Am i fooling myself?

LegacyUser · 08-01-2007 07:08PM #1

So about 4 months ago myself and my gf of 3 years split up,i was on the recieving end of the split,as always i was gutted.She 1st said she wanted a 2 mth break after the two months i got 'sometime maybe but its best to leave things the way they are for now'.During that time i heard she moved outa home and this left me feel,i dunno that i was left behind.

I suggested that we keep in contact and she said theres nothing wrong with been friends as i agreed.Thing is im the one doing all the texting,in the 5 months since we split,she text me once wishing me a happy birthday,i dont text her regulary perhaps once a month just to see how are things going with her.I'd also be telling lies if i said i dont still have feelings for her.

Before xmas we were texting and she asked was i going out in the town xmas eve,i suggested that if she had no one to go down with we could meet for a drink she said 'ya no probs,ill text ya the wkend,talk to ya soon'.I didnt get any text christmas eve nor after that.

I sent her a text wishing her happy new year,and she sent the same back.
But after she didnt text me christmas eve,after all she could have sent something like she couldnt make it,i thinking of just calling it quits and stop all contact,im heading out of country for a few months soon and was even hoping to be in contact with her while i was away,but now im hesident.

do you think i should text her before i go away or just forget it and quit all contact?

Do you think im fooling myself?

Beetlebum · 09-01-2007 11:19AM

Ouch ouch ouch....that must've really hurt on Christmas eve. Even if she didn't want to meet up, she could've had the courtesy to contact you in some way to let you know. You obviously still have feelings for her and so were hoping she'd want to meet up. She, on the otherhand, appears to have moved on so maybe it didn't even occur to her to contact you or maybe she was hoping that you'd get the hint and stop contacting her.

I've been in your position before and it's terrible. I was going out with the guy for 4 years and after we split he made no contact with me. Sometimes I'd text him and he wouldn't even reply. I suggested meeting up a few times but each time he'd say he had other things to do. When I look back, it seems so clear to me what was happening. I was clutching at straws cause I still wanted him but he was getting on with his life without me. It hurts but I think you need to wake up to the reality of the situation. From what you've described, it seems that she doesn't want to be in contact with you because she'smoving on. She may even have met someone else. I don't want to be mean by saying that but it's a possibility.

You are damaging yourself and slowing down the healing process by living in hope that this girl will contact you. I bet you secretly wish she'd ask for you to get back together. I think you need to move on and I think it's best that you don't contact before you leave. She has your number and if she wants to contact you she will. I'm sorry you're in that position, I know just how painful it can be but I also know that it gets easier with time.

Best of luck & don't contact her!!!

Gordon · 09-01-2007 11:25AM

Aye, just forget her and move on, don't contact her again or you'll just keep hurting yourself. It's a one way friendship right now, and there is no such thing as a one way friendship.. Bit of a catch 22 there but that's what one way friendships are..

Mighty_Mouse · 09-01-2007 12:52PM

She dumps you; ignores you; stands you up.......................and only then do you come to question whether she is treating you like a moron?

To answer your question; she's been making a fool of you for the last 4 months. She probably just trying desperatly "not to hurt you" or "let you down gently".

Its just doesnt work. Dude forget about her. Delete her number and no more contact. Reverse the roles. Have you ever ever heard of a women returning to the mess of a pleading, desperate, heart-broken man? I'm sorry man, it just doesnt happen .

You need to reverse the roles here and try and salvage whatever little bit of respect she might have for you. You don't need a deep and meaningful conversation. Just blankety-blank from now on.

Maybe in a few years time if ye bump into each other she might think, god he took it well, at least he took it like a man.............or whatever.

Anwyays main point is: zero contact.

py2006 · 09-01-2007 01:30PM

I couldn't agree with the above posters more!

Its very difficult when in that situation to let go. The best thing you can do is delete her number and dont make any contact at all! Its the ONLY way of getting over and moving on! It wont be easy but by continually texting her your making things worse!

