Behavior” in your family as it was within mine. Your mother just like mine is so obsessive about it. I bet you obsessive about the hurt she cause you and want or act out in retaliation. I could not retaliate as my whole family would abuse me. I had to play it safe. For I knew it was only a matter of time when I can walk out.
Do not get me wrong, I tried to get on with them but they failed to change their behavior towards me. After all, you know all of your family bad traits.

No matter how bad things get for you, you will always know if those who is abusing you do not change and acknowledge their wrong doing then the abuse will continue in the same or another form.


When I eventually broke ties with my manipulate family, I was lucky, for my extended family saw through my mother and family bad behavior. It took time. I original taught, that I was alone, because throughout my childhood and I could talk to others about what going on because of my parent bad attitude. And everyone believes my mother. Clearly your mother and father failed you as mine did. When I broke all ties with my family they tried emotional abuse to guilt me back, but luckily for me my extended family with the exceptional few who support my mother devious behavior and they are constantly trying to push my buttons. But do you know what happened when they failed? People started look at them and the unwanted attention backfire on then. People are starting to questioning everything she ever said. I move on to be a person no matter what my mother or family try to pin on me, I did not react back at them I talk to others ack
The worst is emotional abuse. For example: They deny that they every abuse you and then say that they love you.

The best advice I can give you is: You need to look after yourself. You becoming an adult and you will be legal responsibly for you actions. You will not be able to get or keep a job to keep you independence from your mother, so start one step at a time.
You need to control yourself, the way you treat others is important. If she throws more abuse at you, walk away , keep cool.
Try this, If you get angry- Pause for a moment Admit how you feel to yourself. A moment later you will feel less angry. Keep doing this until you can get control of your feeling.
Most important, you will become a parent some day. Do you want to treat your kids as badly as you were? Then make sure.
For how your kids treat you when your old, depends how you treat them when they are young.
It is your choice. After all we live in a democracy.

Here a very good website:
http://www.bullyonline.org/related/family.htm
You can be a lot better than you mother.
Keep it cool for yourself

insane drummer wrote:

right heres the deal, me and my ma, we don't get along very well at all., always fighting with each other, telling each other to **** off, her calling me a lazy bastard that i don't work hard enough in school (and im aiming for 590 points in the lc this year) and that i don't deserve my girlfriend in my life at all, (they get on well) all this followed by me telling her to go **** herself and calling her a cow.

we havn't got on that well since ive been about 5. if i split a bit of milk on my jumper whilst taking a drink, getting screamed at and probably a slap across d arse! so its not something new

well its just getting worse and worse, and my dad dosn't help, there not married but live in the same house, and separate rooms. he tells her to **** off and leave her alone at times to, and dosn't answer the phone to her, but tells me its wrong, (which i know it is, but i get angry, which is natural). the fact that hes being hypocritical annoys me too.

but anyways, today she lost the head at me, telling me i didn't deserve my gf and that as punishment my gf wasn't aloud up to the house for a week, because i let my 5 year old sister draw a picture for me on a copy and she got a tiny bit of pen on her new jumper. i lost the head with her as usual. am i being provoked or dose it seam that im out of line? any ideas on what to do. im 17 atm, if that makes a difference!