Toilet dilemma

Brian Capture

You're in a nightclub and badly need to defecate.

You locate the toilets and finally get a cubicle within which you have a positively orgiastic dump.

However to your sheer horror there is no toilet roll left.

What do you do?

Dun laoire

Use your cacks and throw them behind the bowl when your finished.

muletide

I print off this page and use it as thats all it is good for

biko

Beforehand establish existence of bog roll.
Easy as that, do people even go without checking that first?

Rabies

knock next on the toilet partition and ask next door for some.
Use your socks/boxers.
Scrape it off with your fingers and smear it on the wall.

Brian Capture

This applies to round plastic roll containers:
What do you think of people who wipe themselves clean - but don't detach the toilet paper but instead roll it back up so the next person gets a nasty shock??

derek27

use a sock... handy if you have diarrhoea cos you'll have one to spare for the next visit...

alternatively you could stay sitting on the toilet for 20mins until it dries to a hard crust... that way it wont dirty your jocks. when you get home then you simply have to scrape it away using a chisel...lol

Brian Capture

I think those people are animals.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Speaking from experience?

Plug

I hate the tolits in school:eek: I always hover of cover. Theres no place like your own tolit. I don't even know why I posted this anyway

Dave!

knock on the cubicle next door. or if that's not an option, jocks, or failing that, socks. If by chance you're wearing neither, delicately pull up the trousers, go outside and wait for another cubicle to be free.

derek27

actually this came up before in a conversation with some college mates (strange what we talk about)... but his solution to the problem was to use your hands to pull the cheeks of your ar5e wide apart when your taking the dump... that way your bunghole wont get dirty lol

Lump

It's a School Boy error if you sit and shít without checking the supply of toilet roll tbh.

John

Oh, I'd ask the person next door.

quickbeam

You guys are disgusting!!!

Brian Capture wrote:

This applies to round plastic roll containers:
What do you think of people who wipe themselves clean - but don't detach the toilet paper but instead roll it back up so the next person gets a nasty shock??

I do hope you're joking :eek:

Would (a) knock next door, or (b) as DaveMcG said, pull up my trousers gingerly and wait outside until another toilet becomes free.

Would not use a sock / pants or anything else that I was wearing - yuck!

Unfortunately, despite best intentions, it has occurred that I fail to check on presence of loo-roll before entering a cubicle.

netwhizkid

This rather unfortunatly happened to me about three years ago. I pulled up me trousers rather baggedly and headed off to the Cloakroom, where I saw a supply about an hour before while handing in a jacket. I grapped a rool went back and luckily no stainage had occured. Simple rule check for bog roll first. However when you are prairie dogging, it can slip the mind.

The Bollox

shimmy(sp?) into the next cublicle and wipe there

Blowfish

Lump wrote:

It's a School Boy error if you sit and shít without checking the supply of toilet roll tbh.

John

Oh, I'd ask the person next door.

Exactly, always check first. Saves a lot of problems.

CuLT

Ahahah, man, them are some funny options right there.

DonkeyStyle \o/

biko wrote:

Beforehand establish existence of bog roll.

Exaaaactlyyy.
So, RE the poll... none of the above.

nlgbbbblth

Trying to wash one's arse in the sink is priceless.

In a nightclub!

Sparky

Honestly in the spur of the moment, Id pull up my trousers where they are baggy and try and hop into the nextdoor cubicle.

But last time this happened to me I was saved by one word.

Receipts

Lump

Lol

the Shades

disposable hankerchiefs are usually my out on the very odd time that I've been stuck

daiixi

the Shades wrote:

disposable hankerchiefs are usually my out on the very odd time that I've been stuck

me too! used to be a girl guide and therefore go in with all that "be prepared" stuff.

Ozzy

Sparky-s wrote:

Honestly in the spur of the moment, Id pull up my trousers where they are baggy and try and hop into the nextdoor cubicle.

But last time this happened to me I was saved by one word.

Receipts

Receipts eh? Ouch.
I'd say that could hurt.. Or be slightly unpleasant.
MUCH LIKE BEING STABBED IN THE BACK WITH A POINTY VOTE

Ahem, anyway, yeah check for bogroll first! But socks are dispensable I suppose.

Heyes

wait until the toilets are empty and run into the next cubicle and grab the tissue..

MarkR

Find you nearest available hippy. And for the love of god I hope you're joking about the people who roll it back into the roll!

That idea came to me one day actually, and I nearly pissed myself giggling. However, as I was on the bog it was ok.

liamo

Heyes wrote:

wait until the toilets are empty and run into the next cubicle and grab the tissue..

