Confession Box.

KdjaCL · 13-10-2006 11:14PM

Done some bad bad **** some seriously bad.

The most humurous i can think off would when armed raiders broke into a shop storage warehouse in D22 many moons ago and the police came and checked it out and we were witting on my back wall watching everything unfold. As the police left someone was meant to come and close the shutter door to ehh heaven but before he came if he ever ddi i dont know, we looted the place, the armed raiders took the whiskey and smokes, i was 11 and saw 3 pallets of wagon wheels and other such things Choccie polo and drinks.

15 or so trips later and our tree house had enough food to last a nuclear fallout, our gang was quite happy with the days events and lived on biscuits crisps and sweets for many days afterwards.

kdjac

Flashraziel · 13-10-2006 11:15PM

on a school trip to Rome in 5th year I masturbated in St. Peters Basillica. But in the toilets. Not on the alter or anything.

r3nu4l · 13-10-2006 11:20PM

When I was about 9 there was a little kid up the road who had more Star Wars figures than you could shake a light-sabre at. He was always pretty mean about letting us play with them so one day my brother and I 'borrowed' three of them :cough: without asking.

Anyway, three days later he realises that we have 'borrowed' them and makes off home with one of my figures hidden away in his coat. Now my brother and I had feck all Star Wars toys as my parents weren't loaded so, I say to my brother 'feck this!' and we march up to his house, I ring the doorbell and his Mam answers. I proceed to tell her that little Paul has taken one of our Star Wars figures in the 'mistaken' belief that we took some of his and ask very nicely if we can have it back.

So his Mam asks for a description of the figure and I tell her he's an Imperial Stormtrooper and so she drags Paul kicking and screaming into the hallway and forces him to give it back and apologise to me and my brother for being so wicked and bold

So I take the figure, tell him I forgive him, thank his Mam and me and my brother go home having freed ou Stormtrooper and still kept his toys

Poor kid didn't speak to us for about a year

He got a severe beating witht he wooden sppoon thanks to my thievery and brazen balls

I still feel bad about that but thank you Pighead for allowing me to cleanse my soul, very cathartic indeed

.
.
.
.
.sorry Paul

Edit: flash...Whoa, you going to hell but at least you did it with style!

sonic juice · 14-10-2006 12:40PM

once I had dirty thoughts...

Endasaurus · 14-10-2006 12:55PM

Flashraziel wrote:

on a school trip to Rome in 5th year I masturbated in St. Peters Basillica. But in the toilets. Not on the alter or anything.

That's just evil :eek:

Dreamcrusher · 14-10-2006 04:34PM

i broke up with a girl once. while she gave me head. she was still on her knees when i said it. i was very....very druk, and very young and stupid. im not proud of it, but its a story to tell nonetheless

fillmore jive · 14-10-2006 05:54PM

i put the screw in the tuna.

icemanjimbo04 · 14-10-2006 06:26PM

In school we used to be given trocaire boxes for all our family which i kinda never returned to the school..

Keeping it goin for two or three years seemed like a good thing to do at the time..:(

14-10-2006 07:59PM

Confession? Surely you jest! Too many Our Fathers, Hail Marys and Glory Bes stacked up waiting for me.

LundiMardi · 14-10-2006 08:06PM

Dreamcrusher wrote:

i broke up with a girl once. while she gave me head. she was still on her knees when i said it. i was very....very druk, and very young and stupid. im not proud of it, but its a story to tell nonetheless

That's just dangerous!!

EOA_Mushy · 14-10-2006 08:34PM

Blitzkrieger wrote:

When I was a smallie I once stepped in dog **** on my way in from lunch break in primary school. I realised before I got to my desk so, being the only person in the classroom so far, I wiped it off on the coat of the guy in front of me. The teacher saw the trail of ****ty footprints as soon as he came in, followed it, and started yelling at the poor fella for dragging it in. He was nearly crying but he showed the teacher the soles of his shoes which were spotless so was off the hook. For the rest of the day he kept sniffing - wondering where the smell of dog **** was coming from and checking his shoes over and over. The last I saw of him that day was getting into his mothers car, with his coat on him, still none the wiser. I can imagine him getting a beating for wiping **** onto the car seat.

The worst thing is - I'm almost in tears laughing at this now.

Pure evil man / pure genius! LMAO

For my self, a period of shop lifting... Breaking a few windows in the local construction site & a spot of *arsen.... In my defence I was not the one to throw the mollotove. Moving quickly allong.

