How could she hurt me this much

heartbroken00

Ive been going out with a girl for 2 and a half years, first girl i ever slept with etc.She's 22, im 24. Things were great, we were both in the same college up until last year when i graduated, things were still great, she went away on work placement for 6 months to a different part of the country.

Things were still good , we'd take turns going to see each other, it was a long journey, but we didnt mind. we'd usually see each other every 2 or 3 weeks. Her birthday was about 2 months ago, and since then i havent seen her. Every time i had mentioned about me going down to see her or her coming to see me, she'd have some excuse as to why she couldnt see me. this went on for about a month until eventually she said she "needed some space" to enjoy her time down there and that we'd get back together when she gets back to college. i was hurt, but agreed to it and we rarely talked then after that until about 2 weeks ago when she emailed me saying she thought we shouldnt be together any more. I was completely shocked. She started saying all this stuff that we werent suited to each other, from different backgrounds etc and that we were too different. I couldnt believe my ears as we were so good together for 2 years, we texted each other about 20-30 times a day and had a great time. After a week I eventually got it out of her that in her own words


" theres this guy im really good friends with, we're really close, im not seein him but he understands things you dont,and he's more from my background that yours."

what does that mean? is she sleeping with him? its driving me crazy thinking of them together.

Now im just wondering, how someone who was such a sweet,caring person, who wouldnt harm a fly, could treat someone like this. She knows its driving me crazy, but she wont even answer a phone call that i make.

I was devastated, havent been able to sleep properly, not eating properly, cant concentrate at work etc since. Now she's leaving the work experience place in 2 weeks and will be back in college then. She rarely texts me at all now, last time she answered one of my phone calls was 4 weeks ago

I just dont know what to do, its totally wrecking my head the thoughts of her with someone else, driving me absolutely crazy.I sent a big bunch of roses to her , she'll get them this evening but ive a feeling she'll only give out to me like she does when i text her asking why i keep texting her "seeing as we're not together". If she goes mad that i sent them then ill just curl up and die.

Id do absolutely anything for her, i had decided to just call down out of the blue and try and talk to her about it, but am afraid she'll go crazy and just finish things there and then. Ive said to her i was calling down a few times and she made me promise not to.
Im lost without her, totally lost, i lived for her, and while i was with her she was the kindest sweetest person i knew. and i cannot understand how she can treat me like this after everything we've been through.
And i have no desire to go out with friends etc..etc try and take my mind off it. Its eating me up inside


I seriously wish i were dead at the minute.

Please don't tell me to try and get over her because I can't. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that she'll be back in college soon and ive asked her can we start over from the beginning again, and she said "i dont know" Thats all im clinging to at the minute

qz

Show her this post.

LundiMardi

Sorry man, but it looks like she has moved on... although tbh she sounds like a bitch and handled it completely wrong, what an awful text to get!!!

It sounds like it's over, but i personally would give her a piece of my mind of how cold hearted she's been!!

Asok

I know your hurting very bad right now man but it will pass, by the sounds of things she doesnt deserve you.

WhiteWashMan

people change.
its a fact of life.

seems she just moved in a different direction to you, and has now discovered that there are other things in the world.

sorry.

heartbroken00

qz wrote:

Show her this post.

ive written her emails a lot like this to no avail...

Sarky

This is what I tend to call a "kick in the teeth".

You can expect a few more throughout the course of your life.

Distance puts a huge strain on most relationships. Too much, usually. People change. Including yourself. You might well be surprised how different the two of you have become in the last, what, two months? Maybe you could salvage things. Maybe she's lying through her teeth to you. Maybe you're lying to yourself, can you say, with complete and utter honesty, that your time together was completely perfect in every way, for both of you?

By all means, talk to her and see what's going on. Be prepared for answers you might not like, if you can. Breakups don't just happen by themselves.

You CAN get over it, and you most likely will, eventually. The alternative is to become known as "That Creepy Stalker Guy". Your choice.

heartbroken00

LundiMardi wrote:

Sorry man, but it looks like she has moved on... although tbh she sounds like a bitch and handled it completely wrong, what an awful text to get!!!

It sounds like it's over, but i personally would give her a piece of my mind of how cold hearted she's been!!

she's all i lived for...ill die if its over, its been destroying me for the last 2 weeks...i literally spend every waking minute thinking about her
i hate her for what she's put me through, i honestly dont think she realises how hard it is for me .

heartbroken00

Sarky wrote:

This is what I tend to call a "kick in the teeth".

You can expect a few more throughout the course of your life.

Distance puts a huge strain on most relationships. Too much, usually. People change. Including yourself. You might well be surprised how different the two of you have become in the last, what, two months? Maybe you could salvage things. Maybe she's lying through her teeth to you. Maybe you're lying to yourself, can you say, with complete and utter honesty, that your time together was completely perfect in every way, for both of you?

By all means, talk to her and see what's going on. Be prepared for answers you might not like, if you can. Breakups don't just happen by themselves.

