22-year old virgin

Thirdfox · 04-12-2006 05:17AM

Head to China sometime... (nearly) all the girls are so chaste - shocked by what I tell them goes on in Ireland! Nearly everyone there is saving themselves for marriage.

Oh well :rolleyes:

tensecyclist · 04-12-2006 05:55AM

Thirdfox wrote:

Head to China sometime... (nearly) all the girls are so chaste - shocked by what I tell them goes on in Ireland! Nearly everyone there is saving themselves for marriage.

Oh well :rolleyes:

has to do with customs and tradition and morals as well. Most asian countries (i guess) practise it.

DublinEvents · 04-12-2006 06:34AM

OP, in a land where it is becoming hard to find virgins, consider yourself blessed to be among the very few. Now if you just marry and lose it after marriage, you will be among the privileged few who won't have to suffer God's wrath for breaking His law. And no, contrary to what many people think, humans can't do whatever they like. They only have the illusion of being able to do that. Once you die, you will come to know the full consequences of your actions in your afterlife. Don't do anything you might regret later. And now it would take a miracle for the naysayers not to respond to this post.

Thirdfox · 04-12-2006 07:10AM

Naysayer here: Hmm... you have a right to give your opinion - I ask that you respect my beliefs (or lack thereof

). As long as the religious group doesn't try to force beliefs down people's throats and present their arguments like you are then I'm quite content.*

*but you're still wrong

tensecyclist: I'm Asian too so I knew what to expect... such a nice change to Ireland where members of the opposite sex often cannot have purely platonic relationships

murrayeel · 04-12-2006 07:40AM

I just knew Asians giving a big deal with virginity especially so with girls. Isn't that a great pride to men having a virgin wife? Just asking..:rolleyes:

Thirdfox · 04-12-2006 07:44AM

I think it's more to do with the wife being proud that she has saved herself for the right person. (I can't speak for all Asian males though

)

Personally I would place some importance (albeit quite small) on my wife being a virgin - in Ireland that's difficult to achieve though

Beruthiel · 04-12-2006 12:02PM

murrayeel
tensecyclist
thirdfox

Please read this forums rules and charter regarding taking a thread off topic.

hullaballoo · 04-12-2006 12:07PM

Unreg-girl wrote:

I love the way peple say "who cares what people think of you!" when in reality we all care to a certain extent!

Personally, I care very little what people think of me, outside of my close friends and family. Thankfully, they all think I'm great.

My concern doesn't lie with my peers or people on boards, what I care about is the opinion of my next boyfriend. If you don't care about the opinion of your partner you shouldn't be in a relationship. I was worried that they might think it's strange. That is why I was trying to find out if the guys on boards would think it's strange if they were seeing a 22 year old girl who is a virgin. I have morals, so I'm not gonna just give it away because some idiot tells me I'm weird, I'm my own person.

You're dead right. I admire you for it, and it's quite attractive (generally speaking) that you've got so much integrity. If I was going out with you, I'd be delighted that you were a virgin. There's absolutely nothing weird about it. There isn't even a stigma.

Hullaballo, I find your post pretty condescending, the guy in question was somebody I thought was special, turns out he wasn't, so yes, at the time I took the comment to heart, as would alot of girls in my situation I would imagine.

I apologise if I was condescending, I really wasn't going for that buzz. It was just my opinion on the scenario as you gave it.

You've changed the scenario somewhat (it now isn't just "some guy"), so I'll change what I have to say: You are dead right (again); that guy wasn't special, and he was probably just trying to make you feel like it was weird so that you'd be under pressure to have sex with him. Probably.

As for handling "the emotional side of having sex" I'm not 14. It's not the having sex I have the problem with, I want to have sex and I'm definitely ready, but it's not going to be with just anyone.

Yeah, fair enough. I'm not disputing that you're ready. As I said, the fact that the person who made that comment meant something to you completely changes my stance on this.

At the same time though, I found that when I had sex for the first time with my girlfriend (who was also a virgin), we both went through some pretty weird feelings about it. It might not happen to everyone. In fact, it might not happen to anyone else, because I've never asked. I was just giving a bit of a heads up.

LegacyUser · 04-12-2006 02:03PM

im 21 and still a virgin but im glad I didint lose it while completely hammered and to a random stranger, this way when the right girls comes along I will actually be able remember it and I wont be regretting not waiting for the right person.

spinandscribble · 04-12-2006 03:55PM

heres my story: met a guy, guy said he admired me waiting til i was in love ect. ect. got together as bf/gf, two weeks in to the relationship a complete uturn had happened. he was moaning about his condoms going to waste! he tried to make me think anal "didnt count" ect ect. anything he could think of to get me to change my mind. endless to say i resented him and dumped the twat.
some guys say it wouldnt bother them and that they respect you. dont believe their word 100% until their actions match up. i have no doubt there are guys that dont mind and will wait for you. just let them prove it.

