Founding a new Cult - Disciples/Believers needed

Raiser · 21-04-2006 10:58AM #1

Like the title says I am founding a new cult - I basically need a core group of Disciples and fervent believers. I have recently discovered several personal Godlike characteristics and it seems to me that the most sensible thing to do is to immediately found a cult.

Don't be put off by any of the usual preconceived notions re. Cults, the plan is to centre this one around fun and good times - I intend for it to be very light on ceremony, piousness, worship, guilt, sins, mass and all the other usual religious crap. Instead I'm thinking lots of drinking, toga parties, group-sex, turning water into Absolut vodka, recruitment of new members at concerts on sunny days etc. I want to put the recreation back into religion with less prayers and hymms and instead a lot more loud music and nudity.

To get things started the first 12 people to register their interest by posting here are automatically guaranteed roles as official Disciples with the next 75 people being awarded an honourary Sainthood. Once we are a government registered Cult this title can be used legally - ie. you can put St. John Smith on your CV etc.

- Also please post suggestions on what perks/incentives you would like to see included in your afterlife/heaven package.

Ciaran500 · 21-04-2006 11:01AM

Will this end in mass suicide?

Beruthiel · 21-04-2006 11:01AM

I require payment

BlueSpiral · 21-04-2006 11:03AM

Do we get a pentain(sp?) plan?

spudington16 · 21-04-2006 11:03AM

Sign me up - sounds like a plan!

The_Minister · 21-04-2006 11:06AM

sounds good

Siogfinsceal · 21-04-2006 11:07AM

excellent plan been saying this for years i mean it worked out very well for that fella who founded scientology and coned moronic celebs outta money- wouldnt go the waco route though that didnt end so well. So if you sign up the 12 of us can you then mak eit exteremly select and exclusive to atract the attention of people so we can demand 10% of their lifes earnings to be in it??

Tobias Greeshman · 21-04-2006 11:10AM

Clearly as members of this religion it's only fair as disciples that we should be paid for our services (as Beruthirl already said). Do you really think that all this drinking, group-sex, loud music, water conversion into vodka comes free, NO I think not.

No onto the next question, what are we calling this religion/cult??

ferdi · 21-04-2006 11:10AM

sign me up

it was this or scientology, it was the toga parties that won the day.

bullrunner · 21-04-2006 11:15AM

Sign me up Silas....however we need to have a name before sunday...as I have to put my religion onto the census form....

maybe we could call the cult the boarsien cult?:cool:

bullrunner · 21-04-2006 11:16AM

ferdi wrote:

sign me up

it was this or scientology, it was the toga parties that won the day.

according to Tom Cruise you can be a scientologist and a catholic/jew....maybe you can still be a scientologist??:)

Siogfinsceal · 21-04-2006 11:18AM

bullrunner wrote:

Sign me up Silas....however we need to have a name before sunday...as I have to put my religion onto the census form....

maybe we could call the cult the boarsien cult?:cool:

excellent lets do it - it will f**k up the heads of the census office

Riamfada · 21-04-2006 11:18AM

Count Grimes in as your Pope!

OMcGovern · 21-04-2006 11:19AM

Please post your height, and arm span..... I'll start building the cruxification cross.

jdc78 · 21-04-2006 11:20AM

ditto for me

Riamfada · 21-04-2006 11:22AM

Hang on , i think I can recycle these old shoes I have to make some sort of small church for the little ones. Anyone got some Posin,sorry I mean Poson...dammit

Dizzyblabla · 21-04-2006 11:23AM

me too, as long as you can turn water into Boru vodka? I prefer it to absolute...

Raiser · 21-04-2006 11:24AM

Ciaran500, Beruthiel, BlueSpiral, Spudington16, Firespinner, Siogfinsceal, Silas, Ferdi, bullrunner, Grimes, OMcGovern, jdc78 are hereby confirmed as the Twelve Holy Disciples of the brand new Raiserite Cult. Hardly Last Supper material but I'll work with what I am given. Please show them their due reverence and respect going foward my people.

Yes Disciple Silas, it is indeed true that Toga parties, swimming pools and wintering in Barbados are not cheap, I'm presently investigating government grants/incentives/tax-breaks. All other suggestions re. generation of revenue are welcome.

Zulu · 21-04-2006 11:26AM

Chalk me down. I'm thinking I could resolve sins through carnal knowledge with hot birds. No fat chicks though.

...do I make the saint cut?

Tobias Greeshman · 21-04-2006 11:27AM

Bullrunner wrote:

maybe we could call the cult the boarsiencult?

How about we get rid of the cult and go for the fully fledged religion status. People are afraid of the word cult, so it could limit us recruiting people, although mentioning getting p***ed would have most Irish people asking how to sign up.

How's about Boardsology -> Boardsologist (members of the religion of Boardsology)

OMcGovern · 21-04-2006 11:31AM

People won't want to give you any/much money while they're alive... but you can play the long game. Ask to be mentioned in everybodys will, when they die. Maybe play with the psuedo scientific angle, and make the symbol the infinity sign.

Call your new religion "Church of Alternative Symmetric Hedonism", that way you can ask people to make their cheques out to "C.A.S.H" :-)

Siogfinsceal · 21-04-2006 11:35AM

thank you Raiser yay im a disciple of a new religion. I know ye probably think im taking the p*ss but im actually feeling quite special now ;-) anyone able to paint? we need a few frescoes -

Raiser · 21-04-2006 11:38AM

OMcGovern wrote:

People won't want to give you any/much money while they're alive... but you can play the long game. Ask to be mentioned in everybodys will, when they die. Maybe play with the psuedo scientific angle, and make the symbol the infinity sign.

Call your new religion "Church of Alternative Symmetric Hedonism", that way you can ask people to make their cheques out to "C.A.S.H" :-)

OMcGovern hereby promoted to head disciple reffective immediately, elevation of rank due to inventiveness and modest piety. I must reiterate however that name was stated already folks - its the Raiserite Cult. The first fundraiser is to be this weekend, we require 5000 bottles of Bavarian beer, 500 bottles of Boru vodka + varied mixers, a lakeside cabin, three jetskis and the services of a catering company.

Beruthiel · 21-04-2006 11:38AM

Raiser wrote:

[ Beruthiel.

I'll be in charge of security, anyone steps out of line gets to see the inside of the dungens....

jdc78 · 21-04-2006 11:40AM

A can supply 4 tricycles for transport.

Sgt. Politeness · 21-04-2006 11:41AM

I call president!

Riamfada · 21-04-2006 11:42AM

I want a broadband capable room of monks who surf the net while I stand over them and yell, Post My Pretties! POST!

OMcGovern · 21-04-2006 11:43AM

Beruthiel wrote:

I'll be in charge of security, anyone steps out of line gets to see the inside of the dungens....

Sounds like you've a definite interest in bondage there

I think we might have a little problem with tradename conflicts though....

http://www.raise-rite.com/concrete/company_profile.html

Zulu · 21-04-2006 11:43AM

Siogfinsceal wrote:

anyone able to paint? we need a few frescoes -

I can both paint and tile! ...so thats the frescoes & murals sorted.

ferdi · 21-04-2006 11:44AM

can i donate all my money, worldly possession and the family home to my new found cult? all i need is my toga and a bottle of booze.

http://www.ron-turner.com/howtomakeatoga.html

DEmeant0r · 21-04-2006 11:47AM

I want sainthood

these toga parties wouldn't be in Dublin by any chance?

Founding a new Cult - Disciples/Believers needed

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