Damn those half-japanese girls...

mrwyoming · 24-05-2006 5:37am #1

So finally I'm worthy of a significant enough entanglement to post in the personal issues... big day for me, kittens.

I met this girl; lovely little creature. Just 20 (with me topping out at a remarkable 25). We've been going out for about three weeks, and it's really just been senseless messing about; just fun. Could lead somewhere, though it might not. The problem is i'm sitting here about to ditch her... before I came along she was (slash still is) seeing this 38 year old chap with 2 kids and a wife (separated, but living together). They've been seeing each other for a year; she's told him she wants an open relationship... to see other people per say.

She hasn't actually told him she's seeing someone though.

I was all very ok with this initially; but now the reality sets in with her seeing each of us on different days... and she insists on talking to me about him quite a bit. Spell awkward.. akward.. akwurd? Yuck. So now i'm having issues. I love that it's fun, but this whole monkey on her back is starting to grate. Sense says walk away. Weekday evenings say it's all very interesting and much better than TV.

Third party, give us the verdict. I just can't seem to accept it for what it is (the fun bit) and forget the rest.

Metacortex · 24-05-2006 5:41am

Have you told her how you feel?
Maybe she would be willing to give up this other guy?

Baraboo · 24-05-2006 6:24am

I cannot see this going anywhere but down. You are tying up energies here that you could use creating a relationship that does have a future.

Take this as an chance to assess what it is you want from a relationship. This person is fun and a shag is a shag but think, three months from now when she tells you she is pregnant..... and not sure who the father is, you or the married guy or someone else that she met one night in a pub and cannot for the life of her remember the name of......open relationships are a bit like that for some.

Anyway try and think first with the brain and very cool and asess if the odd quick shag is worth it. In the end it is your call.

Citizen Jake · 24-05-2006 6:44am

Been there, done that. Walk away with your dignity NOW. Otherwise if you think your head is wrecked now . . .

manonthemoon · 24-05-2006 7:23am

Citizen Jake wrote:

Been there, done that. Walk away with your dignity NOW. Otherwise if you think your head is wrecked now . . .

Or (If you really like her) say to her "him or me"

You can always walk away then

takola · 24-05-2006 7:34am

If i were you i'd just walk away. Chance's are if she's been seeing the married guy for a year and is still looking for an open relationship then she's just looking for a bit of fun. Which obviously isn't what you want.
I suppose you could give her the me or him ultimatum.. But before you do that think about it. Would you be able to trust her now? Would you spend the time when you aren't together, wondering if she's out with someone else?

It sounds like more trouble than its worth to me.

chamlis · 24-05-2006 7:47am

Citizen Jake wrote:

Been there, done that. Walk away with your dignity NOW. Otherwise if you think your head is wrecked now . . .

Dito. Leave it man. Not worth it, believe me.

Beruthiel · 24-05-2006 7:50am

mrwyoming wrote:

I just can't seem to accept it for what it is (the fun bit) and forget the rest.

It's quite clear that you are not comfortable with this arrangement.
I would suggest that you get out now before you start to become attached to her

muppetkiller · 24-05-2006 9:16am

Tell her you might be able to fit her in on Monday and Tuesday as your busy with all your other women for the rest of the week...see how she takes it...

Otherwise as stated above say bye bye

Talliesin · 24-05-2006 10:27am

1. Some people can handle open relationships, some can't. Which are you?

2. If she's going to be open, she should be open, and her other lover should know the score. Otherwise even if everyone involved is happy with not being monogamous, it'll still go badly sooner or later.

Dave! · 24-05-2006 10:42am

talk to her about it and see if she'll continue to just see you, and leave the other fella.

if she says no, get outa there. you'll only end up in bits later on.

po0k · 24-05-2006 12:25pm

Go Ichi on her ass - jism and razorblades all over the shop.

<Kyle> Dude, bail?
<Stan> Bail.

OrangeOranges · 24-05-2006 12:58pm

Two words for her: "bye bye"

Dating a 38 yr old with 2 kids, wants an open relationship....................ie racial/cultural differances can sometimes be tough enough never mind her being a nutter also!

misswex · 24-05-2006 1:04pm

If you were comfortable with it than I would say you should just enjoy the fun you are having but that is obviously not the case so you need to walk away before you become more attached to the girl!

LegacyUser · 24-05-2006 1:49pm

Some time ago I was going out with a girl that was not particularly big on commitment. It bothered me a whole lot so after about 2 months I broke it off. Most here would agree that it was the right thing to do, but when your sitting at home on your own and you feel that your life is going no where, knowing that you ditched someone who you can’t remember any flaws for will really bite.

I would advise you to take your time and start picking out things that you really don’t like about the girl, and then break up with her, cos in a few months time her lack of commitment won’t seen like enough of a flaw

Asiaprod · 24-05-2006 2:13pm

mrwyoming wrote:

Third party, give us the verdict. I just can't seem to accept it for what it is (the fun bit) and forget the rest.

