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Acceptable behaviour favours woman?

2

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Reading through this thread, what people are dancing around (using specific examples) is the difference in attitude that exists towards man and women controlling their emotions. Given the effects of testosterone, I can understand where this comes from historically, but does that make it acceptable for women to act in an anti-social fashion either?

    Crying is actually a mild, if common example, but you’ll actually find that women are far more likely to resort to violence than men in arguments (the old cliché of a slap across the face). The worst case, of course, involves those women who make no attempts to control mood swings just before menstruation - there are various dietary supplements that can make huge differences in this.

    Is this acceptable behaviour? If it is, then perhaps we should consider repealing female emancipation.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 483 ✭✭lazydaisy


    Because MS your real concern here seems to be how people are perceiving the man, and not how stressed or sad the person crying is.

    Yes you should accept it. What are you going to do, make a law that prohibits women from crying? Go up to women you see crying and tell them to stop it because its bothering you? You cant control it so accept it. Welcome to adulthood.

    Corinthian, Im not even going to address your blatant sexist remarks.Why dont you focus on all the anti-social behavior women have to put up with from men. It goes both ways you know.

    If you guys dont like women, you should go to the homosexual forum. Im sure if you find the gay man section there wont be any women around to bother you with their tears and mood swings.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    THe point is control not the assumption that everybody is faking crying but they should be able to control emotional responses.
    How do you not cry?

    Crying is not a voluntary response, as far as I know. It is very hard to stop yourself crying in the same way it is very hard to stop yourself laughing.

    It is nothing like shouting or getting aggressive.
    It doesn't seem like equality to me and that men in front of a crying woman seem to be assumed to be at fault.
    Assumed by who? This is a ridiculously general statement.

    Are you talking about the specific case in point, cause if you believe the fare inspecters weren't at fault that is fair enough.

    But I fail to see how a general arugment or point can be taken from this example. Every instance would be different. Simply saying it is not acceptable for women to cry in front of men so other people don't think the men are responsible is silly (IMHO).
    The other part of the issue is that some people use crying intentionally because of how people feel about a woman crying

    And ... ?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Reading through this thread, what people are dancing around (using specific examples) is the difference in attitude that exists towards man and women controlling their emotions. Given the effects of testosterone, I can understand where this comes from historically, but does that make it acceptable for women to act in an anti-social fashion either?

    Crying is actually a mild, if common example, but you’ll actually find that women are far more likely to resort to violence than men in arguments (the old cliché of a slap across the face). The worst case, of course, involves those women who make no attempts to control mood swings just before menstruation - there are various dietary supplements that can make huge differences in this.

    Is this acceptable behaviour? If it is, then perhaps we should consider repealing female emancipation.

    I would agree that, in my experience, women are more likely to resort to getting aggressive and violent than men in public places. But I fail to see how this relates to crying.

    Crying is not a form of aggression.

    It can be a form of passive aggression, but so can laughter. To say generally crying is unacceptable (not saying you are TC) because it could be a form of passive aggression is ridiculous. You might as well say any form of laughing or smiling should be unacceptable in public because it might be a case where someone is laughing at someone else


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 483 ✭✭lazydaisy


    And how can crying be used intentionally and also be a display of a woman out of control? Makes no sense.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Wicknight wrote:
    I would agree that, in my experience, women are more likely to resort to getting aggressive and violent than men in public places. But I fail to see how this relates to crying.
    Read the first paragraph I wrote again.
    Crying is not a form of aggression.
    Masturbating in public is not a form of aggression. Farting in company is not a form of aggression. Picking you nose in front of another is not a form of aggression.

    But it is disconcerting to those around you and thus is considered anti-social behaviour. Crying is often the same.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    lazydaisy wrote:
    And how can crying be used intentionally and also be a display of a woman out of control? Makes no sense.

    Good point .. i have never met someone fake crying that you didn't instantly see thats what they were doing. It is normally obvious if someone is genuinely upset


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Wicknight wrote:
    I have never met someone fake crying that you didn't instantly see thats what they were doing.
    That's like suggesting that all frauds are discovered, because the only frauds we know of are the discovered ones.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    That's like suggesting that all frauds are discovered, because the only frauds we know of are the discovered ones.

    No, the original point is like saying it shouldn't be acceptable to be friendly to people you just met because some people might be con-artists.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Crying in public is not unacceptable, even for a man. If I just found out that my mom and dad were dead would anyone here object if i started bawling on the DART?

    The issue the OP seems to have is that you should have a very good reason for crying, and being hassled by ticket inspectors isn't, the OP's mind, a very good reason. So to the OP this woman was crying over nothing, and because crying makes others uncomfortable we demand people have a damn good reason for it.

    The fact is though, the person crying isn't thinking "Damn, this isn't really a good enough reason, I am going to stop crying now" ... it doesn't work like that ... if they are upset they are upset.

    it is more our issues with why crying makes other uncomfortable that should be looked at.


  • Registered Users Posts: 319 ✭✭annR


    >>Masturbating in public is not a form of aggression. Farting in company is not a form of aggression. Picking you nose in front of another is not a form of aggression.
    But it is disconcerting to those around you and thus is considered anti-social behaviour. Crying is often the same.<<

    Except that crying is usually involuntary.

    >>Crying is actually a mild, if common example, but you’ll actually find that women are far more likely to resort to violence than men in arguments (the old cliché of a slap across the face). The worst case, of course, involves those women who make no attempts to control mood swings just before menstruation - there are various dietary supplements that can make huge differences in this.<<

    Yes that's what we're saying! Crying is a mild and common example of someone not being able to control their emotions. So what's the problem with it???????? Noone is condoning any violence, from either men or women. So why's crying unacceptable and anti social? I find it hilarious to think that if you saw a woman crying would you presume she's have PMS but forgotten to take her dietary supplement! LOL. Who cares why she's crying, she's upset for some reason.