LegacyUser · 04-12-2006 04:34PM

hullaballoo wrote:

I apologise if I was condescending, I really wasn't going for that buzz. It was just my opinion on the scenario as you gave it.

It's my fault, should have specified that he wasn't just some guy. Thanks for your reply

spinandscribble wrote:

some guys say it wouldnt bother them and that they respect you. dont believe their word 100% until their actions match up.

I know that's true! fair play to you for getting rid of him.

LegacyUser · 04-12-2006 04:41PM

Hey unreg-girl, I'm a 24 year old male and still a virgin. Like you I think I'm ready for sex but only if its with the right person ... who I haven't found yet. I'm not looking for a virign but if I found out that the person I do eventually do it with was a virgin too I'd be delighted.

So my advice would be relax and just allow things to happen at their own pace. I can assure you that if the guy is worth giving your virginity to he will not have any issues with your viriginity. Also like spinandscribble says if he tries to pressure you into it he's not worth it.

Thirdfox · 04-12-2006 05:30PM

Beruthiel wrote:

...Please read this forums rules and charter regarding taking a thread off topic.

Will do, apologies.

LegacyUser · 04-12-2006 09:43PM

'im a 22 yr old virgin. im with my bf a few months & we're working towards sleeping together. in my case, my bf is a virgin too, so its the same for both of us. but i understand the OPs worries.

OP try not to worry about it. you say its not a big deal. but its a big enough deal for you that you havent slept with anyone just for the sake of it, so why would you change your mind now. youve waited this long, dont go rushing into anything just because youre afraid of not being normal or whatever.

Another thing id like to add is you say youre ready, but i think its easier to think you are when youre not in the position to do anything about. i personally thought i was ready a long time ago. but once it became a possibility, i knew i wasnt quite ready emotionally to deal with it. im nearly there now but it wouldve been a mistake to have gone ahead with it a couple of months ago just because yay i had a bf now. obviously i dont know you & its not the same for everyone, & even if you think its not a big deal, at the time it probably will be a big deal (i feel it will for me anyway).'

Dutchology · 05-12-2006 12:11PM

Dear OP,

Kudos to you for being a virgin. Having sex for the first time is a life-altering decision, one I made too early. I was 18 years old, and looking back, it was the wrong decision. I wish now that I had waited until I met the man with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life. I have met this man, and the difference between having had sex with other men, and now making love to him is astounding, and I really wish I had waited, because the rest of it all is not worth it. These days we are all too eager to give up our bodies to sex, and the emotionality of it all is something we cannot truly comprehend until we meet "the one".

Hold onto what you've got while you still can. I have great respect for you. Frigid? No. Sensible. One day you will understand what I mean when you experience it for yourself, and you will be so much happier for it. Hang in there and pay no heed to what another's opinion of you may be.

Take care....

filthygorgeous · 05-12-2006 12:26PM

Most guys I know would love to hook up with a virgin! Be proud of it!

dirtyboy · 05-12-2006 12:45PM

i think the op needs to seperate sex from love. yes sex in relationship is great but at end of day sex is sex. we are animals and its a basic human need same as you need food and drink water. next time you meet a guy on a night out just go for it. remember play safe and have fun.. trust me after a few times, ul wonder why you didn't do it sooner

filthygorgeous · 05-12-2006 12:51PM

Dirtyboy - interesting advice! I guess different strokes for different folks (no pun intended

)....I lost my virginity when I was 16 and have absolutely no regrets, I've had lots of years of fun and experimentation which I'm sure my boyfriend is very thankful for!

Shib · 05-12-2006 01:06PM

I'm a guy, so maybe this advice is from the wrong side of the fence. But here it is anyway

If it's something that concerns you, than maybe you should open up to the possiblity of doing it. In the minds of most reasonable people, this does not make you slutty. However, for your own sake, I'd bear the following in mind.

In order for it to be good and enjoyable, you have to be turned on. Do not do it otherwise. Especially do not do it just to get it done. It will be crap.

Do not do it with another virgin. Apologies to the above poster who's waiting to do it with her bf, but I've never heard of this being successful. Technique and experience are so important.

Make certain the person you're with cares about you. They don't have to be "the one", but if you're trusting them with your first time, they better be in it more for you than them. Most decent guys will understand this.

I've been with two girls who were virgins. I wasn't, so careful and slow was the order of the day. Both experiences were great. The girl had a good time, and more importantly, a positive introduction to sex. I had a great time also. Not like normal sex, but still very enjoyable.

Mrs_Doyle · 05-12-2006 01:12PM

Hey, I was a 22yr old virgin. Its only a big deal if you make it a big deal, and it certainly isn't going to put guys off you either.

LegacyUser · 11-12-2006 03:37AM

'I'm a 20 yr old male going on 21 and I'm still a virgin.
I think in the male sense of things that being a 20 yr old male virgin can be hard at times as the majority of your friends have had intercourse, or atleast say they have. My view on it is that today you could be a virgin, then say tomorrow you could loose your virginity. You don't get to join an great flashy club or anything.
It's pretty much the same as someone getting a car. We all get one at different times in our life. Everyone is different.
Personally I'd like to think that the girl I meet and fall in love with will feel special in the respect that I have decided to loose my virginity to her. There is many a man who has lost his in the schoolyard or football field when they were younger. That isn't special unless it was true.

