How could she hurt me this much

goodgod3rd · 03-09-2005 11:53AM

where did you go that was away form her? and where is she when your away?

when your young, you can get back on the horse, realsinships jurt real bad, but two years is a good go at it. if its over , its over. think of the time you had, think of the pie.. wit a slice missing. you ate the slice, (those tow years) and the rest of the pie is the rest of your life.
now its up to you .. do you moce on to eatting the rest of the pie, or do you give up.. becuase the slice you ate was a wee bit sour. it was a bit without sugar. the rest ios soo sweet man,

(you remind me of somone i know who was dumped by my sister. its not.. you is it)

Doodee · 03-09-2005 12:06PM

wow, now im hungry

*goes to fridge*

OP, best of luck, You've a few hurdles coming up, but in the end they will develop character

Red Alert · 03-09-2005 12:39PM

Sending flowers or a million emails at this point is not going to get you anywhere. It's going to make you look desperate. So don't do it.

What exactly do you want from this? By posting at all I assume you want to get back together with her. If you handle this well, the best thing that will happen is that you will indeed get her back, the worst thing that will happen is that you two will no longer talk but you will have learned an awful lot.

Going away (i take it from your post she went to somewhere neither where you are nor her homeplace) to a new job/placement/college with new people, new sights and new experiences has a big effect on people. Very often they can 'step outside' their home life from above and look down on it (a bit like the Sims if you think about it). Maybe looking at it objectively the relationship was all-consuming, maybe you look too clingy etc. (I'm not attacking you, 30 text messages a day is hard to do however!).

You need to meet her in a non-threatening place and manner, or by e-mail which is how she seems to prefer doing things. If she gets the impression that you aren't whining about it, she may in fact give you some very valuable information. Maybe she met somebody away, or realised she liked being on her own for a while. People can grow apart, and sometimes they aren't great at doing the 'breaking-up' bit.

Be strong

R>A>

Gazza22 · 03-09-2005 01:07PM

Sorry to hear about this man

By the looks of it, you are 10 times better than her and for her actions she doesn't deserve you

There is a chance that she could get back with you though it would be better to give her a break at the moment, if you keep communicating with her then she might feel hassled and drift further from you

I hope everything goes well for you, but if things don't work out with her, try your best to move on for the sake of both of you

jellie · 03-09-2005 01:18PM

heartbroken00 wrote:

she's not a bitch she's the nicest person ive ever known, i just dono why she's finishing things like this after everything ive done and tried to do for her.

would the nicest person you've ever known treat you so badly?

if you were to get back together, would you ever really be able to trust her not to do this again? and could you really just forgive and forget someone who hurt you so much and was so disrespectful of your feelings?

i think you should ease up on the contact. i know its hard but try being without her. if i was here (altho id never be so cruel!) and some1 who i didnt want to talk to at the time kept at me and at me id just get annoyed. if you stop she'll probably take more notice than if you go over the top.

i hope you can sort it out for yourself

(EDIT: post 100!!)

Sarky · 03-09-2005 01:24PM

sar84 wrote:

would the nicest person you've ever known treat you so badly?

*Boggle*

There are a hundred ways she could have handled this that are far more hurtful.

Breakups hurt. There is no nice way to do it, only less unpleasant ones. Frankly, the OP is lucky she's being this honest. It speaks pretty well of her that she's chosen the "Look, this isn't working out, sorry" route.

jellie · 03-09-2005 01:30PM

Sarky wrote:

*Boggle*

There are a hundred ways she could have handled this that are far more hurtful.

Breakups hurt. There is no nice way to do it, only less unpleasant ones. Frankly, the OP is lucky she's being this honest. It speaks pretty well of her that she's chosen the "Look, this isn't working out, sorry" route.

she EMAILED him! cmon like! if your gonna break up with someone at least have the decency to do it to their face, especially after over 2 yrs.

as for the breakups hurt, yeah obviously, i was just trying to make him think he was better off without her so he could move on. EMAIL!!