    In fact you could argue that if women didn't cry, their emotions would overwhelm them in some other way, making them more likely to become aggressive or violent (like men??? ha ha) So isn't crying a good thing then?

    I think Morningstar is trying to say that he doesn't know how to reaact by a woman crying. I suggest that he try to improve his own reactions rather than say that crying, which is a normal human behaviour, is anti social.

    >>How do you deal if a woman if she starts crying for a normal or understable situation?<<

    That's up to you given the situation. But there's no need to get uptight and freaked out about it. Next time it happens, try relaxing and doing nothing. If you think you can help, do so. If you can't, don't. Don't take it personally! I don't mean to be sarcastic, I think a lot of men have trouble how to react to a crying woman.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Wicknight wrote:
    Crying in public is not unacceptable, even for a man.
    I didn't say unacceptable, I said anti-social - and it is. There's a lot of things that are anti-social (screaming babies and drunks come to mind) that are still tolerated.
    No, the original point is like saying it shouldn't be acceptable to be friendly to people you just met because some people might be con-artists.
    I was responding to your point, not hers.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    I didn't say unacceptable, I said anti-social - and it is. There's a lot of things that are anti-social (screaming babies and drunks come to mind) that are still tolerated.
    Well I doubt someone crying their eyes out in a public place is trying to make friends ...
    I was responding to your point, not hers.

    And I was responding to the idea that because some women cry in a passive aggressive way, all crying in public should be unacceptable.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    annR wrote:
    Except that crying is usually involuntary.
    So is pissing yourself, but we learn to control it.
    Yes that's what we're saying! Crying is a mild and common example of someone not being able to control their emotions. So what's the problem with it????????
    That it’s upsetting others. That’s why this thread was started, after all.
    I find it hilarious to think that if you saw a woman crying would you presume she's have PMS but forgotten to take her dietary supplement! LOL.
    I never said or even suggested that.
    In fact you could argue that if women didn't cry, their emotions would overwhelm them in some other way, making them more likely to become aggressive or violent (like men??? ha ha) So isn't crying a good thing then?
    Care to back that up with some reason, let alone evidence, or were you simply being flippant?
    I suggest that he try to improve his own reactions rather than say that crying, which is a normal human behaviour, is anti social.
    You’ll find that most anti-social behaviour is also normal human behaviour too. So if he is reacting to anti-social behaviour, it’s not really his problem – it’s the problem of the person being anti social.
    That's up to you given the situation. But there's no need to get uptight and freaked out about it. Next time it happens, try relaxing and doing nothing. If you think you can help, do so. If you can't, don't. Don't take it personally!
    Next time I feel like giving a nice lass a quick grope, I might use that same line :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,537 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Earthhorse wrote:
    Shouting to thin air is not aggression,
    I'm not certain on that. It can certainly be very streessful for people in earshot.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Wicknight wrote:
    Well I doubt someone crying their eyes out in a public place is trying to make friends ...
    What's your point? How does that in any way invalidate mine?
    And I was responding to the idea that because some women cry in a passive aggressive way, all crying in public should be unacceptable.
    Your point was still a logical fallacy though.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,917 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    "It's not surprising maybe that women cry more often than men," said Dr. William Frey II, director of the Alzheimer's Research Center at Regions Hospital in St. Paul and the author of "Crying: The Mystery of Tears." "Because as we develop, the hormone differences between the sexes result in the tear glands developing differently, and when we look under the microscope we can see that these cells are different." Women cry more than men due to the physical and hormonal difference between them.

    The hormone prolactin is present in the mammary glands and induces lactation but it is also found in the blood and tear glands. Boys and girls have the same level of this hormone until they are twelve years old. The girl's amount then gradually rises and by the time they are eighteen they have sixty percent more than boys do.

    The tear glands in men and women are also anatomically different, as are their tears. According to Frey's research, when men cry 73 percent of the time, tears do not fall down their cheeks. Men may get misty-eyed, but teardrops don't give way. When women cry almost every crying episode involves runaway tears down their cheeks.

    Many different things cause women to cry such as, frustration, stress, personal problems and hormonal changes caused by pregnancy, menstruation or menopause. All these things can lead to tears that are sometimes unavoidable.

    85 percent of women and 73 percent of men said that they felt better after crying, which shows that tears may help remove chemicals that build up after stress according to Frey. Also scientists and sociologists both say that women are more inclined than men to feel the urge to cry when they are frustrated.

    This may lead to problems for women in certain situations at work. Researchers at Pennsylvania State University found that men's tears are viewed more positively than women's. This is because men are found crying less frequently.

    Get Over It!
    :cool:


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    By empirically observing the fact, that males dominate every important aspect of society, one could make the case that acceptable behaviour favours men.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,289 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    The question would be better put as: why is it more acceptable in society for women to lose control over their emotions in public than it is for men?

    And, imho, without implying anything sexist (because in general men accept this behaviour just as much as women and the question regards the perception of this behaviour rather than the behaviour itself) it's a valid question.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,730 ✭✭✭✭simu


    Sleepy wrote:
    The question would be better put as: why is it more acceptable in society for women to lose control over their emotions in public than it is for men?

    And, imho, without implying anything sexist (because in general men accept this behaviour just as much as women and the question regards the perception of this behaviour rather than the behaviour itself) it's a valid question.

    Because, according to cliché, women are more emotional than men so it's not so much that they are losing control in public but that they are displaying one of their characteristic features (the experience of emotion).


