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  • 24-04-2002 11:48pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    i was wondering if anyone could help me out here. its got to do with old boyfriends.

    its not like i still love him or anything, although i still care for him. we have bein boken up for almost 2yrs now but over the past year i've been going with him, off and on, only 4-5 time. He made the "1st move" and i followed, its making me crazy and brining up old feelings.(not that i didnt like it!). i just wondering what other people think of this? does he feel the same?

    i realise you would need other information, ie background things but just based on the above things.....what do people thing?

    ________
    confused!


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    #2
    jamesd
    Registered Users Posts: 3,416 ✭✭✭jamesd


    Only young once as they say -maybe ye're meant to me
    Take that from a mad galway lad!


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    #3
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,523 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    My past has made me realise two things.

    1) If you break up with someone, don't do it again - it won't work again.
    2) If someone breaks up with you, they may be thinking of point 1.

    Who did the dirty firsty?


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    no dirty was done. we BOTH just called it quits bcoz of other things we both had on. it was a nice clean break-up, afterwards, we stayed in touch.....we are still friends! its just sometime......u no urself!


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    #5
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Gordon is right, if it didn't work the first time, why should it next time around?
    mental torture is to be avoided at all costs.
    Ask yourself this: do you want to be with him? if so, then go talk to him about it.
    if you don't realistically think it will work, keep away from him or you will never get over it.


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    #6
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Examine why you broke up in the first place. If the reasons were, as you intimated, third party (such as living in different countries) and no longer apply, then it probably is worth giving another shot.

    Likewise if the reason of the original break-up has been resolved or eliminated (such as problems relating to drink or drugs), it may again be worth giving the relationship another shot.

    Finally, while not pertinent to your situation, if enough time has passed. People change over time and the attitudes of either party that may have caused the original break-up may also change – a common example is incompatible attitudes towards commitment. I say this is not pertinent to your situation, because you mention that you broke up two years ago, and such changes in attitudes tend to take closer to a minimum of ten years before one sees a marked difference.

    Ultimately, the most succinct point of view in your situation is simply that if whatever caused you to break up in the first place is still there keep well away, otherwise proceed with caution. Anything else is emotional self-indulgence.


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    #7
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,523 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Originally posted by Unregistered
    bcoz of other things we both had on.

    like clothes??

    Let's get this straight, this is just a purely sexual affair isn't it? Or, OK, it was but now you are wanting more yes? Sexual affairs are great but it's only one small piece of the puzzle in a great relationship.

    I don't think anyone has the answer to your question.. "does he feel the same?" Maybe he does, or maybe he just wants to have sex with you while you're around seeing as he can't get it from anyone else. Or maybe he truly loves you and can't fathom speaking his heart. Or maybe as Beruthiel says, you should just talk to him about it. That will hopefully not be too difficult.

    I bet you a smile that he just wants you for sex.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Originally posted by Gordon
    My past has made me realise two things.

    1) If you break up with someone, don't do it again - it won't work again.
    2) If someone breaks up with you, they may be thinking of point 1.


    Wrong.

    Carpe Dieum, baby, carpe dieum.

    Don't just sit back on your excuses and say 'oh it will never work', or 'oh life must be way X so I won't bother trying for (n) reasons'.

    There is exactly one way to find out wether it will work or not, don't just sit back laissez faire style.


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    #9
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,717 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    It sounds like he's handy to have around.

    all the advantages of a relationship
    1. sex
    2. company when you feel like it.
    with none of the hardwork of a relationship.

    As long as thats it for the 2 of you, theres no problem. But often 1 party has or develops feelings, and becomes pissed off when the other gets a partner etc, and you end up not being friends.

    I'd have a chat, be sure he's cool with the no strings approach, and make damn sure you are too, cause sometimes you kid yourself too.

    X


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    #10
    seating
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25 ✭seating


    there will always be risidual feelings there .


    i wouldn't let myself be fooled by these. it normally doesn't work out . but then again its not that easy to resist .


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    #11
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Originally posted by Gordon
    I bet you a smile that he just wants you for sex.
    Reading over the original post again, I'd tend to agree with Gordon. If what is happening is that you're not going out but occasionally ending up in bed together, then you've become an 'old reliable'.

    If this is the case, it won't go anywhere in the long run.

    [edit]Just can't type today...[/edit]


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    #12
    Khynareth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 323 ✭✭Khynareth


    Originally posted by Unregistered



    Carpe Dieum, baby, carpe dieum.


    It's not Carpe Dieum, but carpe Diem. (That's for the Bitchin')

    I also think that once it's finished, it's finished. Don't try to get back to a serious relationship with him that wouldn't work. It failed once, so...

    Carpe Diem, yes, no problem, every single day of my life. Now if you are posting here about that particular matter, it's because it troubles you. If it troubles you, you're not 'Carpe Dieming' (;))...

    If it bothers you, let it down, forget about it, try to get into a more satisfying relationship rather than try to gather pieces from something that's too broken for salvaging. You will certainly feel better once you put an end to it. Believe me...


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    #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    ermm as far as i know ;) is not in the english dictionary.
    Pot kettle, black arse?

    [OT]
    Go out with your old boyfriend, life is too short.


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    #14
    Khynareth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 323 ✭✭Khynareth


    Originally posted by Unregistered
    ermm as far as i know ;) is not in the english dictionary.
    Pot kettle, black arse?

    Agreed, but you will find it in any latin dictionary... But you're right... It's not English. It doesn't mean it can be scorched, does it? :D


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    #15
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,523 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Carpe Diem? Hey, absolutely, I totally agree with carpeing the diem, that's what life is all about.

    I'm talking about watching out for the future. Carpe diem and carpe futurum or something like that...

    Do whatever you want unregistered #1, you will enjoy it no matter what, you will never be hurt, you will never be sad, you will never regret.. oh, hang on, my mistake - there is always a possibility of getting hurt, oh yeah how could I forget about that. And the fact that you are asking people here means that you are unsure and would like some other angles on the situation I presume. So many angles huh? So many anglers, so many fish and so many... sees.

    Do what your heart tells you but don't ignore your head. :) (that smile was not the betted smile!)


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    #16
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    so over all what do people think? have a chat and get back together or leave things lie?


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    #17
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,523 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    I think that it has all been said... over all. It's up to you now. Good luck.


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    #18
    Clintons Cat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,489 ✭✭✭Clintons Cat


    tbh,this sounds like you never really broke up in the first place if you are meeting up every couple of months for sex.What do you expect if you get back together...Holding hands in the park,long meaningful discussions on how much your relationship means to this guy?
    Face facts what you have got with this guy is as probally as good as it gets,if he was that hung on doing the stuff that constitutes a relationship in your eyes,then chances are he would be doing that stuff without prompting,not because he was obliged to but because he WANTED to.
    Either accept the situation as it is,with all the anguish it seems from your first post to be causing you,or dump him and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone else.how can you expect to form a relationship with someone else with this guy fliting in and out of your life messing with your emotions.
    Alternatively agree to have sex with him only on your terms,ie when you deceide to have it,not him.

    Appologies if this seems overharsh,it is not intended to be anything more than frank discussion.


    __________________


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