I Just Couldn't Keep A Straight Face Due To The Technology Conspiracy...

Kintarō Hattori · 11-09-2006 09:58PM #1

Right as some of you may or may not know, I work in retail and today I reckon had to be the funniest day I've ever had in my 4 years. I was working in college green when an austrailian/kiwi woman in her thirties came in and asked me if there was anywhere she could view loose film, eg from a videotape, reel to reel etc, and have someone look at it or transfer it to another media.
I told here there was nowhere that I could think of, off the top of my head, but that I was sure there was. I suggested that perhaps she could get in contact with RTE as they might have experiance with old or damaged reels. This is when it all started.

She told me she couldn't do that as they were the 'worst offenders', that they were in on the conspiracy. She told me in 15 years she hasn't found anyone willing to help her as they all know she is onto them and out to expose what she know's. I mentioned that was rather unfortunate and that perhaps she could visit a university and speak to someone there. Seemingly everyone in universities is in on the global technology conspiracy and she's been there and done that and they are unwilling to 'help her'.

Basically it seems that there is a technology conspiracy and all this wonderful technology is being used against us to keep awful truths hidden from us. It seems it's all being tracked from bases in the states and the UK and they know every small detail about us. I was informed that they've been tracking her for the last seven years. Also I was rather fortunate to have met her as she has all the proof we could need in the bags and bags of film that she has, but she is unable to view this and have it put on another medium as the greater powers have influence over the people who could help her. Seemingly all the evidence of women and children being kept in underground bases was on her person, though I was unfortunate not to view it myself.

The blaxtard that I was working with scarpered as soon as she asked me my opinion on things as he knew he was going to be asked next. G'ss I can tell you I had the hardest time keeing a straight face. I don't think I have ever bitten the sides of my mouth so hard. She was so serious and reasonable I was waiting for her to tell me I was on a hidden camera show.

Anywho, I just had to share that with you. She was nuts and it was a tough job to keep a straight face. Damn tough.

Ruu_Old · 11-09-2006 10:03PM

Ah wheres tunaman when you need him.

You should have went along with old dear and sold her a tinfoil hat.

bluedolphin · 11-09-2006 10:18PM

that's so cool. well, it must have made your day anyway

Tha Gopher · 11-09-2006 10:26PM

But was she hot?

Ive come to the conclusion (particularly after footage of this summers world cup celebrations) that the only ugly fairly young woman in Aussie history is Kylie Minogue, and the rest are absoloute princesses. It seems that whilst our present female skanger breed are prone to being fat, having a bad taste in fashion and talking sh1te (generally, sure there is the odd stunning skangbag, but tbh its 90% warrayableedinsayinoilkillyisall), the thieves we and the UK deported in the 1800s had the healthiest best looking genes in the isles

Damn brits, if it wasnt for them 90% of skanger bitches would be stunning

Dampsquid · 11-09-2006 10:44PM

Sounds like one of those candid camera setups.

Sparky · 11-09-2006 11:03PM

I want whatever she is smokin!

Kintarō Hattori · 11-09-2006 11:03PM

I'm afraid she wasn't even remotely good looking. I'm fairly sure she was even sporting a little moustache and beard too. I didn't look too intently though, I was trying not to make eye contact as I was obviously on the brink of laughing hystericaly at her.

Yeah I was wondering was it a candid camera setup, but I couldn't see anywhere that she could have been filming, either from outside or from on her person.

It was just nuts, she was coming out with some incredible stuff and she was so serious.

MrJoeSoap · 11-09-2006 11:05PM

Dampsquid wrote:

Sounds like one of those candid camera setups.

Very 'Naked Camera' alright, that was my first impression.

Ruu_Old · 11-09-2006 11:06PM

Dampsquid wrote:

Sounds like one of those candid camera setups.

I reckon so, are you sure you didn't hear.."You've just been caught on..."?