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,031 ✭✭✭MorningStar


    Iguana>
    The same arguement could be used for men and their testosterone quantities make men quicker to anger and physically changes them. The whole point is the loss of control of one particular human nature.
    Men are in fact punished for the consequences of their nature. More are in prison due to assult, car insurance is higher etc... Men are expected to control their nature I expect the same as woman. It has been said that the western high rate of male suicide is connected with the fact they have to suppress their nature.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 769 ✭✭✭Freelancer


    No one is denying that women may be more predisposed to certain behaviour, only whether it should be socially acceptable. After all, men are hormonally more predisposed to commit rape or murder.

    Feel free to get over that when some bloke bends you over a car.

    I drafted a long reponse to the above last night but apparently it hasn't appeared.

    In the cold morning light I'm able to see this for what it is a profoundly distasteful attempt at trolling.

    Comparing the act of rape to crying to public is a joke, and a poor one at that. The poster's graphic description of "bending you over a car" suggested to a female poster is a lurid and violent image, and is trolling of the most base and tasteless manner.

    I doubt that this poster would dare attempt to use such vivid imagery if he was debating this subject manner with a female friend or family member in a face to face discussion, it would not be tolerated, and rightly so, and it should not be tolerated here.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,031 ✭✭✭MorningStar


    Freelancer wrote:
    I drafted a long reponse to the above last night but apparently it hasn't appeared.

    In the cold morning light I'm able to see this for what it is a profoundly distasteful attempt at trolling.

    It is a valid point, while you might dislike the visual and simplistic nature of the point it is valid.
    He is after all a creature that has mouths for eyeballs and lives in nightmare;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Freelancer wrote:
    I drafted a long reponse to the above last night but apparently it hasn't appeared.
    Well thank goodness for small mercies.
    In the cold morning light I'm able to see this for what it is a profoundly distasteful attempt at trolling.
    Not at all, I was quite serious and I make no apologies for it.
    Comparing the act of rape to crying to public is a joke, and a poor one at that. The poster's graphic description of "bending you over a car" suggested to a female poster is a lurid and violent image, and is trolling of the most base and tasteless manner.
    The point was that you cannot excuse something on the basis that it is simply, as Simu described it, a characteristic feature of a specific gender. Raising the point of another such predisposition, which is blatantly anti-social, was designed to debunk that simplistic approach.
    I doubt that this poster would dare attempt to use such vivid imagery if he was debating this subject manner with a female friend or family member in a face to face discussion, it would not be tolerated, and rightly so, and it should not be tolerated here.
    Get off the pulpit. You lack the balance to stand atop it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,149 ✭✭✭✭Lemming


    I see that mysoginism is alive and well on boards.ie
    I actually feel quite disappointed. Surprised, no, but disappointed most certainly.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Lemming wrote:
    I see that mysoginism is alive and well on boards.ie
    I actually feel quite disappointed. Surprised, no, but disappointed most certainly.
    Care to explain that with a little more reason and a little less mindless cliché?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Equating rape with someone crying is drastic and distasteful for a lot of people,
    But such shock tactics are not unknown for a certain poster.

    But are we at the stage when men see a woman crying as an assault on them?
    That a women crying makes them jealous as it a release what is not afforded to them?
    Or that it is seen as emotional blackmail and an attempt to be manipulative?

    Having grown up in a male dominated family, with mainly male friends and pursued engineering in college and as a career I learned fairly quickly that crying when I got upset, pissed off, hurt or frustrated was not acceptable. Kicking a door or wall or swearing is but not crying.

    Crying is not a simple bodily function like urination and where as it can be controlled an extent there is a price to be paid it is part of an all over body response to high emotion.

    Women and men are not the same (shock horror), and an over spilling of tears (not uncontrolled sobbing) when a woman is angry/upset/frustrated is perfectly normal, most men’s reaction to it is not. The attitudes of ‘you cry, you lose’ ‘cry and no one takes you seriously’ ‘only the weak cry’ are wrong. Women are still able to kick some ones ass on many levels while they happened to be shedding tears.

    Yes women tend to be more emotional then men but crying is a release of certain emotions and can in fact be a strength. If someone is reacting badly to someone crying then they need to look at themselves and figure out why they are phobic about it.

    My own mother cries at that drop of a hat but that is when she is happy, tears have many meanings. My 7 year old son is being taught it is ok to cry when he is sad, my 5 year old daughter is being taught that you can’t cry and expect someone giving out to you to stop or to get out of doing something just because you are crying.

    We cry less as we emotionally mature but that does not mean we should not cry when we need to both men and women.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Sleepy wrote:
    The question would be better put as: why is it more acceptable in society for women to lose control over their emotions in public than it is for men?.

    I always saw it more that men are not allowed cry rather than women are allowed cry. (and yes there is a difference)

    Which do people believe should be more acceptable, woman should not cry or men should be allowed cry?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,149 ✭✭✭✭Lemming


    Care to explain that with a little more reason and a little less mindless cliché?

    I don't need to explain. That rather defensive response spoke volumes TC.

    This "I find women crying offensive. They should shut up and deal with it. Stupid bints" mentality that several posters have displayed IS mysoginistic. As pointed out, women and men are inherintely different in their social make-up, and tha's more than likely down to social grooming.

    A woman crying != manipulation as a certain muppet (I wont name names, and no it's not you TC) would ike to alude to. I would question why said user feels uncomfortable around a woman displaying emotion, and would bring into qusetion said user's own maturity and ability to deal with different emotional responses.