Sex is meant to be one of lifes joys to share between partners. Not a goal or hurdle to pass in life.
I wouldn't worry too much about it. I used to but gave up. If people judge you or so call "slag" you on being a virgin, then they are no better than the 15 yr old school yard boy or girl. Any mature person would infact respect that quality that you have.'

LegacyUser · 13-12-2006 09:50PM

'im a 23 male and to be honest, a virgin would be more attractice to me than somebosz that has been with others.
Id say most males feel the same'

StormWarrior · 15-12-2006 12:50PM

I lost my virginity at the age of 20 because like you I felt it was getting a bit weird that I still hadn't done it. BIG MISTAKE! I really regret it. Don't rush into it! You can always lose your virginity, you can never get it back.

Boston · 15-12-2006 01:23PM

It really depends on the reasons your a virgin, and the motivations behind it. It wouldn't stress me out, unless the person held an attitude that to nto be a virgin is to be a slut.

dr.bollocko · 15-12-2006 01:31PM

This thread really illustrates the different attitudes that people have to sex.
Some people view it as a basic human activity, like eating / sleeping. Others prize their virginity and hold it as a supreme gift of love. Some clearly enjoy a lot of sex with many partners, others are looking for that one person that they truly feel is worth it. I guess the important thing is to try and avoid being judgemental, because what one person thinks is fine, another is going to be upset by.
OP, following on from this, and from the array of opinions and replies to this post, you can see a huge number of these different attitudes towards sex. So you have to define what your attitude is to sex, how do you feel about it? How important is it to you? Do you prize your virginity? Is it a chain around your neck stopping you from having the fun you want? etc...
And from asking yourself these questions, decide how to act accordingly. Respect yourself, and your attitudes, and whether you end up losing it in a threesome with a monkey, of after marrying your man, then you will know that you did what you wanted.

Boston · 15-12-2006 01:34PM

dr.bollocko wrote:

This thread really illustrates the different attitudes that people have to sex.
Some people view it as a basic human activity, like eating / sleeping. Others prize their virginity and hold it as a supreme gift of love. Some clearly enjoy a lot of sex with many partners, others are looking for that one person that they truly feel is worth it. I guess the important thing is to try and avoid being judgemental, because what one person thinks is fine, another is going to be upset by.
OP, following on from this, and from the array of opinions and replies to this post, you can see a huge number of these different attitudes towards sex. So you have to define what your attitude is to sex, how do you feel about it? How important is it to you? Do you prize your virginity? Is it a chain around your neck stopping you from having the fun you want? etc...
And from asking yourself these questions, decide how to act accordingly. Respect yourself, and your attitudes, and whether you end up losing it in a threesome with a monkey, of after marrying your man, then you will know that you did what you wanted.

You see, that second group of people, the virgins, have never had sex, so what do they know about?

dr.bollocko · 15-12-2006 01:38PM

A lot more than a non-virgin would about relating to the OP.

15-12-2006 01:47PM

OP - sex is just sex..

It's not love and (in my case anyway) its not the 'foundation of a relationship'.

Its really more of a fringe benefit, and in ranking the great things about my relationship, sex is not in the top three..

BTW - if you make it out into 'this wonderful thing', you're in for disapointment!

LegacyUser · 15-12-2006 02:41PM

'I was a year older than you are now when I lost my virginity and I did have moments like you that I worried about it. While I had plenty of opportunity, it always felt like the wrong time or it was the wrong guy. My first time was with someone who I had known a long time and then we started going out. I wont kid you and say that it was earth shattering, but it was the right place, right time and right guy and that's the best you can hope for. I am always grateful that I can look back on it with good memories, which is more than others can say'

LegacyUser · 19-12-2006 12:39AM

'

dr.bollocko wrote:

Respect yourself, and your attitudes, and whether you end up losing it in a threesome with a monkey, of after marrying your man, then you will know that you did what you wanted.

hahahaaha

Anyway I'm nearly 24 and also a virgin. Bit of a late bloomer I guess, and while Ive had the opportunity with guys to have sex with (just to get it done and over with) Im so glad I didnt now, coz I know I would regret that now.

Unfortunately because there is so much ak of sex whether on tv, magazines, friends etc, it seems like the biggest thing in the world, and sometimes I think that adds a whole lot of unhelpful pressure. I know I was freaked out a couple of years ago about it. But Ive realised not to care what people think...and to be honest its not their business. My close friends know I haven't had sex, and they certainly dont think its weird.

I have actually started going out with a guy for a few weeks now, and while yeah I feel kinda nervous about telling him, I know he cares too much to make an issue out of it...not that I think he will.

You'll be fine!!!'

22-year old virgin

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