DontKnowMuch · 03-09-2005 02:19PM

Hi OP.
This trully is a very hard situation. I am going through a breakup right now. The situation is similar to yours : I WAS DUMPED. That´s the truth. We were on and off for a while, but I really loved her. One day she comes to me and says " I´ve met someone new...bla...bla...." She crushed my heart. I was totally devastated. I still am. I am sorry to have to tell you this, but if you really love her, prepare yourself for difficult times

It´s like losing your arm. It will take a lot of time for you to get used to it. I know i will need a lot of time.
But you are not the only one to go through this....nearly everbody goes through this at least once in a lifetime. But sure is hell on earth, mate. I hope everything turns out OK for you.
PM me if you like to talk about it.

Farls · 04-09-2005 01:47PM

Just read this thread there...its amazing the amount of us lads getting dumped this year! How many threads is that in a few weeks now!

Anyway onto the problem...(i'm going thru similar situation now, old thread here etc) mate...stop with the contact...dont email, dont text, dont call...leave her be. The not eating/sleeping will clear up when you do this. The thinking about her will die down a bit but it will still be there but you have to try and move on...even if its only going to the gym or something, take you out of the house and meet people and takes your mind of her!

Going back to college will be a killer, depending on how you handle it. Theres no right or wrong way in these situations, just let things roll. If you get back together then brilliant but see whats happening now...remember it and dont fall into this same place again. (where i went wrong) and if you dont get back together then it wasn't meant to be...I know this is almost impossible to take on board at the moment but with time it sinks in.

Also the way you say that she can have fun and see if she wants you or not, I mean come on...dont do this to yourself...theres a glimmer of hope there alright but it really looks like your being taken for a ride, and not a good one at that!

Ask yourself, do you want to be with a girl who down the line could do this again? You can obviously see a future with her but she seems to be still wanting her fun and the future she wants is different to yours.

You sound like a good decent bloke...give it some time and you'll get a girl that deserves you.

LegacyUser · 04-09-2005 03:29PM

Hey.Look from a girls point of view you got to the stalking stage and youve probable now ruined you two ever being able to create a relationship again.

No offence but WAKE UP!!!Everybody loves and everybody looses.Theres not a person in this world who hasnt had their heart cruched by a guy or girl.Your really just being abit stupid wanting to die because of her AND your in college,your suppose to be mature.

No offence but when a girl says shes met someone its ovious she wants it over.Sure you can black mail her into getting back with you but what will that achieve?Her never being happy being with you?

You really need to get over this girl.Youve just done the worse thing ever and are getting back with ehr when she gets back to college.Your letting her use you.Your not good enough for her when your apart,your only good enough for her when shes bored.

Not ready to settle down?As a girl I can tell you this means shes not happy with you and doesnt want a future with you.If shes said your now gonna have an open relationship when she gets back its ovous shes using you for sex and wants nothing more with you.

You really need to wake up and smell the roses.In regards love,love sucks until you find that uthmost girl/guy who feels the same way you do.Life would be way too easy if love never hurt

Vangelis · 04-09-2005 03:31PM

There are a lot of good advice for you here, heartbroken. You have my sincerest sympathy and your posts show that she really meant the world to you. Obviously this change between you two has happened slowly. I've heard that often, a woman leaves the man in a relationship that to the man was wonderful. He ends up with the biggest heartache and doesn't understand why.

I can't offer you much solice, but perhaps you should re-think your relationship, look for flaws and inconsistencies that might have triggered the break-up. Maybe she found somebody else. Maybe she learned something new about her own needs and wishes.

