Dyslexic friend - need opiniond/knowledge!

Vangelis · 04-10-2005 4:46pm #1

This is not a personal issue, so Humanities is the only option for my post I reckon.

I know a guy who I think is dyslexic. He won't tell me if it's true and I have only asked him once. I'm afraid of insulting him. Pressing a sensitive button so to speak. What I want to know is how do I find out if he is dyslexic? I have tons of letters from him and he has so many peculiar misspellings. He's a clever guy, a fast learner, and he likes to read. And I know this is true!

One particular odd thing I have noticed with his writing is that he misplaces and switches letters. Also when misspelling a word, he repeats the same error if he writes the same word again later.

Any opinions appreciated!

simu · 04-10-2005 4:49pm

Well, no offense but you don't have a right to find out what people's medical issues are.

Or is it that you're worried that he doesn't realise himself that he is dyslexic?

Vangelis · 05-10-2005 8:01pm

He is my best friend actually and I want to be able to help him and understand him.

koneko · 05-10-2005 8:09pm

If he doesn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't push the subject. I understand your intentions are good, but it's a personal matter and he might not want to share it.

Vangelis · 05-10-2005 8:18pm

I have allready thought about that.

Cake Fiend · 06-10-2005 9:37am

Vangelis wrote:

I'm afraid of insulting him.

I'd say the best way of doing this is not to make an issue of it - if it's not a problem for him, it shouldn't be for you. Millions of people go through their lives with dyslexia and just get on with it. On the other hand, if he's embarrassed by it, he'd probably not like you talking to random strangers on the internet about it behind his back!

Zombrex · 06-10-2005 10:17am

Vangelis wrote:

This is not a personal issue, so Humanities is the only option for my post I reckon.

I know a guy who I think is dyslexic. He won't tell me if it's true and I have only asked him once. I'm afraid of insulting him. Pressing a sensitive button so to speak. What I want to know is how do I find out if he is dyslexic? I have tons of letters from him and he has so many peculiar misspellings. He's a clever guy, a fast learner, and he likes to read. And I know this is true!

One particular odd thing I have noticed with his writing is that he misplaces and switches letters. Also when misspelling a word, he repeats the same error if he writes the same word again later.

Any opinions appreciated!

Bad spelling and misplacing and switching around letters is a common symptom of dyslexia (I know I certainly do it).

But I would really ask why do you want to know so bad? If you have already asked and he ignored the question I would take that as a sign that he doesn't want to talk about it.

There is very little you can do to "help him", and dyslexia is not some behaviour altering mental illness, knowing he has or does not have dyslexia won't really help you understand him better (not even sure what that means).

It isn't a big deal, I don't really see how your relationship would change if you knew he was dyslexic. I would just leave it.

Vangelis · 06-10-2005 2:24pm

Wicknight wrote:

Bad spelling and misplacing and switching around letters is a common symptom of dyslexia (I know I certainly do it).

But I would really ask why do you want to know so bad? If you have already asked and he ignored the question I would take that as a sign that he doesn't want to talk about it.

There is very little you can do to "help him", and dyslexia is not some behaviour altering mental illness, knowing he has or does not have dyslexia won't really help you understand him better (not even sure what that means).

It isn't a big deal, I don't really see how your relationship would change if you knew he was dyslexic. I would just leave it.

Why I want to know it "so bad" is my business. Everyone here likes to criticise me so I won't tell. I did not ask to be attacked by know-it-alls.

I asked him once, but that was at a time we were still building up trust in our relationship. An early stage rather. And I believe he has forgotten about my question.

And I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW: dyslexia is not a mental condition! And did I say that I wanted a change in our relationship? No. I have my reasons why I wanted advice, and I was not ask to be question about my damn reasons for wanting advice or an opinion.

I'm sorry to be so moody, but some comments here just irritate me "so bad".

Zombrex · 06-10-2005 3:21pm

Vangelis wrote:

Why I want to know it "so bad" is my business. Everyone here likes to criticise me so I won't tell. I did not ask to be attacked by know-it-alls.

I asked him once, but that was at a time we were still building up trust in our relationship. An early stage rather. And I believe he has forgotten about my question.