  • Registered Users Posts: 319 ✭✭annR


    This thread is completely ridiculous and I object to The Corinthian's language. I can't believe we are trying to explain why crying is different from a violent assault.
    The whole premise seems to be that crying upsets people and is therefore anti social. To be honest, some woman crying doesn't upset me, I don't mind.
    I've asked a million times why MS and The Corinthian and whoever else finds crying upsetting in the first place but they haven't answered.

    I'm not reading this thread anymore because I find The Corinthian's language offensive.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Thaedydal wrote:
    But are we at the stage when men see a woman crying as an assault on them?
    Neither is farting, but you’ll find that’s considered pretty anti-social.
    Kicking a door or wall or swearing is but not crying.
    In fairness, neither is.
    Women and men are not the same (shock horror), and an over spilling of tears (not uncontrolled sobbing) when a woman is angry/upset/frustrated is perfectly normal, most men’s reaction to it is not.
    Again with the “it’s justified because it is natural” argument. No one is denying that women may be predisposed to certain behaviour, any more than men are other behaviour, however, this alone does not excuse or justify that behaviour if it is considered anti-social to a large enough proportion of the population.
    Yes women tend to be more emotional then men but crying is a release of certain emotions and can in fact be a strength.
    How can it ‘in fact’ be a strength? Tree hugging aside, I’m not actually convinced of that at all.
    If someone is reacting badly to someone crying then they need to look at themselves and figure out why they are phobic about it.
    I’ll suggest that to the next lass I decide to drop the hand on when she gets upset.

    Seriously, if people accept that something upsets or makes uncomfortable significant proportion of the population and it can be controlled, why is it still tolerated? Men may be tempted to leer or even grope an attractive woman - instinctively that is natural to us, but we do not do it. Men may resort to violence too, as it is instinctively that is natural to us, but we do not do it.

    Why is it then acceptable for women to indulge themselves? Are they really so much the weaker sex that a separate set of rules need apply to them?

    Such justifications remind me of the Jack Nicholson line in ‘As Good as It Gets’, when he’s asked how he comes up with his female characters and he responds “I think of a man, then I take away reason and accountability”. Please tell me he’s wrong.
    Lemming wrote:
    I don't need to explain. That rather defensive response spoke volumes TC.
    Defensive response? I was taking to task for talking crap. Nothing more defensive in my response as in any other in this thread, so please stop inventing justifications.
    This "I find women crying offensive. They should shut up and deal with it. Stupid bints" mentality that several posters have displayed IS mysoginistic.
    Hold your horses. You’re now inventing dialogue for me.
    As pointed out, women and men are inherintely different in their social make-up, and tha's more than likely down to social grooming.
    What’s that got to do with what I’ve asked you?
    A woman crying != manipulation as a certain muppet (I wont name names, and no it's not you TC) would ike to alude to.
    Oh, at least you’re not going to attribute another invention to me. Still, I’d appreciate it if you actually were able to back up you accusation towards me with more solid than your fancy.
    annR wrote:
    This thread is completely ridiculous and I object to The Corinthian's language. I can't believe we are trying to explain why crying is different from a violent assault.
    Well you managed to ignore everything else that was posed to you, so why should that be any different?
    The whole premise seems to be that crying upsets people and is therefore anti social.
    To be honest, some woman crying doesn't upset me, I don't mind.
    On the basis that it does not upset you, you feel it should not be a problem for anyone - that is one of the more idiotic statements I’ve heard in a while.
    I've asked a million times why MS and The Corinthian and whoever else finds crying upsetting in the first place but they haven't answered.
    We’ve responded. Repeatedly. We’ve even responded to your points, but you’ve ignored those responses or seemingly prefer to walk off in an indignant huff.
    I'm not reading this thread anymore because I find The Corinthian's language offensive.
    Don’t forget to shut the door behind you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Iguana>
    The same arguement could be used for men and their testosterone quantities make men quicker to anger and physically changes them. The whole point is the loss of control of one particular human nature.
    Men are in fact punished for the consequences of their nature. More are in prison due to assult, car insurance is higher etc... Men are expected to control their nature I expect the same as woman. It has been said that the western high rate of male suicide is connected with the fact they have to suppress their nature.

    Where are people getting this bs from? Crying is not the same as aggression.

    You seem to not even understand why aggression such as shouting, bullying, threats etc are not acceptable. It is not simply because they are a loss of control, it is because they threaten the other person or people around them. Crying does not do that. Crying does not threaten violence.

    It is as totally unacceptable for a woman to be aggressive and threaten violence as it is for a man.

    This thread is beyond ridiculous.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Wicknight wrote:
    Where are people getting this bs from? Crying is not the same as aggression.
    Does something have to be physically aggressive before it inappropriate behaviour?
    This thread is beyond ridiculous.
    What is ridiculous it the attempts to find offence in, ridicule or ignore the questions being posed so as to avoid engaging them.

    The question of the acceptability of crying is part of a wider debate about how one gender is expected to control anti-social urges and the other, for historical reasons, is not (you’ll note I pointed this out in my first post on the subject). The wider question includes why we seemingly tolerate violence from women when we don’t from men. Why is a woman slapping a man in a bar funny and the reverse a taboo? The difference in strength alone cannot justify this double standard.

    Crying is a far lesser example, but not unrelated. I don’t like watching someone cry, I find it mildly uncomfortable. That’s a perfectly natural response. Yet I am expected to tolerate it, not because it is beyond their control (as with an infant) but because we are simply expected to.

    To date the only argument that’s been given is that it is natural for women to behave in this manner. Yet this does not explain why then men must suppress their natural urges and women should not - in the end, no matter how violent or not these may be, if they make people feel uncomfortable or worse, then they are inappropriate. It’s actually that simple. If they can’t be helped, then Society will tend to tolerate it, but these things can be helped - the only reason that they have been tolerated up until now is precisely because of the chauvinistic myth that women could not control their emotions.