But what isn't true, is that all women dump you to look for someone better! And it annoys me when people take up space by posting such idiotic statements. That's as far from the truth as Santa Claus is from your chimney.

jonny68 · 04-09-2005 03:42PM

sorry to be brutally honest but she sounds like she's a heartless bitch doing something like that( a bit like my own ex),i know how you feel heartbroken00 but you need to try and get over this,it's not easy i know trust me ive been there but you will get over her,it will take time and you will hurt but try take up a hobby or something try occupy your mind with other things,you will come out of this a better person trust me

fischerspooner · 05-09-2005 01:17PM

The truth is - it sounded like she was bored with you and other men became more appealing to her. From my experience women who come out of these relationships will mess around with a few guys for a while before they go out with someone else. So the fun she's having with these new men, great no-strings-sex etc., is a huge contrast to the depressing and pathetic mails/texts she's getting from you. The more you try and contact her and the more of this heart-felt nonsense she hears from you the more pathetic she'll think you are, and the more appealing other men will become. You will NOT get her back. And I don't think she was bad to you, telling people you want to break up is a very difficult thing, at least she was somewhat honest with you and didn't let it linger for longer. Just get on with your life, cold turkey is required. You will never know everything that goes on in a woman's head so just try and take future relationships less seiously and always try and stay one step ahead. And you MUST stop the pathetic pining and whining at her or she'll just think you're even more sad.

Kell · 05-09-2005 04:55PM

heartbroken00 wrote:

i tried going a few days without texting her, but i always break down and end up pouring my heart out to her, usually to no reply.

Dude - where is your self respect? To have been cruelly dumped by someone and then go back and ask for seconds........... just defies all belief.

heartbroken00 wrote:

It goes to show, u cant trust ANYONE.

Erm.... yes you can. You just need to put it into perspective. She hasnt actually treated you bad, save for the text/e-mail break up. That sucked áss. Sounds like you had this person up on a pedastal and for once are looking at the actual person rather than the person you believed her to be. So exactly who's interpretations are incorrect, and if you have her up on such a pedastal, try asking yourself why i.e. why do you need such an amazing person in your life?

HEARTBROKEN00 wrote:

she wasnt the best looking girl in the world ill be the first to admit, she was average, but i loved her with every bit of my heart.

Oh that is so big of you. Your general sense of confidence and esteem is at such a low that you accepted the person you WERE going out with because you felt you couldnt do any better, and you are giving out that she has been cruel to you? How would you feel if your ex turned around and said "ah yeah, bit of a minger, but sure I put up with him"? Jeebus.

What you need to do is cop yourself on and look inside at yourself instead of pointing a finger at someone else. You obviously have no self respect if you would let someone mail or text you to tell you its off and then try and fight for it back. Personally I'd smack someone if they did that to me for having so little respect for me.

This person (the one thats not the best looking) occupied a pedastal in your life, yet you havnt questioned why that is. You havnt one gone "ooh, I wonder what it is lacking in me that I found in her". Perhaps your seemingly zealous clingyness that all of your posts smack of?

Sorry if I appear mean here man, but you've got to pull your head out of your rear, acknowledge that she has dumped you and go and get laid. Thats how it works dammit. It is going to hurt like fúck for the next while, but the sooner you start forgetting about her and getting on with your life the better tbh. One day (I estimate about 8 months from now) days and even weeks will pass without a thought spared for the ex and you'll think "what sort of a mug was I to go out with her in the first place".

K-

lazylad · 05-09-2005 06:03PM

thats her way of saying she found someone else she prefers. it doesnt mean there is anything wrong with you. women just like to get as many guys as they can. just put it down to experience and move on. I was in the same situation as you and it drove mee insane. She said to me "i found someone else who treats me better and I wanna break up with you. please understand" she even had the cheek to say "id love both of you"

What a retard!! i just ignored her. learned a valuable lesson. You will too!

Shabadu · 05-09-2005 07:16PM

Oh for god's sake. I feel bad for the op, heartbreak is always tough, but we do get over it, don't we kiddies?

What are you all like? "What an evil bítch!", "how could she do this to you!" etc.etc.