And I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW: dyslexia is not a mental condition! And did I say that I wanted a change in our relationship? No. I have my reasons why I wanted advice, and I was not ask to be question about my damn reasons for wanting advice or an opinion.

I'm sorry to be so moody, but some comments here just irritate me "so bad".

Ok short and sweet then ...

Your question was What I want to know is how do I find out if he is dyslexic?

The answer to the is that the only way to find out if someone is dyslexic is to have then fully assessed and tested by an expert. There is no way you can find out without him agreeing to this and then telling you the results, bar kidnapping him and forcing him at gun point to do the test. He may have already done this test, if he did it was probably in school.

So really the only way to know is for him to tell you.

My point about your reasons is that they would have to be pretty important to risk upsetting and embarrassing your friend by wanted to know. I can't fathom why you would need to know, but like you said, that is your business.

Rev Hellfire · 06-10-2005 3:31pm

I think its time you reevaluated your freiendship with this guy.
Because if you were his friend you would respect his wishes and leave it alone.

Vangelis · 06-10-2005 10:31pm

He hasn't uttered any wishes, whatever it is you're talking about.
I care about him and want him not to feel embarrassed and I think he is embarrassed. And he is my BOYFRIEND, not just a friend.

palance · 06-10-2005 10:42pm

I didn't realise my friend was dyslexic until he came to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Zombrex · 06-10-2005 10:44pm

palance wrote:

I didn't realise my friend was dyslexic until he came to a toga party dressed as a goat.

ROFL ... speaking as a dyslexic person, that is the best joke ever..

Zombrex · 06-10-2005 11:05pm

Vangelis wrote:

I care about him and want him not to feel embarrassed and I think he is embarrassed

Probably, if he doesn't know much about it himself he might think it means he is tick or something. Or he simply might not want people to know.

But I think if you asked him already and he didn't tell you, you can probably take it that he is and doesn't want people to know. I think if he wanted you specifically to know, or felt you needed to know, he would have told you.

Vangelis · 06-10-2005 11:44pm

Whatever...

:rolleyes:

sceptre · 07-10-2005 1:01am

Vangelis wrote:

Whatever...

:rolleyes:

Yeah. Wicknight's right on all counts (including the "how to tell" bit) and brings his own relevant experience to the table as well. I guess it just wasn't the "how to find out if someone that isn't you is dyslexic without doing any of the scientific tests" answer you might have wanted. If that's what you wanted I could move it to PI for you.

Dave! · 07-10-2005 9:33am

palance wrote:

I didn't realise my friend was dyslexic until he came to a toga party dressed as a goat.

lmao

Funny thread

Dades · 07-10-2005 9:51am

I can barely see for all the high horses in here.

An honest intention doesn't see to count for much 'round these parts.

doctor evil · 08-10-2005 3:10pm

Rev Hellfire wrote:

Sorry Vangelis I misread you post. Finding out if some is dyslexic without interaction on their part is quite easy. Drawning the vast experience I received on this topic while attending a dyslexic course in my youth I observed the following traits among my fellow classmates and myself. Please example for your friend for any of these:
Sloping foreheads: Most dyslexic's have misformed craniums due to their deformed brains.

Beady Eyes: Does your friend have shrunken eyes possibly to close together. Another sure sign. Most dyslexic's have a distrustworthy appearance, which is not surprising since they are all criminals. I myself have been arrested four times for petty theft.

Big Feet: This is a natural trait of most dyslexics, which helps them avoid signing while working in the bigs. Dyslexica been a rural disease as I'm sure you are aware, comes from the retarded rural classes. Maybe your friend has one or both parents from the country ?

Doesn't know whats good for them: Due to their diminished intellect most dyslexics lack the cognitive abilities to know whats good for them. It is best in the long run to ignore them and go ahead and do must must be done. Chances are you know best.

I'm sure once you get a list of proof, you will be able to approach a doctor and get them forcefully commited to statecare where he will not be a danger to either himself or society.

PMSL, you forgot to mention shifty eyes.

Vangelis, www.dyslexia.ie may help or he could be just thick

, if he`s embarassed about it don`t push the subject.

