How could she hurt me this much

heartbroken00

Ive been going out with a girl for 2 and a half years, first girl i ever slept with etc.She's 22, im 24. Things were great, we were both in the same college up until last year when i graduated, things were still great, she went away on work placement for 6 months to a different part of the country.

Things were still good , we'd take turns going to see each other, it was a long journey, but we didnt mind. we'd usually see each other every 2 or 3 weeks. Her birthday was about 2 months ago, and since then i havent seen her. Every time i had mentioned about me going down to see her or her coming to see me, she'd have some excuse as to why she couldnt see me. this went on for about a month until eventually she said she "needed some space" to enjoy her time down there and that we'd get back together when she gets back to college. i was hurt, but agreed to it and we rarely talked then after that until about 2 weeks ago when she emailed me saying she thought we shouldnt be together any more. I was completely shocked. She started saying all this stuff that we werent suited to each other, from different backgrounds etc and that we were too different. I couldnt believe my ears as we were so good together for 2 years, we texted each other about 20-30 times a day and had a great time. After a week I eventually got it out of her that in her own words


" theres this guy im really good friends with, we're really close, im not seein him but he understands things you dont,and he's more from my background that yours."

what does that mean? is she sleeping with him? its driving me crazy thinking of them together.

Now im just wondering, how someone who was such a sweet,caring person, who wouldnt harm a fly, could treat someone like this. She knows its driving me crazy, but she wont even answer a phone call that i make.

I was devastated, havent been able to sleep properly, not eating properly, cant concentrate at work etc since. Now she's leaving the work experience place in 2 weeks and will be back in college then. She rarely texts me at all now, last time she answered one of my phone calls was 4 weeks ago

I just dont know what to do, its totally wrecking my head the thoughts of her with someone else, driving me absolutely crazy.I sent a big bunch of roses to her , she'll get them this evening but ive a feeling she'll only give out to me like she does when i text her asking why i keep texting her "seeing as we're not together". If she goes mad that i sent them then ill just curl up and die.

Id do absolutely anything for her, i had decided to just call down out of the blue and try and talk to her about it, but am afraid she'll go crazy and just finish things there and then. Ive said to her i was calling down a few times and she made me promise not to.
Im lost without her, totally lost, i lived for her, and while i was with her she was the kindest sweetest person i knew. and i cannot understand how she can treat me like this after everything we've been through.
And i have no desire to go out with friends etc..etc try and take my mind off it. Its eating me up inside


I seriously wish i were dead at the minute.

Please don't tell me to try and get over her because I can't. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that she'll be back in college soon and ive asked her can we start over from the beginning again, and she said "i dont know" Thats all im clinging to at the minute

qz

Show her this post.

LundiMardi

Sorry man, but it looks like she has moved on... although tbh she sounds like a bitch and handled it completely wrong, what an awful text to get!!!

It sounds like it's over, but i personally would give her a piece of my mind of how cold hearted she's been!!

Asok

I know your hurting very bad right now man but it will pass, by the sounds of things she doesnt deserve you.

WhiteWashMan

people change.
its a fact of life.

seems she just moved in a different direction to you, and has now discovered that there are other things in the world.

sorry.

heartbroken00

qz wrote:

Show her this post.

ive written her emails a lot like this to no avail...

Sarky

This is what I tend to call a "kick in the teeth".

You can expect a few more throughout the course of your life.

Distance puts a huge strain on most relationships. Too much, usually. People change. Including yourself. You might well be surprised how different the two of you have become in the last, what, two months? Maybe you could salvage things. Maybe she's lying through her teeth to you. Maybe you're lying to yourself, can you say, with complete and utter honesty, that your time together was completely perfect in every way, for both of you?

By all means, talk to her and see what's going on. Be prepared for answers you might not like, if you can. Breakups don't just happen by themselves.

You CAN get over it, and you most likely will, eventually. The alternative is to become known as "That Creepy Stalker Guy". Your choice.

heartbroken00

LundiMardi wrote:

Sorry man, but it looks like she has moved on... although tbh she sounds like a bitch and handled it completely wrong, what an awful text to get!!!

