Founding a new Cult - Disciples/Believers needed

Raiser

Like the title says I am founding a new cult - I basically need a core group of Disciples and fervent believers. I have recently discovered several personal Godlike characteristics and it seems to me that the most sensible thing to do is to immediately found a cult.

Don't be put off by any of the usual preconceived notions re. Cults, the plan is to centre this one around fun and good times - I intend for it to be very light on ceremony, piousness, worship, guilt, sins, mass and all the other usual religious crap. Instead I'm thinking lots of drinking, toga parties, group-sex, turning water into Absolut vodka, recruitment of new members at concerts on sunny days etc. I want to put the recreation back into religion with less prayers and hymms and instead a lot more loud music and nudity.

To get things started the first 12 people to register their interest by posting here are automatically guaranteed roles as official Disciples with the next 75 people being awarded an honourary Sainthood. Once we are a government registered Cult this title can be used legally - ie. you can put St. John Smith on your CV etc.

- Also please post suggestions on what perks/incentives you would like to see included in your afterlife/heaven package.

Ciaran500

Will this end in mass suicide?

Beruthiel

I require payment

BlueSpiral

Do we get a pentain(sp?) plan?

spudington16

Sign me up - sounds like a plan!

The_Minister

sounds good

Siogfinsceal

excellent plan been saying this for years i mean it worked out very well for that fella who founded scientology and coned moronic celebs outta money- wouldnt go the waco route though that didnt end so well. So if you sign up the 12 of us can you then mak eit exteremly select and exclusive to atract the attention of people so we can demand 10% of their lifes earnings to be in it??

Tobias Greeshman

Clearly as members of this religion it's only fair as disciples that we should be paid for our services (as Beruthirl already said). Do you really think that all this drinking, group-sex, loud music, water conversion into vodka comes free, NO I think not.

No onto the next question, what are we calling this religion/cult??

ferdi

sign me up

it was this or scientology, it was the toga parties that won the day.

bullrunner

Sign me up Silas....however we need to have a name before sunday...as I have to put my religion onto the census form....


maybe we could call the cult the boarsien cult?:cool:

bullrunner

ferdi wrote:

sign me up

it was this or scientology, it was the toga parties that won the day.

according to Tom Cruise you can be a scientologist and a catholic/jew....maybe you can still be a scientologist??:)

Siogfinsceal

bullrunner wrote:

Sign me up Silas....however we need to have a name before sunday...as I have to put my religion onto the census form....


maybe we could call the cult the boarsien cult?:cool:

excellent lets do it - it will f**k up the heads of the census office

Riamfada

Count Grimes in as your Pope!

OMcGovern

Please post your height, and arm span..... I'll start building the cruxification cross.

jdc78

ditto for me

Riamfada

Hang on , i think I can recycle these old shoes I have to make some sort of small church for the little ones. Anyone got some Posin,sorry I mean Poson...dammit

Dizzyblabla

me too, as long as you can turn water into Boru vodka? I prefer it to absolute...

Raiser

Ciaran500, Beruthiel, BlueSpiral, Spudington16, Firespinner, Siogfinsceal, Silas, Ferdi, bullrunner, Grimes, OMcGovern, jdc78 are hereby confirmed as the Twelve Holy Disciples of the brand new Raiserite Cult. Hardly Last Supper material but I'll work with what I am given. Please show them their due reverence and respect going foward my people.

Yes Disciple Silas, it is indeed true that Toga parties, swimming pools and wintering in Barbados are not cheap, I'm presently investigating government grants/incentives/tax-breaks. All other suggestions re. generation of revenue are welcome.

Zulu

Chalk me down. I'm thinking I could resolve sins through carnal knowledge with hot birds. No fat chicks though.


...do I make the saint cut?

Tobias Greeshman

Bullrunner wrote:

maybe we could call the cult the boarsiencult?

How about we get rid of the cult and go for the fully fledged religion status. People are afraid of the word cult, so it could limit us recruiting people, although mentioning getting p***ed would have most Irish people asking how to sign up.