I suggest you all get a hefty dose of reality some time soon. The e-mail thing, well they were living pretty far away from each other. It wasn't the best way to break up, but not the worst either. There is more than one side to this story, and to tell you nothing but the truth, hearing about all your 'romantic' efforts to talk to her reminded me sharply of an ex I have who couldn't seem to believe I had the audacity to break up with him.

He did all those same things which just suceeded in pissing me off, and scaring me. He'd also turn up at my flat, call me constantly, send me love letters, just making me feel uneasy in general. You don't seem nearly as bad as him, as he got quite abusive and angry about it, but then we are only hearing your side of the story.

Your ex seems like a nice enough girl from what contact you've since had, but ffs, leave her be now. Why would you want to be with someone who's in love with you anymore and doesn't want to be with you? This 'seeing other people temporarily for 3 weeks' thing is just another way for her to try and leave you as your not really getting the idea that she wants out. It's too bad that she's not being brutally honest with you, but if you're half as melodramatic with her as you are on this thread I can't blame her for not wanting to be frank and forthright.

heartbroken00 · 03-10-2005 08:40PM

well its all over. she left me on hold the last month, shes back in college now a week and hasnt asked to see me. told me last night shes "seeing someone, but not going out with them" this person lives 200 miles away from her. shes basically being with him when she sees him. this hurt as i know the person in question vageuly. was very upset last night about it, but today i saw some emails she wrote to a friend of hers over the weekend and she said some really horrible things about me in them like "im well rid of him" and crap like that.

the funny thing is, that has really helped me, knowing shes not the person i thought she was. im actually getting over it now since reading the emails. she doesnt deserve me, and i dont deserve to be treated the way she did to me.
so im almost over her. anyone in a similiar position...my advice is to talk to people about it. it really helps. surround yourself with friends...do things to keep your mind occupied. right now im concentrating on looking for a new girlfriend. sure it might not be a good idea but it helps.
thanks for the help ppl.

Illegal Alien · 04-10-2005 02:12AM

Sorry i could only get through first page...it's late, so sorry if i'm repeating stuf....and get out your reading glasses, this is gonna be a long one!!

But anyway, to OP, I've been there dude, I was 17 at the time and I know exactly how you feel...simular story to myself, she moved away, met other people, long distance was to much to handle, I reckon she was cheating on me there, and after a couple of months, she ended a 18 month relationship and broke my heart in a 5 min. phone call.

It ate me up, I was bitter, and gelous...but, and here comes the clech`e ...time is your only healer, and im not going to lie to you, if you let it really get to you and don't just keep telling yourself you could't care less, and let it go, it'll stay with you for much longer. It took me a couple of years to get over it, and even to this day (5 years later) although I'm 100% over her for a long time, it's still very difficult for me in relationships....if you get burned so bad, and give someone the power to make you feel like that...is it really ever going to be worth taking that risk again?

But here's what you did/are doing wrong. First of all (and this will sound impossible in your head, i dont care, just do it!) stop thinking about her...next time she pops into your head concentrate on something else, play playstation, read, watch TV, talk to your friends about anything but her, and try to cut her out of your head. Secondly,(trust me on this) write her an email, It would be better in person, but it seems this is your best way of contacting her without annoying her, basicly say sorry about the last while, you took it bad because you really cared about her (all past tense

), say you realise now it was the right thing to do, and sorry you made such a big deal about it, you hope she's enjoying herself and all is well, everythings cool with you, works great etc. etc. This way, she'll be shocked into the fact that she has actually lost you for real, and that you're OK with it, because you've gotta be friendly and cool about it, no matter how you feel inside, if she makes it that clear she needs space. If you keep bugging her, your driving her into the hands of another man, and if you make it clear she's lost you now, do what she wants, then after a while, hopefully, she'll start missing you, if not, then dude im sorry but maybe it just wasn't ment to be

But after that don't contact her again for at least 6 months unless she contacts you...i know tht sounds like crazy talk, but you can always wait for the novelty of all these new people in her life ware off, and then she gets a call for a friendly coffee or something with you..it might renew her interest...who knows, and plus this slimeball will hopefully be out of the picture by then!! :mad:

But to cheer you up, when my girl did that to me, i never gave her the satisfaction of seeing how much she hurt me, because i knew she had moved on, on there was little or nothing i could do about it, and anything i did do would just drive her away even more....and last summer...4 years later, who do I run into?