*Disclaimer: All a long time ago, fun at the time and not to be repeated

Lust4Life · 15-10-2006 07:57PM

Had my whole church assuming the Hubby and I were married.
(They never asked, we never said!)
I was even Vice Prez of the Church Council and leader of the Church Choir!
Asked Father Bill one day if he'd be interested in performing the ceremony.
I think he crapped his pants!
Fastest Church wedding in Catholic History!
Hee hee!

zuutroy · 15-10-2006 08:08PM

Ripped off the shop I was working in for months on end. Only got caught coz 6 others employees were at it too. Only got away without being charged because the owner's brother in law was one of them!

rogue-entity · 15-10-2006 10:12PM

Sinners, Sinners all of you..
Confess your sins here: http://www.absolution-online.com/

Hmm, Once when in spain, we had to buy a few things from the supermarket. I walked passed the fruit section and noticed that one of their price signs wasnt up, so I picked it up and stuck it in the pile of fruits, I accidentally skewered one of the fruits, ruining it. One of the store assistance gave out to me in spanish, but I didnt understand, my aunt who is a fluent speaker asked if I ruined one of the fruits and I lied. She basically told that shop assistant to stuff it, we dropped our bags and left.

*goes to e-confessional and confesses sins*

Car Mad · 15-10-2006 10:42PM

this one is the best not mine found it on the confession site.

I confess that I am a bit of a smart-mouth.
I was flying a couple weeks ago and tensions were high because of a terror warning. When the security people asked the elderly man to take off his shoes, I started to take my tennis shoes off. When the same security person that told the 70+ man to take off his wingtips, he told me that tennis shoes were ok. I asked why. The security person shrugged and I said, 'Guess that the 9-year-olds in Thailand can't make tennis shoes out of bomb materials.'

Apparently you aren't allowed to say bomb in an airport anymore.

Seconds after my JOKE, I was whisked away to a private room for questioning. They bluntly asked me if I was a terrorist. I, being a smartass and not yet realizing the seriousness of the situation, said, 'Well, I am Osama Bin Laden's fourth cousin twice removed.'

I missed my flight, and was kept there for more than six hours. Serves me right I guess. But I am Irish and as white as they come with bright red hair.

I confess I am now working on making a pair of tennis shoes out of play dough to wear to the airport next time.

Interceptor · 16-10-2006 08:49AM

I got VERRRRRYY drunk in an airport in Florida, barely made it onto my flight back to London and midway across the Atlantic, after the meal and the movie (two double Jack and Cokes, a red wine and a Baileys with the meal btw) I woke up and needed to puke.

Instead of the smart option of getting a sick-bag and staying seated, I climbed over the two people between me and the aisle and started running toward the toilet but it was too late. I put my hands over my mouth as I ran to try and stop it but I managed to spray everyone from Row 24 to Row 48 in beer puke, before covering the entire cubicle and myself.

I passed out on the floor and the cabin steward had to force the door open. They gave me a nice Virgin Airways tracksuit and a seat near the jacks and they were all so nice, but I pretended to be asleep until everyone was off the plane. The stares in baggage reclaim from the dried-puke covered passengers was awful. I don't drink, or go in Virgin Atlantic airplanes anymore...

To anyone who is reading who was on that flight back from Disneyland - I'm sorry from bringing a little of Dipsoland into your life and for not offering to pay your dry cleaning bill.

'cptr

gucci · 16-10-2006 09:36AM

when i was younger(probably 6?) i was forced to play with my mums friends kid who was a real pain in the ass and i did not want to be stuck playing with!

anyways i was fed up of this kid annoying me and offered to swap some of my matchbox cars with him, course he had none with im at my house but i was like "its fine il get them off you next time your calling over"
as soon as he went skipping off down the road with a few of my cars in his pockets i squealed to my 2big brothers that sean* was after STEALING my favourite cars, two brothers hop up on theyre bikes chase down the road after him and giive him a proper beating and seize the contraband cars.......needless to say i never had to suffer him again

*name changed for legal reasons!

Siogfinsceal · 16-10-2006 01:24PM

when I was about 4 I was in playschool and this other kid had a pair of gloves with little wollen knitted men on each finger I was v jealous so took them and said they were mine- by chance it was my uncle instead of my mam who collected me that day and he hadnt a clue and believed me and got into a huge row with the mother of the kid that did own the gloves...it was only when we got home that my mam told him I didnt own any gloves...

Dan133269 · 16-10-2006 02:05PM

among the numerous violent escapades I got myself into as a child this is probably the most funniest. I was around 10 maybe and my friend and I were playing tennis, we disagreed over a call or something, he proceeded to strike me on the leg with the tennis racket and me being one for justice wasn't going to let this stand,
now I was alot bigger than he was and so he starts running away from me in the direction of his house, I start chasing him and holding the tennis racket over my head ready to whack him, I'm right behind him and at this stage he's crying with fear while I'm half-laughing half angry to get revenge, he eventually makes it to his front door thinking he's safe, opens the door and runs into his front hall at which point he's so exhausted he's starting to lose his balance and falling forward which is conveniently when I strike him right between the shoulder blades with the tennis racket as hard as I can producing a blood-curdling scream from him as he falls to the ground blubbering like a baby.
I then turned around and ran out of his house laughing. Cruel but ever so funny :rolleyes:

lzbones · 05-03-2007 09:45AM

What about http://www.venials.com

Pighead · 05-03-2007 10:14AM

lzbones wrote:

What about http://www.venials.com

Pighead prefers http://peoplewhodragupoldthreadsmakemewannavomit.com. This was a thread made in 2006 for 2006. Its now 2007. In future, think before you post. Good lad.