Sangre · 11-09-2006 11:08PM

Why did you bother trying to keep a straight face? Surely she was was only keeping you from working?

ThrownAway · 11-09-2006 11:11PM

Ruu wrote:

Ah wheres tunaman when you need him.

I miss that guys strange pms with conspiracy videos

That is very weird....

Kintarō Hattori · 11-09-2006 11:13PM

Ruu wrote:

I reckon so, are you sure you didn't hear.."You've just been caught on..."?

Indeed I am Sir. I was certain for a while that she was going to come out and say this, but it just never happened. She was just completely nuts.

Sangre wrote:

Why did you bother trying to keep a straight face? Surely she was was only keeping you from working?

Well now that we're a 'better' nation some customers can be very difficult to deal with in retail and I didn't want to risk a complaint, even though she was nuts. Yeah I think I might have been blunt with her had there been other customers, but it was the last two hours of the day and there was no-one else in the shop, so it wasn't like I had anything else to do. But g'sss I had a good laugh out loud as soon as she was gone.

Pigman II · 11-09-2006 11:15PM

eo980 wrote:

I'm fairly sure she was even sporting a little moustache and beard too.

Sounds like Jeremy Beadle up to his old tricks again alright.

==

Surely (if she can't trust anyone) with 15 years she could have learnt how to do reel-to-reel transfer herself?

We're through the looking glass here people!

Kintarō Hattori · 11-09-2006 11:16PM

Pigman II wrote:

Surely (if she can't trust anyone) with 15 years she could have learnt how to do reel-to-reel transfer herself?

Ahh but see now your thinking rationally, and I'm not sure she has thought rationally in a long time.

Sangre · 11-09-2006 11:45PM

Did she have the bag with her? I know exactly what I would have done...

I would have hopped over whatever counter there was, grabbed the bag off her and then thrown it on the ground. Then I would have proceeded to energetically stomp up and down on it screaming 'YOU FOOL, YOU FELL RIGHT INTO OUR TRAP!!'

Aoide · 11-09-2006 11:58PM

Or maybe.........

she was right :eek:

Kintarō Hattori · 11-09-2006 11:59PM

Sangre wrote:

Did she have the bag with her?

She did have a bag with her full of old videotape, the thing was full of it. I should have stomped Sangre. Heh, wonder what she would have said then.

Tha Gopher · 12-09-2006 12:18AM

Pigman II wrote:

Sounds like Jeremy Beadle up to his old tricks again alright.

If Jeremy Beadle jumped me post prank, id make the whole thing un-broadcastable by yelling "CHRIST, WHATS THE FCUKIN STORY WITH YOUR MAD HAND?!!!??"

What a get out clause/claws if yiv been made a fool of on telly.......

shoutman · 12-09-2006 12:29AM

eo980 I know the exact person you are talking about, she is a definite loon.
Sometime last year I was on the top deck of the 130 heading towards clontarf, this women got on in ballybough and sat upstairs, there were some young girls 12-13 years old by my estimation sitting talking loudly as young girls do, then this women comes over and starts asking them questions thinking that they know what is happening too.... the girls are positively scared, quite funny to watch however. Anyway there was a teenage roughian sitting on the back seat of the bus (90degree scap, scanda jacket, the lot) Anyway he shouted out shut up ya freak to which she says to the girls, "see i told you they were following me" She went through the whole rigmaroll of the american and austrialan governments and all that lark.

It was entertaining but at the same time you have to feel for the poor women.

cooperguy · 12-09-2006 12:30AM

ThrownAway wrote:

I miss that guys strange pms with conspiracy videos

That is very weird....

I never got any PM videos I feel left out

12-09-2006 12:33AM

Did she ask you for the secret handshake?