Vangelis · 08-10-2005 5:14pm

Rev Hellfire, was that a serious post?
That is some of the most hurting thing I have ever read in my life.
You are a moderator and that you can write something so inflated with sarcasm and cruelty is disgusting. What the **** is wrong with this forum?
Can't you employ well-behaving moderators! POST REPORTED!

My boyfriend is not "thick". He picks up things as easy as anyone and he loves to read. Obviously he has problems writing, but reading is easier for him. Don't know if this is a form of dyslexia.

Vangelis · 08-10-2005 5:26pm

Got this from dyslexia.ie! Dyslexia has got nothing to do with one's intelligence!

Famous People with Dyslexia

The following list of famous people with dyslexia was compiled mostly from press reports in which people describe their dyslexia. Others, particularly those long-deceased, for example, Leonardo da Vinci, demonstrated classic symptoms of dyslexia.

Actors and Entertainers
Cher. Pop star, actress.
Tom Cruise. Actor.
Stuart Dunne. Actor.
Noel Gallagher. Member of rock group Oasis, song-writer.
Susan Hampshire. Actress.
Salma Hayek. Actress.
Anthony Hopkins. Actor.
Eddie Izzard. Comedian, actor.
Robbie Williams. Pop-star.

Artists and Designers
Pauline Bewick. Artist.
Leonardo da Vinci. Artist, inventor.
Tommy Hilfiger. Clothes designer.
Pablo Picasso. Artist.
Charles Rennie Mackintosh. Artist, designer.

Athletes
Muhammad Ali. Boxer.
Duncan Goodhew. Swimmer.
Johhny Herbert. Racing driver.
Magic Johnson. Basketball player.
Paul Merson. Soccer player.
Sir Steven Redgrave. Winner of 5 Olympic Gold Medals for Rowing.
Sir Jackie Stewart. Racing driver.

Entrepreneurs
Richard Branson. (Virgin)
Henry Ford. (Ford motor cars)
Ted Turner. (Media)
Anita Roddick. (The Body Shop)

Inventors and Scientists
Thomas Eddison. Inventor, e.g. the light-bulb.
Albert Einstein. Scientist, mathematician.
Michael Faraday. Scientist.

Politicians and Leaders
Winston Churchill. Politician, author.
Michael Heseltine Politician.
King Olaf of Norway. Monarch

Zombrex · 08-10-2005 8:37pm

Vangelis wrote:

My boyfriend is not "thick".
...
Got this from dyslexia.ie! Dyslexia has got nothing to do with one's intelligence

I think that is the thing everyone, including Hellfire in a rather round-a-bout fashion, have been trying to tell you. Dyslexia, while sometimes in embarrsing and annoying, is not a major deal, and one can over come even very bad dyslexia (as my brother has). And it certainly doesn't mean you are thick. I am not even sure what "thick" means. As you said, Einstein was dyslexia.

It simply means the brain has trouble learning new information, and recalling the information after it is learnt. Which is why I can be staring at a screen or piece of paper for five minutes trying to remember how to spell "Apple". That doesn't mean I can't, but my brain, at seeming random times, has trouble recalling the information.

It certainly sounds like your bf has dyslexia ... if you are worried that he is ignoring it, or that it is effecting his job or something (still don't know your reasons for wanting to have him tested) you could just mention dyslexia.ie and let him take it from there ... The thing to remember is that if he feels he is managing fine, making a bit deal out of his dyslexia might upset him. A lot of dyslexics hope that it is not very noticeable (i certainly do), and can be embarrassed if they find out it is ... so tread carefully.

doctor evil · 09-10-2005 12:34am

Ditto Wicknight.

Vangelis, is it your boyfriend or you that is embarassed by it?. To me it seems that the boyfriend is not bothered by it. I don`t understand why you are so concerned about it, if you push the matter in a nagging fashion it will only piss him off.

