22-year old virgin

LegacyUser · 02-12-2006 06:54PM #1

Clue's in the title folks! Starting to get a bit freaked out.
I never thought it was a big deal that I was a virgin, was just sort of waiting for the right person, but I think that maybe I'm being a bit picky. I'm not ugly and have had the opportunity but it has never felt right.

Now I'm worried that when I do meet someone I want to have sex with that they'll think it's weird that I'm still a virgin and think that I'm frigid or something. I'm not, I just amn't in the business of slutting around. So is it weird? What do the guys reading this think?

Rb · 02-12-2006 08:15PM

Don't worry, the majority of guys will like it tbh and its not weird at all.
You'll be more glad that you kept it for someone special.

DonkeyStyle \o/ · 02-12-2006 08:16PM

It's only a big issue if you make it one.

Crucifix · 02-12-2006 08:16PM

I wouldn't worry about it; I don't think the vast majority of guys would be bothered by it.

rugbug86 · 02-12-2006 08:18PM

if you wait for someone you care about, surely that will make it more special for both of you if he knows that you're a virgin cos you're waiting for someone special, no?

Seraphina · 02-12-2006 08:40PM

Unreg-girl wrote:

Now I'm worried that when I do meet someone I want to have sex with that they'll think it's weird that I'm still a virgin and think that I'm frigid or something.

you're 22 and you still use this word? you're clearly not ready to be having sex, so there's no need to worry about it.
i'm sorry but that something kids slag each other about. seriously, why they hell are you worried about what others think of you? people are so silly

Carrigart Exile · 02-12-2006 08:46PM

Unreg-girl wrote:

Clue's in the title folks! Starting to get a bit freaked out.
I never thought it was a big deal that I was a virgin, was just sort of waiting for the right person, but I think that maybe I'm being a bit picky. I'm not ugly and have had the opportunity but it has never felt right.

Now I'm worried that when I do meet someone I want to have sex with that they'll think it's weird that I'm still a virgin and think that I'm frigid or something. I'm not, I just amn't in the business of slutting around. So is it weird? What do the guys reading this think?

It snot an issue either way, but you are wise to keep special things for special people in your life.

kdouglas · 02-12-2006 09:04PM

Seraphina wrote:

you're 22 and you still use this word? you're clearly not ready to be having sex, so there's no need to worry about it.
i'm sorry but that something kids slag each other about. seriously, why they hell are you worried about what others think of you? people are so silly

you should really try to understand the meaning of words before slagging other people about their use:

frig·id /ˈfrɪdʒɪd/ [frij-id]
–adjective
1. very cold in temperature: a frigid climate.
2. without warmth of feeling; without ardor or enthusiasm: a frigid reaction to the suggested law.
3. stiff or formal: a welcome that was polite but frigid.
4. (of a woman)
a. inhibited in the ability to experience sexual excitement during sexual activity.
b. unresponsive to sexual advances or stimuli.

OP: as has been said, it's only as big a deal as you make it. If your waiting for the right person, then wait. Dont go rushing into something youll regret.

LegacyUser · 02-12-2006 09:07PM

Anyone worth your time will feel honoured and special that you waited for them. Don't worry about it!

TerrorFirmer · 02-12-2006 09:10PM

I can't understand how you feel this is a big issue - granted, it's easy to understand a person having issues with it for their own sake, but in terms of the larger picture and relationships, no man would find it 'weird'. Unusual maybe, but in the good sense of the word, believe me. You should be proud, its admirable to see someone so determined to not let it go cheaply. Well, that of course, is in my opinion.

You said yourself, you didn't think it was that big a deal - and it isn't, by any stretch.

CathyMoran · 02-12-2006 09:11PM

You are 22 and still a virgin - this is hardly a big deal though from experience it will be something that guys will appreciate. Wait until you meet someone special to loose it to, it will make it even more special. I was lucky enough to loose it to my fiancee when I was 24 (am 32 now). There is nothing wrong in waiting.

padser · 02-12-2006 10:28PM

Unreg-girl wrote:

[in proper context]
frigid

Perfectly acceptable word, dont read nonsensical comments.

To be honest I'd say you just need to be a little less picky and you will be fine. Dont worry about it, just get it over with before it becomes too big a deal.

Seraphina · 02-12-2006 10:33PM

kdouglas wrote:

you should really try to understand the meaning of words before slagging other people about their use:

OP: as has been said, it's only as big a deal as you make it. If your waiting for the right person, then wait. Dont go rushing into something youll regret.

i understand the meaning of the word perfectly. but its used in a very silly way imo. like i said i remember it being a way of taunting people when i was in primary school, and my point was its silly to be worried about what people will think about you. there's no point in doing something just so people dont think you're 'frigid' or whatever label you're worried about giving yourself.

