worried

LegacyUser · 04-01-2007 12:05PM #1

need your advice on a tricky situation, my bf works in a bar so finishes work at 2am, ive lately discovered that after work he plays poker on the computer after work until 10am the next morning... he doesnt know i know any of this.
He's been at this for a month and during that month i did notice he was tired, cranky and like he's on a different planet than me. a few of his customers in the pub have also told me that he's gone snappy and cranky behind the bar also... my bf thinks he's poker playing is a secret only know to himself so it makes it harder for me to try and talk to him about it... should i be worried about him or let him at it

miamee · 04-01-2007 12:26PM

If it is affecting his health & general well being & his job then yes it is a cause for concern. Also a cause for concern would be how much he spends/loses in playing 8 hours per day?
You should really speak to him about it as soon as possible, regardless o fhow you found out about it.

miles teg · 04-01-2007 12:37PM

invite him to do things (doesn't matter what) that would clash with the time he spends playing poker. He won't be able to continually refuse your suggestions and it'll eventually force his hand (unintended pun) so that he'll either have to tell you what he's doing or it might even stop him doing it so much.

LegacyUser · 04-01-2007 12:43PM

we dont live together and when he plays during the middle of the night its hard to try and distract him from it... ive dropped subtle hints like how i think people spending so much time interacting on a computer game is stupid and makes them into an anti social type of person and he agreed with me! he worked long hours over xmas sometimes doing 15 hours a day and i thought now that xmas was over he'd try and catch up on sleep but he's spent the last two nights playing poker until 10am!! im just waiting for a phone call any day now to tell me he's after collapsing or something like that.. do ye think he's doing it coz he's unhappy?

miles teg · 04-01-2007 02:11PM

can either of you stayover at either place for any nights? I wouldn't say what he's doing has anything to do with unhappiness. It's more of a habit that's fun but can possibly turn into an addiction. I'd try not to say that sort of thing is "stupid" either. It may well make him less forthcoming to you about doing it given you express a distasteful opinion about it.
The best way to see how much of a problem it may be is to try find out how much money he's put into it. If he's lost a fair bit, he may be putting all that time in trying to win it back (and losing even more).
If you find out it's a big problem, talk to him upfront straight away.
If it's not a big problem, try to ween him off it with something to do he'd find more appealing... a holiday perhaps would get him away from it for a while

BC · 04-01-2007 02:36PM

If you don't live with him how do you know this is a regular thing?

Just ask him about it. I would only worry if he's spending loads of money on it. It could be something as simple as he finds it difficult to sleep when he gets home. My brother works shift work and finds it really difficult to go to bed when he gets home in the middle of the night.

LegacyUser · 04-01-2007 02:46PM

he could spend a grand over two days... depends on how much he wins and if he does win he just keeps going til that money is gone..its not just poker
its horse racing, soccer, darts, any sport at all but poker it the one that keeps him from getting sleep every night.. he only gets 3-4 hours sleep during the day

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