It sounds like it's over, but i personally would give her a piece of my mind of how cold hearted she's been!!

she's all i lived for...ill die if its over, its been destroying me for the last 2 weeks...i literally spend every waking minute thinking about her
i hate her for what she's put me through, i honestly dont think she realises how hard it is for me .

heartbroken00

Sarky wrote:

This is what I tend to call a "kick in the teeth".

You can expect a few more throughout the course of your life.

Distance puts a huge strain on most relationships. Too much, usually. People change. Including yourself. You might well be surprised how different the two of you have become in the last, what, two months? Maybe you could salvage things. Maybe she's lying through her teeth to you. Maybe you're lying to yourself, can you say, with complete and utter honesty, that your time together was completely perfect in every way, for both of you?

By all means, talk to her and see what's going on. Be prepared for answers you might not like, if you can. Breakups don't just happen by themselves.

You CAN get over it, and you most likely will, eventually. The alternative is to become known as "That Creepy Stalker Guy". Your choice.

It's the biggest kick in the teeth ive ever had
Id rather be dead right now than feeling the way i am.
The time together was amazing, we had small fallouts every now and then like everyone, we were seperated by distance for the last 2 summers too but survived them together.
Im afraid to text her, she should have recieved the flowers i sent her an hour ago, but no reply yet
I dont want her to end up hating me, and i tried going a few days without texting her, but i always break down and end up pouring my heart out to her, usually to no reply.
It goes to show, u cant trust ANYONE. this girl was so sweet and kind. she wasnt the best looking girl in the world ill be the first to admit, she was average, but i loved her with every bit of my heart. got to go, this is too much for me.......

Sarky

How about a calm, logical, well-ordered letter apologising for your behaviour recently (to be perfectly honest, it sounds like you haven't stopped trying to reach her since her decision to end things. That tends to make things worse.), explaining that it was the result of shock/surprise/whatever from her decision, and stating that you would very much like to know her honest reasons for the split?

Raiser

This girl seems to be very spineless and seems intent on proving it through her every action. If you ever did get back together she will never be someone you will be able to trust to any extent - you seem like a good and decent person, hence you two were mismatched.

The right thing for her to do was to end the relationship in an honourable, decent fashion without hurting you too much. Instead she was sneaky, cowardly, thoughtless, heartless, cruel and generally despicable.

I know from past experience that this circumstance you find yourself in is very miserable, painfull and crushing to your self-esteem, but if you stay strong it will pass, and from the point that you acknowledge that the two of you shouldn't be together, you will be well on the road to recovery & a relationship with a girl who loves and respects you.

Afterthought: I honestly believe that in the not so distant future you will look back on this relationship and be glad that this weasel-woman is history. Just about everyone I know, myself included, has been through this and I promise that in hindsight you'll see her flaws and general arsehole-ness a lot more clearly.

WhiteWashMan

heartbroken00 wrote:

It's the biggest kick in the teeth ive ever had
Id rather be dead right now than feeling the way i am.
The time together was amazing, we had small fallouts every now and then like everyone, we were seperated by distance for the last 2 summers too but survived them together.
Im afraid to text her, she should have recieved the flowers i sent her an hour ago, but no reply yet
I dont want her to end up hating me, and i tried going a few days without texting her, but i always break down and end up pouring my heart out to her, usually to no reply.
It goes to show, u cant trust ANYONE. this girl was so sweet and kind. she wasnt the best looking girl in the world ill be the first to admit, she was average, but i loved her with every bit of my heart. got to go, this is too much for me.......

ok, now youre getting a bit melodramatic.

your life isnt over, you wont die, you will just feel like crap for a long time.
welcome to first-love-breakup 101.

its a tough class, and a really long exam at the end, but eventually, everyone passes.

heartbroken00

Sarky wrote:

How about a calm, logical, well-ordered letter apologising for your behaviour recently (to be perfectly honest, it sounds like you haven't stopped trying to reach her since her decision to end things. That tends to make things worse.), explaining that it was the result of shock/surprise/whatever from her decision, and stating that you would very much like to know her honest reasons for the split?