Usually if you break it off with somebody your not too enthusuastic about maintaining a friendship anymore. Its usually only the heartbroken one that wants to maintain a friendship. Generally for the wrong reasons too!

By the way, you should have eat the face off her for standing you up! Lesson to be learned there buddy!

LegacyUser · 09-01-2007 02:19PM

'ya,it pissed me off a small bit that wouldnt contact me xmas eve,all my family were gone out and i was waiting at home new years eve all alone waiting for a text.

She did tell me b4 we split that se didnt want to be with another fella for a long long time.Its gona be hard,for the last 5 months i dont think a day went by,without me thinking about her in some way or another.

But your right no one would go back,male or female,to a heartbroken,desperate person.'

b3t4 · 09-01-2007 05:05PM

Yes, you are fooling yourself.

If ye were to try the friends thing, at this stage, you would, more than likely, end up wanting more out of it than she does. I'm sure your ex knows this and is being 'nice' to you to save your feelings by being slow with communication. If she was blunt with you, you wouldn't like that much either. Either way she comes across as the bad guy.

As far as failing to meet with you over Christmas there is a possibility she forgot. You may be thinking about her day in day out but she more than likely isn't thinking about you to the same level.

You need to move on OP and to do so you have to let her go. In a couple of months when you have sorted out your feelings there might be a chance for friendship but not before that.

Best of luck,
A

colc1 · 09-01-2007 06:54PM

Chin up mate, forget about her and maybe text her in a few months if you still want to be platonic friends then.

The most important relationships are those with your 'real' friends male/female, 'boy/girl relationships' come and go. You sound like a nice fella so focus on your family and friends there are plenty more fish in the sea anyway.

Roy Keane famously said something along the lines of 'my kids will always be my kids but my wife may not always be my wife' dont forget that

~nop~ · 09-01-2007 06:57PM

Hey to be honest there could be something going on here that you don't know about. It sounds tough mate, really tough, and from experience I know that the cutting contact thing doesn't stop you from thinking about them at all, but I suppose it does stop you from getting false hope.

If I were you I would text her once more, and I wouldn't suggest this unless you were going out of the country, but just keep it friendly, just so that she knows you're off like. Other than that leave it, it sounds like there's stuff going on with her that you just can't understand. You being away without contact will take away that seeming desperate and heartbroken thing, but at the end of the day from now on it's in her hands, and just make sure you don't say no to moving on.

Sympathies with you mate, was in a similar situation very recently and it sounds like you've done everything you can. If it's meant to be it will be and all that cliche. Good luck to you.

Stabshauptmann · 09-01-2007 08:53PM

Move on, shes could be a mé féiner covering bases and using you as a safety, or she could be one of those ppl who hasnt the heart to do an out and out rejection, but either way you do need to take the hint and cut contact.

It is not possible to be just friends with someone you have feelings for, you need to stop the sharade. Yes you are just fooling yourself.

vorbis · 09-01-2007 09:57PM

she's moved on mate. Theres nothing to be gained by keeping in contact with her. It always amazes me when some girls think they're being nice with this
"we can be friends" bull****. Its pretty cowardly and heartless. A straight out breakup would be a lot better and would at least give some closure to the other person.

davyjose · 10-01-2007 12:21AM

You need to cut her out man. Seriously, like many, I've been there. It seems so cold and heartless, but she's just moving on. You gave yourself (or she did) false hope, but that's all it is.
There's this big scary black cave in front of you, and you have to walk through it, because there's nothing left where you are, and staying there is only going to destroy you. Once you walk through that cave, once you let go, you'll start to feel better. Almost straight away. Let your life take you to some mad new places, enjoy things you weren't able to do before now - chat up women, stay out drinking for two days with your mates, leave the toilet seat up

- I'm telling you now, before ery long this will be a million times easier. And don't look back.

Someday you can be friends (someday you won't hate her - because you probably will for a while), if you want. I'm friends now with a girl it almost killed me to be dumped by; but it took a long time to get there - and she's a friend now. I need her no more or less than any other friend.

Best of luck mate - it'll start getting better soon though.

Am i fooling myself?

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