    So there’s frankly nothing ridiculous about this discussion. We’re discussing a double standard that can only realistically exist if we accept that women are in some way incapable of controlling themselves. And thankfully no one has suggested that.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,443 ✭✭✭✭bonkey


    Lemming wrote:
    A woman crying != manipulation

    If you drop gender from that statement, does its validity change?

    As a matter of interest, given that manipulation is exactly what we first learn the purpose of crying to be (as children).....when do we get away from it being as a means to an end, and it becomes instead purely an end in and of itself?

    jc


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,031 ✭✭✭MorningStar


    Wicknight wrote:
    Where are people getting this bs from? Crying is not the same as aggression.

    You seem to not even understand why aggression such as shouting, bullying, threats etc are not acceptable. It is not simply because they are a loss of control, it is because they threaten the other person or people around them. Crying does not do that. Crying does not threaten violence.

    It is as totally unacceptable for a woman to be aggressive and threaten violence as it is for a man.

    This thread is beyond ridiculous.

    Actually if you paid attention you would notice people are not connecting aggression and crying together simply. They are saying loss of emotional control is unacceptable are you saying woman are weaker than men emotionally and therfore should be allowed behave this way? Using those grounds it would be reasonable to assume they shouldn't have jobs of power as they can't control emotional responses.
    To say all aggresion is a threat is the way you manage to make your view one sided. Shouting isn't a threat it's aggression or loss of control and crying is upset but also loss of control.
    WHy is it acceptable for a woman to lose control of her emotional responses? This applies to light sentences for woman for the same acts of brutality that might casue a man to get a heavy. Any case of spousal abuse by a woman or cases of child abuse show this very vividly.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    They are saying loss of emotional control is unacceptable
    But it is not the loss of emotional control that is the reason shouting and other aggression is unacceptable. It is the preception of threat.

    You are fundamentally missing the point as to why shouting, bullying and other forms of aggression (and even passive aggression) are unacceptable.
    are you saying woman are weaker than men emotionally and therfore should be allowed behave this way?
    Behave what way? Crying is nothing like shouting or being aggressive.

    I have no problem with either a man or a woman crying if they are genuinely upset. Like I said, would anyone here object if a man started crying because his parents just died?

    I have a problem with both men or women acting aggressively toward me, even if they are genuinely upset.

    Using those grounds it would be reasonable to assume they shouldn't have jobs of power as they can't control emotional responses.
    What the hell are you talking about?

    Why is it acceptable for a woman to lose control of her emotional responses?
    Why should it not be acceptable for a woman to lose control of her emotional responses so long as she is not being threatening or violent. Why should it not be acceptable for a man to lose control of his emotional responses so long as he is not being threatening or violent?
    This applies to light sentences for woman for the same acts of brutality that might casue a man to get a heavy.

    What acts of brutaility!! Crying is not an act of brutality!! Geez ...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,031 ✭✭✭MorningStar


    Wicknight wrote:
    But it is not the loss of emotional control that is the reason shouting and other aggression is unacceptable. It is the preception of threat.
    Well then you have a simple lack of knowledge and seem to be unable to focus on what is being said. Lets keep it simple and compare crying and shouting. By keep on addding "other aggression" to it which is like saying crying and other forms of hysterial. We are not simply talking about the full range of losing control.
    Wicknight wrote:
    You are fundamentally missing the point as to why shouting, bullying and other forms of aggression (and even passive aggression) are unacceptable.
    Using that logic you would be claiming people don't shout when they are upset. Men shout when they are upset instead of crying it isn't acceptable yet the same upset a woman cries puts the other person in uncomfortable situation. Are you saying everybody who is shouted at sees it purely as a violent act and can't see the person is upset?
    Wicknight wrote:
    Behave what way? Crying is nothing like shouting or being aggressive.
    Crying when they are upset. Your opinion that crying is completely different to shouting just indicates your lack of knowledge. They are commonly the acts of people who are upset (hurt feelings or anger). They are acts of lack of emotional control that simple your opinion doesn't really matter as it is psychology. A socail acceptance of things doesn't mean it is right, people used to think woman shouldn't dance becasue they didn't have strong enough legs.
    Wicknight wrote:
    I have no problem with either a man or a woman crying if they are genuinely upset. Like I said, would anyone here object if a man started crying because his parents just died?
    AS I have repeated many times we are talking normal day to day situations that could happen. Do you think peoples' parents can die on a daily basis. You can be upset with out losing control in a normal situation. Where is the limit to you where a woman would be crying unnesssarily? Flat tyre, cry no cry? Bokrn plate? Chipped nail? People can get upset when they shouldn't just becasue it is genuine doesn't excuse it, it is simple inappropriate for many things.

    I have a problem with both men or women acting aggressively toward me, even if they are genuinely upset.
    Wicknight wrote:

    What the hell are you talking about?
    If it is acceptable for woman to lose emotional control how could it be seen that they could do a good job without being irratic?

    Wicknight wrote:
    Why should it not be acceptable for a woman to lose control of her emotional responses so long as she is not being threatening or violent. Why should it not be acceptable for a man to lose control of his emotional responses so long as he is not being threatening or violent?
    As has been said it is anti-social, not the act of an adult and complete lack of self control in general.
    Wicknight wrote:

    What acts of brutaility!! Crying is not an act of brutality!! Geez ...
    If a woman and a man commited the same brutal crime with the same past history a woman will get a lighter sentence. Why? I would say because woman are precieved differently. Woman are not being held responsible for their own actions to the same extent men are. You can't even talk of a shouting man without assuming he will perfom other acts of violence. Equality in society is what I want.
    A man standing in front of a crying woman is at risk from phsyical harm from people who assume the worst. Are you male and have you ever experineced this?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Men shout when they are upset instead of crying it isn't acceptable
    Men don't shout instead of crying, women don't cry instead of shouting ... where the hell did you get this from??