As you can see. I live in Japan, I am married to one of those Japanese girls. Let me put you wide to a number of issues, you have no idea how they see the world. The Japanese ideas of morality and sex are very different. Religion does not ever come into it. Sex is for fun, to be enjoyed when one is in the mood. We have a phrase over her called Sex Friend and it means just that. Sounds like you fall into that catagory and the married man is of more interest as a life partner. There is no problem over here geting married many times. And if the person already has kids, its no big deal. Its a cultural thing. Enjoy the experience, but do not get hung up on her. You WILL get hurt. Having said that. I am very happy with mine, the best choice I ever made in my life. Have fun.

Static M.e. · 24-05-2006 4:37pm

I think Asiaprod put it very well.

Personnally i dont think I could handle it, Im a square. But I suppose if you can handle it go for it just dont fall for her

Japan seems to have the right idea about "Sexfriends" ..the cops arrested my last sexfriend

roberta c · 26-05-2006 11:48pm

try mentioning a girl ur seeing as well at the moment see, how she reacts to that. hardly right that she gets both guys, but if she has no prob withu seeing others then u no it really is just sex to her

coolhandluke · 27-05-2006 1:30am

If your just along for the ride work away,if not call it a day !.

Heyes · 27-05-2006 2:15pm

Talk to her, say how you feel and if her opinion still stays the same that she would like to see you but remain in an open relationship, then personally i would walk away before emotions get too high. Easier in the long run

AngryAnderson · 27-05-2006 2:25pm

Weird, weird, weird.

up for anything · 27-05-2006 3:33pm

mrwyoming wrote:

I met this girl; lovely little creature.

WTF!:rolleyes: I can't believe you said that. It makes you sound like an asshole.

As for your dilemma, at least she is being honest with you if not with her 38 year old. Either enjoy it for what it is... a bit of fun or end it if you are starting to think about a relationship with her. It doesn't sound like she would be in the least bit interested. If you do decide to keep it going make sure you don't have any condom accidents. He may not be the only other man she is having sex with and she may not be his only partner... you don't want to end up with an STI.

Húrin · 30-05-2006 12:57am

mrwyoming wrote:

I was all very ok with this initially; but now the reality sets in with her seeing each of us on different days... and she insists on talking to me about him quite a bit. Spell awkward.. akward.. akwurd? Yuck. So now i'm having issues. I love that it's fun, but this whole monkey on her back is starting to grate. Sense says walk away. Weekday evenings say it's all very interesting and much better than TV.

Third party, give us the verdict. I just can't seem to accept it for what it is (the fun bit) and forget the rest.

Just dump her, there's no point.

अधिनायक · 30-05-2006 1:11am

You could try being competitive and win her over. If you listen to anything negative she's saying about the other guy, maybe you can try to be unlike him in those ways. I doubt 'him or me' is going to work. It sounds a bit pathetic (unless she's in love with you). The thing is you are getting laid regularly with a cute japanese girl so I would keep that going until you either win her over or reach your next sexual beachhead.

AOR · 30-05-2006 8:06am

Dam it does sound like entertaining stuff, but bail out before it gets too.....................................you know........yucky

Nevyn · 30-05-2006 9:03am

AngryAnderson, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Zombrex · 30-05-2006 9:37am

I've heard of open relationships, but i've never heard of an open relationship where you talk constantly about one guy to the other guy :rolleyes:

Sounds like this girl is a bit confused herself. She might want you more as a friend that she can unload her issues with this other guy too. As you say it doesn't look like she is talking to him about you.

Also, in my experience people want an open relationship so long as they are doing the opening. I wonder how she would feel if one day you interupted her and started going on about the girls you pulled last weekend. I would imagine she wouldn't be too pleased

I say tell her that while you don't mind her seeing him you don't want to hear about the other guy. If she shuts up about him and you feel better in the relationship keep at it. If you still feel uncomfortable about it tell her you don't really want an open relationship and you want her to commit a bit more to just you and her

LegacyUser · 30-05-2006 10:19am

is the thread title a weezer quote?

anyway, i'd say enjoy it while it lasts, only finish if you feel you want to...
It's obvious she's not long-term material but for the moment, why not?

elvis2002 · 30-05-2006 10:49am

whats the thread title all about, is she a Japanese? or a half of one?

The Corinthian · 30-05-2006 12:30pm

mrwyoming wrote:

Could lead somewhere, though it might not.

It won’t. Don’t kid yourself.

So either you get over this delusion or you don’t. If you don’t then you should move on. Either way I suggest you find another girl, even if you intend to continue with this arrangement.

hepcat · 30-05-2006 12:57pm

up for anything wrote:

WTF!:rolleyes: I can't believe you said that. It makes you sound like an asshole.

He he, my thoughts exactly - conjures up an images of some old guy in pinstripes, in his gentlemans club smoking cigars and drinking port.

Anyway, be honest with yourself, you are not cut out for a long-term scenario like this. Quit while you're ahead.

Stargal · 30-05-2006 4:17pm

elvis2002 wrote:

whats the thread title all about, is she a Japanese? or a half of one?

It's the first line of the Weezer song El Scorcho. The lyric is "Goddamn these half-Japanese girls, they do it to me everytime..."

I guess it's just a roundabout way of explaining how he likes this girl but she's messing with his head.

Damn those half-japanese girls...

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