How's about Boardsology -> Boardsologist (members of the religion of Boardsology)

OMcGovern

People won't want to give you any/much money while they're alive... but you can play the long game. Ask to be mentioned in everybodys will, when they die. Maybe play with the psuedo scientific angle, and make the symbol the infinity sign.

Call your new religion "Church of Alternative Symmetric Hedonism", that way you can ask people to make their cheques out to "C.A.S.H" :-)

Siogfinsceal

thank you Raiser yay im a disciple of a new religion. I know ye probably think im taking the p*ss but im actually feeling quite special now ;-) anyone able to paint? we need a few frescoes -

Raiser

OMcGovern wrote:

People won't want to give you any/much money while they're alive... but you can play the long game. Ask to be mentioned in everybodys will, when they die. Maybe play with the psuedo scientific angle, and make the symbol the infinity sign.

Call your new religion "Church of Alternative Symmetric Hedonism", that way you can ask people to make their cheques out to "C.A.S.H" :-)

OMcGovern hereby promoted to head disciple reffective immediately, elevation of rank due to inventiveness and modest piety. I must reiterate however that name was stated already folks - its the Raiserite Cult. The first fundraiser is to be this weekend, we require 5000 bottles of Bavarian beer, 500 bottles of Boru vodka + varied mixers, a lakeside cabin, three jetskis and the services of a catering company.

Beruthiel

Raiser wrote:

[ Beruthiel.

I'll be in charge of security, anyone steps out of line gets to see the inside of the dungens....

jdc78

A can supply 4 tricycles for transport.

Sgt. Politeness

I call president!

Riamfada

I want a broadband capable room of monks who surf the net while I stand over them and yell, Post My Pretties! POST!

OMcGovern

Beruthiel wrote:

I'll be in charge of security, anyone steps out of line gets to see the inside of the dungens....

Sounds like you've a definite interest in bondage there


I think we might have a little problem with tradename conflicts though....

http://www.raise-rite.com/concrete/company_profile.html

Zulu

Siogfinsceal wrote:

anyone able to paint? we need a few frescoes -

I can both paint and tile! ...so thats the frescoes & murals sorted.

ferdi

can i donate all my money, worldly possession and the family home to my new found cult? all i need is my toga and a bottle of booze.

http://www.ron-turner.com/howtomakeatoga.html

DEmeant0r

I want sainthood these toga parties wouldn't be in Dublin by any chance?

Raiser

OMcGovern wrote:

Sounds like you've a definite interest in bondage there


I think we might have a little problem with tradename conflicts though....

http://www.raise-rite.com/concrete/company_profile.html

Good work Disciple OMcGovern - get on it, see if we can amalgamate - their present infrastructure would be ideal for building churches/accomodation, beer-cellars etc. - failing that we'll buy the ba$tards out.

Could someone please start an official Website ? I don't want thousands of unofficial Raiserite ones to spring up. Also I'm going to need a personal assistant, experience/office skills are not required & ladies don't forget to post a photo

OMcGovern

Senritsu wrote:

I want sainthood these toga parties wouldn't be in Dublin by any chance?

Hey, Raiser is everywhere.... unbeliever.

He is everyone, and he is no one.... much like an agent in the Matrix.
He can take over any user account on boards.ie

Tobias Greeshman

Senritsu wrote:

I want sainthood these toga parties wouldn't be in Dublin by any chance?

Yes I believe so, but hopefully there should be more of them happening around the country as we get more interest.

c - 13

I always wanted to join a cult, but not a cult like the waco extra crispies.
Count me in.

Nanananana Leader, Nanananana Leader,Nanananana Leader.

tintinr35

saint me biotch

ferdi

we need a 'Good Book' - a collection of wise and inspiring stories and quotations.

eg:

Zapp: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You'll practice bed making until you can do it in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm actually sleeping in it?
Zapp: You won't have time for sleeping soldier. Not with all the bed making you'll be doing.

jsr

Saint me up!
Can I glow in the dark now?

humanji

Do you by any chance need someone to persecute you for your beliefs? I'm generally narrowminded and am handy with making wooden crosses and starting fires.