Yes, this actually happened to me in work recently. Although instead of "running into the next cubicle and grabbing the tissue", I carefully listened to make sure that no-one was there, and shuffled into the next cubicle with my trousers around my ankles - because I had already transacted some business.

Most embarrassing!!

The upside of this is - it only ever happens once! You always make sure after that!

Regards

Liam

Dave!

liamo wrote:

Yes, this actually happened to me in work recently. Although instead of "running into the next cubicle and grabbing the tissue", I carefully listened to make sure that no-one was there, and shuffled into the next cubicle with my trousers around my ankles - because I had already transacted some business.

:eek: Jeez, imagine someone walked in on you! That would be a funny sight.

Day-wanna-wonga

It wouldn't happen to me - I always check first.

Pocari Sweat

No one is perfect, depending on the situation / rush, you could be on the jacks after a dump with no bog paper and only socks to do a full wipe.

Two dispensible socks are better than ****ty ass.

After losing socks, check overall quality of bogs, and if lack of bog paper is down to crap management and poor hygiene, remove bog seat and kick door off its hinges to prevent next unsuspecting user getting to point of no return without loo roll.

If manager walks in whilst commotion is in progress, wrap toilet seat round his neck and shove your ****ty socks down his throat, whilst at the same time asking him politely to do the job he is paid to do.

Wash your hands and leave.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

jimmycrackcorm

been there, done that.

Feenikusu

Usually I have a handkerchief with me, so I would use that...
But luckily I have never been in such a situation because I always check first.

dogbert_the_dog

reminds me of some programme i saw years ago, some guy going to join the police in england and his father was disgusted so laced his breakfast with laxative the morning before he left. guy eats it, leaves house, sh*ts himself on street going to train station, has clever idea to go into shop where he buys trousers, takes them out in the bag & gets train, goes into jacks, flings dirty trousers and underwear out window of train then opens bag to discover a girl's top inside.
I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere.....

anyway, the whole using a hanky thing, is it not a bit icky when you're finished & have to put it back in your pocket, not to mind blowing your nose later?

Gator

Use your hands

Dave!

dogbert_the_dog wrote:

anyway, the whole using a hanky thing, is it not a bit icky when you're finished & have to put it back in your pocket, not to mind blowing your nose later?

Pretty sure that after wiping their arse with it, most people would dispose of it

And that story would just be the worst thing ever! :eek:

irlrobins

Couple of years ago in the UCD Student bar, some girl asked if someone in the next cubicle could throw over some paper.

For whatever reason, other girl decided to throw over the contents of the sanitary bin.

Cue one very distressed girl running crying out out of the bar covered in used tampons and the like..... :eek:

dogbert_the_dog

muletide wrote:

I print off this page and use it as thats all it is good for

you might have qualified that advice with a warning not to use glossy photograph paper. oh well, you live and learn i suppose.....

Pighead

To be honest once you change your Y-Fronts every day there is no real need to wipe your bottom. Generally when Pighead employs his shitty Arse Radar it tends to tell me that it hasn't got too messy up there.

More often than not I get a nice clean break and there is no need to hang about for a wipe. I think we as humans are evolving towards a toilet paperless society.

nlgbbbblth

When I was sitting my Inter Cert in 1987 a guy in my class went into the toilet with the intention of looking at cog notes which he had stored in the cubicle.

However the cubicle was occupied.
He knocked on the door and softly whispered. 'I have a notebook in there. Just lift up the cistern lid and pass it out on me please.'

He heard a loud cracking noise and was aghast to see the occupant passing him out the toilet seat under the door.

Brian Capture

So what do you guys think about sh*tting blood?

A good thing or a bad thing?

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

might not be healthy but it sure is fun

Brian Capture

Mordeth wrote:

might not be healthy but it sure is fun

It's supposed to be very pleasurable.
Both physically and psychologically.

hiscan

derek27 wrote:

actually this came up before in a conversation with some college mates (strange what we talk about)... but his solution to the problem was to use your hands to pull the cheeks of your ar5e wide apart when your taking the dump... that way your bunghole wont get dirty lol

jaysus

the Shades

Brian Capture wrote:

So what do you guys think about sh*tting blood?

A good thing or a bad thing?

It's usually a sign of a digestive tract infection or something worse and should be checked out by a doctor. unless it's just blood on the paper then you probably just wiped too hard. (yeah that was a pretty gross mental image)

Siogfinsceal

reciepts are great - not comfortable but better than nothing!!

ullu

In Arab culture, the left hand was used for this purpose. This was due to the lack of water and paper in the desert environment. To this day, the left hand is hidden during meal times and to put it forward for a handshake or use it in a wave is considered rude.