Laslo · 02-12-2006 10:37PM

Not a big deal to be honest. Not a deal at all actually so don't worry about it.

Faith · 02-12-2006 11:44PM

Seraphina wrote:

i understand the meaning of the word perfectly. but its used in a very silly way imo. like i said i remember it being a way of taunting people when i was in primary school, and my point was its silly to be worried about what people will think about you. there's no point in doing something just so people dont think you're 'frigid' or whatever label you're worried about giving yourself.

No, you're still misunderstanding the word. The OP is no longer 10 and being "frigid" does not refer to her not ever having kissed anyone.

OP, there's a thread somewhere in AH, last updated in about July, I think, about losing your virginity. The majority of voters were still virgins when they voted (22% or something). That might help put your mind at rest. There was also a user who posted about how she was waiting for that special someone, and when the thread was brought up again a year later, she'd found him

.

I understand your frustration, but you've waited this long! Good on you for not giving into peer pressure or whatever. I've heard horror stories of the way people lost their virginity because they got desperate, don't become one of them!

LegacyUser · 03-12-2006 12:13AM

Thank you all for the replies. I never really let it bother me before, it's just some stupid comment a guy made to me that made me question myself. I used to think it was a good thing, but he made me feel like it was something to be ashamed of. Plus it always seems to be the more promiscuous girls that get the guys!

03-12-2006 01:18AM

You've got a special gift to give some lucky guy...YOU!

Talliesin · 03-12-2006 01:39AM

Frankly I'm inclined to agree with seraphina (and also on the phrase "slutting around") but alas some people do have sex a good time before they grow out of such phrases (sometimes by 60 years or more).

Still the whole reason such words tend to indicate an immature person is that they suggest someone not understanding that sexuality is deeply individual and there is no one universal correct time (whether in terms of age, how long you've been with someone, or how you react to other factors that can affect your decision here) and is hence quick to label others for differing from them.

As such what I'd say to the OP is that whether you go out and shag the first half-decent looking bloke tomorrow, remain a virgin to your dying day, or anything in between is something to decide based on your own feelings and thoughts about what sex means to you, not because you're a couple of years over the average (though still in the bulge of the bell-curve).

Time Magazine · 03-12-2006 02:18AM

Faith wrote:

No, you're still misunderstanding the word.

The majority of voters were still virgins when they voted (22% or something).

Don't worry about it, my dad is in his 60s and he says he's still a virgin.

Lorax · 03-12-2006 04:49AM

bla bla its not a big deal your great etc

Overheal · 03-12-2006 08:08AM

Why is it, that in todays society female virgins are considered as something desireable, where in men its considered almost weird? If youre still worried about it dear, lets just pick a room go nuts

LegacyUser · 03-12-2006 01:40PM

'To Seraphina, regarding the word "frigid", if you read Faith's post, she hit the nail on the head. I'm not in the school-yard talking about kissing boys. Frigid is a perfectly acceptable word, not one I use often, but appropriate for the context.

To Talliesin, I looked at your public profile, do you not think the discrepency over phrases may be the fact that you are 30 and I am 22? No offence intended, but this is a term my friends would also use occassionally. I assure you that I am mature for my age and I think it's foolish to pick up on a couple of phrases and assume you can judge how mature someone is!

To everyone else who posted, thank you for the responses, I know it's not a really big deal, I just wanted to see what the majority of people out there thought without talking to people I know about it.'

Seraphina · 03-12-2006 01:50PM

Faith wrote:

No, you're still misunderstanding the word. The OP is no longer 10 and being "frigid" does not refer to her not ever having kissed anyone.

errr no i'm ****ing not.
i'm very aware what the word means and yes she used it in the proper context. but the fact remains that she uses it because she's worried some people will label her that way.

clearly she herself is not pushed about having sex, but bowing to peer pressure and the worry that she may be seen as different or weird or whatever. her only concern with this whole thread is how others view her, and when it comes to something like sex, yes that in my opinion, makes her a bit immature.

edit : feck, Talliesin said it much better than me.

hullaballoo · 03-12-2006 02:26PM

I don't mean to be harsh on this, but I'm with Seraphina and Talliesin on this.

If you're still that influenced by "some stupid comment a guy made" to you, then you'd need to really consider whether you're mature enough to handle the emotional side of having sex for the first time.