Kintarō Hattori · 12-09-2006 01:04AM

shoutman wrote:

eo980 I know the exact person you are talking about, she is a definite loon.
Sometime last year I was on the top deck of the 130 heading towards clontarf, this women got on in ballybough and sat upstairs, there were some young girls 12-13 years old by my estimation sitting talking loudly as young girls do, then this women comes over and starts asking them questions thinking that they know what is happening too.... the girls are positively scared, quite funny to watch however. Anyway there was a teenage roughian sitting on the back seat of the bus (90degree scap, scanda jacket, the lot) Anyway he shouted out shut up ya freak to which she says to the girls, "see i told you they were following me" She went through the whole rigmaroll of the american and austrialan governments and all that lark.

It was entertaining but at the same time you have to feel for the poor women.

Woo Hoo, she's gonna become a local legend, like that old lady year's ago that used to dance on o'connell street.

Sangre · 12-09-2006 01:06AM

eo980 wrote:

Woo Hoo, she's gonna become a local legend, like that old lady year's ago that used to dance on o'connell street.

She was having an epileptic fit you insenitive bastard. Someone needed to call her a doctor and all you sickos would do is throw money in the bag she dropped on the ground.

Kintarō Hattori · 12-09-2006 01:22AM

Sangre wrote:

She was having an epileptic fit you insenitive bastard. Someone needed to call her a doctor and all you sickos would do is throw money in the bag she dropped on the ground.

You are kidding right? I don't know if we're talking about the same person. She used to appear on O'Connell Street reguarly in the 90's and just dance away. Stupid me, I KNOW you are.

abetarrush · 12-09-2006 01:25AM

Maybe u were on the new series of Naked Camera

Kintarō Hattori · 12-09-2006 01:26AM

abetarrush wrote:

Maybe u were on the new series of Naked Camera

No seemingly she's a genuine looney. She's been at it in Clontarf as well, some time back.

monkeyfudge · 12-09-2006 01:41AM

eo980 wrote:

Woo Hoo, she's gonna become a local legend, like that old lady year's ago that used to dance on o'connell street.

She's still at it, just not as frequently as she used to... I must have seen her about a month or so ago.... she used to dance at Nelson's Collumn... but they blew it up... she doesn't seem to have taken to the Spire at all though.

DublinWriter · 12-09-2006 09:17AM

Tha Gopher wrote:

If Jeremy Beadle jumped me post prank, id make the whole thing un-broadcastable by yelling "CHRIST, WHATS THE FCUKIN STORY WITH YOUR MAD HAND?!!!??"

LOL. Chris Morris (of Brasseye fame) said publically that the funniest prank Jeremy Beadle ever played was trying to shake hands with someone.

If it was one of those prank shows, she would have said so at the end and you would have been asked to sign a release form so that they could show your mug on TV.

She sounds like a classic psycophrenic case to me.

Setun · 12-09-2006 09:54AM

I heard she's a member on boards, hangs out in the conspiracy forum.

ArphaRima · 12-09-2006 02:37PM

the only ugly fairly young woman in Aussie history is Kylie Minogue

Jesus you obviously havent seen many aussies. There are irish criminal class butt ugly ones. And then there are delicious beach babe ones. The good looking ones obviously come from elsewhere. And despite all that the aussies are like the worst of the British and Americans combined in terms of temperament, education, and personality etc.

Irish people are ugly because the vikings pillaged all our good looking ones and took them to Iceland. Seriously the Icelandic people celebrate this in their national museums. They came over, too any good looking birds, then raped and "married" them. It worked for them. They are a damn fine looking people. Henry street has never been the same since they pillaged.

Jumpy · 12-09-2006 03:30PM

fluffer wrote:

Jesus you obviously havent seen many aussies. There are irish criminal class butt ugly ones. And then there are delicious beach babe ones. The good looking ones obviously come from elsewhere. And despite all that the aussies are like the worst of the British and Americans combined in terms of temperament, education, and personality etc.

.

Funny... thats what I thought of the irish.

I Just Couldn't Keep A Straight Face Due To The Technology Conspiracy...

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