I am also open to the idea of conversion at a later point to prove the greatness of Raiser and to have a bit of a mention in the Great Book Of Raiser, and maybe an icecream named after me.

DEmeant0r

I'm hoping our lord can make water into other types of alcohol as well

Raiser

ferdi wrote:

we need a 'Good Book' - a collection of wise and inspiring stories and quotations.

eg:

Zapp: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You'll practice bed making until you can do it in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm actually sleeping in it?
Zapp: You won't have time for sleeping soldier. Not with all the bed making you'll be doing.

Disciple Ferdi elevated to Press Officer/Chief Propaganda Minister/Spin-guru of the Raiserite Cult † - Disciple Ferdi see if Charlie Bird or Grainne Seoige are free for lunch will you - I want the media to get reporting on this one ASAP.

Anybody got any experience in sponsorship/marketing/advertising ? I bet Carlsberg will probably want to make a we don't do Cults... ad.

Somebody get over to Fashion/Appearance - we need to recruit someone to design a uniform and home/away togas - post back ASAP.

Kiera

Raiser wrote:

Could someone please start an official Website ? I don't want thousands of unofficial Raiserite ones to spring up. Also I'm going to need a personal assistant, experience/office skills are not required & ladies don't forget to post a photo

We could always take over this site www.cult.ie doesnt seem to have much going on???

ferdi

myself and TV3's alan cantwell and martin king are going for pints tomorrow to discuss some promo ops.

Raiser

Kiera wrote:

We could always take over this site www.cult.ie doesnt seem to have much going on???

Good work St. Kiera - appoint yourself a title will you, something I havn't thought of yet & try and delegate responsibilty will you? This thing is meant to be fun people lets not lose sight of that.

I'm also going to need a right hand man - somebody that knew me before I got holy and can bring me back down to earth when I occasionally turn into a meglomaniac from all of the wealth, fame, attention, power and female adulation. Somebody to slap me in the face and yell "Raiser get a hold of yourself"

c - 13

Dont forget you'll need about four or more Holy Henchmen
Whats the symbol of the Raiserites ?

garthv

Where do I sign?

Raiser

Saint C-13 I prefer the term Holy Henchmen - you're assigned if you have the stomach for it.

I was musing and pondering over Ж - It is a symbol that appears on some holy scrolls I happen to have put away somewhere.

We can discuss such matters briefly after 15-18 strong German beers at our next ceremonial gathering.

Vinnie69

Sign me up.

I am already composing hymns. Lets start with "I don't care if it rains or freezes as long as I've got my plastic Raiser sitting on the dashboard of my car"

"What a friend we have in Raiser"

"There is a green field close by"

"The Raiser is my Sheepshagger"
"Onward Raiser's Dolers"

And we could have a hanging party for around this time of year (but not for our Raiser)

Kiera

Raiser wrote:

Good work St. Kiera - appoint yourself a title will you, something I havn't thought of yet & try and delegate responsibilty will you? This thing is meant to be fun people lets not lose sight of that.

I'm also going to need a right hand man - somebody that knew me before I got holy and can bring me back down to earth when I occasionally turn into a meglomaniac from all of the wealth, fame, attention, power and female adulation. Somebody to slap me in the face and yell "Raiser get a hold of yourself"

Well there you go! I'll be St. Slapper

Well you know what i mean. No better girl to sort someone out when they're getting too big for their boots!! I'll be your right hand woman

Daelus

I could be like a backup disciple. Just in case something happens to one of the original 12.

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c - 13

Raiser wrote:

Saint C-13 I prefer the term Holy Henchmen - you're assigned if you have the stomach for it.

Apologies, origional post edited.

St. c-13, Holy henchman#1 .... I like the sound of it.