i havent stopped trying to contact her, but i had gone over a week without contact, when she emailed me out of the blue last week "to drop me a line" and talk about different things, i was doing ok up until then, but since then i havent been able to think of anything else, it was then that she told me that her and this other guy were "really close" but not seeing each other

Sarky

Yes, but have your messages been along the lines of what you've said here, or were they written without you professing your undying love for her, and asking the questions you actually want to know the answers to?

heartbroken00

Sarky wrote:

Yes, but have your messages been along the lines of what you've said here, or were they written without you professing your undying love for her, and asking the questions you actually want to know the answers to?

yeah, ive written her loads of messages like the ones i wrote here, she seems totally cold now, i cant understand it . she used to love me sending her messages like that, hated seeing me sad or lonely or anything. i just cant understand wtf is going through her head.

heartbroken00

WhiteWashMan wrote:

ok, now youre getting a bit melodramatic.

your life isnt over, you wont die, you will just feel like crap for a long time.
welcome to first-love-breakup 101.

its a tough class, and a really long exam at the end, but eventually, everyone passes.

wwm, you're tough but fair....but to be honest I cant accept yet that we're finished. She needed her space for this summer, she's not "seeing" this guy according to her, and im hoping everything will turn out ok.
feel free to call me a fool

*adele*

She sounds like a heartless bitch...how could she do something so big over text?What is she 12??

Barbie_666

know how it feels sweetie.keep ur chin up, what comes around goes around.
she sounds like a right bit*h.

Sarky

heartbroken00 wrote:

yeah, ive written her loads of messages like the ones i wrote here, she seems totally cold now, i cant understand it . she used to love me sending her messages like that, hated seeing me sad or lonely or anything. i just cant understand wtf is going through her head.

And vice versa. Look, you're probably not going to like what I say next, and I'll accept a ban for it if necessary, but you are not doing yourself any favours. You are, in fact, digging a very large hole for yourself. Nobody likes it when, after saying that they should see other people, the ex (for want of a better term) redoubles the amount of "I love you so much it hurts" messages they send. You're coming across as desperately clingy. If I were her, the torrent of messages would worry and annoy me.

Calm down, request the reasons for the situation like I suggested earlier, and stop pestering her. If she ever cared for you, she'll reply when she's ready.

And you're hardly a fool. Most of us have been there or will be there at least once. And we're still here. You will be, too.

heartbroken00

she's not a bitch she's the nicest person ive ever known, i just dono why she's finishing things like this after everything ive done and tried to do for her.

I just texted her askin did she get the flowers, turns out shes at home in her family home so i dono where they are.
She said it was a really really nice thing to do , but it wouldnt make her change her mind

i guess this is it....she prefers him to me...
ill never understand how she could change so much, but i cant hate her, i can hate the way she dealt with things though.

The Sweeper

One question.

Would it really make a difference to you if you sat down with her, face to face, and you talked it all through, and at the end she said:

"I just don't want to be with you. You don't do it for me anymore. You are a lovely person but I just don't feel like that about you. That's it. I don't love you. I'm sorry, but I just don't love you"?

I know you feel like she could have handled things better, but perhaps she thought 'lets have no contact' was the best way to do it.

There is no "good" way to let someone down when they have stronger feelings for you than you do for them. There is no good way to break bad news.

I just hope you feel better soon because I understand this is a horrible time for you. You're still young, you have a lot of life ahead of you, and by the sounds of it you're a good person. Take some time out for yourself and realise that the quality of your life should not be dependant on someone else.

