Toilet dilemma

Brian Capture · 17-06-2006 02:37PM #1

You're in a nightclub and badly need to defecate.

You locate the toilets and finally get a cubicle within which you have a positively orgiastic dump.

However to your sheer horror there is no toilet roll left.

What do you do?

Dun laoire · 17-06-2006 02:40PM

Use your cacks and throw them behind the bowl when your finished.

muletide · 17-06-2006 02:41PM

I print off this page and use it as thats all it is good for

biko · 17-06-2006 02:42PM

Beforehand establish existence of bog roll.
Easy as that, do people even go without checking that first?

Rabies · 17-06-2006 02:42PM

knock next on the toilet partition and ask next door for some.
Use your socks/boxers.
Scrape it off with your fingers and smear it on the wall.

Brian Capture · 17-06-2006 02:46PM

This applies to round plastic roll containers:
What do you think of people who wipe themselves clean - but don't detach the toilet paper but instead roll it back up so the next person gets a nasty shock??

derek27 · 17-06-2006 02:47PM

use a sock... handy if you have diarrhoea cos you'll have one to spare for the next visit...

alternatively you could stay sitting on the toilet for 20mins until it dries to a hard crust... that way it wont dirty your jocks. when you get home then you simply have to scrape it away using a chisel...lol

Brian Capture · 17-06-2006 02:47PM

I think those people are animals.

Hail 2 Da Chimp · 17-06-2006 02:50PM

Speaking from experience?

Plug · 17-06-2006 02:51PM

I hate the tolits in school:eek: I always hover of cover. Theres no place like your own tolit. I don't even know why I posted this anyway

Dave! · 17-06-2006 02:52PM

knock on the cubicle next door. or if that's not an option, jocks, or failing that, socks. If by chance you're wearing neither, delicately pull up the trousers, go outside and wait for another cubicle to be free.

derek27 · 17-06-2006 02:54PM

actually this came up before in a conversation with some college mates (strange what we talk about)... but his solution to the problem was to use your hands to pull the cheeks of your ar5e wide apart when your taking the dump... that way your bunghole wont get dirty lol

Lump · 17-06-2006 03:03PM

It's a School Boy error if you sit and shít without checking the supply of toilet roll tbh.

John

Oh, I'd ask the person next door.

quickbeam · 17-06-2006 03:15PM

You guys are disgusting!!!

Brian Capture wrote:

This applies to round plastic roll containers:
What do you think of people who wipe themselves clean - but don't detach the toilet paper but instead roll it back up so the next person gets a nasty shock??

I do hope you're joking :eek:

Would (a) knock next door, or (b) as DaveMcG said, pull up my trousers gingerly and wait outside until another toilet becomes free.

Would not use a sock / pants or anything else that I was wearing - yuck!

Unfortunately, despite best intentions, it has occurred that I fail to check on presence of loo-roll before entering a cubicle.

netwhizkid · 17-06-2006 03:30PM

This rather unfortunatly happened to me about three years ago. I pulled up me trousers rather baggedly and headed off to the Cloakroom, where I saw a supply about an hour before while handing in a jacket. I grapped a rool went back and luckily no stainage had occured. Simple rule check for bog roll first. However when you are prairie dogging, it can slip the mind.

The Bollox · 17-06-2006 03:39PM

shimmy(sp?) into the next cublicle and wipe there

Blowfish · 17-06-2006 03:41PM

Lump wrote:

It's a School Boy error if you sit and shít without checking the supply of toilet roll tbh.

John

Oh, I'd ask the person next door.

Exactly, always check first. Saves a lot of problems.

CuLT · 17-06-2006 03:49PM

Ahahah, man, them are some funny options right there.

DonkeyStyle \o/ · 17-06-2006 04:53PM

biko wrote:

Beforehand establish existence of bog roll.

Exaaaactlyyy.
So, RE the poll... none of the above.

nlgbbbblth · 17-06-2006 04:55PM

Trying to wash one's arse in the sink is priceless.

In a nightclub!

Sparky · 17-06-2006 05:00PM

Honestly in the spur of the moment, Id pull up my trousers where they are baggy and try and hop into the nextdoor cubicle.

But last time this happened to me I was saved by one word.

Receipts

Lump · 17-06-2006 05:28PM

Lol

the Shades · 17-06-2006 05:50PM

disposable hankerchiefs are usually my out on the very odd time that I've been stuck

daiixi · 17-06-2006 05:55PM

the Shades wrote:

disposable hankerchiefs are usually my out on the very odd time that I've been stuck

me too! used to be a girl guide and therefore go in with all that "be prepared" stuff.

Ozzy · 17-06-2006 06:29PM

Sparky-s wrote:

Honestly in the spur of the moment, Id pull up my trousers where they are baggy and try and hop into the nextdoor cubicle.

But last time this happened to me I was saved by one word.

Receipts

Receipts eh? Ouch.
I'd say that could hurt.. Or be slightly unpleasant.
MUCH LIKE BEING STABBED IN THE BACK WITH A POINTY VOTE

Ahem, anyway, yeah check for bogroll first! But socks are dispensable I suppose.

Heyes · 17-06-2006 07:15PM

wait until the toilets are empty and run into the next cubicle and grab the tissue..

MarkR · 17-06-2006 07:26PM

Find you nearest available hippy. And for the love of god I hope you're joking about the people who roll it back into the roll!

That idea came to me one day actually, and I nearly pissed myself giggling. However, as I was on the bog it was ok.

liamo · 17-06-2006 07:58PM

Heyes wrote:

wait until the toilets are empty and run into the next cubicle and grab the tissue..

Yes, this actually happened to me in work recently. Although instead of "running into the next cubicle and grabbing the tissue", I carefully listened to make sure that no-one was there, and shuffled into the next cubicle with my trousers around my ankles - because I had already transacted some business.

Most embarrassing!!

The upside of this is - it only ever happens once! You always make sure after that!

Regards

Liam

Dave! · 17-06-2006 10:03PM

liamo wrote:

Yes, this actually happened to me in work recently. Although instead of "running into the next cubicle and grabbing the tissue", I carefully listened to make sure that no-one was there, and shuffled into the next cubicle with my trousers around my ankles - because I had already transacted some business.

:eek: Jeez, imagine someone walked in on you!

That would be a funny sight.

Day-wanna-wonga · 17-06-2006 11:13PM

It wouldn't happen to me - I always check first.

Pocari Sweat · 17-06-2006 11:29PM

No one is perfect, depending on the situation / rush, you could be on the jacks after a dump with no bog paper and only socks to do a full wipe.

Two dispensible socks are better than ****ty ass.

After losing socks, check overall quality of bogs, and if lack of bog paper is down to crap management and poor hygiene, remove bog seat and kick door off its hinges to prevent next unsuspecting user getting to point of no return without loo roll.

If manager walks in whilst commotion is in progress, wrap toilet seat round his neck and shove your ****ty socks down his throat, whilst at the same time asking him politely to do the job he is paid to do.

Wash your hands and leave.

Toilet dilemma

No toilet paper. How do you resolve the situation 97 votes

Comments