You CAN get over it, and you most likely will, eventually. The alternative is to become known as "That Creepy Stalker Guy". Your choice.

It's the biggest kick in the teeth ive ever had
Id rather be dead right now than feeling the way i am.
The time together was amazing, we had small fallouts every now and then like everyone, we were seperated by distance for the last 2 summers too but survived them together.
Im afraid to text her, she should have recieved the flowers i sent her an hour ago, but no reply yet
I dont want her to end up hating me, and i tried going a few days without texting her, but i always break down and end up pouring my heart out to her, usually to no reply.
It goes to show, u cant trust ANYONE. this girl was so sweet and kind. she wasnt the best looking girl in the world ill be the first to admit, she was average, but i loved her with every bit of my heart. got to go, this is too much for me.......

Sarky

How about a calm, logical, well-ordered letter apologising for your behaviour recently (to be perfectly honest, it sounds like you haven't stopped trying to reach her since her decision to end things. That tends to make things worse.), explaining that it was the result of shock/surprise/whatever from her decision, and stating that you would very much like to know her honest reasons for the split?

Raiser

This girl seems to be very spineless and seems intent on proving it through her every action. If you ever did get back together she will never be someone you will be able to trust to any extent - you seem like a good and decent person, hence you two were mismatched.

The right thing for her to do was to end the relationship in an honourable, decent fashion without hurting you too much. Instead she was sneaky, cowardly, thoughtless, heartless, cruel and generally despicable.

I know from past experience that this circumstance you find yourself in is very miserable, painfull and crushing to your self-esteem, but if you stay strong it will pass, and from the point that you acknowledge that the two of you shouldn't be together, you will be well on the road to recovery & a relationship with a girl who loves and respects you.

Afterthought: I honestly believe that in the not so distant future you will look back on this relationship and be glad that this weasel-woman is history. Just about everyone I know, myself included, has been through this and I promise that in hindsight you'll see her flaws and general arsehole-ness a lot more clearly.

WhiteWashMan

heartbroken00 wrote:

It's the biggest kick in the teeth ive ever had
Id rather be dead right now than feeling the way i am.
The time together was amazing, we had small fallouts every now and then like everyone, we were seperated by distance for the last 2 summers too but survived them together.
Im afraid to text her, she should have recieved the flowers i sent her an hour ago, but no reply yet
I dont want her to end up hating me, and i tried going a few days without texting her, but i always break down and end up pouring my heart out to her, usually to no reply.
It goes to show, u cant trust ANYONE. this girl was so sweet and kind. she wasnt the best looking girl in the world ill be the first to admit, she was average, but i loved her with every bit of my heart. got to go, this is too much for me.......

ok, now youre getting a bit melodramatic.

your life isnt over, you wont die, you will just feel like crap for a long time.
welcome to first-love-breakup 101.

its a tough class, and a really long exam at the end, but eventually, everyone passes.

heartbroken00

Sarky wrote:

How about a calm, logical, well-ordered letter apologising for your behaviour recently (to be perfectly honest, it sounds like you haven't stopped trying to reach her since her decision to end things. That tends to make things worse.), explaining that it was the result of shock/surprise/whatever from her decision, and stating that you would very much like to know her honest reasons for the split?

i havent stopped trying to contact her, but i had gone over a week without contact, when she emailed me out of the blue last week "to drop me a line" and talk about different things, i was doing ok up until then, but since then i havent been able to think of anything else, it was then that she told me that her and this other guy were "really close" but not seeing each other

Sarky

Yes, but have your messages been along the lines of what you've said here, or were they written without you professing your undying love for her, and asking the questions you actually want to know the answers to?

heartbroken00

Sarky wrote:

Yes, but have your messages been along the lines of what you've said here, or were they written without you professing your undying love for her, and asking the questions you actually want to know the answers to?

yeah, ive written her loads of messages like the ones i wrote here, she seems totally cold now, i cant understand it . she used to love me sending her messages like that, hated seeing me sad or lonely or anything. i just cant understand wtf is going through her head.

heartbroken00

WhiteWashMan wrote:

ok, now youre getting a bit melodramatic.

your life isnt over, you wont die, you will just feel like crap for a long time.
welcome to first-love-breakup 101.

its a tough class, and a really long exam at the end, but eventually, everyone passes.

wwm, you're tough but fair....but to be honest I cant accept yet that we're finished. She needed her space for this summer, she's not "seeing" this guy according to her, and im hoping everything will turn out ok.
feel free to call me a fool

*adele*

She sounds like a heartless bitch...how could she do something so big over text?What is she 12??

Barbie_666

know how it feels sweetie.keep ur chin up, what comes around goes around.
she sounds like a right bit*h.

Sarky

heartbroken00 wrote:

yeah, ive written her loads of messages like the ones i wrote here, she seems totally cold now, i cant understand it . she used to love me sending her messages like that, hated seeing me sad or lonely or anything. i just cant understand wtf is going through her head.

