She has a boyfriend- What do I do?

LegacyUser · 26-10-2006 04:53PM #1

Hi all.
Long time listener, 1st time poster...

Thing is- I met a great girl. She has a boyfriend(5.5years). I wonder if I should make a mopve on her. I really like her and I'm pretty sure she likes me. I really don't want to be left wondering ''What if?''.

Put yourself in the same situation. I consider us having enough chemistry to have a future tpgether, beyond a few months. What would you do?

cheers for all your thoughts.

Faith · 26-10-2006 05:14PM

Get over it and find someone else. You want to ruin a relationship just because you have a crush on a girl?

If you'd said 5.5 months, I might say differently. But 5 years is a very long time and to make a move would be incredibly selfish.

Ruu_Old · 26-10-2006 05:16PM

You don't have any right to interfere in their relationship, leave them alone and move on. 5.5 years is a long time to be with someone, I don't think you want to be the one to ruin it for them (unless your friend has constantly complained to you about how bad the relationship is, even then its not a wise move).

Ickle Magoo · 26-10-2006 05:22PM

Why don't you ask her if she likes you & let her make the decision whether to leave her boyfriend for you or not? You don't have to be so furtive as to "make a move on her" - just be upfront & if she feels as you do then she'll want to be with you too.

chump · 26-10-2006 05:33PM

ah begorra.

Girls in long relationships are notoriously more flirty than girls just into one, or single ones (who are weighing up their market)!

Take a step out of your dreams and into the real world, you can be sure if she's up for a 'bit' she'll come a knocking.

secret_squirrel · 26-10-2006 06:09PM

Unless she makes a move on you - forget it. She's just flirting.

LegacyUser · 26-10-2006 06:14PM

I'm in a relationship around 5.5years and I hate to think somebody else knowing she has a boyfriend would 'make a move' on my girlfriend. Even if she said she wasnt interested and the boyfriend found out you will have managed to get rejected and also destablise their relationship. Its a no win situation, don't do it!

axer · 26-10-2006 07:26PM

...and if I was the boyfriend, you could be sure I would come looking for you if I ever found out!

humbert · 26-10-2006 08:06PM

troublemaker wrote:

Hi all.
Long time listener, 1st time poster...

Thing is- I met a great girl. She has a boyfriend(5.5years). I wonder if I should make a mopve on her. I really like her and I'm pretty sure she likes me. I really don't want to be left wondering ''What if?''.

Put yourself in the same situation. I consider us having enough chemistry to have a future tpgether, beyond a few months. What would you do?

cheers for all your thoughts.

Well I'd say if she loves the boyfriend you're outta luck and if she doesn't then why shouldn't you. So basically if you feel there's "a moment" go for it but don't be the eejit diving in and realising you were seeing something that wasn't there:(

Sony · 26-10-2006 08:30PM

yeah leave it out-making a move is bang out of order

Talliesin · 26-10-2006 08:58PM

You can take it that they're off-limits until you get a good indication otherwise (something like "oh, had a great time at the swinging party last weekend" or "ooh, I know it was me that left him, but I'm still upset about the whole thing" would be good indications, her flirting with you would not).

GAA widow · 26-10-2006 09:55PM

two things which may be going on here:

1.I don't want to sound harsh here, but it sounds like she's being "mentally" unfaithful?! She knows you like her, is flirting a bit, kinda flattered by it, but still hasn't left the boyf regardless.

2. Because she's with her boyf 5.5 years she feels comfortable in chatting to you and being in your company because of the fact that the world knows (and you know) she's so in love with xxxx and everyone know she would never dream of doing the dirt on xxxx and isn't it great that both of you are just SUCH good friends.

Neither of these "theories" may be right on my part but may be worth considering.

LegacyUser · 27-10-2006 10:04AM

OP

I can't see this ending up any other way then you making an ass of yourself when you try it on.

IMO the girl in question probably feels comfortable with you (and flirts has banter etc with you) and your in the friend category.
Feeling comfortable his completely different to fancying you (your line of thinking)
IMO the reason the flirting goes on in comfort situations is that its safe boundries etc

5.5 years is a long time and I dont fancy your chances, I'd wager you are confusing her feeling comfortable with you and her fancying you.
She might be nice and say I like you too, but I have a BF (which is a nice NO) or it wreaks this friendship totally when you try it on.

I'd steer clear.