Crucifix · 05-03-2007 11:06AM

Once when I was a lad, I thought it would be really cool to throw a rock at someone and miss on purpose, in the style of a cowboy shooting at someones feet etc. Unfortunately, I grossly overestimated my skill, and ended up giving someone a mighty fine bruise

Endasaurus wrote:

I cheated on my girlfriend... with her sister...

Typedef lives!

NutJob · 05-03-2007 11:16AM

I give people wrong directions.

Usually its tourists but i once lost a priest

On a less serious note

I was the third gunman on the Grassy Knoll:)

Overheal · 05-03-2007 12:36PM

Twice as a youngster I did door to door charity collections for The American Heart Association....both times I made over $50...both times I never submitted it to the collection fund.

Another incident I took a kids schoolbag and hid it in a utility room adjacent to the classroom (when I say adjacent; we had a door leading into it that was always open and always had people in and out of it for supplies, etc.). well anyway, he was a douchebag for trying to steal my Gameboy; so I hid this bag.
Then eventually he gets fed up looking for it, hires the teacher and the teacher has the whole class (and the class next door) looking for this bag, which is on the other side of this utility room door.
So at this stage I know if I go get it Im ****ed but also if I dont do anything Im probably ****ed...so I do nothing. After about 40 minutes, some other kid finds the bag and the Teacher goes completely Witch Hunt on him for finding it..I think he may have got a 3-day suspension.

05-03-2007 01:38PM

This post has been deleted.

shane86 · 05-03-2007 03:28PM

Lust4Life wrote:

Had my whole church assuming the Hubby and I were married.
(They never asked, we never said!)
I was even Vice Prez of the Church Council and leader of the Church Choir!
Asked Father Bill one day if he'd be interested in performing the ceremony.
I think he crapped his pants!
Fastest Church wedding in Catholic History!
Hee hee!

They still care about that kind of thing? I dont go to mass much but I would be of the impression that most priests accept modern life whether they like it or not.

As for childhood ****e, I remember when I was about 6 coming out of school, and this girl who liked me chasing me for a kiss. Of course, these were the times of no sense, and I didnt want her anywhere near me, so as I ran and she grabbed my schoolbag, I threw the bag off and she trips over it and on to the ground bawling (which, in fairness, was my desired intention. I think id seen it done on tv before). Remember her oul man gave out a rake to me.

Wasnt the wisest descision ever. Fast forward 14 years and said girl is now a slim slaughtericious blondie. I wonder does she remember/hold a grudge?

(hey, I still hold one against my cousin for the batins he gave us 10 years ago

)

golden gal · 05-03-2007 06:53PM

my brother is a bit of a messer and one halloween he had dressed as a builder with a fuzzy jacket,hat and all. he thought it would be a good idea (probably not the soberist) to direct traffic, the wrong way down a busy Dublin street!

marco murphy · 05-03-2007 07:27PM

I ate those communion bread as a mass server.

LadyJ · 05-03-2007 10:29PM

Had sex in a couple of graveyards.

Guy:Incognito · 05-03-2007 11:09PM

Pighead wrote:

If Pighead were to confess all his sins this would be the longest post in boards history. So I'll start off by confessing the one that troubles me most.

Its 1989 and Pigheads in that phase where kids turn bold. I'm 12 years old and along with 4 of my buddies we've hatched a horrible plan to rob the church.

The plan was this: Wake up early and go to 1st mass on a Sunday morning. Then when 2nd mass starts, we wait til the Church Collection is done and then we sneak into the sacrastry and help ourselves to 4 or 5 envelopes(containing money) each. Then we sprint across the fields and count our haul.(Usually between 10 and 20 pounds each, a veritable fortune when your 12)

Pighead would love to claim he did this as a protest against the church or as a means of providing the poor of the area with extra income, but that would be lies. We spent the money on sweets and Fanta. Of course after a couple of weeks of this behaviour it became obvious to the church who was behind this heinious crime,(The priest and the shopkeeper figured it out between them) and the leader of our gang was told in no uncertain terms that we were lynched and that there would be no more stealing.

Anyway there you have it, Pighead=Common Thief. Can't believe I took part in such a terrible plan and it really was out of character as I was quite a good kid really. Hopefully God is as forgiving as people say.

So whats your confession?

It's ok, the church is evil. If anything you were helping to prevent the spread of evil, we should all be doing it.

Confession Box.

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