My first time was very much everything you would want - stable, long-term relationship with the "right" person - but even then the emotions can be tough to deal with the first few times. And I'm a guy.

Don't let how other people think bear any influence over decisions you make about yourself. By 22, you should be well-aware of that particular safeguard.

CuLT · 03-12-2006 02:33PM

Unlike a lot of other people here, I'm not going to be preachy. As a twentysomething guy, I don't see virginity of girls into their twenties as something weird.

Overheal · 03-12-2006 02:57PM

I'd find that a bit weird personally but thats because Im American: everyone I know back home has had no sense of morals since they were 14 :P They know if something goes wrong they could just fall back on an abortion... jokes on them though, they're all emotional trainwrecks

Its actually encouraging to see people wait; too often these days youths (anyone below 25) are being labeled as alchoholic sex addicts with drug problems... wtg everyone!

CuLT · 03-12-2006 03:12PM

Overheal wrote:

I'd find that a bit weird personally but thats because Im American: everyone I know back home has had no sense of morals since they were 14 :P They know if something goes wrong they could just fall back on an abortion... jokes on them though, they're all emotional trainwrecks

Its actually encouraging to see people wait; too often these days youths (anyone below 25) are being labeled as alchoholic sex addicts with drug problems... wtg everyone!

Honestly, I'd say it's all the latent effects of a catholic upbringing. Even people from Ireland tend to forget that about 80% of the population are Roman Catholic (if not exactly practicing).

Ireland looks more and more like a mini-America in a lot of ways, but there are massively different cultural roots.

darkflower · 03-12-2006 03:56PM

like what my unmarried aunt says I'm 65 and still a virgin...no problem!:cool:

Talliesin · 03-12-2006 05:57PM

Unreg-girl wrote:

To Talliesin, I looked at your public profile, do you not think the discrepency over phrases may be the fact that you are 30 and I am 22?

Given that you'll find those terms used by people younger than 10 or older than 90, no I don't think that's it at all.

I'm not rejecting the terms I'm rejecting the concepts.

Now you don't have to, though if you continue to give them credence it'll only last so long. You're now 3 years older than the median age for losing ones virginity in our society and not getting any younger. Sooner or later you'll no longer be able to both keep to the comfort of not thinking for yourself without admitting that there's no way you can hold onto those labels and not have to give yourself the label "frigid".

Reject them and you get to try to express your sexuality in a way that is appropriate to you, your life and your own pursuit of happiness rather than give a **** what some comments any moron makes.

But hey, you can always go out and have joyless sex tonight (hence making you safer from the lable "frigid") then avoid any sexual contact for a few months whether you'd actually want to or not (hence making you safer from the label "slut"). Sooner or later you'll realise that you can actually get labelled "frigid" and "slut" at the same time but maybe you'll be married by then and there's a different variant of the same game for married folk.

I advise you plumb for the doing what's right for you option though.

Unreg-girl wrote:

I know it's not a really big deal, I just wanted to see what the majority of people out there thought

That's your problem right there. You say you know it's not really a big deal, then why the hell do you care what people think. Luckily the majority agree that you need to do what's right for you, but if the majority said "OMG! You haven't have sex yet! What a weirdo!" would you go out and shag the first thing that moves? Similarly if the majority said "Wow, contemplating sex and she isn't even 27 yet, what a slut" would you swear celibacy for the next 5 years?

Doodee · 03-12-2006 06:18PM

To the OP,

Its nothing major, One of my Ex's was a vigin, i didn't think anything of it. Just make sure that your honest with the guy before hand and dont let him find out for himself.

LegacyUser · 03-12-2006 07:49PM

I love the way peple say "who cares what people think of you!" when in reality we all care to a certain extent!

My concern doesn't lie with my peers or people on boards, what I care about is the opinion of my next boyfriend. If you don't care about the opinion of your partner you shouldn't be in a relationship. I was worried that they might think it's strange. That is why I was trying to find out if the guys on boards would think it's strange if they were seeing a 22 year old girl who is a virgin. I have morals, so I'm not gonna just give it away because some idiot tells me I'm weird, I'm my own person.

Hullaballo, I find your post pretty condescending, the guy in question was somebody I thought was special, turns out he wasn't, so yes, at the time I took the comment to heart, as would alot of girls in my situation I would imagine. As for handling "the emotional side of having sex" I'm not 14. It's not the having sex I have the problem with, I want to have sex and I'm definitely ready, but it's not going to be with just anyone.

22-year old virgin

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