LegacyUser · 27-10-2006 11:53AM

Cheers for your replies.
I have been thinking about these situatioins for a while(it's pretty common) and while I can see the benefits of 'not interfering', I also see the benefits of succeeding.

If I see a girl I like(hwo has a boyfriend), I think she would be happy with me then I reckon that I should go for it. Why should her boyfriend's happiness supercede mine?

What I don't understand is that some posters here seem to assume just because someone came onto someone's gf, that it would jepardise the relationship? that logic assumes an inherent instability in the relationship.
Doesn't it also imply that the gf is not to be trusted. I like to think that any gf I had, or will have would be trustworthy enough for me worry about having to ''come looking for'' any guy who hit on my gf.

Thirdly, the girl deserves the choice. I do not know the bf(i have never met him, however I like myself better than him). Is it not up to the gf to consider both of us and decide which 1 she would be happier with.

Granted 5.5years is a long time(really long), but it is not strange if they got together very young. Assuming he is her first boyfriend, she may not have any previous relationships to compare it to. I want her to see that there is more outside the glass sphere containing her and her boyfriend. Outside that sphere is someone who she could be estatic with.......me.

Seraphina · 27-10-2006 12:30PM

troublemaker wrote:

Hi all.
Long time listener, 1st time poster...

Thing is- I met a great girl. She has a boyfriend(5.5years). I wonder if I should make a mopve on her. I really like her and I'm pretty sure she likes me. I really don't want to be left wondering ''What if?''.

Put yourself in the same situation. I consider us having enough chemistry to have a future tpgether, beyond a few months. What would you do?

cheers for all your thoughts.

i would personally find that rude and disrespectful.
you know she's in a relationship, but you dont care.
just forget about it unless she gives some WAAAYYY more obvious signs

Kell · 27-10-2006 12:38PM

Seraphina wrote:

just forget about it unless she gives some WAAAYYY more obvious signs

Applause- like sticking her tongue down your throat (while sober).

Seraphina- will you stick your tongue down my throat? :eek: Please?

K-

padser · 27-10-2006 12:46PM

troublemaker wrote:

Hi all.
Long time listener, 1st time poster...

Thing is- I met a great girl. She has a boyfriend(5.5years). I wonder if I should make a mopve on her. I really like her and I'm pretty sure she likes me. I really don't want to be left wondering ''What if?''.

Put yourself in the same situation. I consider us having enough chemistry to have a future tpgether, beyond a few months. What would you do?

cheers for all your thoughts.

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel that you shouldnt go for it. You dont know the guy, you dont have any responsibility for that relationship. You dont owe him anything.

That said, I dont think you really have a chance in hell, so you would prob be better off waiting to see if anything happens in the old 5.5 yr relationship, and if anything does.....step in with a bottle of wine and a shoulder to cry on! The classic 4-4-2 formation!

koneko · 27-10-2006 01:09PM

"Make a move" applies to girls that are single and possibly interested. This girl is in a relationship for 5.5 years. Leave well alone. If she breaks up with him, "make your move", but until then stay away, she's not available.

tbh · 27-10-2006 01:19PM

troublemaker wrote:

If I see a girl I like(hwo has a boyfriend), I think she would be happy with me then I reckon that I should go for it. Why should her boyfriend's happiness supercede mine?
.

because she's with him, not you. If she's not happy with him, she would have left him (you don't give her much credit, do you?)

What you and her have isn't a relationship. You're flirting and chatting but it's not the same as going out with someone. What if you just end up confusing her? maybe the excitement will get to her and she'll do something she regrets.

don't be that guy. Seriously, everybody hates that guy.

aidan24326 · 27-10-2006 01:29PM

padser wrote:

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel that you shouldnt go for it. You dont know the guy, you dont have any responsibility for that relationship. You dont owe him anything.

Padser that's very clever. Would you still be saying that if it was your girlfriend? No, I didn't think so. Think before saying something so stupid. Interfering in someone else's long-term relationship is a sh*tty thing to do.

OP unless the girl gives you some clear indication that her relationship with the bf is nearing the end (and that's she's interested in you) then you should back off. If she breaks up with the bf then it's fair game. If she doesn't/has no intention, then I don't see what you stand to achieve.

Your unreg name 'troublemaker' sums you up nicely.

LegacyUser · 27-10-2006 02:03PM

troublemaker wrote:

What I don't understand is that some posters here seem to assume just because someone came onto someone's gf, that it would jepardise the relationship? that logic assumes an inherent instability in the relationship.
Doesn't it also imply that the gf is not to be trusted. I like to think that any gf I had, or will have would be trustworthy enough for me worry about having to ''come looking for'' any guy who hit on my gf.