It was in jest that I implied that he was "thick", hence the use of the winky button. I have dyslexia myself (was quite bad) and it is not a major deal, just means your brain is wired differently.

nesf · 09-10-2005 6:22pm

Wicknight wrote:

It simply means the brain has trouble learning new information, and recalling the information after it is learnt. Which is why I can be staring at a screen or piece of paper for five minutes trying to remember how to spell "Apple". That doesn't mean I can't, but my brain, at seeming random times, has trouble recalling the information.

Or staring at a word that's correctly spelt and it something still seeming very "wrong" about it. Like the letters don't fit well together or something?

Uthur · 09-10-2005 6:57pm

There's no such thing as dyslexia. Didn't you see that documentary on C4
a few weeks back? The experts now believe dyslexia is a myth - there are
only 'poor readers'.

Apparantly this is actually caused by a kid's mother not talking or
singing to them when they were babies. It's actually an auditory problem
rather than a visual one - people in this situation can't hear minor sound
differences properly so they never learn how to spell words correctly.

It can be treated when you are still a kid. I'm not sure what adults with
this condition are supposed to do TBH.

Rev Hellfire · 09-10-2005 7:07pm

So if I was to say I saw to two documentaries which say it does exist, those that mean it does again ?

Vangelis · 09-10-2005 7:12pm

I am not embarrassed by it. My boyfriend is the best man I have ever met and I am going to marry him some day. I would not marry a "thick" man. I have reasons to believe that he is bothered by it because he has shown signs that he avoids talking about it. I love him and want him not to feel ashamed about it.

I know my boyfriend well and I looked at a list I found of signs of dyslexia that friends and family will notice. I could mark 9 our of 11.

I am worried that he won't be able to work. He has been unemployed for quite a few years and only has a Junior Certificate. I'm afraid that he will find out that employers want workers with higher education and that he is too shy to learn to write as best as he can. I think the fact that he likes to read will help him. But I'm worried that he will be disappointed when he finds there is no work for him - IF that happens.

Zombrex · 09-10-2005 11:47pm

Uthur wrote:

There's no such thing as dyslexia. Didn't you see that documentary on C4
a few weeks back? The experts now believe dyslexia is a myth - there are
only 'poor readers'.

Apparantly this is actually caused by a kid's mother not talking or
singing to them when they were babies. It's actually an auditory problem
rather than a visual one - people in this situation can't hear minor sound
differences properly so they never learn how to spell words correctly.

It can be treated when you are still a kid. I'm not sure what adults with
this condition are supposed to do TBH.

I didn't see that doc, but my parents did and they weren't impressed. I have also read a heavy bit of critisim of the documentry, most of which can be summed up here http://www.bda-dyslexia.org.uk/news14.html.

The documentry doesn't even seem to fully understand what dyslexia is, it is not simply about not reading good, dyslexia effects other areas of language, including speach and learning verbal languages.

Zombrex · 09-10-2005 11:52pm

Vangelis wrote:

I am worried that he won't be able to work. He has been unemployed for quite a few years and only has a Junior Certificate. I'm afraid that he will find out that employers want workers with higher education and that he is too shy to learn to write as best as he can. I think the fact that he likes to read will help him. But I'm worried that he will be disappointed when he finds there is no work for him - IF that happens.

Well I think you boyfriends problem is he only has a Junior Cert, not that he is dyslexic (though that might be why he only has a junior cert). I have never heard of anyone qualified not getting a job because they are dyslexic. If you feel that his dylexia is stopping him completeing his Leaving Cert then there are plenty of options open to him, dyslexia.ie being a good start. But really it has to be something he wants to do himself.

Vangelis · 10-10-2005 8:05pm

I don't feel the need to take this talk further. Thanks for all the replies!

(Except what offended me of course..)

amp · 11-10-2005 3:10pm

Rev Hellfire wrote:

So if I was to say I saw to two documentaries which say it does exist, those that mean it does again ?

Rev, how about you keep the comedy outside of this forum, especially if you've nothing constructive to add?

Vangelis, you will develop a thicker skin and take pretty much everything you read on boards with a pinch of salt.

Back on topic.

P.s. Upon further reading, this thread does not qualify as intellectual debate. If the original post had been about general dyslexia then it'd be fine but it is essentially a medical question about one specific person.

Thread locked.

Dyslexic friend - need opiniond/knowledge!

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