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i have a really bib problem ,help me please?

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  • 27-04-2002 10:23am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    i have a really big problem , i have been friends with this girl for a long time and now i think i am getting feelings for her . she is single , i dont know if i can risk saying anything though , its killing me , did anybody else ever have this problem ?and if you did whats the solution ?


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    #2
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,523 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    The solution is to...

    a) Tell her how you feel and be relieved at knowing what her feelings towards you are, even if it makes you feel awful from rejection or bliss from devotion.

    b) Never let her know, let her slip through your fingers and one day in the far away future see her on the street ever more beautiful than you knew before and wish you had just let her know you fancied her.


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    #3
    kitton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41 ✭kitton


    yeah,tell her if you think it'll make you feel better but be careful not to make things awkard.you have to be certain that its a big emough deal to tell her cos if its just u being horny or a passing crush then its probly not worth losing a friendship,but its fine if u dfinately have to tell her or you'll explode cos friendships ususally recover from that type thing.tell her!


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    #4
    Mercury_Tilt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,500 ✭✭✭Mercury_Tilt


    This post has been deleted.


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    #5
    Ruaidhri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,719 ✭✭✭Ruaidhri


    Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
    Make a pass. if it goes wrong.
    Blame the beer.
    Works in most cases.

    Except as an excuse for driving.

    LMAO!!!!!

    oh man that works on soo many levels.


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    #6
    hacktavist
    Closed Accounts Posts: 517 ✭✭✭hacktavist


    Mercury_Tilt why do you always start youre first sentance in the subject line?


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    #7
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,243 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Often telling someone is the best thing to do. It clears the air. Last time I told a woman she told me "no I can't" and I actually felt better about it afterwards - none of the awkwardness.


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    #8
    Mercury_Tilt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,500 ✭✭✭Mercury_Tilt


    This post has been deleted.


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    #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Make a pass. if it goes wrong.
    Blame the beer.
    Works in most cases.


    ok , that COULD work,but to be honest if a good friend of mine made a drunken pass at me,regardless of whether I liked him or not, I wouldnt take him up on it . If I did like him Id be afraid it was just the beer talking and I wouldnt want to have him seriously regret it the following day and risk ruining our friendship. I think you should either tell her straight out how you feel....or else introduce it gentley....u know...let her notice that you like her and admire her....meet her eyes for longer than usual when your talking to her.....that kindda thing ... gauge her response to that and then tell her how you feel if you think she'll be at all receptive to you. You probably should tell her though......your better off regretting the things you do than the thinngs you dont do.


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    #10
    Mercury_Tilt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,500 ✭✭✭Mercury_Tilt


    This post has been deleted.


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    #11
    Mills
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,379 ✭✭✭Mills


    Speaking from personal experience I think you should tell her, at the very least it'll be a huge weight off your mind and you can get on with your life properly, it might even be the start of something good.


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    #12
    rymus
    Registered Users Posts: 8,819 ✭✭✭rymus


    Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
    Make a pass. if it goes wrong.
    Blame the beer.
    Works in most cases.

    Except as an excuse for driving.

    I heartily endorse this advice! I had a few pints to get some dutch courage and now I've got a girlfriend :)

    Go out and have a cupla drinkies but as mercury said dont get fusticated or your speech will go down the pan.

    Anyway good luck with however you decide to attempt it!


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    #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    its me again , well done to the guy who got his girl at the weekend , i tried it friday night , she honestly doesnt have a clue how i feel , which makes it even harder to tell her , i made some compliments but she just smiled and tried to tell me i was drunk .really , how can i subtly do this taking into account i am a shy guy anyway?


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    #14
    bombidol
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,638 ✭✭✭bombidol


    Bring her to the next boards beer and when everyone is harassing her, you make the save! Da Da! Instant legend status, you in there!

    Bomb


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    #15
    angelr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭angelr


    Do tell her.

    I found out a few weeks ago that my best friend had more feelings for me than of friendship.
    He told me in a test msg.
    Although i was completely shocked at first, cause i had never even thought of the idea that he could like me in that way, but after talking things through everything is ok again.

    Telling her doesnt mean you have to loose her as a friend. Things will be awkward for a while if she doesnt feel the same but things work themselves out in the end. Jus make sure you listen to what she says to you and not hang on to any hopes, if she does just want to remain good friends.

    This is just speaking from my experience, other girls could react very differently. but if she is a good enough friend things will work out.


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    #16
    Saruman
    Registered Users Posts: 11,389 ✭✭✭✭Saruman


    I have not read all the replies here so this has probably been said .. however yes tell her.. but simply tell her about your feelings and say this is how i see you now.. i dont want it to affect our friendship so im not going to do anything about it. Now she will know and the ball is in her court.. if she indicates she likes you too but never thought about you that way before then hey presto! If not then you still have her friendship! I would not simply make a pass though and under no circumstances be any where near a pub when you talk to her!


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    #17
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    tell her! you'll be a long time dead!


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    #18
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,243 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Although i was completely shocked at first, cause i had never even thought of the idea that he could like me in that way, but after talking things through everything is ok again.

    For all the women out there, every guy you know has probably thought about doing it with you at one stage or another. That does not mean he wants to jump in the sack with you right now or will willingly break an existing relationship, but he has thought about it. :)


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    #19
    viking
    Registered Users Posts: 1,500 ✭✭✭viking


    Originally posted by Victor


    For all the women out there, every guy you know has probably thought about doing it with you at one stage or another. That does not mean he wants to jump in the sack with you right now or will willing break an existing relationship, but he has thought about it. :)

    Hehe, kudos to Victor.