How U Like That

what you should do is try not to contact her for a long time, then she will realise how much she misses you and then she will probably want to talk to you again! don't worry things will get better. something similiar happened me about 9 months ago but I'm back to normal now! always look on the bright side of life!

heartbroken00

she said in a message that im not what she wants, that were different, and lifes to short to settle with someone your not suited to.

i replied asking if id ever see her again, she says back "yeah of course, but prob not in same way.we'll see"

Misticles

Well i think that's the last nail in the coffin in that relationship, was the exact same situation for my first love. but now i see he was right and im alot happier now

Femelade

heartbroken00,
i feel so sorry for you, we've all gone through this, thinking life cannot go on without this person, they were the greatest thing since sliced pan, so how could they do this to me?

maybe ye arent suited, if ye were meant to be, then she wouldnt have treated you the coldhearted way she did.

if ye did get back 2gether, would things be the same? no, i dont think they ever could, she's seriously hurt you and she doesnt even care, is that the type of person you want to be with?

you sound like a really decent guy (sending flowers to her!!after what she's put you through!) you deserve alot better, and you will see that in time to come and think back to this time you 'll say to yourself "god i went a bit mad there didnt i?"


best of luck

heartbroken00

many thanks to one and all for your comments. We're on good terms now, she was really affected by me sending the flowers i think, we ended it by saying she can be with people if she wants to, to see if its really me she wants, and that we'll meet up when she gets back to college (3 weeks)
I cant be bitter to her, she doesnt want to be tied down, she apparantly though t i was getting too "settled". i told her ill change my ways, we'll go back to concentrating on fun, and not take ourselves so seriously.
So things could still work out. Im not getting my hopes up though, but we're on good terms at the minute anyway, thats the most important thing. I hated the thought of her hating me

thanks again, will let ye know how I get on.

Back to my regular logon name now I think

Femelade

well good luck with meeting her in 3 weeks, hope it all goes well,
let us know anyway


-Femmy

LegacyUser

phew

that was like reading my breakup when i was younger. i feel for you after reading that. very raw. very true. very young.

you will love again, and ya know what? she'll be better. First loves shouldnt be allowed, we should be able to skip to the 4th girl with all the groovy quirks who cooks a mean steak

UberNewb

alpha5055 wrote:

phew

that was like reading my breakup when i was younger. i feel for you after reading that. very raw. very true. very young.

you will love again, and ya know what? she'll be better. First loves shouldnt be allowed, we should be able to skip to the 4th girl with all the groovy quirks who cooks a mean steak

I have to agree with alpha5055's post. Although Girlfriend Version 4 did cook some mega fry ups I'm with Girlfriend Version 5 at the moment and she's not into cooking much

but

the sex is mind blowing!!

WhiteWashMan

heartbroken00 wrote:

she said in a message that im not what she wants, that were different, and lifes to short to settle with someone your not suited to.

i replied asking if id ever see her again, she says back "yeah of course, but prob not in same way.we'll see"

personally, i agree with what she says.
if you dont want to be with someone for whatever reason, why would you be with them.

if you dont like eating tomatoes, would you eat tomoatoes.

you just have to respect that discision.

she has be plain and direct to you.
its now over.

you wont get her back.
she doesnt want you.

sorry.

DAEDULUS

women are always looking for someone better...fact!

the way to live a happy life concerning women,is to not let them bother you,or even get the chance to..

goodgod3rd

where did you go that was away form her? and where is she when your away?

when your young, you can get back on the horse, realsinships jurt real bad, but two years is a good go at it. if its over , its over. think of the time you had, think of the pie.. wit a slice missing. you ate the slice, (those tow years) and the rest of the pie is the rest of your life.
now its up to you .. do you moce on to eatting the rest of the pie, or do you give up.. becuase the slice you ate was a wee bit sour. it was a bit without sugar. the rest ios soo sweet man,

(you remind me of somone i know who was dumped by my sister. its not.. you is it)

Doodee

wow, now im hungry

*goes to fridge*

OP, best of luck, You've a few hurdles coming up, but in the end they will develop character

Red Alert

Sending flowers or a million emails at this point is not going to get you anywhere. It's going to make you look desperate. So don't do it.

What exactly do you want from this? By posting at all I assume you want to get back together with her. If you handle this well, the best thing that will happen is that you will indeed get her back, the worst thing that will happen is that you two will no longer talk but you will have learned an awful lot.