Her! we hung out, she was still really HOT, she was only here for 4 months more when i met her, so we had a little fling, and after 3 months...ya, I dumped her ass!! :cool: haha, it felt great, and I couldn't care less if I ever see her again, even though I left it on good terms (I would never stoop to her level and do what she did

), so, you know time will heal, and cut your loses now, and give it time...maybe your paths will cross again

Don't consider it finished deal, just a project put on hold for a while...and you might aswell use that time productively, shop around, maybe you'll find somehing better!

AARRRGH · 04-10-2005 12:02PM

heartbroken00 wrote:

the funny thing is, that has really helped me, knowing shes not the person i thought she was...right now im concentrating on looking for a new girlfriend.

I don't actually think 2.5 years is enough time to know the "real" person. I've had two ex's who became psycho after 2.5 - 3 years. Up to then I thought they were lovely... It's good to know you now know the "real" person she is and are not just looking at her like some kind of angel.

You are totally NOT in the mental zone for a new girlfriend though! You are obviously still cut up. DON'T get a new girlfriend!! Whatever about sleeping around, but you're just going to fall in love with the new girlfriend instantly...

AthAnRi · 04-10-2005 01:36PM

heartbroken00 wrote:

well its all over. she left me on hold the last month, shes back in college now a week and hasnt asked to see me. told me last night shes "seeing someone, but not going out with them" this person lives 200 miles away from her. shes basically being with him when she sees him. this hurt as i know the person in question vageuly. was very upset last night about it, but today i saw some emails she wrote to a friend of hers over the weekend and she said some really horrible things about me in them like "im well rid of him" and crap like that.

the funny thing is, that has really helped me, knowing shes not the person i thought she was. im actually getting over it now since reading the emails. she doesnt deserve me, and i dont deserve to be treated the way she did to me.
so im almost over her. anyone in a similiar position...my advice is to talk to people about it. it really helps. surround yourself with friends...do things to keep your mind occupied. right now im concentrating on looking for a new girlfriend. sure it might not be a good idea but it helps.
thanks for the help ppl.

Good to here my son. Now pull up the sleeves and get back into the game. We need ya man. can't let the birds see any weakness even for a second.

Sifo · 04-10-2005 01:59PM

fair play dude, you learned some very valuable lessons, but don't let this ho's actions stop you trusting people in future...

what goes around comes around and im sure she'll get hers...

Keyzer · 04-10-2005 02:05PM

Amazing how when you heard she had bad mouthed you it made you feel better almost over night...

Anyway, don't get another girlfried for a while, cos even though you might think she's out of your system completely, she wont be, simple things will remind you of her.

And as the old song goes, feel free to join in as well,

its not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You’re still young, that’s your fault,
There’s so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down, (ignore this line)
If you want you can marry.(ignore this line too)
Look at me, I am old, but I’m happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it’s not easy,
To be calm when you’ve found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you’ve got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

Son
How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It’s always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

It’s not time to make a change,
Just sit down, take it slowly.
You’re still young, that’s your fault,
There’s so much you have to go through.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I’m happy.

Son
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It’s hard, but it’s harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I’d agree, but it’s them you know not me.
Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

Zombrex · 04-10-2005 02:10PM

I am with Shabadu on this one, seriously dude what are you doing?

Firstly, what exactly did she do to you that was so horrible? Seems to me that she simply broke up with you. After a bit of cold sholder sure, but everyone does that, they need to work up the courage to actually break up with someone, and to be sure they want to do it. So she didn't talk to you much and then told you it was over? Would you have handled it better if she had out of the blue told you it was over? How exactly would you have lived her to break up with you?? There are a lot more horrible ways to find out your girlfriend wants to see someone else. To me she did the honourable thing and ended it with you rather than cheating behind your back.