    That's soo true...

    viking


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    #20
    Saruman
    Registered Users Posts: 11,389 ✭✭✭✭Saruman


    I wonder does that go both ways.. do our women friends have the same thought at least once about us?


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    #21
    Gambler
    Registered Users Posts: 1,825 ✭✭✭Gambler


    Sounds like a good foundation for a Poll to me...

    Have you any friends of the sex you are atracted to that you HAVEN'T thought about, well, hehe, you know :rolleyes:

    [Edit]Oh yeah.. forgot to say, Tell her. Definitly tell her. If it was me I would go out for a drink with her but don't go for the makeing a drunken pass.. Try something more along the lines of gentle flirting after a drink or two, enough that you can gauge her reaction to your compliments.. You can always get the conversation around to a stage where you can say to her that you think she looks gorgeous and see how it plays out. If you get the conversation going the right way from there you can have a fairly open talk about how you feel or back off without loosing the friendship.. [/Edit]


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    #22
    Fidelis
    Registered Users Posts: 2,425 ✭✭✭Fidelis


    Tell her. Like Mills said; it'll be a load off your shoulders. If you can, do it while sober ;)


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    #23
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,243 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Originally posted by Gambler
    [Edit]Oh yeah.. forgot to say, Tell her. Definitly tell her. ...[/Edit]
    Before Gambler gets in there! PANIC!!! :)


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    #24
    Bateman
    Registered Users Posts: 4,818 ✭✭✭Bateman


    If she is single, it should be tjhat but easier to tell her, or to try get her pissed, and try it the sly way...:D


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    #25
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Dont do it while drunk! Women are WELL used to men with their beer googles on thinking that any and every woman is suddenly gorgeous , just they woman theyve always wanted to share their duvet with and the possible love of their lives. We dont believe anything drunk men say.....or at least no one with any cop on does!!!:O)

    Have the respect for her and for yourself to tell her while your completely sober.That way she'll know your serious and the worst that can happen is that she'll say she's not interested and things will be uncomfortable for a while.Even if you are heartbroken it will be easier to move on once you know and you will be ok. You owe it to yourself to speak up.


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    #26
    Kix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,193 ✭✭✭Kix


    I'd say don't do it drunk either. Engineer a romantic situation, a walk together somewhere quiet would do nicely. You could say that you want her advice, that you really fancy somone and you don't know if how to tell her. She'll probably encourage you and that'll be all you'll need to blurt it out.

    Now, be warned. She's probably going to be shocked at first and it will most likely take her a few days to get over it. Take that on the chin. The air is clear and the idea's out there. The possibility is there.

    Can't promise anything but if it offers you any encouragement, my best mate and I live together, are very much in love and are looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together. It took two years and a lot of heartache. Worth every drop.

    Good luck.

    K


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    #27
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well I was in the same predicament a year ago. i posted on this board about the same.

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?threadid=48084

    Saves me writing it again.
    I'll never regret our time together but I'm still not over it.
    From my experience, I'd say there's a chance she feels the same. But at the same time I think you should really think about this and make sure you know what you want. Falling for your best friend is serious. If you're sure I say go for it, but beware there are serious reprecussions if it doesn't work.

    If it helps I know what you're going through. I'm still going through it after nearly two years.

    Good Luck


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    #28
    Cabaal
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 28,462 Mod ✭✭✭✭Cabaal


    Tell her, tell her whatever way you want
    weather it be face to face or by a letter but tell her.

    Do whatever way you think you can best express yourself, but do it
    Cause as my fav quote goes
    failure is never quiet as frightening as regret


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    #29
    Shad0r
    Registered Users Posts: 1,166 ✭✭✭Shad0r


    Originally posted by Unregistered
    beware there are serious reprecussions if it doesn't work.
    Good Luck

    The reprecussions are what you make them. This is actually pretty straight forward. (I didnt say easy, there will be ALOT of mental discipline ahead if you really want to be with her)

    You two options:

    1) Tell her. You want to be with her more than just lust? This option means that you cant hide behind being shy. you have to just get the courage. Dont wait until you get exactly the right conditions, it wont happen. My advice is to practice exactly, word for word what you want to say to her if shyness is a problem. Delivery is important. Also I'd suggest not being too heavy with her at first, regarless of how you feel. Blurting out "I love you" is generally bad for business.

    If she says yes you will be over the moon. If she says no, your heart will be broken and your relationship (friends) will potentially be damaged. Really the level of damage is entirely proportional to the combination of how good you are at hiding the hurt after your confession and how you treat her after she's said no comparitivly to how you treated her before you asked.

    2) Dont tell her and live with not knowing for the rest of your life. You will ALWAYS wonder whether anything would have happened.

    If it were me I'd go for the first option, if for no other reason than I really believe in confronting ones fears. If you confront them you can conquer them. If you dont they'll fester and grow and be ten times as hard to beat. Also I believe that you should regert the things you do rather than those you dont.

    On the getting hammered (Dutch Courage) approach. Its a good plan but only if she is getting equally hammered. If the two of you are drunk and something happens then it gives you the perfect opening the next day (because it _will_ come up in conversation :) ) to let her in on your little secret.


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    #30
    Cabaal
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 28,462 Mod ✭✭✭✭Cabaal


    I'd basically have to agree with everything Shad0r has said.

    Thought I'll also suggest a letter if your to shy to say what you wana say to her.
    or if you feel that you just won't be able to explain things the way you wish to.

    it worked for me, well ok it didn't work for me but we're both still very good friends, maybe even alittle closer as friends.


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    #31
    Gambler
    Registered Users Posts: 1,825 ✭✭✭Gambler


    Originally posted by Victor

    Before Gambler gets in there! PANIC!!! :)

    HeHeHe, you know me too well old man ;)


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