SPIRAL IS 18 TODAY! Take a couple of minutes to wish him a happy birthday here tnx<--

Here's to being able to kill your brain with alcohol!

I apologise profusely for the delay, but I got here eventually to wish you a happy birthday and that's all that matters. In fact, I would appreciate a little credit for making time in my hectic schedule for you and that small child you drag places. My fashionably late arrival can only be attributed to the fact that I was somewhat busy doing really exciting things. To make my excuse appear a little more believable, I shall expand on the evening's wild activities.

I have spent considerable time this evening scratching my arse with one of those rulers that folds in half for easy and convenient storage. Initially this was most pleasing, although after several hours it did leave me with quite a rash and an empty feeling of longing for something to bring increased stimulation... to my mind. It was at this point that I went in search of that which was to satisfy my deepest desires.

My discussion with Dave, a leprous dwarf from somewhere just outside Oxford, was most satisfactory. I'm sure you will be delighted to learn that the topic of conversation was regarding Worzel Gummidge's contribution to modern society, which, I'm telling you now, is far more comprehensive than anything Mick Fleetwood and his band of merry men could ever have achieved on minimum wage with income support top-ups.

So enjoy this, the day that confirms you are getting older and will soon lose all bowel control together with any sense of style you may have previously possessed, and have a drink or whatever on me.

Seriously though, you have a good one, and I'll catch you later.



Soop.