    The reasons people shout and get aggressive are different than the reasons people cry. You seem to have this ridiculous stereotype about men and women, that in exactly the same situation men shout and women cry. That is nonsense.

    If a woman has a bad temper and is quick to anger she is just as likely to start shouting as a man with a bad temper who is quick to anger. If a man is meek, nervous and emotional he is just as likely to start crying in a stressful situation as a woman who is meek nervous and emotional.
    Are you saying everybody who is shouted at sees it purely as a violent act and can't see the person is upset?
    I am saying that when someone is shouted at in an aggresive fashion they percieve that person as threatening. That is why shouting at someone is generally unacceptable. It is irrelivent if a man or woman is doing the shouting.
    They are commonly the acts of people who are upset (hurt feelings or anger).
    Yes they are, but the sex of the person has very little to do with anything.
    They are acts of lack of emotional control that simple your opinion doesn't really matter as it is psychology.
    Yeah you are overwhelming me with your indepth knowledge of psychology .. men shout, women cry ... you should write a book...
    A socail acceptance of things doesn't mean it is right, people used to think woman shouldn't dance becasue they didn't have strong enough legs.
    What??
    People can get upset when they shouldn't just becasue it is genuine doesn't excuse it, it is simple inappropriate for many things.
    Like i said all along, you think people should only cry if they have a very good reason, and you don't think getting upset on a train is a very good reason. Thats your opinion, and its your issues, and it ignores the fact that people don't choose to get upset and cry.
    I have a problem with both men or women acting aggressively toward me, even if they are genuinely upset.
    Good, you should do. Do you have a problem with a person crying even if they are genuinely upset?
    If it is acceptable for woman to lose emotional control how could it be seen that they could do a good job without being irratic?
    Well first you have to be of the impression that all women will get upset over silly small things. This opinion seems to be more a reflection of your issues towards women than reality.
    As has been said it is anti-social, not the act of an adult and complete lack of self control in general.
    Crying in general? Or crying when you don't think the person has a right to be upset?
    If a woman and a man commited the same brutal crime with the same past history a woman will get a lighter sentence. Why?
    What are you basing that on?

    This thread seems to have been all along (as I suspected from the start) a thinly vailed rant against women in general ("woman have it so good, blah blah blah"). Seriously this thread is ridiculous.
    Woman are not being held responsible for their own actions to the same extent men are.
    Held responsible?? What are you talking about. What should a woman (or man) crying because they are upset be responsible for exactly? They are not doing anything to anyone by crying.
    Equality in society is what I want.
    You got it, it is equally unacceptable for a woman to shout and get aggressive as it is for a man to shout and get aggressive.
    A man standing in front of a crying woman is at risk from phsyical harm from people who assume the worst.
    What?? Physical harm from who? Was this ticket inspector attacked by passangers on the train? Did I miss that part?
    Are you male and have you ever experineced this?
    I am male, I have never been attacked because someone thought I had done something a crying girl. I imagine you have and this is where this rather silly rant is coming from, your own issues towards women (or a woman in particular) rather than actual reality.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭savoyard


    If a woman and a man commited the same brutal crime with the same past history a woman will get a lighter sentence. Why? I would say because woman are precieved differently. Woman are not being held responsible for their own actions to the same extent men are. from people who assume the worst. Are you male and have you ever experineced this?

    Where are you getting this from? Criminologists say that when men and women commit the same crime, particularly when it is a violent crime, the women tends to be punished more, by the courts and public opinion, for what is seen as "unnatural" behavior. Look at Myra Hindley and Ian Brady for the most famous example. Some women may get manslaughter rather than murder for killing their partners but this is generally when they have been raped and beaten by the same partner. And lets get one thing straight: the fact is that women do not cause as much violent crime as men do. That is why people are more afraid of a man shouting that a woman. Statistically, he is more likely to turn violent than a women, nevermind a shouting or crying woman. Apart from anything else, it's quite hard to batter someone with tears in your eyes.

    Crying is not agressive behaviour. Of course, it can be manipulative. Some women and men cry in certain situations - humilation, frustration whatever. For most, it's not something they are proud of. And as others have said, you're making wide sweeping statements. In my relationship I react by getting angry, my partner is a sulker. I've seen more women shout in public to get their way than cry.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Well dropping the hand can result in you being done for assualt to sexual assualt
    big difference between that and crying; the upset of watching some one cry is not comparible to the upset of being assualted sexually or otherwise.
    Anyone who gets that upset at the sight and sound of a person crying needs
    professinal help and should talk to thier dr about it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,031 ✭✭✭MorningStar


    Wicknight wrote:
    Men don't shout instead of crying, women don't cry instead of shouting ... where the hell did you get this from??
    Well that is your opinion and I have know idea what you base that on. When I was studying psychology I learnt differently they are acknowledged as differnet but have the same causes of just different ways to epxress them. THEY ARE FORMS OF EXPRESSION NOTHING MORE OR LESS. You don't agree argue that point not that they are acceptable becasue a woman is thinking differntly to the extent she can't control herself.
    Wicknight wrote:
    The reasons people shout and get aggressive are different than the reasons people cry. You seem to have this ridiculous stereotype about men and women, that in exactly the same situation men shout and women cry. That is nonsense.
    How do you know that? ASk a person who is upset and they will say I don't know whether to scream or cry. A very common expression did you never hear it.