It is not someone fault if they don't want to go out with you any more. These thing just happen. Believing she is the second coming of satan might make you feel better in the short term but it isn't exactly health, or very fair on her.

Secondly, she seems to have only told you about the other guy cause you get hassling her for the "real reason" ... now she told you and you hate her even more. Your response to all this has been completely and totally over the top. You need to get over this "i am going to die" crap. First loves are always hard to get over, but wallowing in self pity isn't going to help anyone. Also believing she is a heartless bitch is being very unfair, and not a particularly healthy way to think if you want future relationships with women. You are talking all this way way to personally. Cause she doesn't want to go out with you anymore doesn't mean she is a bitch or it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. She is just moving on after a 2 year relationship, happens all the time. You are going to meet girls who are more into you than you are into them, and when you break up with them cause its the best thing to do remember this experience and see if you still hate your ex-girlfriend.

And for the love of god stop contacting her!! Seriously, no more contact even if you have to delete her number and get a mate to watch you 24/7. You are so far into bunny boiler territory I wouldn't be surprised if she is thinking of restraining orders at this stage!! I am totally not surprised she is saying she is "Well rid of you", look how you have been acting towards her!! Seriously, sending her flowers after she has already said "why are u still texting me" is only going to scare the s**t out of her. You are never going to get her back, but at the same time you want to hold on to some dignity.

04-10-2005 10:42PM

Dont be so Emo about it tho, stop listening to FFAF and MCR

Na seriously, dont ever think about killing yourself, its just stupid like, people change and theres nothing u can do about it

BobTheBeat · 05-10-2005 01:19PM

well, the three weeks are pretty much up. Have you had any word back? *wince*

chump · 05-10-2005 07:57PM

heartbroken00 wrote:

well its all over. she left me on hold the last month, shes back in college now a week and hasnt asked to see me. told me last night shes "seeing someone, but not going out with them" this person lives 200 miles away from her. shes basically being with him when she sees him. this hurt as i know the person in question vageuly. was very upset last night about it, but today i saw some emails she wrote to a friend of hers over the weekend and she said some really horrible things about me in them like "im well rid of him" and crap like that.

the funny thing is, that has really helped me, knowing shes not the person i thought she was. im actually getting over it now since reading the emails. she doesnt deserve me, and i dont deserve to be treated the way she did to me.
so im almost over her. anyone in a similiar position...my advice is to talk to people about it. it really helps. surround yourself with friends...do things to keep your mind occupied. right now im concentrating on looking for a new girlfriend. sure it might not be a good idea but it helps.
thanks for the help ppl.

Do people not bother reading all the thread any more before commenting... the amount of aftertiming posts!

Ruu_Old · 05-10-2005 08:32PM

congrats on moving on heartbroken, your on the road to recovery, you do deserve better. Good luck in the future

Sleepy · 06-10-2005 10:08AM

heartbroken00 wrote:

today i saw some emails she wrote to a friend of hers over the weekend and she said some really horrible things about me in them like "im well rid of him" and crap like that.

She obviously is well rid of you if you've stalked her with texts, phone calls and flowers since she broke up with you and then started reading her email?!

Catch yourself on OP. Women can make us a bit crazy at times but you have to try and keep some dignity together instead of acting like a psycho. You've probably scared the daylights out of the poor girl.

Farls · 07-10-2005 12:43AM

Before I go any further I want to say well done to Illegal Alien (scroll up a bit and read his post) fantastic story.

And to the OP, well done also, your not over her but your seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My advice is don't waste your time hating her or missing her or anything...she's not worth it. Out of sight out of mind out of your life.

Best advice I got after my break up a few months ago was "The only way to get over one is to get under another, and another, and another..." so go out now, have some fun if you find something along the way you'll be better equipped now to handle the situation. Live your life man that chapters over now start a new one.

How could she hurt me this much

Comments