Why is he being hot and cold? Is he just quiet and shy and not knowing what to do or

Chicky · 17-11-2006 09:03PM #1

Recently this guy I know started texting me saying he missed me since I moved away with my job. Was a bit surprised by this but realised I kinda like him now. Thing is he’s very hot and cold with me, he might text me today and I’ll not hear from him for a few days. I saw him out recently and he came over talking all chatty and flirty and then kinda backed away after a certain point. It’s the same when we are texting he’ll get to a certain point and then um maybe realises how far he’s gone.
We were sending a few “adult” texts the other night which je inniated and he seemed to be ok with that so maybe he’s getting somewhere! He must like me and yeah i know the normal thing is to ask him straight out which i'd normally do but i don't want him getting all tongue tied! I know he’s not seeing anyone at the moment but I don’t want to push it too much because he is a bit quiet anyway and don’t want to scare him off. So what do I do? Is he just quiet and shy and not knowing what to do or what ??????

P>S> sorry if this is in the wrong forum

17-11-2006 09:30PM

The way you describe him, yes, he seems quiet and shy. Be patient. It would seem that after your "adult" texts, that things might be moving along? And the next time you see him, if you in fact like him, tell him so. See how he responds.

Karoma · 17-11-2006 09:35PM

Moved to PI from AH with redirect. Anyone who has followed the link and is not familiar with PI: Make damn sure you're familiar with the PI charter.

Dalfiatach · 17-11-2006 09:48PM

Sounds like shyness, and fear of getting turned down because he really, really likes you. Sometimes it's easier to live with the hope/dream/fantasy than take the risk of you giving him the "just good friends" line.

Try and organise a night out where it's just the two of you without friends getting in the way, and tell him you've really missed him too, with full-on meaningful eye-contact. Us fellas really are hopeless at picking up on the subtle signals you girls think youse are sending out, most of us need to be hit over the head with a blatantly obvious flashing neon "I want you" sign. He'll likely not make a move till he's convinced you'll say Yes.

Drift · 17-11-2006 09:51PM

As a guy - I reckon he's definitely into you and wants you. He's just afraid of losing a friend. If he's too scared to take the next step you do it for him or else make it abundantly clear that you want him. I'm almost certain he'll be on cloud 9, as will you hopefully.

Talliesin · 17-11-2006 10:12PM

Read through this forum and you'll find that around every 5th post is from someone going "ZOMG! i like this girl and she is hot and smart and pretty and i want her to like me should i text her or should i leave it a bit so i don't come on too strong or maybe text her tomorrow or i know right ive just texted her there now omg did i do the right thing i should have left it shouldnt i oh noes i ruined it all now im going to die alone now arent i?"

Possibly one of them is about you.

Exar Khun · 17-11-2006 11:22PM

I did ruin it, didnt I? :P

DawnMc · 17-11-2006 11:41PM

Try reading 'Men are from Mars, women are from venus', a god send in my opinion

Talliesin · 17-11-2006 11:58PM

DawnMc wrote:

Try reading 'Men are from Mars, women are from venus', a god send in my opinion

If you want to know what a misogynist con-artist with a phoney doctorate and a blow-job obsession would suggest then the Venus and Mars* books are great. Otherwise they're don't bother with the sexist bull****, because people just aren't that simple (though he does manage to complicate the hell out of some simple things too).

In fairness, there are some men and women who act like the simplified cyphers "Dr" Gray has built his career out of. Really though if you find yourself in a relationship with one don't bother reading the books to find out what makes them tick, just dump the psychologically stunted losers and find someone else.