And vice versa. Look, you're probably not going to like what I say next, and I'll accept a ban for it if necessary, but you are not doing yourself any favours. You are, in fact, digging a very large hole for yourself. Nobody likes it when, after saying that they should see other people, the ex (for want of a better term) redoubles the amount of "I love you so much it hurts" messages they send. You're coming across as desperately clingy. If I were her, the torrent of messages would worry and annoy me.

Calm down, request the reasons for the situation like I suggested earlier, and stop pestering her. If she ever cared for you, she'll reply when she's ready.

And you're hardly a fool. Most of us have been there or will be there at least once. And we're still here. You will be, too.

heartbroken00

she's not a bitch she's the nicest person ive ever known, i just dono why she's finishing things like this after everything ive done and tried to do for her.

I just texted her askin did she get the flowers, turns out shes at home in her family home so i dono where they are.
She said it was a really really nice thing to do , but it wouldnt make her change her mind

i guess this is it....she prefers him to me...
ill never understand how she could change so much, but i cant hate her, i can hate the way she dealt with things though.

The Sweeper

One question.

Would it really make a difference to you if you sat down with her, face to face, and you talked it all through, and at the end she said:

"I just don't want to be with you. You don't do it for me anymore. You are a lovely person but I just don't feel like that about you. That's it. I don't love you. I'm sorry, but I just don't love you"?

I know you feel like she could have handled things better, but perhaps she thought 'lets have no contact' was the best way to do it.

There is no "good" way to let someone down when they have stronger feelings for you than you do for them. There is no good way to break bad news.

I just hope you feel better soon because I understand this is a horrible time for you. You're still young, you have a lot of life ahead of you, and by the sounds of it you're a good person. Take some time out for yourself and realise that the quality of your life should not be dependant on someone else.

How U Like That

what you should do is try not to contact her for a long time, then she will realise how much she misses you and then she will probably want to talk to you again! don't worry things will get better. something similiar happened me about 9 months ago but I'm back to normal now! always look on the bright side of life!

heartbroken00

she said in a message that im not what she wants, that were different, and lifes to short to settle with someone your not suited to.

i replied asking if id ever see her again, she says back "yeah of course, but prob not in same way.we'll see"

Misticles

Well i think that's the last nail in the coffin in that relationship, was the exact same situation for my first love. but now i see he was right and im alot happier now

Femelade

heartbroken00,
i feel so sorry for you, we've all gone through this, thinking life cannot go on without this person, they were the greatest thing since sliced pan, so how could they do this to me?

maybe ye arent suited, if ye were meant to be, then she wouldnt have treated you the coldhearted way she did.

if ye did get back 2gether, would things be the same? no, i dont think they ever could, she's seriously hurt you and she doesnt even care, is that the type of person you want to be with?

you sound like a really decent guy (sending flowers to her!!after what she's put you through!) you deserve alot better, and you will see that in time to come and think back to this time you 'll say to yourself "god i went a bit mad there didnt i?"


best of luck

heartbroken00

many thanks to one and all for your comments. We're on good terms now, she was really affected by me sending the flowers i think, we ended it by saying she can be with people if she wants to, to see if its really me she wants, and that we'll meet up when she gets back to college (3 weeks)
I cant be bitter to her, she doesnt want to be tied down, she apparantly though t i was getting too "settled". i told her ill change my ways, we'll go back to concentrating on fun, and not take ourselves so seriously.
So things could still work out. Im not getting my hopes up though, but we're on good terms at the minute anyway, thats the most important thing. I hated the thought of her hating me

thanks again, will let ye know how I get on.

Back to my regular logon name now I think

Femelade

well good luck with meeting her in 3 weeks, hope it all goes well,
let us know anyway


-Femmy

LegacyUser

phew

that was like reading my breakup when i was younger. i feel for you after reading that. very raw. very true. very young.

you will love again, and ya know what? she'll be better. First loves shouldnt be allowed, we should be able to skip to the 4th girl with all the groovy quirks who cooks a mean steak

UberNewb

alpha5055 wrote:

phew

that was like reading my breakup when i was younger. i feel for you after reading that. very raw. very true. very young.

you will love again, and ya know what? she'll be better. First loves shouldnt be allowed, we should be able to skip to the 4th girl with all the groovy quirks who cooks a mean steak

I have to agree with alpha5055's post. Although Girlfriend Version 4 did cook some mega fry ups I'm with Girlfriend Version 5 at the moment and she's not into cooking much

but

the sex is mind blowing!!

WhiteWashMan

heartbroken00 wrote:

she said in a message that im not what she wants, that were different, and lifes to short to settle with someone your not suited to.

i replied asking if id ever see her again, she says back "yeah of course, but prob not in same way.we'll see"

personally, i agree with what she says.
if you dont want to be with someone for whatever reason, why would you be with them.

if you dont like eating tomatoes, would you eat tomoatoes.

you just have to respect that discision.

she has be plain and direct to you.
its now over.

you wont get her back.
she doesnt want you.

sorry.

DAEDULUS

women are always looking for someone better...fact!

the way to live a happy life concerning women,is to not let them bother you,or even get the chance to..