    Wicknight wrote:
    I am saying that when someone is shouted at in an aggresive fashion they percieve that person as threatening. That is why shouting at someone is generally unacceptable. It is irrelivent if a man or woman is doing the shouting.
    Well then you are talking about the wrong thing. I am talking about crying compared directly to shouting. I find it uncomfortable to be cried at and rate that emotional response the same as feeling threatened are you going to deny my emotional response?


    Wicknight wrote:
    Yeah you are overwhelming me with your indepth knowledge of psychology .. men shout, women cry ... you should write a book...

    Becasue I studied something might mean I know something in the subject that you don't. What are you basing your opinions on then? THe school of life is it?

    Wicknight wrote:
    Like i said all along, you think people should only cry if they have a very good reason, and you don't think getting upset on a train is a very good reason. Thats your opinion, and its your issues, and it ignores the fact that people don't choose to get upset and cry.
    It is my opinion which doesn't make it an issue as you try to suggest. Experts see crying as being overwhelmed. If you get over whelemed easily you have a lack of control on your emotions. People don't choose to breath but they can control it!


    Wicknight wrote:
    Well first you have to be of the impression that all women will get upset over silly small things. This opinion seems to be more a reflection of your issues towards women than reality.
    Well glad you could avoid the question. Where is your limit of allowing this behaviour? It is obvious some people over reat where do you draw the line for men or woman to respond with their more natural responses? THere has to be a point where their genuine emotional responses is considered unreasonable. Do you have a limit for womens' responses or do you only do that for men.
    Wicknight wrote:
    Crying in general? Or crying when you don't think the person has a right to be upset?

    Wel if you just want to be stupid go ahead but it is clear what I mean
    Wicknight wrote:
    What are you basing that on?
    I am basing it on the reports from the courts and account of men in abusive relationships. The prisions geared towards woman in this state. The bias nature of custody cases. What are you basing your beliefs on?
    Wicknight wrote:
    This thread seems to have been all along (as I suspected from the start) a thinly vailed rant against women in general ("woman have it so good, blah blah blah"). Seriously this thread is ridiculous.
    Well you are wrong it is about fair treatment and I guess the Suffijet (sp) had people say they were doing woman harm. I never said woman have it good just that they are allowed act differntly to men and that the truth is they are allowed demonstrate a lack of emotional control and men aren't.
    If it is so riddiculous you don't have to keep coming back.
    To be honest I put in humanities because I thought people would reaonably debate the issue not have peole assum points not made.

    Wicknight wrote:
    Held responsible?? What are you talking about. What should a woman (or man) crying because they are upset be responsible for exactly? They are not doing anything to anyone by crying.
    Responsible for their lack of emotional control the same way a m man shouting can be called threatening and/or abusive and be thrown out of a store.
    Wicknight wrote:
    You got it, it is equally unacceptable for a woman to shout and get aggressive as it is for a man to shout and get aggressive.
    It is socially unnaceptable for a man to cry in public too so why should we allow woman?
    Wicknight wrote:
    What?? Physical harm from who? Was this ticket inspector attacked by passangers on the train? Did I miss that part?

    Well as many people assumed the worst of this man and suggested he have an official complain put in becasue of his bully boy tactics. That is a danger to his job. I have seen people hit people becasue of a crying girl many many time but that was mostly due to alchol and inexperienced drinkers. Well possible that the assumption of fault is on the person not crying
    Wicknight wrote:
    I am male, I have never been attacked because someone thought I had done something a crying girl. I imagine you have and this is where this rather silly rant is coming from, your own issues towards women (or a woman in particular) rather than actual reality.

    Explain my "issues" with woman, as you have mentioned it a few times you must have been able to figure me out so well.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,031 ✭✭✭MorningStar


    savoyard wrote:
    Where are you getting this from?

    Stated in other reply
    savoyard wrote:
    Crying is not agressive behaviour
    It can be used in a passive aggressive way and most importantly notbody has claimed it is other than those saying it is not aggressive.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭savoyard


    I am basing it on the reports from the courts and account of men in abusive relationships. The prisions geared towards woman in this state. The bias nature of custody cases. What are you basing your beliefs on?
    .


    Actually you haven't remotely answered the question.

    What court reports? The ones reported in the paper? A comprehensive review of women committing the exact same crime as a man in the same circumstances and getting lesser sentences? Can you give me some examples please because I have never heard this one before.

    Male and female prisons are different because women cry more? (I assume that is what you mean by 'geared'). There are more male prisons than women's prisons because men commit more crimes, and more dangerous crimes. There is a totally different type of criminal dominant in male and female prisons. In the UK, women make up 6% of the prison population. I haven't got Irish figures, but I doubt they're much different.

    Custody cases are biased because society and the courts still think a woman is the better at looking after children. Not because she cries or isn't in control of her emotions.

    Again, where are all these crying women? We have somebody's mum who cried because she felt humiliated / fare dodged and a few people who have seen women crying to get their own way on a helpline. They don't get respect from crying, no more than had they shouted. Where are all these women who are wailing around the place getting special treatment?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 483 ✭✭lazydaisy


    I find TCs comments offensive and vile. It says a lot about someone who can equate rape with crying in public. I find TCs attitude anti-social, anti-woman, and quite frankly sick. You accuse other people of not using logic and reason, but your posts display more irrational nonsense than anyone else's. ANd they are more than passive aggressive- they are straight out aggressive and mysogynistic.