*FFS, he couldn't even get the symbolism right, Venus and Mars relate to the sexes only where sex is concerned otherwise it should be Sun and Moon - then again, given some of his views maybe the title's a give-away rather than a lack of scholarship

seamus · 18-11-2006 01:43AM

Chicky wrote:

Recently this guy I know started texting me saying he missed me since I moved away with my job. Was a bit surprised by this but realised I kinda like him now. Thing is he’s very hot and cold with me, he might text me today and I’ll not hear from him for a few days. I saw him out recently and he came over talking all chatty and flirty and then kinda backed away after a certain point. It’s the same when we are texting he’ll get to a certain point and then um maybe realises how far he’s gone.
We were sending a few “adult” texts the other night which je inniated and he seemed to be ok with that so maybe he’s getting somewhere! He must like me and yeah i know the normal thing is to ask him straight out which i'd normally do but i don't want him getting all tongue tied! I know he’s not seeing anyone at the moment but I don’t want to push it too much because he is a bit quiet anyway and don’t want to scare him off. So what do I do? Is he just quiet and shy and not knowing what to do or what ??????

P>S> sorry if this is in the wrong forum

You're thinking about it too much. He likes you, but can't make the final move. Simple as. The next time you see him, kiss him.

tman · 18-11-2006 01:56AM

seamus wrote:

You're thinking about it too much. He likes you, but can't make the final move. Simple as. The next time you see him, kiss him.

qft.
I'm in a similar situation and would be absolutely delighted if she would just make a move instead...

Chicky · 18-11-2006 11:54PM

Thanx guys I'm just so confused as to what to do. I still feel like if i do or say something I'm pushing too much. Itching to text him here even!!!!! Really headwrecking

the_syco · 19-11-2006 12:12AM

F**k the old rules. Ask him out to a pub tomorrow (Sunday) night. Most pubs won't be jammed packed, but not totally dead, either. And go from there. That, or go watch SAW3/The Departed/Borat, and cuddle him the entire movie. As Jay once said "snoochie moochie poochie":cool:

Talliesin · 19-11-2006 10:33PM

Chicky wrote:

I still feel like if i do or say something I'm pushing too much. Itching to text him here even!!!!! Really headwrecking

See. Exactly what I meant by my first post above. He's quite likely thinking exactly the same thing.

cooker3 · 20-11-2006 03:06AM

As a guy who is similar to guy your texting then I would with near certainity that he likes you but is scared of making a move and that you will reject him.

No matter how obvious the signs are to us guys, least some of us can't seem the blatantly obvious and always will find a reason to explain that isn't she likes me.

Just ask him out and say you like him or make it incredibly obvious by emn kissing him and then even he should get the. message.

Good luck, now next step is to start taking my own advice

Drift · 20-11-2006 01:25PM

Make a move on him PLEEEEEEEEASE. The poor guy is probably dying wondering "will I, won't I, does she, doesn't she."

I think you should either ask him on a date or like another poster said just kiss him the next time you two are together and see what happens. If he's sending you dirty text messages he wants you ......... no guy would send them to a girl he didn't want cos he'd be afraid she'd slap him.

DirkVoodoo · 20-11-2006 03:33PM

I too am in a similar situation with a girl who i was in college with, now both doing research masters. Ive liked her for years, shes had bfs on and off and i have never had the courage to make a move. She sends out a lot of mixed signals, which is off-putting, but i am shy by nature...so its probably more me than her.

biko · 20-11-2006 05:42PM

Dalfiatach wrote:

Us fellas really are hopeless at picking up on the subtle signals you girls think youse are sending out, most of us need to be hit over the head with a blatantly obvious flashing neon "I want you" sign. He'll likely not make a move till he's convinced you'll say Yes.

QFT, please be veeeery clear with him. This one girl I dated, I had no clue that she was into me until she came up and hugged and kissed me, you know - a quick on the lips, then lean back and then another longer. This is the stuff it takes people!

Kell · 20-11-2006 06:20PM

the_syco wrote:

As Jay once said "snoochie moochie poochie":cool:

Or you could try "Boo boo títty fúck" as a term of endearment :eek:

Jeebus people (all those in similar boats). Simple simple simple advice-

1) Remove finger from rear
2) Ask the person out
3) Celebrate/kick yourself depending on result

I mean, when you balance slight embarrassment of your teenage crush being squashed against a few months/years/decades of gratuitous sex and and the things that are great about getting to know someone, you really have NOTHING to lose.

Just goes to show how much keeping face has become so important these days.