Going away (i take it from your post she went to somewhere neither where you are nor her homeplace) to a new job/placement/college with new people, new sights and new experiences has a big effect on people. Very often they can 'step outside' their home life from above and look down on it (a bit like the Sims if you think about it). Maybe looking at it objectively the relationship was all-consuming, maybe you look too clingy etc. (I'm not attacking you, 30 text messages a day is hard to do however!).

You need to meet her in a non-threatening place and manner, or by e-mail which is how she seems to prefer doing things. If she gets the impression that you aren't whining about it, she may in fact give you some very valuable information. Maybe she met somebody away, or realised she liked being on her own for a while. People can grow apart, and sometimes they aren't great at doing the 'breaking-up' bit.

Be strong
R>A>

Gazza22

Sorry to hear about this man

By the looks of it, you are 10 times better than her and for her actions she doesn't deserve you

There is a chance that she could get back with you though it would be better to give her a break at the moment, if you keep communicating with her then she might feel hassled and drift further from you

I hope everything goes well for you, but if things don't work out with her, try your best to move on for the sake of both of you

jellie

heartbroken00 wrote:

she's not a bitch she's the nicest person ive ever known, i just dono why she's finishing things like this after everything ive done and tried to do for her.

would the nicest person you've ever known treat you so badly?

if you were to get back together, would you ever really be able to trust her not to do this again? and could you really just forgive and forget someone who hurt you so much and was so disrespectful of your feelings?

i think you should ease up on the contact. i know its hard but try being without her. if i was here (altho id never be so cruel!) and some1 who i didnt want to talk to at the time kept at me and at me id just get annoyed. if you stop she'll probably take more notice than if you go over the top.

i hope you can sort it out for yourself

(EDIT: post 100!!)

Sarky

sar84 wrote:

would the nicest person you've ever known treat you so badly?

*Boggle*

There are a hundred ways she could have handled this that are far more hurtful.

Breakups hurt. There is no nice way to do it, only less unpleasant ones. Frankly, the OP is lucky she's being this honest. It speaks pretty well of her that she's chosen the "Look, this isn't working out, sorry" route.

jellie

Sarky wrote:

*Boggle*

There are a hundred ways she could have handled this that are far more hurtful.

Breakups hurt. There is no nice way to do it, only less unpleasant ones. Frankly, the OP is lucky she's being this honest. It speaks pretty well of her that she's chosen the "Look, this isn't working out, sorry" route.

she EMAILED him! cmon like! if your gonna break up with someone at least have the decency to do it to their face, especially after over 2 yrs.

as for the breakups hurt, yeah obviously, i was just trying to make him think he was better off without her so he could move on. EMAIL!!

DontKnowMuch

Hi OP.
This trully is a very hard situation. I am going through a breakup right now. The situation is similar to yours : I WAS DUMPED. That´s the truth. We were on and off for a while, but I really loved her. One day she comes to me and says " I´ve met someone new...bla...bla...." She crushed my heart. I was totally devastated. I still am. I am sorry to have to tell you this, but if you really love her, prepare yourself for difficult times It´s like losing your arm. It will take a lot of time for you to get used to it. I know i will need a lot of time.
But you are not the only one to go through this....nearly everbody goes through this at least once in a lifetime. But sure is hell on earth, mate. I hope everything turns out OK for you.
PM me if you like to talk about it.

Farls

Just read this thread there...its amazing the amount of us lads getting dumped this year! How many threads is that in a few weeks now!

Anyway onto the problem...(i'm going thru similar situation now, old thread here etc) mate...stop with the contact...dont email, dont text, dont call...leave her be. The not eating/sleeping will clear up when you do this. The thinking about her will die down a bit but it will still be there but you have to try and move on...even if its only going to the gym or something, take you out of the house and meet people and takes your mind of her!

Going back to college will be a killer, depending on how you handle it. Theres no right or wrong way in these situations, just let things roll. If you get back together then brilliant but see whats happening now...remember it and dont fall into this same place again. (where i went wrong) and if you dont get back together then it wasn't meant to be...I know this is almost impossible to take on board at the moment but with time it sinks in.

Also the way you say that she can have fun and see if she wants you or not, I mean come on...dont do this to yourself...theres a glimmer of hope there alright but it really looks like your being taken for a ride, and not a good one at that!