Well if the girl gets it on with you behind her current boyfriend's back then I would be of the opinion that the girl is not fully trustworthy i.e. if she can do it once...

I think people who cheat or actively engage in cheating deserve to be cheated on.

Talliesin · 27-10-2006 02:19PM

troublemaker wrote:

Thirdly, the girl deserves the choice. I do not know the bf(i have never met him, however I like myself better than him). Is it not up to the gf to consider both of us and decide which 1 she would be happier with.

She has that choice, right now.

troublemaker wrote:

I want her to see that there is more outside the glass sphere containing her and her boyfriend.

Yeah, there's guys getting pretty darn cocky for someone that's getting so excited about one person fancying them a little. What a catch!

Really, at most leave it at something like "darn, it's a pity you've a boyfriend" so she might look you up if she decides to split with the guy, otherwise you're just going to irritate her.

Faith · 27-10-2006 02:45PM

troublemaker wrote:

Why should her boyfriend's happiness supercede mine?

Oh my. That is by far the most selfish thing I've heard in a long time!

craichoe · 27-10-2006 03:49PM

If you did get into a relationship with this girl, she will only realise what she had when it is gone. If shes been going out with this guy for 5 years then there must be love involved, its possible she could be after getting used to it and could be flirting with the idea of cheating on her him.

Inevitably your relationship would be doomed to fail as she would never truely be over the guy whos she had this longterm relationship.

Just my two cents, speaking from previous experience

chump · 27-10-2006 07:50PM

troublemaker wrote:

Cheers for your replies.
I have been thinking about these situatioins for a while(it's pretty common) and while I can see the benefits of 'not interfering', I also see the benefits of succeeding.

If I see a girl I like(hwo has a boyfriend), I think she would be happy with me then I reckon that I should go for it. Why should her boyfriend's happiness supercede mine?

What I don't understand is that some posters here seem to assume just because someone came onto someone's gf, that it would jepardise the relationship? that logic assumes an inherent instability in the relationship.
Doesn't it also imply that the gf is not to be trusted. I like to think that any gf I had, or will have would be trustworthy enough for me worry about having to ''come looking for'' any guy who hit on my gf.

Thirdly, the girl deserves the choice. I do not know the bf(i have never met him, however I like myself better than him). Is it not up to the gf to consider both of us and decide which 1 she would be happier with.

Granted 5.5years is a long time(really long), but it is not strange if they got together very young. Assuming he is her first boyfriend, she may not have any previous relationships to compare it to. I want her to see that there is more outside the glass sphere containing her and her boyfriend. Outside that sphere is someone who she could be estatic with.......me.

You sound like a chump to me, and trust me I know a chump when I see one.

From the above it seems to me you haven't the considered the very real scenario that this girl knows you like her, and she gets a kick when flirting with you. She may also just enjoy your company (less likely)
If she wanted you instead of her boyfriend - you'd know. She's get rid of the bf and try it on with you.

Women know, I tend to believe, when a bloke fancies them, or at the very least is up for a quick one.

Provided you've made it clear you're single, which I've NO DOUBT you have - the ball's in her park. Leave it go.

28-10-2006 07:45PM

troublemaker wrote:

Thing is- I met a great girl. She has a boyfriend(5.5years). I wonder if I should make a mopve on her.

You plan to break up a long term relationship, and you want us to say it's OK? Be a gentleman and go after someone single. There's plenty of fish in the sea, so you don't have to steal from another guy's boat to get one do you?

On second thought, this really looks like a troll...

Lorax · 29-10-2006 07:12PM

Personally I would kick the face off you if you did that to my girlfriend.. it would be different if she lied and told you she had no boyfriend, then the blame would be on her.

LegacyUser · 29-10-2006 07:49PM

Sign me up 4 dat too !

Dave! · 29-10-2006 09:08PM

Walk away.....

She's with him 5.5 years for a reason.

o1s1n · 29-10-2006 10:26PM

Faith wrote:

Oh my. That is by far the most selfish thing I've heard in a long time!

my thought exactly. i couldnt believe the selfishness of that comment. i'm saddened that people out there with that kind of an attitude actually exist

arbeitsscheuer · 29-10-2006 10:30PM

This has gotta be a troll.

If it's not - I weep for humanity.

I mean, honestly OP, what are ya like?

She has a boyfriend- What do I do?

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