Oh Biko n others. Whats QFT? And what is it with people going \<random letter>\<random letter>\etc? It gives me the heebies.

K-

biko · 20-11-2006 06:30PM

Kell wrote:

Oh Biko n others. Whats QFT? And what is it with people going \<random letter>\<random letter>\etc? It gives me the heebies.

K-

QFT - Quoted for Truth, to emphasize someone else's point

Chicky · 20-11-2006 07:26PM

Drift wrote:

Make a move on him PLEEEEEEEEASE. The poor guy is probably dying wondering "will I, won't I, does she, doesn't she."

I think you should either ask him on a date or like another poster said just kiss him the next time you two are together and see what happens. If he's sending you dirty text messages he wants you ......... no guy would send them to a girl he didn't want cos he'd be afraid she'd slap him.

Ah sure i've been doin the whole wonderin is he isnt he thing too!!! Normally it wouldnt bother me to ask a guy straight out but this is a different situation. Besides i've not heard from him in nearly a week .......

Drift · 20-11-2006 07:50PM

He's probably got a post up somewhere else too and everyone is telling him to play it cool.

:rolleyes:

As far as I can see he wants you . Guys don't say they're missing someone often cos its so un-macho. And the other thing is how many people who you haven't been interested in you have sent you dirty text messages???

Its funny really - I hope one of you grows a pair and goes for it

vorbis · 20-11-2006 08:12PM

Drift wrote:

Its funny really - I hope one of you grows a pair and goes for it

Only one mind or things could be awkward in the bedroom

Chicky · 20-11-2006 10:04PM

vorbis wrote:

Only one mind or things could be awkward in the bedroom

Ha ha ha ha ha ha at least something has got me smiling !!!!! :eek:

craichoe · 21-11-2006 12:26AM

See where it goes, let him make the first move, patience is a virtue

Crap... i hope its not me

Drift · 21-11-2006 12:42PM

craichoe wrote:

let him make the first move

I think the problem is that they're both waiting for the other to make the first move :rolleyes: and as someone who's bad at making the first move I'm trying to push the OP to cos maybe yer man is like me

zaphod_ie · 22-11-2006 02:19PM

Apart from the mention of Adult texts, this could be me. I'm very bad at noticing signals, usually get the wrong message and end up with the "friends" reply. I still do it though, whether it's make a move or initiate "the Chat". If you like this guy, do something about it. If not then eventually this will pass by and you could both have missed out on something great. Better to live regretting something you did rather than something you didn't.

Chicky · 24-11-2006 07:38PM

Wow so it is common enough - I've seen the "it could have been me ..." part been mentioned a few times in the thread. I thought i was going mad and if was just me!

Drift · 24-11-2006 08:03PM

Have you still not done anything about it yet???

Any progress since?

Chicky · 24-11-2006 11:31PM

Drift wrote:

Have you still not done anything about it yet??? Any progress since?

Nah - think we're gettin somewhere though> Of course i will end up so tormented with the situation that i'll end up kicking and screaming WTF do you want!!!!

Chicky · 13-12-2006 10:39PM

Chicky wrote:

Recently this guy I know started texting me saying he missed me since I moved away with my job. Was a bit surprised by this but realised I kinda like him now. Thing is he’s very hot and cold with me, he might text me today and I’ll not hear from him for a few days. I saw him out recently and he came over talking all chatty and flirty and then kinda backed away after a certain point. It’s the same when we are texting he’ll get to a certain point and then um maybe realises how far he’s gone.
We were sending a few “adult” texts the other night which je inniated and he seemed to be ok with that so maybe he’s getting somewhere! He must like me and yeah i know the normal thing is to ask him straight out which i'd normally do but i don't want him getting all tongue tied! I know he’s not seeing anyone at the moment but I don’t want to push it too much because he is a bit quiet anyway and don’t want to scare him off. So what do I do? Is he just quiet and shy and not knowing what to do or what ??????

Sorry for resurecting this
He's been seein his ex

Why is he being hot and cold? Is he just quiet and shy and not knowing what to do or

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