Ask yourself, do you want to be with a girl who down the line could do this again? You can obviously see a future with her but she seems to be still wanting her fun and the future she wants is different to yours.

You sound like a good decent bloke...give it some time and you'll get a girl that deserves you.

LegacyUser

Hey.Look from a girls point of view you got to the stalking stage and youve probable now ruined you two ever being able to create a relationship again.

No offence but WAKE UP!!!Everybody loves and everybody looses.Theres not a person in this world who hasnt had their heart cruched by a guy or girl.Your really just being abit stupid wanting to die because of her AND your in college,your suppose to be mature.

No offence but when a girl says shes met someone its ovious she wants it over.Sure you can black mail her into getting back with you but what will that achieve?Her never being happy being with you?

You really need to get over this girl.Youve just done the worse thing ever and are getting back with ehr when she gets back to college.Your letting her use you.Your not good enough for her when your apart,your only good enough for her when shes bored.

Not ready to settle down?As a girl I can tell you this means shes not happy with you and doesnt want a future with you.If shes said your now gonna have an open relationship when she gets back its ovous shes using you for sex and wants nothing more with you.

You really need to wake up and smell the roses.In regards love,love sucks until you find that uthmost girl/guy who feels the same way you do.Life would be way too easy if love never hurt

Vangelis

There are a lot of good advice for you here, heartbroken. You have my sincerest sympathy and your posts show that she really meant the world to you. Obviously this change between you two has happened slowly. I've heard that often, a woman leaves the man in a relationship that to the man was wonderful. He ends up with the biggest heartache and doesn't understand why.

I can't offer you much solice, but perhaps you should re-think your relationship, look for flaws and inconsistencies that might have triggered the break-up. Maybe she found somebody else. Maybe she learned something new about her own needs and wishes.

But what isn't true, is that all women dump you to look for someone better! And it annoys me when people take up space by posting such idiotic statements. That's as far from the truth as Santa Claus is from your chimney.

jonny68

sorry to be brutally honest but she sounds like she's a heartless bitch doing something like that( a bit like my own ex),i know how you feel heartbroken00 but you need to try and get over this,it's not easy i know trust me ive been there but you will get over her,it will take time and you will hurt but try take up a hobby or something try occupy your mind with other things,you will come out of this a better person trust me

fischerspooner

The truth is - it sounded like she was bored with you and other men became more appealing to her. From my experience women who come out of these relationships will mess around with a few guys for a while before they go out with someone else. So the fun she's having with these new men, great no-strings-sex etc., is a huge contrast to the depressing and pathetic mails/texts she's getting from you. The more you try and contact her and the more of this heart-felt nonsense she hears from you the more pathetic she'll think you are, and the more appealing other men will become. You will NOT get her back. And I don't think she was bad to you, telling people you want to break up is a very difficult thing, at least she was somewhat honest with you and didn't let it linger for longer. Just get on with your life, cold turkey is required. You will never know everything that goes on in a woman's head so just try and take future relationships less seiously and always try and stay one step ahead. And you MUST stop the pathetic pining and whining at her or she'll just think you're even more sad.

Kell

heartbroken00 wrote:

i tried going a few days without texting her, but i always break down and end up pouring my heart out to her, usually to no reply.

Dude - where is your self respect? To have been cruelly dumped by someone and then go back and ask for seconds........... just defies all belief.

heartbroken00 wrote:

It goes to show, u cant trust ANYONE.

Erm.... yes you can. You just need to put it into perspective. She hasnt actually treated you bad, save for the text/e-mail break up. That sucked áss. Sounds like you had this person up on a pedastal and for once are looking at the actual person rather than the person you believed her to be. So exactly who's interpretations are incorrect, and if you have her up on such a pedastal, try asking yourself why i.e. why do you need such an amazing person in your life?

HEARTBROKEN00 wrote:

she wasnt the best looking girl in the world ill be the first to admit, she was average, but i loved her with every bit of my heart.