    MS you need a counsellor. You have issues. Stop wasting people's time with your irrational hang ups and get over yourself. Shouting and yelling express very different things than crying does. And WTF, you say women are out of control and are also using it to be manipulative. You make no sense, but why would I expect reason from someone who clearly has anger toward women issues. Take it up with a shrink. This is just control anxiety on your part. You want women to have more repressing agents in place so you dont have to feel uncomfortable. I hope no woman cries in front of you or TC because neither of you are not worth one of her tears.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Thaedydal wrote:
    big difference between that and crying; the upset of watching some one cry is not comparible to the upset of being assualted sexually or otherwise.
    Does that suddenly make that socially acceptable? Just because it’s not illegal are you suggesting that there’s nothing wrong with it?
    Anyone who gets that upset at the sight and sound of a person crying needs
    professinal help and should talk to thier dr about it.
    You’ll actually find that quite a few people would need such professional help. Unless you hadn’t realised, people instinctively become upset of anxious when observing others in pain or discomfort.

    Of course, if you’re a psychopath, I’d understand how it doesn’t apply to you.
    lazydaisy wrote:
    I find TCs comments offensive and vile. It says a lot about someone who can equate rape with crying in public. I find TCs attitude anti-social, anti-woman, and quite frankly sick. You accuse other people of not using logic and reason, but your posts display more irrational nonsense than anyone else's. ANd they are more than passive aggressive- they are straight out aggressive and mysogynistic.
    When you get over your ranting how I’m a penis-wielding oppressor and actually come back with a rational argument that explains why you’re so upset, feel free to reply.

    Until then I’m just going to consider that a personally directed foam-at-mouth rant and little more.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,714 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    savoyard wrote:
    And lets get one thing straight: the fact is that women do not cause as much violent crime as men do. That is why people are more afraid of a man shouting that a woman. Statistically, he is more likely to turn violent than a women, nevermind a shouting or crying woman.

    Is that fair though? Statisically speaking I have never committed a crime in my life. Nor have any of my friends.

    More importantly is a person shouting more likely to turn violent? If anything, wouldn't the venting of the emotion mean that the person was less likely to turn violent than bottling it up?

    If a person isn't shouting at someone is their behaviour so bad as to make it totally unacceptable?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,031 ✭✭✭MorningStar


    lazydaisy wrote:
    I find TCs comments offensive and vile. It says a lot about someone who can equate rape with crying in public. I find TCs attitude anti-social, anti-woman, and quite frankly sick. You accuse other people of not using logic and reason, but your posts display more irrational nonsense than anyone else's. ANd they are more than passive aggressive- they are straight out aggressive and mysogynistic.

    MS you need a counsellor. You have issues. Stop wasting people's time with your irrational hang ups and get over yourself. Shouting and yelling express very different things than crying does. And WTF, you say women are out of control and are also using it to be manipulative. You make no sense, but why would I expect reason from someone who clearly has anger toward women issues. Take it up with a shrink. This is just control anxiety on your part. You want women to have more repressing agents in place so you dont have to feel uncomfortable. I hope no woman cries in front of you or TC because neither of you are not worth one of her tears.



    Name one issue you think I have
    If I dislike a particular social aspect which is what I have complained and dislike to decide that becasue that issue involves some woman behaviour I must therfore hate woman is a jump.
    I think it is silly that woman use crying and do not control their emotions becasue it is socially acceptable. That is what it all boils down to. I don't think anybody should accept it. You have been unable to suggest any reason that defends this behaviour other than inability to control their emotions. That is not a areason why it should be acceptable but an excuse for why it happens. If you have nothing else to add and you find the mear suggestion of it being wrong stupid then you are unable to discuss the subject and may stop contributing. I have been accused of a few views I have not stated so if you are going to give example make sure they are what I said. Woman do use crying to manipulate and my wife has problems with it in her job as do my friends especially with new Irish residents where there society accept it more a long with high male aggression.

    TC uses extreme example when talking about a subject doesn't mean he means things litterally. Like the "if you could kill Hitler examples" of moral murder get over it. Wide brush strokes to paint a picture


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭savoyard


    Earthhorse wrote:
    Is that fair though? Statisically speaking I have never committed a crime in my life. Nor have any of my friends.

    More importantly is a person shouting more likely to turn violent? If anything, wouldn't the venting of the emotion mean that the person was less likely to turn violent than bottling it up?

    If a person isn't shouting at someone is their behaviour so bad as to make it totally unacceptable?

    Of course it's not fair to assume that a man shouting will turn violent. And I have no idea what percentage of shouters turn violent - I would imagine it's tiny. But we're also talking about perceptions and shouting is perceived as agressive behaviour. And agressive behaviour can turn violent. Men are statistically more violent that women so the logic is that a shouting man has a greater potential to turn violent than a women, whether she is crying or shouting. The perception of people crying is not that it is agressive. Manipulative maybe, but it's not generally perceived as agressive. Apart from by MS of course;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,035 ✭✭✭Megatron


    OK I've managed to read most of the thread.

    I think the biggest problem is that the proper point wasn't made clear .
    well IMO at any rate, here is what i think it is.


    Why does it appear that Women get more leway when using anti-scoial behavior than men ?


    The majority of posts so far don't deal with this, they instead go off on a related tangent , and then off to name calling.

    Please try and stay on the topic.

    I'll respond properly to this topic tomorrow ( as someone just handed me a LOAD of work to do :( )


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,730 ✭✭✭✭simu


    This thread makes baby Jesus cry tbh.

    Leaving the whole gender thing aside, whilst both crying and losing one's temper are anti-social, losing one's temper is considered to be somewhat worse by many people because it could lead to violence (that said, it usually doesn't) which leads to pain, whereas the cringe-inducing effect of seeing someone cry in public just isn't as bad.


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