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A friend(female) with problem

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  • 12-05-2002 8:11pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    The other day a friend of mine, a girl, was walking around alone, isolating herself from everyone. I went up to her and asked her if everything was OK.

    Now it's not often that a girl tells me her deep dark secrets, to be honest I'm very inexperienced with the mind of the female.

    Well the thing is, she told me what was wrong. And it turned out she was pissed off with her best friend kept dissappearing around the corner with the guy that she fancied, and apparently her friend knew about this.

    Why she tells me this I don't know and I'm starting to wish she hadn't. I assume she told me because she wants advise. What the hell am I supposed to tell her?!

    She obviously has a serious jealousy problem. And she's way too open about herself also. But I don't want to say that to her otherwise there's a good friendship down the drain.


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    #2
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Seems like she wants your advice, tell her whatever you think, not what other people think you think. She asked you and you have an answer She obviously has a serious jealousy problem. And she's way too open about herself also. If you don't want to hurt her, it isn't your intention, as long as you don't want to hurt her, your advice will be just.

    Maybe she was just too open with herself in front of you, maybe being open with yourself is a good thing really, maybe she likes you ;)

    Or maybe you should do what a good friend wants to do and tell her what you think. Don't worry, let it all hang out. But keep posting ye.


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    #3
    Lenny
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 9,389 Mod ✭✭✭✭Lenny


    The first road to recovery is ammiting the problem


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    #4
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    sometimes if you have a problem it's hard to see the answer as you are too close to it.
    I find it helps if you look at yourself from the outside.
    Ask her if this was you and you had come to her for advice, what would her comments and suggestions be to you....


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    #5
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Originally posted by Unregistered
    And she's way too open about herself also. But I don't want to say that to her otherwise there's a good friendship down the drain.

    If it's a good friendship, telling her the truth shouldn't be a huge issue. She might get upset and run off, but she will thank you for pointing it out. This notion of 'you knew I fancied him, why did you go off with him' is absurd, she can't 'reserve' someone for herself, and the sooner she finds that out the better. IMO, she's just being selfish. If this other girl is her best friend, then she should be pleased her friend is happy instead of being jealous.
    Seems like she wants your advice..

    No it doesn't. If it was a man saying it to you, yes, he'd be looking for advice, but not a women. See that's what they do, they pour their little hearts out, but if you keep interrupting with (obvious :p) solutions, she'll accuse you of not listening, and will stop looking to you for help. Yes, females are an enigma wrapped in a riddle. If you want to keep her friendship, listen, but say nothing until she specifically asks for your advice. Trust me :)


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    #6
    Kraken
    Registered Users Posts: 1,684 ✭✭✭Kraken


    TEll her there is nothing she can do about it. ANd at least her friend is ducking around the corner. It could be worse. just sit down and have a chat with her it dont need to be about this fella anything. femals have a habbit in my experience of liking to talk and bitch etc just to get it out of their system. thats all she needs tell her she will get over it etc be nice but dont lie.


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    #7
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Sounds like she wants your advice, trust me ;)


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    #8
    sceptre
    Registered Users Posts: 19,608 ✭✭✭✭sceptre


    She so obviously wants advice from you. Or at least a good chat about it. There's an element of the little green monster in what she's saying - she plainly wants to discuss why it's bothering her. Realistically she should have a chat with her friend about what she's doing, but if you're willing, a chat with you would be a good start.


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    #9
    koneko
    Registered Users Posts: 10,304 ✭✭✭✭koneko


    Could be jealous. But probably the person she talks to the most is her friend. If this friend doesn't know about the crush, and is going out with that guy, she'll probably feel betrayed anyway (the mind is a weird thing).

    Worst case, the friend knows about the crush, and still is going out with this guy. She probably feels alone, betrayed, and can't talk to the person she usually does, as she is the problem!
    This is probably why she's confided in you. Talk to her, make her feel a bit better about things (he's probably not worth it blah blah blah). Convince her to talk things over with her friend.

    The part I don't get is this. You say
    And she's way too open about herself also.

    But then
    But I don't want to say that to her otherwise there's a good friendship down the drain.

    Surely if you have a good friendship, her telling you things like this (that to be honest is not a big problem) isn't a big deal. If you don't want her telling you, are you really that good friends?

    She needs to talk, get it out of her system (as Kraken said), and feel like someone's listening.


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