Oh that is so big of you. Your general sense of confidence and esteem is at such a low that you accepted the person you WERE going out with because you felt you couldnt do any better, and you are giving out that she has been cruel to you? How would you feel if your ex turned around and said "ah yeah, bit of a minger, but sure I put up with him"? Jeebus.

What you need to do is cop yourself on and look inside at yourself instead of pointing a finger at someone else. You obviously have no self respect if you would let someone mail or text you to tell you its off and then try and fight for it back. Personally I'd smack someone if they did that to me for having so little respect for me.

This person (the one thats not the best looking) occupied a pedastal in your life, yet you havnt questioned why that is. You havnt one gone "ooh, I wonder what it is lacking in me that I found in her". Perhaps your seemingly zealous clingyness that all of your posts smack of?

Sorry if I appear mean here man, but you've got to pull your head out of your rear, acknowledge that she has dumped you and go and get laid. Thats how it works dammit. It is going to hurt like fúck for the next while, but the sooner you start forgetting about her and getting on with your life the better tbh. One day (I estimate about 8 months from now) days and even weeks will pass without a thought spared for the ex and you'll think "what sort of a mug was I to go out with her in the first place".

K-

lazylad

thats her way of saying she found someone else she prefers. it doesnt mean there is anything wrong with you. women just like to get as many guys as they can. just put it down to experience and move on. I was in the same situation as you and it drove mee insane. She said to me "i found someone else who treats me better and I wanna break up with you. please understand" she even had the cheek to say "id love both of you"

What a retard!! i just ignored her. learned a valuable lesson. You will too!

Shabadu

Oh for god's sake. I feel bad for the op, heartbreak is always tough, but we do get over it, don't we kiddies?

What are you all like? "What an evil bítch!", "how could she do this to you!" etc.etc.

I suggest you all get a hefty dose of reality some time soon. The e-mail thing, well they were living pretty far away from each other. It wasn't the best way to break up, but not the worst either. There is more than one side to this story, and to tell you nothing but the truth, hearing about all your 'romantic' efforts to talk to her reminded me sharply of an ex I have who couldn't seem to believe I had the audacity to break up with him.

He did all those same things which just suceeded in pissing me off, and scaring me. He'd also turn up at my flat, call me constantly, send me love letters, just making me feel uneasy in general. You don't seem nearly as bad as him, as he got quite abusive and angry about it, but then we are only hearing your side of the story.

Your ex seems like a nice enough girl from what contact you've since had, but ffs, leave her be now. Why would you want to be with someone who's in love with you anymore and doesn't want to be with you? This 'seeing other people temporarily for 3 weeks' thing is just another way for her to try and leave you as your not really getting the idea that she wants out. It's too bad that she's not being brutally honest with you, but if you're half as melodramatic with her as you are on this thread I can't blame her for not wanting to be frank and forthright.

heartbroken00

well its all over. she left me on hold the last month, shes back in college now a week and hasnt asked to see me. told me last night shes "seeing someone, but not going out with them" this person lives 200 miles away from her. shes basically being with him when she sees him. this hurt as i know the person in question vageuly. was very upset last night about it, but today i saw some emails she wrote to a friend of hers over the weekend and she said some really horrible things about me in them like "im well rid of him" and crap like that.

the funny thing is, that has really helped me, knowing shes not the person i thought she was. im actually getting over it now since reading the emails. she doesnt deserve me, and i dont deserve to be treated the way she did to me.
so im almost over her. anyone in a similiar position...my advice is to talk to people about it. it really helps. surround yourself with friends...do things to keep your mind occupied. right now im concentrating on looking for a new girlfriend. sure it might not be a good idea but it helps.
thanks for the help ppl.

Illegal Alien

Sorry i could only get through first page...it's late, so sorry if i'm repeating stuf....and get out your reading glasses, this is gonna be a long one!!

But anyway, to OP, I've been there dude, I was 17 at the time and I know exactly how you feel...simular story to myself, she moved away, met other people, long distance was to much to handle, I reckon she was cheating on me there, and after a couple of months, she ended a 18 month relationship and broke my heart in a 5 min. phone call.

It ate me up, I was bitter, and gelous...but, and here comes the clech`e ...time is your only healer, and im not going to lie to you, if you let it really get to you and don't just keep telling yourself you could't care less, and let it go, it'll stay with you for much longer. It took me a couple of years to get over it, and even to this day (5 years later) although I'm 100% over her for a long time, it's still very difficult for me in relationships....if you get burned so bad, and give someone the power to make you feel like that...is it really ever going to be worth taking that risk again?

But here's what you did/are doing wrong. First of all (and this will sound impossible in your head, i dont care, just do it!) stop thinking about her...next time she pops into your head concentrate on something else, play playstation, read, watch TV, talk to your friends about anything but her, and try to cut her out of your head. Secondly,(trust me on this) write her an email, It would be better in person, but it seems this is your best way of contacting her without annoying her, basicly say sorry about the last while, you took it bad because you really cared about her (all past tense ), say you realise now it was the right thing to do, and sorry you made such a big deal about it, you hope she's enjoying herself and all is well, everythings cool with you, works great etc. etc. This way, she'll be shocked into the fact that she has actually lost you for real, and that you're OK with it, because you've gotta be friendly and cool about it, no matter how you feel inside, if she makes it that clear she needs space. If you keep bugging her, your driving her into the hands of another man, and if you make it clear she's lost you now, do what she wants, then after a while, hopefully, she'll start missing you, if not, then dude im sorry but maybe it just wasn't ment to be

But after that don't contact her again for at least 6 months unless she contacts you...i know tht sounds like crazy talk, but you can always wait for the novelty of all these new people in her life ware off, and then she gets a call for a friendly coffee or something with you..it might renew her interest...who knows, and plus this slimeball will hopefully be out of the picture by then!! :mad:

But to cheer you up, when my girl did that to me, i never gave her the satisfaction of seeing how much she hurt me, because i knew she had moved on, on there was little or nothing i could do about it, and anything i did do would just drive her away even more....and last summer...4 years later, who do I run into?

Her! we hung out, she was still really HOT, she was only here for 4 months more when i met her, so we had a little fling, and after 3 months...ya, I dumped her ass!! :cool: haha, it felt great, and I couldn't care less if I ever see her again, even though I left it on good terms (I would never stoop to her level and do what she did ), so, you know time will heal, and cut your loses now, and give it time...maybe your paths will cross again Don't consider it finished deal, just a project put on hold for a while...and you might aswell use that time productively, shop around, maybe you'll find somehing better!

AARRRGH

heartbroken00 wrote:

the funny thing is, that has really helped me, knowing shes not the person i thought she was...right now im concentrating on looking for a new girlfriend.

I don't actually think 2.5 years is enough time to know the "real" person. I've had two ex's who became psycho after 2.5 - 3 years. Up to then I thought they were lovely... It's good to know you now know the "real" person she is and are not just looking at her like some kind of angel.


You are totally NOT in the mental zone for a new girlfriend though! You are obviously still cut up. DON'T get a new girlfriend!! Whatever about sleeping around, but you're just going to fall in love with the new girlfriend instantly...

AthAnRi

heartbroken00 wrote:

well its all over. she left me on hold the last month, shes back in college now a week and hasnt asked to see me. told me last night shes "seeing someone, but not going out with them" this person lives 200 miles away from her. shes basically being with him when she sees him. this hurt as i know the person in question vageuly. was very upset last night about it, but today i saw some emails she wrote to a friend of hers over the weekend and she said some really horrible things about me in them like "im well rid of him" and crap like that.

the funny thing is, that has really helped me, knowing shes not the person i thought she was. im actually getting over it now since reading the emails. she doesnt deserve me, and i dont deserve to be treated the way she did to me.
so im almost over her. anyone in a similiar position...my advice is to talk to people about it. it really helps. surround yourself with friends...do things to keep your mind occupied. right now im concentrating on looking for a new girlfriend. sure it might not be a good idea but it helps.
thanks for the help ppl.

Good to here my son. Now pull up the sleeves and get back into the game. We need ya man. can't let the birds see any weakness even for a second.